Doug Ward's Blog, page 25

Ward's Word #1090

After watching many Star Wars movies I’ve noticed that the Storm Troopers white plastic armor is completely useless.

Ward's Words #1087

I don't understand why my new restaurant didn’t do so well. It had trendy Mexican food and an equally trendy name. I called it Reflux.

Ward's Words #1086

So, I'm checking out at the store yesterday and they can't process my Blood Glucose test strips without a manager to authorize the transaction. What? Is jabbing your finger so trendy that they are afraid of theft?

Ward's Words #1084

I want to start a home for experimental animals. You know, a mouse with a human ear growing on its back. I like to call them spare parts.

Ward's Words #1081

Now that we have security cameras, April and I can enjoy the great outdoors without that whole getting up and going outside thing.  No more pesky opening doors.  Adios bugs.  Oh, look at the bunny on camera three.  If I only had a drone, I could nuke that silly wabbit from my couch.

Ward's Words #1079

Now, every movie I watch, I wait through the end credits to see if there’s some extra clip with Thor or Iron Man. Beauty and the Beast totally stiffed me.

Ward's Words #1078

I noticed a sign directing me to a life-sized Candy Land game. Seriously excited, I sped to the local only to have my feelings turn immediately to skepticism. It was being held at a church. What kind of bait and switch was this? There’s no fun those places. They even ruin snack time.

Ward's Words #1076

I’m thinking my new hobby might be playing with lithium ion batteries. You know, puncturing them and throwing them into fires. Just harmless stuff like that.

Ward's Words #1073

Just thinking about all those dinosaurs swimming around in my gas tank makes me proud to know my Subaru is Velociraptor powered.

Ward's Words #1072

I met a tiny scientist. He was a microbiologist.