Doug Ward's Blog, page 29
February 2, 2017
Ward's Words #1011
Shouldn’t people who wear “Just Do It!” shirts look like they just did something?
January 31, 2017
Ward's Words #1009
I’d love to be a superhero. To fly overhead and stop evil in its tracks. To end nefarious plots, and to right wrongs before the good come to harm. That is only if I can take a nap every afternoon and have every other Friday off. I sleep in on weekends and need a snack after each heroic deed.
January 30, 2017
Ward's Words #1007
It wasn't until I started using voice to text software that I realized how horrible my Pittsburgh accent really is. Yinz really isn't a word?
January 29, 2017
Ward's Words #1005
Ward's Words #1005 I tried to join the Polar Bear Club but they refused to move their meetings to the local YMCA. Hey, it's cold outside.
January 27, 2017
Ward's Words #1003
What's up with the wedge salad? A quarter of a hunk of ice burg lettuce and some dressing. No nutritional value for all the cost.
January 25, 2017
Ward's Words #1001
I told you all that the zombie apocalypse was real. The White House is saying that the dead are voting. Not exactly what I pictured it would be like but I'll take it.
January 24, 2017
Sorry folks
I won't be releasing anymore Ward's Words until tomorrow. So stay tuned to this Bat-Channel for the highly anticipated #1000 Ward's Words codenamed "Fred Sanford" I can hardly wait, myself!!!
January 23, 2017
Ward's Words #997
I just lost my job as a bus boy. Somehow the management opposed my views of recycling. Those last diners left a half rack of ribs just sitting there. It would've wound up in some landfill. I had to eat it.
January 22, 2017
Ward's Words #995
The fine people here, at Ward’s Words (which is much funnier that the former Ward’s Laws) have uncovered the true reason why there is very little evidence for Bigfoot sightings. As we all know, we have plaster casts of actual footprints, hair samples, but little else. That’s because they are actually vampires and it is well-documented science that vampires don’t show up in photographs. For the few skeptics out there; why do all Bigfoot sightings happen at night? I need Sean Spicer to rebuke the skeptics?
January 21, 2017
Ward's Words #993
I don’t understand Star Wars. Really, someone shoots a blaster and the Jedi can somehow move fast enough to block the shot which happens to be traveling at the speed of light.
