Patrick Thomas > Patrick's Quotes

“Cthulhu takes vow breaking very seriously. If they will break a vow to their spouse, what is to keep them from breaking their vows to Cthulhu? Besides pain and torture followed by a horrible death and an eternity of pain.)”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“I could fix the two of you up, assuming you don’t mind the fact that he is into sadism and just got out of jail for accidentally leaving his last lover tied up in a basement for two months.”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“I recently got my wife to take me back, which is good because I don’t like to work and she supports me when we’re together.”
― Patrick Thomas, Dear Cthulhu: Good Advice For Bad People

“That’s when a shadow came over the table. The shadow was so big you could almost hear the table creak under its weight. It was like having an indoor eclipse. We had been approached by someone whom I could only describe as the fattest individual I had ever seen. I have never been one to make fun of the adiposily overadvantaged, but that is what this person was. Probably”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“You just bought yourself a world of trouble.” “But I ordered one of peace and love. I’d like to return the one of trouble or get a full refund,” I said. “I’m pretty sure I have the receipt somewhere.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Early morning suits and overalls were on their way to work, covering people too bewildered by employment to realize what an atrocious hour it was to be up and about. Still, they had enough wits about them to take great pains to walk around the man arguing with his bottle and apparently losing. Edgar”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub

“It feels so good to be loved,” Murphy said. “How would ye know?” said Paddy. “I hear things and have a good imagination,” he said.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Mind if I sit down?” asked Conrad. “It’s a free country,” said Toni. “Then why is everything so expensive?” said”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Bartender of the Gods

“Sex slaves can rarely defend themselves, and the dead are even worse off in this instance than the living. The”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“No powers? Ye’ve got to be kidding me. Have ye heard his jokes? They’re so bad they can drop a man at twenty paces,” said”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy With A Gun: The Collected Terrorbelle: Terrorbelle Book 1

“Maireann dóchas is gliodar. Translated into English it meant hope & happiness never die.”
― Patrick Thomas, Lore & Dysorder: The Hell's Detective Mysteries: Mystic Investigators Book 8

“The Devil never shows up on time for his own staff meetings, preferring instead to make everyone else stew and wait. Sometimes it’s a few minutes, sometimes a few weeks. It can get pretty ugly. Considering”
― Patrick Thomas, Lore & Dysorder: The Hell's Detective Mysteries: Mystic Investigators Book 8

“Always look a gift Norse, especially a Norse trickster,  in the mouth, front back, then check his pockets for the silverware. Also beware of trolls bearing gifts.”    -John Murphy, Bartender at Bulfinche’s Pub”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“The Devil tended to do it better than his underlings. Likes to give the marks less wiggle room to get out of the contract. The lesser demons are so anxious to get any soul that they’ll promise the world and deliver Jersey. Of”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“When you see true evil, it changes you forever. It wants to make sure laughter and joy die a violent death, but the best it can manage is to put them on life support. It’s up to the rest of us to make sure they don’t stay there.”    -John Murphy, Bartender at Bulfinche’s Pub”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“It’s great being dead.”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“I’ve heard that the way to someone’s heart is through their stomach. It’s not the only way, although you do have to make sure to go to your right and toward the head. And it does save the trouble of having to crack open the rib cage.”
― Patrick Thomas, Fairy Rides The Lightning: Terrorbelle Book 2

“The necrophiliacs were homophobic and sexist to boot. You’d think pervs would be more tolerant of others. Go figure.”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“There was no smell, no texture, no temperature to it. It had as much substance as a politician’s promise.”
― Patrick Thomas, Rites Of Passage: The Department of Mystic Affairs Casefiles of Agent Karver (featuring Detective Bianca Jones): Mystic Investigators Book 6

“Tremble in fear as Pasphrfep the Pillager comes to feast on your souls.”
― Patrick Thomas, Lore & Dysorder: The Hell's Detective Mysteries: Mystic Investigators Book 8

“Several rows of spectators were blocking our view of the upcoming parade, almost all of them more vertically endowed than we were. In short, vertical envy had reared its ugly head and was making faces at us.”
― Patrick Thomas, Nightcaps: - a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Things started to fly around the room. I don’t mean little things like books and lamps. I’m talking the refrigerator, the stove, and the couch. It was like a deadly game of dodge ball. I”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Hex had forgone his dark blue trenchcoat in favor of a short, black leather jacket. He was wearing a t-shirt that said “I saved the Earth and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.” Hex”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: THROUGH THE DRINKING GLASS

“My plan was ill conceived, against convention, and, above all, silly. I loved it the moment I thought of it.”
― Patrick Thomas, Nightcaps: - a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Bulfinche’s is a Manhattan bar that has not only seen all the weirdness the world has to offer, but encourages it to come by for a drink. A leprechaun owns it, and a god of wine and orgies tends bar. I”
― Patrick Thomas, Empty Graves: Tales of Zombies: a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“Sometimes the hardest thing someone has to do is admit that he’s wrong. Of course I only know this from what I hear from other people, as it’s never happened to me personally.”   -Dionysus, god of wine, women, and song, bartender”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“It didn’t matter that everyone else seemed to be doing it. To butcher a cliche, if everyone jumped off a bridge, they would all get wet. And some were going to drown. Or”
― Patrick Thomas, Nightcaps: - a Murphy's Lore After Hours collection

“When Ted walked in the door, silence fell across the room. The silence must have been especially clumsy, perhaps even hitting its head and losing consciousness, because no one spoke. Instead, everyone watched. It seemed like a scene from an old western, where a gunfighter itching for a shoot-out walks into a saloon. I half expected to see tumbleweeds roll by.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Shadow of the Wolf

“Be careful. Sometimes you don’t carry a grudge. It carries you.”
― Patrick Thomas, Rites Of Passage: The Department of Mystic Affairs Casefiles of Agent Karver (featuring Detective Bianca Jones): Mystic Investigators Book 6

“Love is in the air.”   “Is that what that smell is?”   “Yep,” said Paddy.”
― Patrick Thomas, Murphy's Lore: Tales From Bulfinche's Pub