Murphy's Lore Quotes

“When you see true evil, it changes you forever. It wants to make sure laughter and joy die a violent death, but the best it can manage is to put them on life support. It’s up to the rest of us to make sure they don’t stay there.”    -John Murphy, Bartender at Bulfinche’s Pub”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Always look a gift Norse, especially a Norse trickster,  in the mouth, front back, then check his pockets for the silverware. Also beware of trolls bearing gifts.”    -John Murphy, Bartender at Bulfinche’s Pub”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“That’s when a shadow came over the table. The shadow was so big you could almost hear the table creak under its weight. It was like having an indoor eclipse. We had been approached by someone whom I could only describe as the fattest individual I had ever seen. I have never been one to make fun of the adiposily overadvantaged, but that is what this person was. Probably”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Members of the Tulu religion are known to truly love their craft. They are always ready welcome to welcome new postulants at any of their temples. Applications may be made during regular business hours. Willingness to help destroy the universe a must.”    -A Visitor’s Guide to Traven, 144th Edition”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Non-goblins are strongly urged to avoid Goblintown at all costs. There are parts we recommend goblins do not even venture into unless part of a highly trained and well armed cram. If one still feels the urge to visit Goblintown, we recommend seeking counseling to eliminate the suicidal tendencies. Should this fail or not be desirable, we suggest using one of the many fine Euthanasia Houses our world has to offer. (See Euthanasia Houses, Suicide Assistants.) Not only will they strive to make the experience pleasant, but they will beautify your corpse and deliver it intact to your next of kin or designated recipient, along with a valid proof of death, allowing your affairs to be put in order. Goblintown has no such guarantees, and the odds of a corpse leaving intact are minimal. However, there is an excellent chance of your head being made into a warning decoration. (See illustrations.)”    -A Visitor’s Guide to Traven, 144th Edition”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“they were spread out over an area slightly larger than New Jersey. Considering they could have been scattered all over the planet, that wasn’t so bad. Since, unlike Jersey, Karma had no traffic, and we were allowed to make left turns, it was only a difficult, not impossible, task.”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Sometimes saving the day isn’t about being brave. More often for me, it’s a joke that’s gone too far.”    –John Murphy, bartender at Bulfinche’s Pub”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Good intelligence is crucial to winning a military campaign. Of course, as a rule, if those in charge of a military actually had good intelligence, there would be a lot less war.”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“Home? Home is where they don’t tie you to a rock and drip acid on you. And sometimes it isn’t.”    -Loki, Norse god of Mischief”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD

“He is the Norse god of evil,” I said. Paddy shrugged. “Technically, mischief. And people can change if we give them a chance.”
― Patrick Thomas, MURPHY'S LORE: REDEMPTION ROAD