Doug Ward's Blog, page 14
October 31, 2017
Ward's Words #1110
The hardest thing about Trick or treating isn’t the restricting costume or the two hours of hard work for sweets. It happens 2 or 3 days later when you're running low on candy and are Jonesing for sugar. That Clark bar or the odd pack of Sweet Tarts you cast away earlier becomes the thing that tapers you off of your candy addiction.
October 30, 2017
Ward's Words #1108
What if someone in The Ring movie started watching the death movie but turned it off halfway through? Would they just get dead tired?
October 29, 2017
Ward's Words #1107
I think I inadvertently saw The Death Movie while watching The Ring. There should’ve been some sort of warning.
October 28, 2017
Ward's Words #1105
Ward’s Words laboratories has officially discontinued its app department. It seems landline phone apps never took off. It must be one of those Betamax things.
October 25, 2017
Ward's Words #1103
Here, at Ward’s Words Laboratories, we have created a true game-changer. An air freshener that clips onto shoelaces. It’s targeted for teenager’s sneakers but we feel parents will be the biggest benefactors.
October 24, 2017
Ward's Words #1101
The next time you lie on a lovely white sand beach, be aware that you're actually wallowing in fish poop. Parrotfish feces, to be exact.
October 23, 2017
Ward's Words #1098
Trump and I have one thing in common. We both have golden toilets. Mine is only golden around the waterline, but I believe it still counts.
October 22, 2017
Ward's Words #1097
I want to invent the square toilet paper roll so it can’t roll away from you when you accidentally drop it.
October 19, 2017
Ward's Words #1094
While watching Star Trek, why don’t you ever see a bald Vulcan?
October 18, 2017
Ward's Words #1093
Trying to capitalize on the beach glass trend, I filled my washing machine with broken bottles and sand. I was trying to be an entrepreneur and now I have a pile of dirty clothes and an 800 lb. broken washing machine.
