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Doug Ward's Blog, page 52
November 20, 2015
Ward's Words #582
Man, do the workers at Lowes get mad when you try to test out a shower? Hey, I’m not naked, I’m shopping. These people need to cut the crap and let people make an informed decision. Crap… Hmmm… I do need a new toilet.
November 19, 2015
Ward's Words #579
We, the fine people of Ward's Words, have developed the hidden power to read minds. We harnessed this ability through rigorous training, pushing our test subjects to the point of damaging their exhausted minds. The only limitation we've encountered is that we can only communicate through telepathy with athletes minds. Therefore we will call this new scientific breakthrough ESPN.
November 17, 2015
Ward's Words #578
That's the last time I take a low budget flight. They served cabbage stew for our meal. Let me tell you they didn’t need wings to keep us airborne but they did have problems landing the plane.
November 16, 2015
Word's Words #575
Just remember that if you help someone with a crime you’re just a loose end. Loose ends usually don't survive very long.
November 15, 2015
Ward's Words #573
Why not just start making Solent Green? Now that we know that 2% of hotdog samples tested contained human DNA, what's the big deal.
November 14, 2015
Ward's Words #572
Being old has it’s benefits. I get so many calories from my morning pills that I can skip breakfast.
November 12, 2015
Ward's Words #570
Dddammit!!! Why ddddid I procrastinate the iiice bbucket challenggge…. Burrrrrr
November 11, 2015
Ward's Words #567
These kids now-a-days are wimps. Air soft guns? In my day we shot each other with BB guns.
Disclaimer;Ward’s Words is not responsible for the misuse of any air powered rifle. However, Ward’s Words does not guarantee the correctness and completeness of the information provided in it’s jokes. Equally, Ward’s Words does not guarantee that this information is up to date. Please remember that Ward’s Words uses trained personnel while shooting each other with air rifles. Do NOT try this at home.
Disclaimer;Ward’s Words is not responsible for the misuse of any air powered rifle. However, Ward’s Words does not guarantee the correctness and completeness of the information provided in it’s jokes. Equally, Ward’s Words does not guarantee that this information is up to date. Please remember that Ward’s Words uses trained personnel while shooting each other with air rifles. Do NOT try this at home.
November 10, 2015
Ward's Words #566
Did you ever take a huge gulp of apple cider and think about how many worms were squished in that batch.
November 6, 2015
Ward's Words #564
Well, vanishing cream doesn't work. Now I'm cold, naked, and totally visible. Why did I ever get the idea to try it downtown?
