Doug Ward's Blog, page 19

Ward's Words #1208

I hate that my credit card has the chip in it. That warning alarm when it’s time to remove it scares the crap out of me every time.

Ward's Words #1206

I was in the restaurant's outdoor seating. I thought taking my shirt off would be acceptable. Obviously, the management felt differently.

Ward's Words #1205

Every time our coffee maker breaks, I save the pot as a precaution. I now have 15 extra coffee pots.

Ward's Words #1202

Why do restaurants insist on asking if you've ever been to their chain. Then they insist on explaining their restaurant like you should be impressed. It's food. I think I'll figure it out.

Ward's Words #1201

Something small died under my deck. Oddly, it kind of smells like the ocean.

Ward's Words #1198

I like how on "American Pickers," people act like they don't know Frank and Mike. Come on guys, you collect junk. You're trying to tell me you don't watch a tv show about guys who buy junk.

Ward's Words #1196

Living with a woman whose going through menopause is like living on the planet Hoth. It can be -30 in our bedroom and yet that ceiling fan better be on.

Ward's Words #1195

Here, at Ward’s Words, we’ve developed a computerized driver’s assist device that mounts in the rear of your vehicle. We call it the “Backseat Driver.” With a name like that, how can it not be a hit?

Ward's Words #1192

I don't prefer temporary tattoos because I'm afraid of the needle. I get them because I like to change the gallery every so often.

Ward's Words #1190

I just watched the “Suicide Squad.”  The one thing I learned through that movie is never to travel by helicopter.  Four out of four were shot down.  You’d think that they would’ve figured hit out after the third fell from the sky.  At least, crashing a whirlybird must be somewhat safe since no one died in any of the four wrecks.