Sorin Suciu > Sorin's Quotes

“Behind the cool mask of bravado, past the one-way mirror of his mind, underneath the rock-solid layers of self-control, in the Zen garden that was Master Sewer’s soul, a high-pitched anxiety fart rustled through the still leaves. If farts could talk, this one would have said, “Damn coppers!”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Master Dung’s study was silent. So silent, in fact, that one might have been able to hear a gnat passing air, if only an obligingly flatulent gnat had happened nearby.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Simon did not solve problems, he just shamed them into going away.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Mourir c’est partir un peu.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“He knew for a fact that he was so hopelessly bad at seeing through camouflage that, if left alone in the forest, he might even attempt to make fire by rubbing two snakes together.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Love can be just like hot peppers, exciting on the way in and agonizing on the way out.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“There was a rare quality about Nurse Grace’s smile. It was the knowledge that sooner or later her smile would inspire some witty observer to say something around the lines of, “Every time you do this, an angel farts”.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Wonderful craftsmanship, Simon decided with the expert eye of one who had played enough computer games to know art when he saw it.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“It had been an embarrassing moment, like the one you get when you realize for the first time that you have what it takes to become an accountant.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“What makes the Arctic VarChar so unusual and popular is that each bite has a different taste. As you carve your way into the ersatz fillet, you might find yourself chewing on smoked salmon, tender tuna, marinated mackerel, seared snapper, raw roe, baked barracuda, grilled goldfish, or even pickled perch, to alliterate just a few.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Many things have been compared to a brick, mainly as a tribute to their intellect or to their aerodynamic characteristics.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“He spoke in a trembling voice that didn’t seem to be entirely in sync with the movement of his lips. That’s because sound travels slower in halitosis.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“It was all kind of fuzzy, as if his mind was doing its thinking in limericks.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“He was a good storyteller, but he told the kind of stories that made children run away from the village and adults look for a length of rope and some soap.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Merkin had used only one drop of the “just soap.” Two drops would have made her Master walk slightly awkwardly. Three drops would have made a Victorian gentleman utter something really lustful, such as “you transfix me quite.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“The conversation had been so lacking in quality that it actually made Toddlers and Tiaras look like good entertainment by comparison.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“The coding was anachronistic, kind of like bokeh in a renaissance painting.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Her assignment had been to write a simple Sumerian code for preserving a jar of pickled eggs. (To the programming-inclined reader, this is the magical equivalent of “HELLO WORLD.”)”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“FEBRIZIUM();” said Buggeroff, and the foul smell immediately disappeared as if by, well − Magic.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Let’s see, you will need a project plan, resource allocation, a timeline, test cycles, a budget, a contingency budget, lots of diagrams, flowcharts, a media release, a strategic vision, a charter, technical specifications, business rules, travel expenses, a development environment, deployment instructions, a user acceptance test, stationary, overtime schedule, a mock-up, prototypes…”
“Tell me,” she said, “did the people who built the pyramids have any of those?”
“Mostly, they had beer. Come to think of it, if there had been such a thing as a Business Analyst in ancient Egypt, then the hieroglyph for it would have been very graphical, if you know what I mean.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“You learned a lot by playing RPGs, although not all of it was useful, or real for that matter – unless you really believed that wolves normally carry seven gold pieces, a flawed garnet, a scroll of ice storm, and a lock pick somewhere about their person.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Are you single?” inquired − rather bluntly − the email titled “Career Opportunity.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Let’s just say that once the party was over, the Tribe had the decency to put most of the things back into place with the possible, and otherwise notable, exception of the platypus and a moronic drinking game that later evolved into the imperial measurement system.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“It probably wasn’t entirely her fault that she was such a bitter person. Having a name like Grace can be a serious stigma, especially when nature has endowed you with about as much charm as that of a disillusioned walrus.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Buggeroff, enchanté!”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“On a scale ranging from very little to too much, Merkin could just about categorize the amount of personal data stored in Master Loo’s computer as a shitload.”
― Sorin Suciu, The Scriptlings

“Tuesdays are the worst. They are the spoiled leftovers of Mondays, repackaged with a new expiry date.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Without language to give them shape, memories are just like houses with no walls. They’re merely events seeking to chain themselves together into causes and effects; survival unhindered by narrative.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“An Irish pub, such as you have seen a thousand times before. The kind where the emphasis is on the “ish” rather than on the proud name of Éire.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett

“Alas, between the “shouldn’t” and the “shouldn’t have”—that is precisely where life happens.”
― Sorin Suciu, In Memory: A Tribute to Sir Terry Pratchett