Self-Compassion Quotes

“To see ourselves positively, we tend to inflate our own egos and put others down so that we can feel good in comparison. But this strategy comes at a price—it holds us back from reaching our full potential in life.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“How Self-Compassionate Are You?” link. After”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Again, self-compassion doesn’t erase negative feelings, it embraces them with care and kindness. This sets off the “broaden-and-build cycle” mentioned earlier. Because self-compassion makes us feel safe, centered, and connected, we can delight in what’s wonderful about our lives rather than dwelling solely on problems and limitations. We can start to pursue our dreams rather than merely ward off dangers.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“This means that hidden within every moment of anguish lies the potential for contentment. Pain can become the doorway to happiness, because feeling loved, cared for, and connected is what makes us truly happy.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Compassion toward others is really a gift for ourselves, because it nourishes us with benevolent feelings and allows us to feel more secure by recognizing our inherent interconnectedness.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“friend can see all your strengths and all your weaknesses, including the aspect of yourself you have just been thinking about. Reflect upon what this friend feels toward you, and how you are loved and accepted exactly as you are, with all your very human imperfections. This friend recognizes the limits of human nature and is kind and forgiving toward you. In his/her great wisdom this friend understands your life history and the millions of things that have happened in your life to create you as you are in this moment. Your particular inadequacy is connected to so many things you didn’t necessarily choose: your genes, your family history, life circumstances—things that were outside of your control.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“to the Dalai Lama, “Human beings by nature want happiness and do not want suffering. With that feeling everyone tries to achieve happiness and tries to get rid of suffering, and everyone has the basic right to do this. . . . Basically, from the viewpoint of real human value we are all the same.” This is the same sentiment, of course, that inspired the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“From the Buddhist point of view, you have to care about yourself before you can really care about other people. If you are continually judging and criticizing yourself while trying to be kind to others, you are drawing artificial boundaries and distinctions that only lead to feelings of separation and isolation. This is the opposite of oneness, interconnection, and universal love—the ultimate goal of most spiritual paths, no matter which tradition.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The problem is that by definition, it’s impossible for everyone to be above average at the same time.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Exercise Two Exploring Self-Compassion Through Letter Writing PART ONE Everybody has something about themselves that they don’t like; something that causes them to feel shame, to feel insecure or not “good enough.” It is the human condition to be imperfect, and feelings of failure and inadequacy are part of the experience of living. Try thinking about an issue that tends to make you feel inadequate or bad about yourself (physical appearance, work or relationship issues, etc.). How does this aspect of yourself make you feel inside—scared, sad, depressed, insecure, angry? What emotions come up for you when you think about this aspect of yourself? Please try to be as emotionally honest as possible and to avoid repressing any feelings, while at the same time not being melodramatic. Try to just feel your emotions exactly as they are—no more, no less. PART TWO Now think about an imaginary friend who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind, and compassionate. Imagine that this friend can see all your strengths and all your weaknesses, including the aspect of yourself you have just been thinking about. Reflect upon what this friend feels toward you, and how you are loved and accepted exactly as you are, with all your very human imperfections. This friend recognizes the limits of human nature and is kind and forgiving toward you. In his/her great wisdom this friend understands your life history and the millions of things that have happened in your life to create you as you are in this moment. Your particular inadequacy is connected to so many things you didn’t necessarily choose: your genes, your family history, life circumstances—things that were outside of your control. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend—focusing on the perceived inadequacy you tend to judge yourself for. What would this friend say to you about your “flaw” from the perspective of unlimited compassion? How would this friend convey the deep compassion he/she feels for you, especially for the discomfort you feel when you judge yourself so harshly? What would this friend write in order to remind you that you are only human, that all people have both strengths and weaknesses? And if you think this friend would suggest possible changes you should make, how would these suggestions embody feelings of unconditional understanding and compassion? As you write to yourself from the perspective of this imaginary friend, try to infuse your letter with a strong sense of the person’s acceptance, kindness, caring, and desire for your health and happiness. After writing the letter, put it down for a little while. Then come back and read it again, really letting the words sink in. Feel the compassion as it pours into you, soothing and comforting you like a cool breeze on a hot day. Love, connection, and acceptance are your birthright. To claim them you need only look within yourself.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Most people, even if they don’t blame themselves for their current circumstances, tend to immediately go into problem-solving mode in such situations. We are likely to spend enormous amounts of time and energy dealing with the crisis, making doctors appointments, calling insurance companies, and so on. Although all this is certainly necessary, it’s also very important to recognize that these experiences take a lot out of us emotionally. We need to stop for a breath or two and acknowledge that we’re having a hard time, and that our pain is deserving of a kind, caring response. Otherwise, our suffering will go unattended, and feelings of stress and worry will only mount. We risk getting burned out, exhausted, and overwhelmed, because we’re spending all our energy trying to fix external problems without remembering to refresh ourselves internally.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Happiness”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“We can reframe our situation in light of our shared humanity, so that we don’t feel so isolated by adversity. Not only am I suffering, I am aware that I am suffering, and therefore I can try to do something about it.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: Stop Beating Yourself Up and Leave Insecurity Behind

“Human beings by nature want happiness and do not want suffering. With that feeling everyone tries to achieve happiness and tries to get rid of suffering, and everyone has the basic right to do this. . . . Basically, from the viewpoint of real human value we are all the same.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“either I’m perfect or I’m worthless—perfectionists are continually dissatisfied with themselves.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“The emotion of compassion springs from the recognition that the human experience is imperfect. Why else would we say “it’s only human” to comfort someone who has made a mistake? Self-compassion honors the fact that all human beings are fallible, that wrong choices and feelings of regret are inevitable, no matter how high and mighty one is. (As the saying goes, a clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.)”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest—a kind of optical delusion of consciousness”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“For only as we ourselves, as adults, actually move and have our being in the state of love, can we be appropriate models and guides for our children. What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become. —JOSEPH CHILTON PEARCE, INTRODUCTION TO Teaching Children to Love BY DOC LEW CHILDRE”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Compassion toward others is really a gift for ourselves, because it nourishes us with benevolent feelings and allows us to feel more secure by recognizing our inherent interconnectedness. With the equanimity of an open heart, the slings and arrows of our difficult and frustrating lives find less purchase, and suffering becomes a doorway into love.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. —JON KABAT-ZINN, Wherever You Go, There You Are”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Public speaking anxiety, the number one phobia experienced in our culture, is also caused by fear of rejection and isolation. Why does the instruction to imagine your audience in their underwear work? Because it reminds you that the audience is vulnerable and imperfect too, and the image boosts your sense of shared humanity.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“As Tara Brach (author of Radical Acceptance) writes: “Feeling unworthy goes hand in hand with feeling separate from others, separate from life. If we are defective, how can we possibly belong? It seems like a vicious cycle: the more deficient we feel, the more separate and vulnerable we feel.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Unsurprisingly, research shows that individuals who grow up with highly critical parents in childhood are much more likely to be critical toward themselves as adults.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“There is more to me than the pain I am feeling right now, I am also the heartfelt response to that pain.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“Research also shows that people can boost their happiness levels significantly simply by changing the way they relate to their lives.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“A unique nexus of causes and conditions went into creating the ever-evolving person we are. Appreciation for our good qualities, then, is really an expression of gratitude for all that has shaped us both as individuals and as a species.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“By explaining that self-compassion is a way to feel good about yourself that doesn’t require feeling superior to others, you can help teens more easily understand why self-compassion is a healthier way to relate to themselves”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“One key to compassionately responding to our children’s misdeeds is to focus on their actual behavior, rather than on their general character. You want to emphasize that we are not defined by our failures and shortcomings but are instead all of us works in progress, in a continual state of learning.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

“only as we ourselves, as adults, actually move and have our being in the state of love, can we be appropriate models and guides for our children. What we are teaches the child far more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.”
― Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself