Self-Compassion Quotes

“Our emotional suffering is caused by our desire for things to be other than they are.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Suffering stems from a single source—comparing our reality to our ideals. When reality matches our wants and desires, we’re happy and satisfied. When reality doesn’t match our wants and desires, we suffer.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“May I be safe. May I be peaceful. May I be kind to myself. May I accept myself as I am.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Mindfulness is sometimes seen as a form of “meta-awareness,” which means awareness of awareness. Instead of simply feeling anger, I am aware that I am now feeling anger.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When reality matches our wants and desires, we’re happy and satisfied. When reality doesn’t match our wants and desires, we suffer.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“For instance, research shows that highly self-critical people tend to be dissatisfied in their romantic relationships because they assume their partners are judging them as harshly as they judge themselves. The misperception of even fairly neutral statements as disparaging often leads to oversensitive reactions and unnecessary conflicts. This means that self-critics often undermine the closeness and supportiveness in relationships that they so desperately seek.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Can you accept all these facets of yourself? Being human does not mean being better than others. Being human means you encompass the full range of human experience, the positive, the negative, and the neutral. Being human means you are average in many ways. Can you celebrate the experience of being alive on this planet in all your complexity and wonder?”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“This approach, while ego gratifying for a few moments, has some serious drawbacks. When we are always seeing the worst in others, our perception becomes obscured by a dark cloud of negativity. Our thoughts become malevolent, and this is the mental world we then inhabit. Downward social comparisons actually harm rather than help us. By putting others down to puff ourselves up, we are cutting off our nose to spite our face, creating and maintaining the state of disconnection and isolation we actually want to avoid.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Consider the full range of traits listed above. Can you accept all these facets of yourself? Being human does not mean being better than others. Being human means you encompass the full range of human experience, the positive, the negative, and the neutral. Being human means you are average in many ways. Can you celebrate the experience of being alive on this planet in all your complexity”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“One of the saddest consequences of social comparison is how we distance ourselves from people whose success makes us feel bad about ourselves.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“With self-appreciation, we don’t need to put others down to feel good about ourselves. I can appreciate my own achievements at the same time that I recognize yours. I can rejoice in your talents while also celebrating my own. Appreciation involves acknowledging the light in everyone, ourselves included.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If you’re able to comfort yourself every time something painful happens, staying centered and not running away with reactivity, you can start to trust yourself. You can more easily find inner courage when hard times hit, knowing that you can get through almost anything with the help of your own compassionate support.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“These are the thoughts and emotions that are arising in my conscious awareness in the present moment.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We don’t have to wait until we are perfect, until life goes exactly as we want it to. We don’t need others to respond with care and compassion in order to feel worthy of love. We don’t need to look outside ourselves for the acceptance and security we crave. This is not to say that we don’t need other people. Of course we do. But who is in the best position to know how you really feel underneath that cheerful façade? Who is most likely to know the full extent of the pain and fear you face, to know what you need most? Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to provide you with care and kindness? You.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We can’t stop our judgmental thoughts, but we don’t have to encourage or believe in them either.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven? —KAHLIL GIBRAN, The Prophet”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“As the seventeenth-century French philosopher Montaigne once said, “My life has been filled with terrible misfortune, most of which never happened.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When you begin to touch your heart or let your heart be touched, you begin to discover that it’s bottomless, that it doesn’t have any resolution, that this heart is huge, vast, and limitless. You begin to discover how much warmth and gentleness is there, as well as how much space. —PEMA CHÖDRÖN, Start Where You Are”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“self-critical people tend to be dissatisfied in their romantic relationships because they assume their partners are judging them as harshly as they judge themselves.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Lyubomirsky finds that several key factors make a difference in terms of maximizing happiness. Some of the most important are being grateful for what you have, looking at the bright side of difficult situations, not comparing yourself to others, practicing acts of kindness, being mindful, and savoring joy.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“When qualities of kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness are applied toward the suffering of others, they manifest as compassion. When they’re applied to our own suffering, they manifest as self-compassion. When they’re directed toward others’ positive qualities, they manifest as mudita: sympathetic joy. And when they’re directed toward our own positive qualities, they manifest as self-appreciation.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Self-compassionate people are more optimistic because they know that if problems occur, they can deal with them. They have the emotional strength needed to cope with whatever arises. If you’re able to comfort yourself every time something painful happens, staying centered and not running away with reactivity, you can start to trust yourself.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Every time you catch yourself being judgmental about your unwanted trait in the future, first notice the pain of your self-judgment and give yourself compassion. Then try to reframe your inner dialogue so that it is more encouraging and supportive. Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Unlike self-criticism, which asks if you’re good enough, self-compassion asks what’s good for you? Self-compassion taps into your inner desire to be healthy and happy. If you care about yourself, you’ll do what you need to do to in order to learn and grow. You’ll want to change unhelpful patterns of behavior, even if that means giving up certain things you like for a while.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We grasp onto self-esteem as if it were an inflatable raft that will save us—or at least save and prop up the positive sense of self that we so crave—only to find that the raft has a gaping hole and is rapidly running out of air. The truth is this: sometimes we display good qualities and sometimes bad. Sometimes we act in helpful, productive ways and sometimes in harmful, maladaptive ways. But we are not defined by these qualities or behaviors. We are a verb not a noun, a process rather than a fixed “thing.” Our actions change—mercurial beings that we are—according to time, circumstance, mood, setting.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The best way to counteract self-criticism, therefore, is to understand it, have compassion for it, and then replace it with a kinder response.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“If you are a habitual self-critic, remember that your behavior actually represents a convoluted form of self-care, an attempt to keep yourself safe and on track. You don’t want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up. Just as hate can’t conquer hate—but only strengthens and reinforces it—self-judgment can’t stop self-judgment.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself