Vaibhav Anand's Blog, page 18
September 24, 2014
After declaring Kashmir a part of Pakistan, Bilawal Bhutto declares his shoes a part of his body
A toast to the 'Rahul Gandhi' of Pakistan! Satire.
Islamabad: Just a day after declaring that Kashmir belonged to and was a part of Pakistan, an inspired Bilawal Bhutto – heir apparent of the Bhutto political dynasty in Pakistan – declared that his shoes were also a part of his body now.
The comment came in the wake of Bilawal claiming Kashmir was a part of Pakistan and that he would recover every inch of it.
“Right now, my shoes say ‘Jimmy Choo’ at the bottom,” Bhutto said. “But they are my shoes, so how can they belong to this Choo person? I hereby declare that every inch of my shoes is an unmistakeable and irrefutable part of my body.”
Bhutto made the comment at a rally attended by supporters of his party. The fact that he chose to not claim his socks as a part of his body is being seen as a serious indicator of his vision on the geopolitics of the region, by the Pakistani media.
“The socks are like Taliban… so he doesn’t really care about that,” a leading Pakistani news commentator said.
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/23/after-declaring-kashmir-a-part-of-pakistan-bilawal-bhutto-declares-his-shoes-a-part-of-his-body/
Islamabad: Just a day after declaring that Kashmir belonged to and was a part of Pakistan, an inspired Bilawal Bhutto – heir apparent of the Bhutto political dynasty in Pakistan – declared that his shoes were also a part of his body now.
The comment came in the wake of Bilawal claiming Kashmir was a part of Pakistan and that he would recover every inch of it.
“Right now, my shoes say ‘Jimmy Choo’ at the bottom,” Bhutto said. “But they are my shoes, so how can they belong to this Choo person? I hereby declare that every inch of my shoes is an unmistakeable and irrefutable part of my body.”
Bhutto made the comment at a rally attended by supporters of his party. The fact that he chose to not claim his socks as a part of his body is being seen as a serious indicator of his vision on the geopolitics of the region, by the Pakistani media.
“The socks are like Taliban… so he doesn’t really care about that,” a leading Pakistani news commentator said.
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/23/after-declaring-kashmir-a-part-of-pakistan-bilawal-bhutto-declares-his-shoes-a-part-of-his-body/
September 16, 2014
Engineer becomes convinced he’s an MBA after reading “Ten signs you are from IIM-A”
Dedicated to all the people who keep posting 'Ten signs you are XYZ' on my Facebook timeline
New Delhi. Tadapit Kumar, a software engineer working out of Gurgaon, became one of the first official victims of ‘List’ sites after he started believing that he was an MBA from IIM-A after reading an article on the sites.
“It is cool, no?” Tadapit said to this Faking News reporter, “I thought I would have to take CAT and clear all those GD and PI rounds… but now, from this site, I know I am already from IIMA!”
“If it is on the internet, it has to be true, yaar!” he added.
“We are seeing several cases of people trying to do things after reading them in lists,” Dr. Chugh, a renowned psychiatrist said in an exclusive chat with this reporter, “For example, a lot of my fellow psychiatrist friends have started growing their hair and beards long after reading ‘Fifteen signs you are a psychiatrist’. But this is the first case of reverse ‘list-osis’ we are seeing. I spoke to this guy, Tadapit on the phone and he genuinely believes he is from IIM-A, even to the extent of telling me that he had a hot steamy relationship with Alia Bhatt on campus.”
“Yes yes, we did get this engineer fellow claiming he was an MBA from IIMA,” Chaddha, a senior HR executive at an MNC firm said. “He kept saying ‘CV pe nahin hai to kya hua, internet pe toh hai.’”
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/engineer-becomes-convinced-hes-an-mba-after-reading-ten-signs-you-are-from-iim-a/
New Delhi. Tadapit Kumar, a software engineer working out of Gurgaon, became one of the first official victims of ‘List’ sites after he started believing that he was an MBA from IIM-A after reading an article on the sites.
“It is cool, no?” Tadapit said to this Faking News reporter, “I thought I would have to take CAT and clear all those GD and PI rounds… but now, from this site, I know I am already from IIMA!”
“If it is on the internet, it has to be true, yaar!” he added.
“We are seeing several cases of people trying to do things after reading them in lists,” Dr. Chugh, a renowned psychiatrist said in an exclusive chat with this reporter, “For example, a lot of my fellow psychiatrist friends have started growing their hair and beards long after reading ‘Fifteen signs you are a psychiatrist’. But this is the first case of reverse ‘list-osis’ we are seeing. I spoke to this guy, Tadapit on the phone and he genuinely believes he is from IIM-A, even to the extent of telling me that he had a hot steamy relationship with Alia Bhatt on campus.”
“Yes yes, we did get this engineer fellow claiming he was an MBA from IIMA,” Chaddha, a senior HR executive at an MNC firm said. “He kept saying ‘CV pe nahin hai to kya hua, internet pe toh hai.’”
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/engineer-becomes-convinced-hes-an-mba-after-reading-ten-signs-you-are-from-iim-a/
September 9, 2014
The "Book Bucket" Challenge
Thanks to all the people who inundated my Facebook timeline by bathing with their clothes on or telling the world the most pretentious books they could think of, that they had read. Without Facebook, I would not have known my friends needed a bath so badly or were so well read. Someone tagged me somewhere, so here are my ten books for the book challenge thing.
1. Brilliant Tutorials: The maths book with integration. If JEE 2008 had only integration questions, I would have been AIR 1. I could integrate air in 2008.
2. How to C by some Kanitkar fellow: I learnt C and C++ and promptly forgot them. TCS still hired me. Major life lesson learnt.
3. NIIT’s books on Java: I even paid NIIT for some Java course and promptly forgot Java before placements. I also bought a green fluorescent marker when I started studying Java. I left it open once and it went dry. I lost all interest in Java after that.
4. Kotler’s Marketing book: It had nice photos. I had a look at the photos and wanted to do marketing then. Then a bank hired me from B-school.
5. Solomon and Solomon on organic chemistry: By far the most boring book in the world but very thick and good for playing book cricket. Was also later used to prop up the screen of my desktop computer.
6. Resnick and Halladay: Deceptively thin book but still usable for book cricket and desktop screen propping up. I did not get beyond the preface.
7. FIITJEE’s book on fluid dynamics: I never understood fluid dynamics. I tried really hard but I never could. But the book had some cool diagrams. I always thought that the people who could make head or tail of those cool diagrams would be really cool people. Who knows, they probably were.
8. Jain and Jain: Useful all through four years of my engineering. And eventually, third and final book on which desktop was propped up.
9. Naagraj: Dohri Maut: Superbad comic book and decently fascinating. Indian comic book writing is underrated.
10. My own book: Oh and I wrote this book in B-school. I like to read passages from it when I am feeling nostalgic.
1. Brilliant Tutorials: The maths book with integration. If JEE 2008 had only integration questions, I would have been AIR 1. I could integrate air in 2008.
2. How to C by some Kanitkar fellow: I learnt C and C++ and promptly forgot them. TCS still hired me. Major life lesson learnt.
3. NIIT’s books on Java: I even paid NIIT for some Java course and promptly forgot Java before placements. I also bought a green fluorescent marker when I started studying Java. I left it open once and it went dry. I lost all interest in Java after that.
4. Kotler’s Marketing book: It had nice photos. I had a look at the photos and wanted to do marketing then. Then a bank hired me from B-school.
5. Solomon and Solomon on organic chemistry: By far the most boring book in the world but very thick and good for playing book cricket. Was also later used to prop up the screen of my desktop computer.
6. Resnick and Halladay: Deceptively thin book but still usable for book cricket and desktop screen propping up. I did not get beyond the preface.
7. FIITJEE’s book on fluid dynamics: I never understood fluid dynamics. I tried really hard but I never could. But the book had some cool diagrams. I always thought that the people who could make head or tail of those cool diagrams would be really cool people. Who knows, they probably were.
8. Jain and Jain: Useful all through four years of my engineering. And eventually, third and final book on which desktop was propped up.
9. Naagraj: Dohri Maut: Superbad comic book and decently fascinating. Indian comic book writing is underrated.
10. My own book: Oh and I wrote this book in B-school. I like to read passages from it when I am feeling nostalgic.
September 1, 2014
Cough Syrup Challenge launched for people falling ill from Ice Bucket Challenge
Dedicated to all my friends who do not know the full form of ALS but took the ice bucket challenge anyway. Satire.
New Delhi. As the Ice Bucket Challenge mania spread to India, oncoming monsoon rains and the profusion of disease-inducing microbes in the air has meant that several people taking the ice-bucket challenge have begun to fall ill. This has led to doctors prescribing something that is being called the ‘Cough Syrup Challenge’ for people falling ill from the Ice Bucket Challenge.
“We are getting about a hundred cases everyday, of people getting cough, cold and fever, and even the odd case of pneumonia from taking this ice-bucket challenge,” Dr. Chaddha, a senior doctor at AIIMS said.
“We have launched the ‘Cough Syrup Challenge’ to tackle this epidemic. Everyone suffering from fever after the ice-bucket dunking is supposed to finish a bottle of cough syrup in one go. We hope this will raise awareness for the damage that can be caused by bathing in ice cold water,” Dr. Chaddha added.
“Who is this ALS disease, jee?” Tadapit Kumar, a college student and avid Facebooker asked this Faking News reporter from his hospital bed, “I only took the challenge because this girl I like, Sakshi, asked me to. I hadn’t bathed in six days anyway; so I thought two birds with one stone. But now I have gotten this stupid fever…”
“The doctor tells me I got a viral fever from the ice bucket challenge and has prescribed me this cough syrup challenge,” Tadapit revealed, “Ab Facebook pe kya likhoon? Ice bucket made me sick? What will Sakshi think?”
“I wish at least I had gotten some famous illness which Sakshi would have read of,” Tadapit added, “Ebola types.”
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/cough-syrup-challenge-launched-for-people-falling-ill-from-ice-bucket-challenge/
New Delhi. As the Ice Bucket Challenge mania spread to India, oncoming monsoon rains and the profusion of disease-inducing microbes in the air has meant that several people taking the ice-bucket challenge have begun to fall ill. This has led to doctors prescribing something that is being called the ‘Cough Syrup Challenge’ for people falling ill from the Ice Bucket Challenge.
“We are getting about a hundred cases everyday, of people getting cough, cold and fever, and even the odd case of pneumonia from taking this ice-bucket challenge,” Dr. Chaddha, a senior doctor at AIIMS said.
“We have launched the ‘Cough Syrup Challenge’ to tackle this epidemic. Everyone suffering from fever after the ice-bucket dunking is supposed to finish a bottle of cough syrup in one go. We hope this will raise awareness for the damage that can be caused by bathing in ice cold water,” Dr. Chaddha added.
“Who is this ALS disease, jee?” Tadapit Kumar, a college student and avid Facebooker asked this Faking News reporter from his hospital bed, “I only took the challenge because this girl I like, Sakshi, asked me to. I hadn’t bathed in six days anyway; so I thought two birds with one stone. But now I have gotten this stupid fever…”
“The doctor tells me I got a viral fever from the ice bucket challenge and has prescribed me this cough syrup challenge,” Tadapit revealed, “Ab Facebook pe kya likhoon? Ice bucket made me sick? What will Sakshi think?”
“I wish at least I had gotten some famous illness which Sakshi would have read of,” Tadapit added, “Ebola types.”
http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/09/cough-syrup-challenge-launched-for-people-falling-ill-from-ice-bucket-challenge/
August 31, 2014
Kumar Vishwas claims he was offered Manchester United Manager's position too
It's plausible... Satire.
Delhi: After claiming that BJP offered him Delhi’s Chief Ministership, AAP leader Kumar Vishwas said that the party offered him the coach’s role at Manchester United too, if he helped them come to power in Delhi.
In his inimitable style, Mr. Vishwas broke into an impromptu poem and said,
“Jab mili naa unhe DilliTab kaha humein coach ban jaoManchester mein football sikha lenaBaas humein Dilli de jao.”
As BJP leaders predictably trounced the proclamation as ridiculous, AAP leaders – several of them Manchester United fans – rushed to support what Mr. Vishwas had said.
“I was there at the party where this BJP leader came close to Vishwasji and suddenly began discussing football scores,” Tadapit Kumar, an ardent Manchester United fan and AAP volunteer said. “Koi bina baat ke score discuss nahin karta.” (Nobody discusses the score without a motive.)
When asked how he thought Mr. Vishwas would fare at coaching a football club, Tadapit added, “He will be brilliant, we are sure. Even during campaigning for AAP, Kejriwalji used to threaten us that if we did not do our work properly, we would have to sit with Vishwasji and listen to his poems.”
“He can use the same tactic there,” Tadapit said.
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/08/31/kumar-vishwas-claims-he-was-offered-manchester-united-manager-position-too/
Delhi: After claiming that BJP offered him Delhi’s Chief Ministership, AAP leader Kumar Vishwas said that the party offered him the coach’s role at Manchester United too, if he helped them come to power in Delhi.
In his inimitable style, Mr. Vishwas broke into an impromptu poem and said,
“Jab mili naa unhe DilliTab kaha humein coach ban jaoManchester mein football sikha lenaBaas humein Dilli de jao.”
As BJP leaders predictably trounced the proclamation as ridiculous, AAP leaders – several of them Manchester United fans – rushed to support what Mr. Vishwas had said.
“I was there at the party where this BJP leader came close to Vishwasji and suddenly began discussing football scores,” Tadapit Kumar, an ardent Manchester United fan and AAP volunteer said. “Koi bina baat ke score discuss nahin karta.” (Nobody discusses the score without a motive.)
When asked how he thought Mr. Vishwas would fare at coaching a football club, Tadapit added, “He will be brilliant, we are sure. Even during campaigning for AAP, Kejriwalji used to threaten us that if we did not do our work properly, we would have to sit with Vishwasji and listen to his poems.”
“He can use the same tactic there,” Tadapit said.
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/08/31/kumar-vishwas-claims-he-was-offered-manchester-united-manager-position-too/
August 28, 2014
Book Review: Liar's Poker by Michael Lewis
One of the absolutely funniest books I have ever read, Liar's Poker is Michael Lewis is at his uncorrupted, unfiltered best. Long before he began chasing big and big-sounding financial stories, Lewis wrote the book as a semi-autobiographical account of his time as a bond salesman - a job he was an absolute ill-fit in. Incredibly funny and acerbic, the book can be read even by those who do not understand or do not ever intend to understand the world of finance. Lewis is funny, insightful and brutally honest and lays bare a culture that put little stock in financial expertise but rather forcing sales down the throats of unsuspecting customers - something that repeated itself during the Sub Prime Crisis.
Liar's Poker is Lewis when he didn't write for the money or fame. Of all his books (most of which are quite good, I must add), it absolutely deserves to be read.
Book Review: Agent Zigzag by Ben Macintyre
Fact, it is said, is often stranger than fiction. With 'Agent Zigzag', Ben Macintyre captures a story that is incredibly unbelievable yet true.Admittedly, I have a bias for World War books, but Macintyre brings alive the story of Eddie Chapman beautifully - a conman recruited as a spy by the Germans, then recruited as a spy by the British to mislead the Germans - as part of which he landed up in war torn Germany again. Incredibly, Chapman ended up becoming the only British spy to win German honors - with the Iron Cross.
'Agent Zigzag' is fast paced, funny and in what is a rarity for spy stories, completely true - all of which make it a compelling read. Before there were James Bond or George Smiley, there was Eddie Chapman - a slippery but undeniably charming "triple-crossing" spy.
August 24, 2014
Book Review: The Illicit Happiness of Other People by Manu Joseph
This book had me at the get go. From the opening scene, I read, in a trance like state – most likely under one of the very neuroses Manu Joseph researched to write the book. An unconventional mystery about a father trying to find out why his cartoonist son committed suicide set in the Madras of the 90’s, the book is intensely depressing and funny in equal measure.Joseph asks questions in the book that no sane man seeking to entertain his readers would. But he weaves them in seamlessly as nuggets that explain why the young man did what he did. There are pieces of the book which are pure literary magic, for example the way Thoma Chacko – the dead young man’s younger brother – sees life around him. Joseph describes his emotions in capital letters as if they exist as proper nouns, as living beings we meet everyday and say hello to – A Sense Of Well Being, for example.
Manu Joseph is clearly a literary giant. I will have to read ‘Serious Men’ now.
August 21, 2014
Book Review: Do and Die by Manini Chatterjee
I read this book after I came to know the movie version wasn't really an accurate adaptation of the actual history of the Chittagong uprising. Being a history buff, I really wanted to know what actually happened in Chittagong.Chatterjee does justice to the subject and keeps you hooked even though you know the fate of the uprising already (from the movie and the one line you read about it in history books). After I read the book, I was sort of pissed off at our education system for passing off such an important and more importantly, almost successful revolution as a one liner in our NCERT books. The emphasis on Gandhi and Nehru in India's high school history can only be corrected by books like this.
Chatterjee is forensic, meticulous and produces a book that is an extremely entertaining read. An important book.
August 13, 2014
Producers to do away with making a movie with Salman Khan, to release 3D posters in theaters
Not too far in the future... Mumbai. Buoyed by the success of Salman Khan’s script-less blockbusters, producers have decided to do away with the requirement of actually releasing a movie starring Salman Khan and release bhai’s 3D posters in the theaters instead.Speaking from his office, prominent producer, Balwinder Chaddha – once a Dawood Ibrahim henchman – told this Faking News reporter that “making a movie with Salman is too much kaam-shaam jee.”
What a performance by bhai!So the next movie starring Salman, he said, would simply be a 3D poster projected on theater screens across India.“We also considered making a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of bhai in them,” Chaddha added, “But some of the MBAs we had hired last year told us that it would be more cost effective to simply release a poster.”“It’s not just a poster, mind you,” he added. “It will be a 3D poster. Moviegoers and bhai’s fans will be able to stare at the poster and all its 3D depth for three hours with music from his movies playing in the background. This way with an investment of about ten thousand rupees, we will be able to make a profit of 100 Crores.”Responding to a question from this reporter, Chaddha said, “No no… the poster itself will not move… It will be like those Jai Mata Di holographic stickers my kids stick on their school copies. Thoda sar hilaoge toh alag dikhega.”While Salman Khan fans have welcomed the move, Shah Rukh Khan fans claim that 3D posters of SRK act better.http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/08/producers-to-do-away-with-making-a-movie-with-salman-khan-to-release-3d-posters-in-theaters/
What a performance by bhai!So the next movie starring Salman, he said, would simply be a 3D poster projected on theater screens across India.“We also considered making a PowerPoint presentation with pictures of bhai in them,” Chaddha added, “But some of the MBAs we had hired last year told us that it would be more cost effective to simply release a poster.”“It’s not just a poster, mind you,” he added. “It will be a 3D poster. Moviegoers and bhai’s fans will be able to stare at the poster and all its 3D depth for three hours with music from his movies playing in the background. This way with an investment of about ten thousand rupees, we will be able to make a profit of 100 Crores.”Responding to a question from this reporter, Chaddha said, “No no… the poster itself will not move… It will be like those Jai Mata Di holographic stickers my kids stick on their school copies. Thoda sar hilaoge toh alag dikhega.”While Salman Khan fans have welcomed the move, Shah Rukh Khan fans claim that 3D posters of SRK act better.http://www.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/08/producers-to-do-away-with-making-a-movie-with-salman-khan-to-release-3d-posters-in-theaters/
