Self-Compassion Quotes

“If you are someone who tends to ruminate, or who suffers from anxiety and depression, it's important that you don't judge yourself for this way of being.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“One of the major causes of mental health problems, he felt, was a lack of belongingness, the perception that we are cut off from our fellows.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Suffering = Pain x Resistance”?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“It’s the old carrot-and-stick approach—self-judgment is the stick and self-esteem is the carrot.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“Even if we do manage to get our act together, the goalposts for what counts as “good enough” seem always to remain frustratingly out of reach. We must be smart and fit and fashionable and interesting and successful and sexy. Oh, and spiritual, too. And no matter how well we do, someone else always seems to be doing it better. The result of this line of thinking is sobering: millions of people need to take pharmaceuticals every day just to cope with daily life. Insecurity, anxiety, and depression are incredibly common in our society, and much of this is due to self-judgment, to beating ourselves up when we feel we aren’t winning in the game of life.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Clearly you don’t have complete control over your actions, or else you’d only act in ways that you approved of. So why are you judging yourself so harshly for the way you are?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If you are someone who tends to ruminate, or who suffers from anxiety and depression, it’s important that you don’t judge yourself for this way of being. Remember that rumination on negative thoughts and emotions stems from the underlying desire to be safe. Even though these brain patterns may be counterproductive, we can still honor them for trying so diligently to keep us out of the jaws of that crocodile. Also remember that although some people tend to ruminate more than others, all people have a negativity bias to some extent. It’s hardwired in our brains.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We are the expression of millions of prior circumstances that have all come together to shape us in the present moment. Our economic and social background, our past associations and conversations, our culture, our family history, our genetics—they’ve all had a profound role in creating the person we are today. Zen master Thich Nhat Hahn calls this “interbeing.” If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud there will be no water; without water, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, you cannot make paper. So the cloud is in here. The existence of this page is dependent upon the existence of a cloud. Paper and cloud are so close.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“the key to happiness was understanding that suffering is caused by resisting pain.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If I have to feel better than you to feel good about myself, then how clearly am I really going to see you, or myself for that matter?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Loving ourselves points us to capacities of resilience, compassion, and understanding within that are simply part of being alive. —S”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. —CARL ROGERS, On Becoming a Person T”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“How Do You React to Yourself and Your Life? HOW DO YOU TYPICALLY REACT TO YOURSELF?          •    What types of things do you typically judge and criticize yourself for—appearance, career, relationships, parenting, and so on?          •    What type of language do you use with yourself when you notice some flaw or make a mistake—do you insult yourself, or do you take a more kind and understanding tone?          •    If you are highly self-critical, how does this make you feel inside?          •    What are the consequences of being so hard on yourself? Does it make you more motivated, or does it tend to make you discouraged and depressed?          •    How do you think you would feel if you could truly accept yourself exactly as you are? Does this possibility scare you, give you hope, or both?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If you are someone who tends to ruminate, or who suffers from anxiety and depression, it’s important that you don’t judge yourself for this way of being.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“So now you know why you—or your wonderful, successful friend—keep picking the wrong guy or gal. Self-critics are often attracted to judgmental romantic partners who confirm their feelings of worthlessness”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“For each event, use mindfulness, a sense of common humanity, and kindness to process the event in a self-compassionate way.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“So what’s the answer? To stop judging and evaluating ourselves altogether. To stop trying to label ourselves as “good” or “bad” and simply accept ourselves with an open heart.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“So it’s definitely not the case that self-compassion leads to complacency and inertia. Quite the opposite. By losing our fear of failure, we become free to challenge ourselves to a far greater degree than would otherwise be possible.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Every human being has both positive and negative traits. Rather than running away with an exaggerated story line about either, good or bad, we instead need to honor and accept ourselves as we authentically are. No better and no worse. The key is having balance and perspective so that we can see ourselves without distortion.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Sometimes when children act in difficult or tiresome ways, they are actually sending the message that they need their parents’ emotional support. It may not be attention that children are seeking but connection.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The beauty of self-compassion is that instead of replacing negative feelings with positive ones, new positive emotions are generated by embracing the negative ones.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When you find yourself carried away by thinking about the situation driving your painful feelings (which you’re likely to do), simply bring your awareness back to the physical sensation in your body, and start again.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If we closely examine our “personal” failings, it soon becomes clear that they are not there by choice. Typically, outside circumstances conspired to form our particular patterns without our input. If you had control over your maladaptive thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, you wouldn’t still have them. You would have already jettisoned your dark, anxious, neurotic persona and become a calm, confident ray of sunshine. Clearly you don’t have complete control over your actions, or else you’d only act in ways that you approved of. So why are you judging yourself so harshly for the way you are?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When mothers or fathers use harsh criticism as a means to keep their kids out of trouble (“don’t be so stupid or you’ll get run over by a car”), or to improve their behavior (“you’ll never get into college if you keep getting such pathetic grades”), children assume that criticism is a useful and necessary motivational tool. As comedian Phyllis Diller notes, “We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.” Unsurprisingly, research shows that individuals who grow up with highly critical parents in childhood are much more likely to be critical toward themselves as adults.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Other possible wordings for the first phrase, “This is a moment of suffering,” are “I’m having a really hard time right now,” “It’s painful for me to feel this now,” and so on. Other possible wordings for the second phrase, “Suffering is part of life,” are “Everyone feels this way sometimes,” “This is part of being human,” and so on. Other possible wordings for the third phrase, “May I be kind to myself in this moment,” are “May I hold my pain with tenderness,” “May I be gentle and understanding with myself,” and so on. Other possible wordings for the final phrase, “May I give myself the compassion I need,” are “I am worthy of receiving”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Tara Bennett-Goleman uses the metaphor of alchemy to symbolize the spiritual and emotional transformation that’s possible when we embrace our pain with caring concern. When we give ourselves compassion, the tight knot of negative self-judgment starts to dissolve, replaced by a feeling of peaceful, connected acceptance—a sparkling diamond that emerges from the coal.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Self-compassion can help us develop a healthier, more authentic way of relating to sex. First and foremost, by being supportive and nurturing toward our sexuality—whatever shape or form it comes in—we can stop being victims of sexual shame. We don’t need to judge ourselves according to society’s mixed-up sexual norms.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“What is this self inside us, this silent observer, Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us And urge us on to futile activity And in the end, judge us still more severely For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us? —T. S. ELIOT, The Elder Statesman”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“His point was that we can distinguish between the normal pain of life—difficult emotions, physical discomfort, and so on—and actual suffering, which is the mental anguish caused by fighting against the fact that life is sometimes painful.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“But self-kindness involves more than merely stopping self-judgment. It involves actively comforting ourselves, responding just as we would to a dear friend in need. It means we allow ourselves to be emotionally moved by our own pain, stopping to say, “This is really difficult right now. How can I care for and comfort myself in this moment?” With self-kindness, we soothe and calm our troubled minds.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself