Doug Ward's Blog, page 60
July 30, 2015
Ward’s Words #428
You know your municipality is having hard financial times when they issue Chinese finger traps to the police in lieu of handcuffs.
July 29, 2015
Ward’s Words #427
I sure hope mankind develops the technology to colonize other planets soon. That way, we can leave a trail of the worlds we've destroyed, but, by all means, fracking is safe and clean. Heck, 99% of our scientists are probably wrong about climate change, but they sure got it right with Viagra. Millions of men pop those puppies like Tic Tacs, without even checking into the science behind that little blue pill. That stuff causes bone pain, breast enlargement and sexual problems in men, to name but a few, but if guys don't care about side effects like those, then why would they care about global extinction?
July 28, 2015
Ward's Words #425
I like to pee while swimming in the reservoir. That way, everyone I know has a tiny particulate of me in them.
July 27, 2015
Ward's Words #423
Ward's Words #423 I just watched a special on how archeologists moved the ancient temple of Abu Simbel. They cut it apart with huge hand saws. And Ancient Aliens tries to tell us it would take superior technology to cut stone so precisely. Egyptian hieroglyphics even show them using hand saws. Fool me once, shame on you...
July 26, 2015
Ward's Words #421
Have you ever bought a greatest hits album just to determined that the band had totally different criteria for the term hits than you do.
July 24, 2015
Ward's Words #418
I just watched an episode of Dog the Bounty Hunter. Did anyone else notice that he uses paintball guns. “Stop, or I’ll make a discolored mark on your clothing.”
July 21, 2015
Ward's Words #416
A couple of hobbits just asked me if my septic tank is Mount Doom. And the answer to your question is yes, it did destroy the One Ring.
July 19, 2015
Ward's Words #414
Did you ever wonder how many serial killers you come in contact with throughout your life?
July 18, 2015
Ward's Words #413
The new Colonel Sander’s inappropriate laugh reminds me of George Bush’s.
July 17, 2015
Ward's Words #411
Close your eyes and try to picture the back of your hand. That’s right, if someone says they know something like the back of their hand, they probably don’t know much.
