Doug Ward's Blog, page 102

Ward's Laws #437

Ward's Laws #1545

Ward's Laws #1601

I had regression therapy done through hypnosis.  While sitting in the waiting room I was really excited when I met 3 Thomas Jeffersons, 5 Marylin Monroes, and a Cleopatra.  Turns out, in my past life I was Jeffrey Dahmer.  Talk about leaving a bad taste in your mouth...

Ward's Laws #1599

I received a sales brochure from Viking cruises to European destinations. I was disappointed that the cruises weren't with real Vikings and there wasn't a "rape and pillage" package...
Contributed by Ned Jenkins

Ward's Laws #1597

How is it that the roads are covered with snow and ice, but the mall parking lot is clear and dry?

Ward's Laws 1595

If ghosts can float through solid walls, why do they always make the sounds when they walk?

Ward's Laws #1594

Silly Giants...  They don't even know how to make bread.  Grinding bones...

Ward's Laws #1591

I've gained 10 pounds while playing Candy Crush...  I wonder if it subliminally makes you crave sweets?  SWEET!  DEVINE!

Ward's Laws #1590

You do realize, that when someone starts a sentence with, "A friend of mine," they're really referring to themselves.  By the way, a friend of mine picks their nose.  Is that harmful to the environment?

Ward's Laws #1585

I couldn't live in a haunted house.  It would make going to the bathroom, impossible.  I get stage fright.