Doug Ward's Blog, page 17

Ward's Words #1049

I'm changing my doctor. Not because I don't like him. It's mainly because he refuses to treat my condition with bizarre experiments which may or may not turn me into a super hero/monster.  

Ward's Words #1047

You know your dream, weatherman, job sucks when the local mayor orders people to leave the hurricane’s path, but the Weather Channel orders you to stay.

Ward's Words #1045

I don’t see how cutting into healthy, pink flesh and removing the testicles through that incision is fixing anything.

Ward's Words #1243

After touring Fallingwater, I realize that Frank Lloyd Wright was an artist. His designs were beautiful but not sound as far as construction. This makes me so happy that Picasso never ventured into architecture.

Ward's Words #1240

I’m not a medical doctor, but I’ve done enough home surgery that in certain holistic situations I’m probably over-qualified.

Ward’s Words #1239

Every time I go to a marshy area and see cattails I subliminally get hungry for corndogs.

Ward's Words #1236

Why don’t women ever read the manual for their cars? Are they waiting for the movie to come out?

Ward's Words #1235

When I go to the grocery store, to get fruit, and pull off one of those little plastic bags I feel like Alexander the Great.  Only I can’t solve this Gordian Knot but cutting it.

Ward's Words #1232

Dorian Gray could never have been married. I can see it now. “I found some ugly painting in that cupboard you keep locked. What, is that your old girlfriend? I threw it out last weekend.”

Ward's Words #1230

Why is it that my puppy poops nice hard stools when he’s outside or on hard wood (accident) but if he’s on the carpet, it’s soft and runny.  I only have one carpet left, Teddy!  Grrrr