Doug Ward's Blog, page 50
December 22, 2015
Ward's Words #621
Every time I try to return my glasses to the optometrist they're closed. It’s almost like they see me coming.
December 21, 2015
Ward's Words #619
During Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer, why didn't they want Hermey to be a dentist when at the end of the show they clearly had a need for one.
December 20, 2015
Ward's Words #618
Do you know what bothers me about Star Wars? They're always forcing The Force on you.
December 18, 2015
Ward's Words #615
Isn’t it odd that in the second Star Trek movie the Enterprise sent a Vulcan into a volcano to act as a volcanologist. Does anyone else see a theme here?
December 17, 2015
Ward's Words #613
For sale, seven person touring vessel. The boat is currently shipwrecked on a desert island. Hole in the side, No phone, no lights no motor cars, not a single luxury. If you like living like Robinson Crusoe, you’ll love the SS Minnow. Pick-up only.
December 13, 2015
Ward's Words #612
My school supplied the staff with red bags full of emergency supplies and a yellow vest to wear during disaster and shooter drills. Great idea guys. Let’s just put a bullseye on our backs.
December 11, 2015
Ward's Words #610
My neighbors are complaining that Legolas is not a Christmas decoration. I argue that He's an elf dammit! Sure, maybe adding Gimli was a stretch, but at least I didn't put up the Eye of Sauron this year.
December 10, 2015
Ward's Words #608
Penguins in the North Pole. Who’s Santa kidding. Nice try Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I would’ve believed it too if not for the jerky jerky movements of your claymation, stop-action story. It reminds me a little too much of the grudge girl.
December 8, 2015
Ward's Words #605
There's a select group of Walmart clientele that makes me wonder where they hung out before the megastore opened its doors. I don't remember ever seeing a side show like that before.
December 7, 2015
Ward's Words #603
My wife had a stalker recently, but it’s all ok now. The police caught him. He had a shrine built to her. He must've been going through our garbage cause they found hair and even toe nails in his adoration shrine. The funny thing is, he mistook her curly locks for some of my back hair I’d shed in the fall. I just don't have the heart to tell him that at the trial.
