Vaibhav Anand's Blog, page 24
April 14, 2014
Rahul Gandhi decides to meet KRK to upstage Modi-Rajnikanth meeting
Couldn't resist... satire.
Delhi: After BJP’s PM candidate Narendra Modi met Rajnikanth to seek his endorsement for the Prime Minister’s post, Rahul Gandhi – Congress’ Prime Ministerial candidate – has decided to seek the endorsement of a similarly qualified movie star. However, since no superstar agreed to meet him on such short notice, Rahul had to settle for a relatively jobless movie actor, Kamal Rashid Khan, famous for his stints on Big Boss and the unintentionally funny “Deshdrohi” movies.
Apparently, Narendra Modi on Sunday evening met actor Rajnikanth at the latter’s residence in Chennai right after reaching the city. Seeking to react quickly to the move, the Congress High Command under pressure from Rahul, hurriedly set up a meeting with KRK with an eye on the all-important “secular” vote bank.
“Rahulji will soon be meeting KRK at his residence to seek his blessings,” Abhishek Manu Singhvi, Congress spokesperson said. “Had Mr. Modi cared about Muslims, he would have met some Khan too, instead of Rajnikanth. This proves that Congress is the only truly secular party.”
When asked what would Mr. Gandhi do on meeting KRK, Mr. Singhvi said, “Considering Mr. Khan is talking about which woman he will hit on next on his Twitter account all the time, I think they will discuss female empowerment.”
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/14/rahul-gandhi-decides-to-meet-krk-to-upstage-modi-rajnikanth-meeting/
Delhi: After BJP’s PM candidate Narendra Modi met Rajnikanth to seek his endorsement for the Prime Minister’s post, Rahul Gandhi – Congress’ Prime Ministerial candidate – has decided to seek the endorsement of a similarly qualified movie star. However, since no superstar agreed to meet him on such short notice, Rahul had to settle for a relatively jobless movie actor, Kamal Rashid Khan, famous for his stints on Big Boss and the unintentionally funny “Deshdrohi” movies.
Apparently, Narendra Modi on Sunday evening met actor Rajnikanth at the latter’s residence in Chennai right after reaching the city. Seeking to react quickly to the move, the Congress High Command under pressure from Rahul, hurriedly set up a meeting with KRK with an eye on the all-important “secular” vote bank.
“Rahulji will soon be meeting KRK at his residence to seek his blessings,” Abhishek Manu Singhvi, Congress spokesperson said. “Had Mr. Modi cared about Muslims, he would have met some Khan too, instead of Rajnikanth. This proves that Congress is the only truly secular party.”
When asked what would Mr. Gandhi do on meeting KRK, Mr. Singhvi said, “Considering Mr. Khan is talking about which woman he will hit on next on his Twitter account all the time, I think they will discuss female empowerment.”
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/14/rahul-gandhi-decides-to-meet-krk-to-upstage-modi-rajnikanth-meeting/
April 13, 2014
Rahul Gandhi has been using the Rs 9 lakh loan granted by Sonia for interview training
My two cents on where the nine lakh rupees went.
New Delhi: After giving the second interview of his political career on Aaj Tak, insiders from within the Rahul Gandhi camp have revealed that Mr. Gandhi has been using the Rs. 9 lakh loan granted to him by his mother for interview training from a CAT coaching institute. The speculation had already begun after Mr. Gandhi was uncharacteristically self assured during the interview and much more shockingly, did not make any references to “Jupiter”, “beehive” or “escape velocity”.
“Yes, yes he has been using the loan to go to a CAT training institute for GDPI (Group Discussion & Personal Interview) training,” a source close to Mr. Gandhi said, on condition of anonymity. “They have been teaching him about the economy, current affairs, general knowledge, etc. so that he can give better interviews.”
The Aaj Tak interview, however, led to widespread disappointment and angry reactions from Indian citizens.“I sacrificed watching Comedy Nights with Kapil for this interview but it was not nearly funny enough this time,” Tadapit Kumar, a pensioner based in Delhi said. “What is the point of Rahul Gandhi if he does not make funny remarks? That is his whole space in Indian politics.”
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/13/rahul-gandhi-has-been-using-the-rs-9-lakh-loan-granted-by-sonia-for-interview-training/
New Delhi: After giving the second interview of his political career on Aaj Tak, insiders from within the Rahul Gandhi camp have revealed that Mr. Gandhi has been using the Rs. 9 lakh loan granted to him by his mother for interview training from a CAT coaching institute. The speculation had already begun after Mr. Gandhi was uncharacteristically self assured during the interview and much more shockingly, did not make any references to “Jupiter”, “beehive” or “escape velocity”.
“Yes, yes he has been using the loan to go to a CAT training institute for GDPI (Group Discussion & Personal Interview) training,” a source close to Mr. Gandhi said, on condition of anonymity. “They have been teaching him about the economy, current affairs, general knowledge, etc. so that he can give better interviews.”
The Aaj Tak interview, however, led to widespread disappointment and angry reactions from Indian citizens.“I sacrificed watching Comedy Nights with Kapil for this interview but it was not nearly funny enough this time,” Tadapit Kumar, a pensioner based in Delhi said. “What is the point of Rahul Gandhi if he does not make funny remarks? That is his whole space in Indian politics.”
http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/13/rahul-gandhi-has-been-using-the-rs-9-lakh-loan-granted-by-sonia-for-interview-training/
April 9, 2014
Employee shocked to discover his goals before appraisal; admitted to hospital
Satire.Mumbai: An employee with a software firm recently went into shock after actually discovering what his goals for the year actually were, before his annual appraisal.The employee in question – called Tadapit Kumar – had been working for the firm for five years, ever since he joined the firm from his engineering college campus but had never actually seen what his goals were and instead had been simply doing what his boss asked him to do.
“What was I doing so far?”“All of us do what our team lead or his boss asks us to do even if it means removing dog poo from their shoes,” a friend of Tadapit said, on condition of anonymity. “Sure, we do fill in some generic crap on the Career portal every year, but that’s mostly for show.No one except Tadapit has actually seen their real goals. And now see what has happened to him… he has gone mad. He is chanting ‘goals, goals, goals’from his hospital bed.”“No no no… we are not shutting down our Indian operations here, everything is normal,” Chadhha, Tadapit’s manager said, when accosted by this Faking News reporter. “Tadapit was not actually supposed to see his goals; it was just a minor software glitch. I assure you none of our firm’s other products have any glitches at all.”This Faking News reporter managed to gain access to Tadapit’s hospital ward, to seek his version of the story as well. “I actually saw my goals for the first time,” Tadapit kept repeating from his bed in the mental patients’ quarantine ward, looking as if he had seen God.“It was fleeting but beautiful,” he said, with tears of joy in his eyes. “Every year, Chadhha would tell me I had not met my goals without telling me what they actually were. But this time, I saw them… I actually saw them!”And with that he relapsed into a senseless chant, “Goals, my goals, my goals,” an expression of awe plastered on his face.http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/15/employee-shocked-to-discover-his-goals-before-appraisal-admitted-to-hospital/
“What was I doing so far?”“All of us do what our team lead or his boss asks us to do even if it means removing dog poo from their shoes,” a friend of Tadapit said, on condition of anonymity. “Sure, we do fill in some generic crap on the Career portal every year, but that’s mostly for show.No one except Tadapit has actually seen their real goals. And now see what has happened to him… he has gone mad. He is chanting ‘goals, goals, goals’from his hospital bed.”“No no no… we are not shutting down our Indian operations here, everything is normal,” Chadhha, Tadapit’s manager said, when accosted by this Faking News reporter. “Tadapit was not actually supposed to see his goals; it was just a minor software glitch. I assure you none of our firm’s other products have any glitches at all.”This Faking News reporter managed to gain access to Tadapit’s hospital ward, to seek his version of the story as well. “I actually saw my goals for the first time,” Tadapit kept repeating from his bed in the mental patients’ quarantine ward, looking as if he had seen God.“It was fleeting but beautiful,” he said, with tears of joy in his eyes. “Every year, Chadhha would tell me I had not met my goals without telling me what they actually were. But this time, I saw them… I actually saw them!”And with that he relapsed into a senseless chant, “Goals, my goals, my goals,” an expression of awe plastered on his face.http://my.fakingnews.firstpost.com/2014/04/15/employee-shocked-to-discover-his-goals-before-appraisal-admitted-to-hospital/
