Doug Ward's Blog, page 57
September 4, 2015
Ward's Words #485
Why are the images taken with surveillance cameras so crappy. The criminals faces are usually pixilated and distorted. The news showed one tape and it looked like the convenience store was robbed by either the Mothman or Yosemite Sam.
September 3, 2015
The #500th Ward's Words is coming up soon.
The #500th Ward's Words is coming up soon. The fine people at Ward's Words have been working around the clock on this special edition we like to call, "Sorry Gramma."
Ward's Words #483
I don't want to say I'm a hipster, but my preferred web browser is Netscape. I'll show you in a few minutes as we wait for my dial-up to make the connection. "Dammit!!! Phone in your prescriptions some other time gramma. I need to know if the new Flavor Flav album is in the record store yet.”
September 2, 2015
Ward’s Words #481
I decided to take some leftover mac and cheese to work for lunch today. As a last minute addition, I decided to throw in some hotdogs. I also dropped an old fashioned, windup alarm clock for a lesson I was going to teach. Well, to make a long story short, the SWAT team successfully detonated my lunch in the late morning.
September 1, 2015
Ward's Words #480
Isn't it odd that the lifetime network shows mainly movies that are murder mysteries.
August 31, 2015
Ward's Words #478
There is only one public place where you are free to sneeze freely. The salad bar. Thank you plastic sneeze shield.
August 30, 2015
Ward's Words #476
Ward's Words #476 Why do I always win when I play chess against myself? I'm either freak 'en amazing or a really good cheater.
August 29, 2015
Ward's Words #474
As part of my dinner I had some organic tomatoes. I can’t say they weren’t really good but I missed the spicy taste of the steroids and that zest of unwashed pesticides.
August 28, 2015
Ward's Words #472
I love looking at classic cars. You can tell the true oldsters who own them by the matchbook jammed under the 8-track in the player.
August 26, 2015
Ward's Words #469
Ladies, if instead removing your toenail polish you let them grow out, you're lazy. At some point they start to look like candy corn after a while which can be quite seasonal at the right time of year.
