Jane

“Bullock, Sam, died at the age of one-twelve. They’d been married five years. She was forty-six.”
“Isn’t that romantic?”
“Heart-tugging. First husband was younger, a callow seventy-three to her twenty-two.”
“Wealthy?”
“Was—not Sam Bullock wealthy, but well-stocked. Got eaten by a shark.”
“Step off.”
“Seriously. Scuba diving out in the Great Barrier Reef. He was eighty-eight. And this shark cruises along and chomp, chomp.”
She gave Eve a thoughtful look. “Ending as shark snacks is in my top-ten list of ways I don’t want to go out. How about you?”
“It may rank as number one, now that I’ve considered it a possibility. Any hint of foul play?”
“They weren’t able to interview the shark, but it was put down as death by misadventure.”
― J.D. Robb

“Rule number one: never assume your mate spends all her time in the kitchen.”
― Nicky Charles, The Mating

“But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.”
― Tina Fey, Bossypants

“The secret of happiness is to face the fact that the world is horrible, horrible, horrible.”
― Betrand Russell