Quotes - Mort (Johannesburg, 06, South Africa) Showing 1-30 of 44

#1

“FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.”
― Stephen King, Doctor Sleep

tags: humor, humour, stephen-king

#2

“No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?”
― Terry Pratchett, Night Watch

tags: absurd, humor, interrogation, police

1975 likes

#3

“We’re all damaged. It’s a universal component of the human condition, like the stages of grief, deja vu, and expired coupons.”
― Tim Dorsey, Nuclear Jellyfish

23 likes

#4

“I know I'll die someday, but I buy books like an immortal.”
― Jeff Strand

75 likes

#5

“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

tags: sympathy

6313 likes

#6

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Diggers

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking

21433 likes

#7

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

tags: life

109392 likes

#8

“Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

tags: humor, proverb

12939 likes

#9

“I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
― Douglas Adams

tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit

11374 likes

#10

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics

9107 likes

#11

“If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
― W.C. Fields

7414 likes

#12

“Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
― Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory

4690 likes

#13

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

tags: fighting, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, peace, sex

4256 likes

#14

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading

3618 likes

#15

“I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
― Mae West

tags: humor

3106 likes

#16

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
― George Carlin

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, stupidity

3543 likes

#17

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
― Groucho Marx

2533 likes

#18

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”
― Mae West

tags: humor, sex

2573 likes

#19

“People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.”
― Christopher Paolini, Eragon

tags: history, humor, memory, recall

2002 likes

#20

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
― Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership

1872 likes

#21

“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.

It's really funny.”
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians

tags: humor, sarcasm

2022 likes

#22

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoleon Bonaparte

tags: humor, politics, stupidity

1648 likes

#23

“She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can tell the others by their hunted expression.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

tags: humor, women, zealousness

1422 likes

#24

“The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor

1407 likes

#25

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1387 likes

#26

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
― Dorothy Parker

tags: disapproval, humor, wordplay

1424 likes

#27

“HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)”
― Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

tags: apathy, boredom, cynism, ennui, humor

1319 likes

#28

“Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.”
― Joss Whedon

tags: food, humor, survival, wit

886 likes

#29