jonathan, i need your help! (Everyone's Captions), Not Visiting Belgium Showing 1,001-1,050 of 1,615

[janine]

Not the comfy chair!

[Jonathan]

Doesn't look so comfy to me.



Vincent van Gogh

[~Geektastic~]

1132

Somehow, Vincent always ended up in the hot seat. But it still beat that time he cut himself shaving...

[Sarah]

1131 It really was the most uncomfortable chair in the world. Vincent tried burning it, chopping it up for kindling, and putting it out with the trash. He even tried giving it to a man going far far away, but much like the proverbial cat, it kept coming back. Of all the things that he could be haunted by, he supposed this wasn't so bad.

[Phil]

Using candle wax to finish the furniture seemed like a good idea, though Marcus was certain he'd catch hell from his wife when she saw what he'd done.

[Janice]

"When I said someone should light a match under my ass, I didn't expect it to be taken literally!"

[Sarah]

Amber wrote: "1132

Somehow, Vincent always ended up in the hot seat. But it still beat that time he cut himself shaving..."

Much as he tried to forget that accident, every trip to his aunt Clara's house reminded him of the unfortunate incident.

[Jonathan]

Hah! What is that sculpture, Sarah? It looks a little like Tom Otterness, but I don't think it's him...And where is it?

[Sarah]

The URL says "brass-chair-art-plaza-tapitia-guadalajara."

This is the blog it came from: http://blog.travelpod.com/travel-blog...

[Jonathan]

It seems to be a Mexican artist, Alejandro Colunga, born in Guadalajara in 1948.

[Phil]

"When Prince Charles finally DID become king, he did not find humor in the custom throne his mother had ordered for him before her death."

[[deleted user]]

Excellent Phil.

"Prince Charles was miffed, being the only squib in a family of pure bloods meant he was stuck being a chair until someone felt sorry for him."

[Jammies]

#1136:

The chairs at the George H. W. Bush Memorial Library were accurate but not comfortable.

[Jonathan]

One great pair of ears deserves another.



Anon. illustrator (Antikamnia Chemical Corp.)

[janine]

What Lindsay Lohan thinks she would have looked like without plastic surgery.

[Janice]

Ritchie Cunningham smiled toothily and said, "You thould thee the other guy!"

[Phil]

After that fateful Saturday night, Alfred E. Newman's new motto was, "yes, me worry!"

[Jonathan]

Janice wrote: "Ritchie Cunningham smiled toothily and said, 'You thould thee the other guy!'"



George Bellows

[janine]

Pulling one of his teeth was a sure way to make Jack more alert. He won many of his matches this way. For some reason he didn't manage to build a lasting career though.

[Sarah]

#1147 Ricardo tried to pep Joe up in the break between rounds with an animated story about a bull rider. Joe didn't think it was particularly funny. He wasn't sure if he was the bull or the cowboy in the analogy.

[Phil]

Having paid $30 each for ringside seats, Agnes and Clyde had little patience for the between-round antics of Smasher's cornermen. The "grape eating-Sultan being fanned by a palm leaf" routine was especially galling.

[Jonathan]

Phil wrote: "The 'grape eating-Sultan being fanned by a palm leaf' routine..."

Even on the sultan's day off, the fan routine continued.



Albert Moore

[Cynthia]

Her Grace was growing weary of saffron. Saffron rice, saffron robes, those same two maids in those same two outfits, every damned day.

[Jonathan]

Cynthia wrote: "...those same two maids in those same two outfits..."

And wouldn't you know - both of them were named Saffron.

[Cynthia]

I'm just mad about Saffron, she's just mad about me.

[Jonathan]

A nice song, one I haven't thought about in a long time.

[Phil]

Why ah do declayuh! Miss Antheia has been struck with the vapors. And on this, of all days, her first cotillion!

[Jonathan]

Phil wrote: "And on this, of all days, her first cotillion!"

The cotillion was pretty lame anyway.



James Tissot

[Sarah]

#1157 As Nicholas leaned against the door frame he wondered to himself what the male equivalent of a wallflower might be called. Something more manly, surely.

[Cynthia]

For the last time, madam, we do not know "I Knew The Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll," the pianist sniffed to the pushy woman in the yellow dress.

[Sarah]

Cynthia wrote: "For the last time, madam, we do not know "I Knew The Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll," the pianist sniffed to the pushy woman in the yellow dress."

Ha!

[Jonathan]

Cynthia wrote: "I Knew The Bride When She Used to Rock and Roll"

Sorta.

[image error]

Kenta Shinohara

[Sarah]

#1161 The Dance Your Face Off Contest was a big hit with the teen crowd.

[Jonathan]

Hee.

[Jonathan]

Sarah Pi wrote: "Face Off"



Leonardo da Vinci

[Sarah]

#1164 Caesar knew that Brutus was a backstabber. He had precautions in place to deal with him.
Unfortunately, he was looking the other way when Zombie Phil went after his brains.

[janine]

He should have known better than to adorn his skull with garnish.

[Jonathan]

Zombie Phil?



Francisco de Goya

[Phil]

I'm not really evil, just misunderstood.

[Sarah]

janine wrote: "He should have known better than to adorn his skull with garnish."

Ha!

[Sarah]

#1167 The day Ozzy Osbourne hit bottom.

[Phil]

"I just don't get it. I didn't like it when this woman gave me head, and this hand job isn't much better. Perhaps it's more fun when I finally get some ass."

[Jonathan]

Phil wrote: "when I finally get..."



Francisco de Goya

[Sarah]

#1172 After a rough day involving a Magic Pebble, Sylvester retired to his bed to read personal ads.

[Jonathan]

Hah--I was wondering what that book was.

[Sarah]

I once sat next to a man on a plane out of South Africa who was looking through a goat breeding magazine. Same as personal ads if you are in fact a goat.

[Phil]

Ooh, Pi made a literary reference. I like that book.

[Phil]

"Years after the transformation Pinocchio still found himself ruled by his 'bad' side, as witnessed by his donkey porn addiction."

[Cynthia]

Gregor was starting to think fondly of the days he'd spent as a cockroach. Any more, he was simply an ass.

[Angela~twistedmind~]

Phil wrote: "Why ah do declayuh! Miss Antheia has been struck with the vapors. And on this, of all days, her first cotillion!"

Okay. I'm from the south, and even I had a "What the fuck?" moment when I first read your contribution.