Self-Compassion Quotes

“Cuando nos dedicamos compasión a nosotros mismos, el nudo de la autocrítica negativa empieza a deshacerse para ser sustituido por un sentimiento de aceptación tranquila y conectada.”
― Kristin Neff, Sé amable contigo mismo: El arte de la compasión hacia uno mismo (Divulgación)

“For instance, brain scans using fMRI technology have shown that people who are more mindful are less reactive to scary or threatening images, as measured by amygdala activation (the reptilian part of our brain responsible for the fight-or-flight response).”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil—he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good—he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you—and inside every other person, too.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“A weed that is not given water will eventually wither and fade away. At the same time, when a wholesome thought or feeling arises, we can hold it in loving awareness and allow it to fully blossom.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Exercise Two Mindfully Working with Pain Conduct this small experiment to observe how mindfulness and self-compassion can help us suffer less when we’re in pain. 1. Hold an ice cube in your hand for several seconds (this will be mildly uncomfortable). Just react as you normally would, and put the ice cube down when the discomfort becomes overwhelming. Notice how intense your discomfort was, and how long you could hold the ice cube before needing to put it down.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Research indicates that people who suffer from shame and self-judgment are more likely to blame others for their moral failures. Who wants to admit their inadequacies when it means facing the attack dogs of self-criticism? It’s easier to sweep things under the rug or point your finger at someone else.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The anger was true, but the gentle, nonjudgmental awareness that held his anger helped him realize that his mother’s deep love for him was also true. Yes, she loved her career and was devoted to it—perhaps to a fault—but this was partly because it gave her the financial resources needed to provide the advantages in life she so wanted for him.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“French philosopher Montaigne once said, “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We typically don’t recognize such moments as a type of pain that is worthy of a compassionate response. After all, I messed up, doesn’t that mean I should be punished? Well, do you punish your friends or your family when they mess up? Okay, maybe sometimes a little, but do you feel good about it?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“According to the Dalai Lama, “Human beings by nature want happiness and do not want suffering. With that feeling everyone tries to achieve happiness and tries to get rid of suffering, and everyone has the basic right to do this. . . . Basically, from the viewpoint of real human value we are all the same.” This is the same sentiment, of course, that inspired the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“people who are more self-compassionate tend be less anxious and depressed. The relationship is a strong one, with self-compassion explaining one-third to one-half of the variation found in how anxious or depressed people are. This means that self-compassion is a major protective factor for anxiety and depression.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“To give ourselves compassion, we first have to recognize that we are suffering. We can’t heal what we can’t feel.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“So does perfectionism have an upside? The positive aspect of perfectionism has to do with the determination to do your best. Striving to achieve and setting high standards for yourself can be a productive and healthy trait. But when your entire sense of self-worth is based on being productive and successful, when failure is simply not allowed, then the striving to achieve becomes tyrannical. And counterproductive. Research indicates that perfectionists are at much greater risk for eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other psychological problems.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“According to Henri Tajfel’s social identity theory, when we incorporate a group into our identity, we derive our sense of self-worth from being a member of that group. We therefore become heavily invested in seeing “us” positively and “them” negatively.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“In the immortal words of Charlie Chaplin, “Life is a tragedy when seen in a close-up, but a comedy when seen in a long-shot.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Not only does survival depend on the fight-or-flight instinct, it also depends on the “tend and befriend” instinct. In times of threat or stress, animals that are protective of their offspring are more likely to pass their genes successfully on to the next generation, meaning that caregiving behavior has a strong adaptive function”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation. This is the opposite of oneness, interconnection, and universal love—the ultimate goal of most spiritual paths, no matter which tradition.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Of course, there are problems with depending solely on other people to change how we feel about ourselves. Romantic relationships may end, therapists may move away or become unaffordable. And those we rely upon often have their own dragons to slay—sickness, depression, job stress—that prevent them from being there for us when we need them. Fortunately, we don’t have to solely rely on others to change our self views. When we consistently give ourselves nurturance and understanding, we also come to feel worthy of care and acceptance. When we give ourselves empathy”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Bad cop punishes undesirable behavior, and good cop rewards desirable behavior. This leads to fear and distrust among children, who soon come to believe that only by being perfect will they be worthy of love. Given that perfection is impossible, children come to expect that rejection is inevitable.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“I recognize how flawed and imperfect I am so you don’t have to cut me down and tell me what I already know. Hopefully you will then have sympathy for me instead of judging me and assure me that I’m not as bad as I think I am.” This defensive posture stems from the natural desire not to be rejected and abandoned and makes sense in terms of our most basic survival instincts.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Try to feel compassion for how difficult it is to be an imperfect human being in this extremely competitive society of ours. Our culture does not emphasize self-compassion, quite the opposite. We’re told that no matter how hard we try, our best just isn’t good enough. It’s time for something different.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“One of the downsides of living in a culture that stresses the ethic of independence and individual achievement is that if we don’t continually reach our ideal goals, we feel that we only have ourselves to blame.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Why is it so hard to admit when we step out of line, are rude, or act impatient? Because our ego feels so much better when we project our flaws and shortcomings on to someone else.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“As the seventeenth-century French philosopher Montaigne once said, “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.” Mindfulness brings us back to the present moment and provides the type of balanced awareness that forms the foundation of self-compassion. Like a clear, still pool without ripples, mindfulness perfectly mirrors what’s occurring without distortion. Rather than becoming lost in our own personal soap opera, mindfulness allows us to view our situation with greater perspective and helps to ensure that we don’t suffer unnecessarily.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“with “I, me, and mine” isn’t the same as loving”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We don’t need to look outside ourselves for the acceptance and security we crave. This is not to say that we don’t need other people. Of course we do. But who is in the best position to know how you really feel underneath that cheerful façade? Who is most likely to know the full extent of the pain and fear you face, to know what you need most? Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate from others, separate from life. If we are defective, how can we possibly belong? It seems like a vicious cycle: the more deficient we feel, the more separate and vulnerable we feel.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“People with critical parents learn the message early on that they are so bad and flawed that they have no right to be accepted for who they are.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“the more your overall sense of self-worth is dependent on success in particular life areas, the more generally miserable you feel when you fail in those areas.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“«No juegues a hacerte la interesante con un hombre difícil de conseguir.»”
― Kristin Neff, Sé amable contigo mismo: El arte de la compasión hacia uno mismo (Divulgación)