John

“If you read an essay in Esquire and don’t like it, there could be something wrong with the essay. If it’s in The New Yorker, on the other hand, and you don’t like it, there’s something wrong with you.”
― David Sedaris, The Best of Me

“Love is a form of prejudice. You love what you need, you love what makes you feel good, you love what is convenient. How can you say you love one person when there are ten thousand people in the world that you would love more if you ever met them? But you'll never meet them. All right, so we do the best we can. Granted. But we must still realize that love is just the result of a chance encounter. Most people make too much of it. On these grounds a good fuck is not to be entirely scorned. But that's the result of a chance meeting too. You're damned right. Drink up. We'll have another.”
― Charles Bukowski

“Hello, you must be Alan.’ It was production runner, Paula. ‘I’m the production runner, Paula.’ ‘That’s a nice name.’ This was my go-to compliment when meeting people for the first time. ‘Oh, really? Do you think so?’ Problem was, it worked less well with what one might call the shitter names, such as Paula, when it could sound dangerously sarcastic. ‘Absolutely, my mum was called Paula.’ My mum was not called Paula, but by lying I had stopped sounding like I was being sarcastic.”
― Alan Partridge, Alan Partridge: Big Beacon: The hilarious memoir from the nation's favourite broadcaster

“It’s the same with people who say, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ Even people who say this must realize that the exact opposite is true. What doesn’t kill you maims you, cripples you, leaves you weak, makes you whiny and full of yourself at the same time. The more pain, the more pompous you get. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you incredibly annoying.”
― Rob Sheffield, Love Is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time