Doug Ward's Blog, page 53
November 5, 2015
Ward's Words #562
The fine people at Ward's Words are issuing a product recall. It’s been brought to our attention that the home vasectomy kit has a flaw. The lack of any form of anesthetic was absent from out kit. In order to address this oversight we will be supplying a medium sized rubber mallet. If it was good enough for the Moe, Larry, and Curly, it’s good enough for us. Nyuk nyuk nyuk…
November 4, 2015
Ward's Words #561
I think it's funny that all Christians don't see the truth of evolution. Their bible has evolved how many times? The King James Bible, Living Bible, the Amplified Bible, the Coverdale Bible, the Concordant Bible, the Darby Bible, the Tyndale Bible, to name but a few.
November 3, 2015
Ward's Words #559
My sculpture class made some artwork recently, but they didn't go over well with the parents. I guess using earwax for the medium was a bad idea.
October 31, 2015
Ward's Words #556
The life of a politician. Part-time worker with full-time benefits and pay.
October 29, 2015
Ward's Words #554
Michael Meyer’s sister must be pretty dense. She always hangs out in her home town during Halloween? Why not get in a car and drive away? As slow as Michael walks, a bicycle would even be fast enough to keep ahead of him.
October 27, 2015
Ward's Words #553
While walking through the grocery store yesterday I noticed organic tomatoes cost more than regular tomatoes. If the definition of organic is, “of, relating to, or derived from living matter” aren’t all tomatoes organic?
October 25, 2015
Ward's Words #550
That’s it. Instead of going green, I’m foregoing green. That’s right, I’m going to stop eating all fruits and vegetables. Do you know where they grow? In the dirt, under the unsanitary sky, where any insect or dirty animal can do anything they want to them. And even worse, we intentionally put poop on them. I’m telling you the truth, manure is poop. I’m foregoing green to eat safer food. Food manufactured in spotlessly clean laboratories, untouched by human hands. Who could say no to a nice bowl full of poop free riboflavin?
October 24, 2015
Ward's Words #548
Why do caramel apples exist? We just eat the caramel and throw apple away when we’re done. The apple is simply the vehicle that transports the caramel to our mouth. I think we should forgo green and leave the nasty apple out of the equation.
October 23, 2015
Ward's Words #547
Milk Duds is an example of a good product with a bad name. I never eat anything called a dud.
October 22, 2015
Wards Words #545
Odorless Ben Gay makes me feel better while not making me smell like an old man. Not that the wrinkles and gray hair aren't a dead give-away?
