Attached Quotes

“Why was such a successful woman acting in such a helpless way? Why would somebody whom we've known to be so adaptive to most of life's challenges become powerless in this one?”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“I was always anxious.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Nothing was more important to me than being with him.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“All I had to guide me was the common belief that many of us grow up with. The belief that love conquers all. And so I let love conquer me.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“If you are anxious, the reverse of what happens when you meet someone avoidant happens when you meet someone secure. The messages that come across from someone secure are very honest, straightforward, and consistent. Secures are not afraid of intimacy and know they are worthy of love. They don’t have to beat around the bush or play hard to get. Ambiguous messages are out of the mix, as are tension and suspense. As a result, your attachment system remains relatively calm. Because you are used to equating an activated attachment system with love, you conclude that this can’t be “the one” because no bells are going off. You associate a calm attachment system with boredom and indifference. Because of this fallacy you might let the perfect partner pass you by.”
― Amir Levine, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love

“The trick is to to know what to look for, be a keen observer and ardent listener.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Without even knowing it - most people give away almost all the information you need.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“She takes longer to calm down, and even when she does, it is only temporary.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“When people hear about attachment styles, they often have no difficulty recognizing their own style.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Although your senses are often accurate, you take your partner's behaviors too personally.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Attachment styles are stable but plastic.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“The person you know best - yourself.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Get to know yourself and those around you from an attachment perspective.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Learning about the powerful force of attachment and ways in which to harness it will make a significant difference in your life, as it has in ours.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“The next time a conflict comes along, you'll be better prepared.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“The quality of their response will speak volumes.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“You'll learn the emotional price of connecting with someone who has drastically different intimacy needs from your own.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Having a partner who fulfills our intrinsic attachment needs and feels comfortable acting as a secure base and safe haven can help us remain emotionally and physically healthier and live longer. Having a partner who is inconsistently available or supportive can be a truly demoralizing and debilitating experience that can literally stunt our growth.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Our partners powerfully affect our ability to thrive in the world. There is no way around that.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“When our partner is unable to meet our basic attachment needs, we experience a chronic sense of disquiet and tension that leaves us more exposed to various ailments. Not only is our emotional well-being sacrificed when we are in a romantic partnership with someone who doesn't provide a secure base, but so is our physical health.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“If you have a mild form of high blood pressure, being in a satisfying marriage is good for you; spending time in the presence of your partner actually benefits you by lowering your blood pressure to healthier levels.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Physical contact with a spouse can help reduce anxiety in a stressful situation.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Our brain assigns our partner the task of being our secure base, the person we use as an emotional anchor and a safe haven, the one we turn to in time of need. We are programmed to seek their emotional availability.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“What happens when the person we rely on most - and in fact depend on emotionally and physically - doesn't fulfill their attachment role?”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“When our partners are thoroughly dependable and make us feel safe, and especially if they know how to reassure us during the hard times, we can turn our attention to all the other aspects of life that make our existence meaningful.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“We do have to go out into the world.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“If you want to take the road to independence and happiness, find the right person to depend on and travel it with that person.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“The ability to step into the world on our own often stems from the knowledge that there is someone besides us whom we can count on.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“Avoidants have attachment needs but actively suppress them.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached

“They are a part of me and I will do anything to save them.”
― Amir Levine & Rachel Heller, Attached