Doug Ward's Blog, page 20
July 2, 2017
Ward’s Words #1188
While writing the second book in my new series, I believe I’ve (in three paragraphs) used every imaginable term for poop. I'm not sure if it’s creative or embarrassing. The scene is pretty funny though.
July 1, 2017
Ward's Words #1187
X-Men comic fans. At what point is Cable finished working on his arm. It seems like every new scene starts with him working on the cybernetic appendage. Is he a bad mechanic or just compulsive.
June 29, 2017
Ward's Words #1184
I just got my home insurance upgraded to cover zombie apocalypse damage. When the undead rise, I’ll be able to breath easy knowing I have full replacement of my house and belongings.
June 27, 2017
Ward's Words #1183
I never saw the redundancy of a jigsaw puzzle depicting jigsaws until the final piece was in place.
June 26, 2017
Ward's Words #1181
I could never make it as a fish. You're floating with some friends sharing some deep thoughts when one of the guys pinches off a deuce, my eyes getting wider as it bobs closer to me.
June 23, 2017
Ward's Words #1178
What happened to 80's music. First, it was replaced by whiners in ugly sweaters. Then, pop crap music. Now, we have auto-tuned no talent hacks. I need a good Hair Band right now.
June 22, 2017
Ward's Words #1177
While taking Teddy to the groomers, I had an idea. I could get April’s hair trimmed, nails done, teeth brushed, and a bath for under $50. They’ll even express her anal glands to boot. Goodbye beauty parlor.
June 20, 2017
Ward's Words #1175
The mechanic said that it would cost $1200 to fix my car’s air conditioner. I left with a plan. My new $200 window unit does come with limitations. I can only drive 250’ without it unplugging.
June 19, 2017
Ward's Words #1173
Today, I finally released my Pet Rock ™ back into its natural habitat. After 37 years of keeping him as my pet, I decided he should live, free, with his own kind. At first, he was shy, and I didn’t think his new driveway (that’s what a “pack” or group of Pet Rocks ™ is called) would accept him. All was going well. It was as if they didn’t even notice him until I saw that his googly eyes were gone. Having shed his human adornments he was now fully one with the driveway. The circle of life…
June 17, 2017
Ward's Words #1171
I'd imagine that those hotdog eating competitions are a full-contact sport.
