Doug Ward's Blog, page 33

Ward's Words #930

Maybe we shouldn't name our elite group of Navy soldiers, Seals. Seals are animals that are prey. Ones that are easily clubbed.  I think we should call them Cybernetic Enhanced Space Dragon Samurai.  Who in their right mind would mess with that?   

Ward's Words #928

On shows like Ghost Hunters or Ghost Adventures, when the guys catch an EVP on their handheld devices why don't we hear it? The camera filming the whole thing records sound just like their little handheld device. The camera probably has a better capacity for sound than a little handheld recorder.  Debunk that one fellas.  

Ward's Words #926

Wendy's square hamburgers disturb me.  Those meat corners peeking out of the bun represent a decent amount of hamburger real estate that bears no condiments what-so-ever.  You’re just eating plain burger at every corner.

Ward's Words #924

While watching several Let Go commercials I noticed a disturbing trend. It's never the person who owns the item who sells it. "I'm saving this for my man-cave."  The other says, “Let's sell it on Let Go." 

Ward's Words #922

I completed all of my activity rings on my Apple Watch before noon.  (I know what you’re thinking, over-achiever, right.)  Now, I’m done.  It’s the life of a slug for me.  I’m not moving from the couch for one…  Aww crap!  I left my candy bar in the kitchen.

Shower Strike 11-13–16

Shower Strike 11-13–16   My greasy body makes the tub like a slip-n-slide, but I finally manage to stabilize my position above water.  A tear forms in my eye as I look at the pretty, rainbow puddles of my oils form into grease slicks on the water's surface.  It is with a heavy heart that I drain the bath.  As I turn I notice my toothbrush sitting in it’s Buzz Lightyear holder.  I wonder, how much time I could save if I stopped brushing my teeth?

Shower Strike 11-13–16

That’s it!!!  I can’t take it anymore.  I’m washing my hands.  I knew I shouldn’t change my car’s oil in my delicate condition.

Shower Strike 11-13–16

Day five and I think I’m developing quite a nice musky scent.  Now, if I could only get rid of these cats.

Shower Strike 11-12–16

Four days into living without a shower and I can’t explain how liberating it really is.  I’m shocked at how much time I’ve freed up.  I may need to start another hobby.

Shower Strike 11-12–16

I wonder why my wife slept in the other room last night.