Pam Charles's Blog, page 11

Normal is SO overrated and boring...

Einstein once said (I think) ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.’ Probably never a true word spoken in light of recent events. I don’t understand how our elected MPs and leaders do NOT grasp the fact that bombing the Middle East is INSANE especially when the perpetrators of the true horrific events in recent years have held US, British, French, Belgium passports. In the name of ‘freedom’ we justify making innocent men, women and children suffer because they just happen to be in the country where this despicable group of lowlifes have their base. ANY killing is WRONG!!  There is no justice for the displaced Syrians, the thousands of children who will have to face the horrors of what they have witnessed. I dread to think what sort of world will be left for our children, I really do.


It’s been a blooming busy week. Poor Lucas picked up another throat infection so received some much needed TLC. In between Mummy Nurse duties, I have been really focused on work and home life. I tried out a new routine this week and it appears to be working. Instead of taking a day out each week to clean and sort the house out, I’ve been cleaning one room a day. Honestly, just a small adjustment has saved me so much ‘guilt’ time (you know what I mean – the guilt you feel when you should be writing and you’re not AND the guilt you feel when you’re writing and the house is a total tip). It also gives me time to think each day and it is surprising how many ideas are formulated with the strong smell of bleach – must be the fumes!!



Streetwise

I finished the edit and have to say I have learnt so much in the art of script writing during this time. It is amazing how you can be ruthless and takes scenes out yet the story line becomes stronger. I’ve now started to plan the sequel and already have some really strong characters and stories. Never let the grass grow and all that…
I’m not afraid to self-analyse or admit when I get things wrong. I am even more comfortable with myself than I have ever been. I’m truly happy not to fit into the ‘norm’ and follow the crowd, just because that’s the popular thing to do. Being different is very exciting and as I have always said – ‘normal’ is overrated. I am still waiting for a definition of normal and I suspect one does not really exist.


Beyond the Past


I started working on the script (told you it’s been a busy one) for the screen adaptation. So many people have told me they see this as a movie or television drama. As I am not one to disappoint, I thought I would give it a go. Okay, so I always intended to do it anyway. I love a challenge, plus I need to read it back again to familiarise myself with the plot for when I start editing its sequel next week.


Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0 


I don’t do ‘what ifs’ anymore. I only deal in ‘doing’. I keep hearing Yoda saying, ‘Do or do not, there is no try!’ I want this line to be introduced to the referee’s decisions on the big screens at rugby matches – how cool would it be. LOL.

Beyond the Lies


From my work on the edit of Streetwise, I now realise what edit this project needs. Sometimes taking a step back finds the best way forward. Suddenly editing is fun and has a whole new perspective! I know, I’m a geek!


The Nanny


Oh my word, I love Martha and John. Okay so granted, I created them but they are such strong characters, their strength drawn from their horrific childhood experiences.


This week I read a post on social media from a woman who has written her first novel but won’t do  anything with it because her so-called ‘friends’ ridiculed and belittled her and her dreams. Regular readers will understand why this resonated with me. All I want to say, as I said to this lady – when you’re reaping the rewards of success, they will still be bitching and moaning about someone else having the guts to follow their dreams and ambitions. I am SO right. Don’t let small minded, big mouthed people put you off. GO FOR IT, whatever IT may be. It takes a lot of courage, not arrogance, to believe in yourself in a world full of jealous, vindictive people. You can’t change how people are but you can change how you choose to deal (or not deal!) with them.


Out of everything I have faced and the all the challenges, the greatest challenge has been to bring my boys up to understand truth, justice, tolerance and equality. It’s been tough at time and the job is not finished but I am so proud of how independently minded they are. Let’s hope us parents can help to build generations of human beings that respect life regardless of nationality, gender, race or religion. HOPE being the key!!


Have a fabulous weekend – in the UK we are supposed to get our first covering of snow. I won’t hold my breath xx Take your chances and be brave.







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Missing rugby league?

Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0

Let’s face it, I’m a bit of a nightmare…

       It’s been hard writing the blog this week after watching the horrors unfold on Friday night in Paris. My heart-felt condolences to all those lives affected by atrocities all over the world.
I’m a living nightmare to the media, the establishment, brand marketers and to most people who don’t understand I do not want to fall into ‘conforming’ or living a stereo typical life. Whether people like me or not, is irrelevant. I don’t force my ideas onto people. Just like everyone else, I have an opinion. My opinion is based upon my life experiences, my education and what is in my heart. I don’t expect everyone, or anyone if I’m honest, to agree with me but I do expect you to RESPECT ME. Disagree and debate but do it respectfully – democracy!
We say we live in a democratic society but do we? Really? We have all witnessed the media destroy innocent people and their lives through publishing LIES! Yes, lies. Not misplaced stories, slants or opinion – LIES! And who has brought them to justice? DEMOCRATICALLY elected governments have committed offences, broken international and national laws and yet they have not been made accountable or brought to justice.
I was taught that to live in a democracy means truth and justice prevail. I don’t see any of that! It is NOT okay to KILL! FULL STOP! Anyone. No religion, no culture or no government should accept that killing is justifiable. The world is more unsafe now than it has ever been. In that respect, our world leaders have failed miserably. We need a new way of thinking. A new approach.
I’m ashamed to be part of a world where children have little or no significance at all. What sort of future are we building? A bloody terrifying one. We have children in poverty, children being murdered, abused and killed and children being turned into killers. I really fear for the future of the world. I send my heart-felt sympathy to everyone caught up in terrorism, conflict and violence. I pray for someone in power to be brave enough to end the cycle of killing and bring peace to humanity. WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER.
STREETWISE
Well, I got feedback from the production company. The envelope came and I hesitated opening it – expecting a categoric ‘NO’. Actually, that is not what came at all. The letter was so positive and constructive, it has spurred me on to, not only edit Streetwise but continue to write The Nanny.
If I’m honest, had it been an emphatic ‘no’ I think I would have put the pad and pen away for now. Guiding through a new career alone is like plaiting fog! It is the first time I have received constructive feedback from the experts. I really think the publishing industry, in particular, needs to be more open and transparent with new authors, rather than being secretive and aloof.
Anyway, I got the letter on Thursday and today, Sunday I have managed to edit the script down from 303 pages to 147, without losing any integrity or continuity. It has been a fabulous lesson in the art of screenwriting. A couple more read throughs and we will be ready to re-submit the work.


 Beyond the Past
Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0


This week, Lucas had to choose a childhood hero to dress as, for Children in Need. He is huge fan of Star Wars, James Bond, Marvel Comics and WWE fan - he had plenty to choose from. 

Do you know who he chose?  Yes - he chose his big brother!! It's moments like this when you realise you are doing something right!



I am thankful for my life. However hard it may seem, it is MY life and I have two amazing children who I know will grow up to be compassionate, understanding and well-grounded young men.
I’m keeping it short this week – don’t be so happy about that! If there is anything I would ask people to consider in the world it is this … please think about the source of information you are reading before making any judgement. Think about how life will be if we continue to kill each other. Let’s all take responsibility to bring peace and tolerance back to humanity – for the sake of the children.







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Life is for living…

I don't usually do a mid week blog but you may have gathered there is nothing 'usual' about me.

Unfortunately the silly woman who caused trouble for Wes four days before his GCSE exams reared her ugly head again this week. Honestly you block them from social media and they use twitter tools to track your hashtags and even generic hashtags are supposed to be personally directed at them. I would have thought she would have admitted defeat graciously bearing in mind I’m still writing and Wes is still playing rugby and going to University. There you go, some people have too much time on their hands.
It did make me smile though and made me think how far we have come over the last twelve months. My book is selling in the USA and UK and is available in Australia. I have finished and submitted a screenplay, I have another screenplay on the go and a full length book that I am editing. In addition I have over twelve new book/script ideas and a PhD proposal to try and get some funding for. That’s not bad going really.
On top of that the boys are doing really well in school and Wes is in pre-season for the 2016 campaign. It proves that if you work hard, anything is possible and probable. Let’s face it we all know people who believe they have a sense of entitlement without putting any effort in but when you get to the crux of success, the biggest attribute is rolling your sleeves up and grafting.  It takes time to build up a new career and I, as much as everyone else, has to accept that. The fact my first ever work, which was not perfect, was published, gives me great hope for my new work. 
People keep telling me I should not be as honest as I am but why not? I am so sick of this ‘you should be’, ‘you shouldn’t be’, ‘it’s done this way’, ‘we have always done it that way’. Really and how has that worked for you? Maybe, just maybe, it is time for a change. I am not afraid of change in anyway – Meniere’s does that for you but so many people are. They live a stagnant life and moan that they don’t get what they deserve. Actually, success is not given to anyone, it is earned – like respect. 
I am inspired by innovation and stepping outside of the ‘norm’. I see challenge as an essential part of a fulfilled life and I like constructive criticism. Even personal insults no longer upset me, they inspire me. I read them and think ‘yep, I’ll keep going’. There are only three opinions that truly matter – my two boys and mine. I will make mistakes, I will get things wrong and I will think ‘bloody idiot’ but I will keep going. Just watch me…
Work Projects


 Beyond the Past
Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0 


Streetwise

            “ Life’s path can change in the blink of an eye or the detonation of a bomb. Rob Kennedy should have been planning a wedding not a funeral. Consumed with guilt and grief, suicide seemed his only escape from his perpetual nightmare until a single act of kindness by a real life guardian angel, saves him from himself. Twelve months on, unable to trace each other, Rob and Kate’s paths are about to cross once more in extraordinarily circumstances.”




I've not heard anything as yet but I live in hope. These things take time and I have learnt how to be patient even though my Bank Manager doesn't understand the concept!


The Nanny
Loving writing this. It's really moving yet incredibly exciting.


“Sometimes the past cannot be laid to rest without direct intervention. John and Martha O’Grady were victims of the conflict in Ireland. They may have survived but witnessing the death of their parents and grandparents at the hands of the IRA had left indelible horror on their young minds. Orphaned, they were split up. Martha was sent to a convent and John adopted and moved to Manchester. Thirty years on they are about to be reunited only to find the horrors of their past re-appear with potentially fatal consequences.”
LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Can you tell I’m a little excited about this piece of work?It is such an incredibly powerful subject so close to my heart. Watch this space…

Behind the Painted Smile  This is a new idea formulating this week and I thought I would share the thought process with you. DCI Fisher and DS Davies appear in Beyond the Past, obviously it's sequel, Beyond the Lies and I have been looking at ways of using these two characters in other works. They are possibly going to run The Nanny investigation but this will a book that tracks their lives after the Mark Smith and Annie Swift saga.  It will be set in Wetherby and centre around a number of unexplained murders, linked to the misuse of social media. It fascinates me how people set up numerous accounts under aliases then use the same language and images they have used on other accounts. It got me thinking about multiple personality disorders and then gave me the idea for this storyline. An incite into how my mind works!!

In the last two days, I have over twenty pages of the new draft...I have to get them down on paper as soon as the ideas materialise, then I come back to it after I have finished the project I am working on. Damn Meniere's means sometimes my memory is short!! 

It is a very exciting life I lead and it will be so much more rewarding when the pennies start to roll in... give it time.

Have a fabulous week and stay warm, it's a bit naff and foggy in parts of northern England - reminds me of a Sherlock Holmes or Jack the Ripper story. Stay safe everyone.







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When did the world turn upside down?

I tell you, the world has gone mad… M.A.D.
I haven’t done a blog for a couple of weeks, my absence due to yet another family crisis and writing The Nanny. I become absolutely submerged in the story I am writing. I should change my occupation to ‘crisis management consultant’ or ‘fire fighter’, that’s how I feel sometimes. It’s blooming hard work bringing up two boys, writing, running a home, managing Meniere’s, all single-handedly. It’s made even harder by the people who barely begin to understand all of it but claim to be expert analysts of my life!
Why do some people get so angry at someone not singing the national anthem or wearing the right colour poppy yet ignore children in poverty, the homeless on the streets, disabled people cruelly losing their life as a direct result of cuts and human beings dying fleeing from war? Really? Explain it to me because I do NOT understand the warped sense of loyalty to tradition yet not to the human race.
I imagine every writer to go through stages of self-doubt and low self-esteem. I know I do but mine is also fuelled by Meniere’s and other people constant battering and bitching about me. Honestly, I do try to just get on with my life but it is really hard to ignore when it is members of your own family. Over the years of my life, I seemed to have attracted some right maniacs – ‘maniac magnet’. I naively let them into my life only to find they have some sick, deep rooted hatred, usually borne from gossip and pre-conceived ideas of what I should be, not what I am. Regrettably this includes family members which has been proven beyond all reasonable doubt this week. Devastated yet resigned that my instincts were right all along. My circle of friends will stay exclusively small and I am quite happy to become a recluse.  I don’t know why people want to be evil, I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why people want to knock other people down. I am genuinely happy for anyone to succeed through their own hard work, determination and vision. Maybe one day, someone would be kind enough to explain it to me.


Yesterday we went to see Spectre. It was great having both boys with me and both are huge James Bond, and Star Wars, fans. This was the first time we could all go see Bond together as Lucas was too young when Skyfall came out. He has seen it about ten times since!! The cinema used to be one of my favourite past times but Meniere’s has robbed me of enjoying it. I’ve been on strong pain killers since yesterday because of the Dolby surround system. Still, I’ll gladly suffer the pain to see my little 007 sit on the edge of his seat and shout ‘NOOO!’ when the DB10 plunged into the river! Priceless, petrol heads all three of us! I highly recommend the movie but, in my opinion, it is not as good as Skyfall.
Writing
One job at a time, that is what I keep telling myself until of course I am woken in the middle of the night with a new story line. At the moment it is all about The Nanny.



The Nanny This is proving a fabulous challenge as I am writing it with flashbacks to the 1970s. I love it. The beauty of writing is, not one day is the same. When I am writing I am lost in another world, the world I am creating. This is the first time I have used detailed flashbacks. I am really enjoying the research and the writing. The more I write the more I fall in love with writing. Once the money appears and takes the financial pressure off, I will be in my perfect place.
#RIP Uncle Danny

My uncle died yesterday. I have so many happy memories, particularly of the stories he told of his life growing up in Ireland. We had some amazing discussions about The Troubles and he is one of the inspirations behind The Nanny. He taught me to look at the conflict from so many perspectives. RIP Uncle Danny and thank you xxxxx
Beyond the Past
My book is available in the UK, USA and now in Australia, which is pretty amazing. Next week, I am going to be doing some intensive online marketing, specifically targeted at Australia. I know they love rugby league. Watch out for me on social media.




Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?
Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Australia
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0
I recently came across a 5 star rating I had received in the USA which was a much needed boost. It really gives me the confidence to keep going. Thank you.



That 'P' word
Politics has always played a big part in our family life. We have great debates, all three of us – yes Lucas can hold his own when it comes to his beliefs! We are loving the revitalised left wing movement, not just in the UK but in places like Portugal. The times they are a changing and all the lies are being exposed. Watch out world!!
It was a very proud moment this week when we attended a University Open Day and one of the lecturers on a course admitted he wanted Wes on his course because of his interest in politics and current affairs. The course is right Wes' street and his enthusiasm for the course resulted in an incredibly intelligent personal statement. I’m looking forward to him opening his horizons at University, the debates will rage on.

You could always join Momentum and help shape a better world for our future generations.
In spite of the ridicule and derision, I am glad I have stood my ground and brought the boys up my way. I am proud they are growing up into independent leaders not followers. They know their own minds but are not arrogant as to not listen to other viewpoints. They know what is right and wrong and they know their Mama is proud and unconditionally in love with them.
Have a fabulous week. Don’t let people put you off what you can be and don’t judge people by what comes out of other people’s mouths. Stay true to who you are.







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Give peace a chance...

This week I’ve been accused of being boring now I am a lefty and a ‘delusional witch’. It does make me smile…it really does. People are so easy to make totally inaccurate judgements based on their own narrow mindedness and prejudice. Unfortunately it is the way of the world now to insult and lie.
I’ve always been a ‘lefty’ and I am proud of it too. I have been berated and ridiculed for it ever since I was fifteen years old. My own family thought it was funny to get me a Russian flag cake for my fifteenth birthday. Ignorance tends to breed fear. The truth is, with my outspokenness it is likely I would be arrested in Russia. Instead of insults and personal attacks, people need to concentrate on the real, life changing horrors that are occurring in the world. I dread to think what the world will look like by 2020 and even more so what this country will look like by then – the discrimination, the debt that has increased not decreased, the death of the NHS, the staffing shortages in teaching, the destruction of human rights and trade unions. It is a very frightening prospect for millions of hard working families. 

We are supposed to live in a democracy where we can all have our view. However, those views should be based upon facts not nasty, vindictive lies. Let’s hope we can all work together to bring a much kinder, more tolerant world. I’d happily be labelled a ‘delusional witch’ for not sitting back and letting life pass me by or for not just moaning and letting someone else do all the hard work. My boys and I have already discussed and agreed I can’t sit back and let this country be ripped apart. The war thirsty world leaders need to give peace a chance but won't because of financial interests, to hell with the human suffering.
 
Do you want to make a difference - join Momentum - help change the future. 

John Lennon
This week it would have been John Lennon’s 75th birthday. I was eight when he was murdered and it had a profound effect on me. To this day, I can’t really explain why. Maybe it is because I understood his peace message, his love for Yoko and the horrible abuse she received from ignorant people. I despised the lies and prejudice even back then. Maybe that is one event that started to mould me into who I am.

John’s music is still a firm favourite for me today. RIP John.
Rugby League
A massive, massive, huge well done to the Leeds Rhinos. What an achievement – all three trophies in the same season. Wes and I have been reminiscing over the games we have seen this group of players play together in – the grand finals we have witnessed. Wes has never seen a Leeds team without Kevin Sinfield but I am truly thankful he aspires to be like one of the true greats, not just as a player but as a true gentleman too.
Meniere's
If I could have one wish it would be to have one day, JUST one day without any symptoms. I have got to the stage now where I have to write EVERYTHING down – appointments, times to pick the boys up, what days Lucas needs his PE kit, saxophone, football kit, etc, etc. Even writing everything down, I still managed to send Lucas and his Dad to the wrong venue for his football match on Saturday. I felt so stupid and incredibly GUILTY especially when I couldn’t go in the first place as I was at a university open day. Honestly, this disease robs me of so much!  Writing
In spite of every obstacle and pain, writing is my future career. There is no doubt about it now and I will be successful, I will! Spending time with Wes on Saturday at the university open day made me realise why I am putting myself through all of this. He inspires me. He knows exactly what he wants and how he is going to achieve it. I wish I had had his courage and drive way back when…
The Nanny
I love this script – the characters, the plot twists and the backdrop. It excites me to write the dialogue and that is a huge bonus when you’re writing. It makes the job easy and thoroughly enjoyable.
Beyond the Past

Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0
Streetwise
I am still waiting… hopeful... expectant and with fingers, toes and everything else crossed. Just remember, the answer will always be ‘no’ if you don’t ask the question. 





You know, whatever anyone thinks of me, I am proud to be a fighter. Until I draw my last breath, I will fight for my children and for my beliefs. I want to see a world of peace, equality, fairness, honesty, justice and tolerance and thankfully, so do my children. It is not impossible!


Listen, whatever you do, do it with the right intentions and for the right reasons. Surround yourself with doers not doubters and believe me, you will achieve your dreams. Pursuing what you believe in, is not being deluded, it's being ambitious. 
Have a fabulous week.






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Mum’s the word…and Dad’s too

I don’t know about you but sometimes I get really annoyed with people that are constantly not happy with what they have even when they have a home, a family, a job, etc. We are all guilty of taking our own lives for granted, me included.
There are some people I have got to know through social media that I really respect because of the way they conduct themselves. Last weekend, one of them lost their Mum in horrendous circumstances and it made me realise how fragile life is.  As a Mum, I know what impact I have had on my sons’ lives and I know we underestimate the effect Mums, and Dads can have on our lives and our children’s lives. From the views my social media friend posts, I know if I was his Mum, I would be very proud. His Mum’s legacy lives through his and his children’s lives. That is all I ask for too. The legacy I want to leave is two decent human beings who go on to teach their children the right values in life.
One of my heroes is a ‘MUM’, a very special, formidable Mum. You see, she took on the English establishment. Annie Williams fought for her son which ultimately cost her, her life. I have followed Annie’s story since the Hillsborough disaster. Proud is too much of an under-statement. For me, she is the ultimate working class hero. She was forced into a situation, had to learn so much about the legal system and took on the very foundations of what is rotten about our country now. Her inspiring fight was driven by maternal instinct and a deep hatred of injustice. She showed me that, in spite of everything, it is vital as a Mum, or a Dad, to fight for your child. There are too many nasty, vindictive people out there that your children will encounter. Make sure you are their rock, their support and their biggest fan. Annie fought a courageous fight against the most ferocious, vindictive opposition. She IS my hero!
I have spent some time this week in tears reading the evidence being given. I cannot begin to imagine what these families are having to go through AGAIN. My heart goes out to everyone but especially Sara who lost her brother and Mum. To still be living this nightmare is incomprehensible. I hope the families and victims get all they need from the inquests. Bless them all. From adversity and travesty, came a true working class hero.

I think the role of a parent is undermined by the powers that be in this country, whether it be insanely ridiculous school rules or government policy. It is time we look at the positive influence us parents can have on moulding future generations and society. 
A new hope
So my quest to promote my kind of socialism took a further step on Friday when I attended my first Labour Party constituency meeting in thirty years! One thing Meniere’s does is, it takes away your self-confidence, chips away at it one attack after another. It takes a hell of a lot of oomph to go outside your comfort zone and walk into a room where you know absolutely no one. I left knowing new friends.
Jeremy Corbyn certainly has his work cut out in delivering his new kind of politics. For me, an essential element of this is ensuring grass roots levels are engaging enough to recruit and retain new members but if anyone can, #JezCan. I would love for more people to join forces and fight for justice, honesty and integrity.
Personally what I would like policy that shows the failures of this government and policy that shows how it can be better. For example on mental health. This government bangs on about its investment when in reality they have decimated services. Let’s show that in figures we all can understand.
The most impressive moment of the conference was John McDonnell’s speech – yes I am a bit of an economics geek and finally someone is speaking my kind of economics and politics.  I hope people will open their hearts and minds and listen before judging.
In between BBC Parliament and Lucas being ill, I have managed to get quite a lot of work done. Time management is a strong point, thankfully!
The Nanny

This project is developing well. You may recall I had planned this one, a rarity for me. Well, I’m sure you won’t be shocked to hear that I have changed the plan three times already! Moral: don’t fix what ain’t broken! I have decided my best style is ‘winging it’ because the twist and turns in a plot cannot be planned. It works for me.




 PhD
Apparently, according to the jungle drums and gossip, me doing a PhD is crazy. Comments like ‘PhD, her? What does she know about computers?’ People should know by now that this sort of talk only drives me on to do better and work harder. The judgements are made devoid of facts, facts like me having a first class honours degree in business information systems, including Strategic Management of IT systems and the fact I was awarded for my results and me heading the implementation of IT systems in insurance brokerages when the internet was a mere experiment.  So, a note to my critics: I challenge you to stop gossiping and actually put your time to better use to make the world a better place. Go on…I dare you!


 Beyond the Past
Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0


Listen, whatever you do, do it with the right intentions and for the right reasons. Surround yourself with doers not doubters and believe me, you will achieve your dreams. Have a fabulous week.







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The invisible intruder…more like an alien invasion!

Meniere's Disease
That is what best describes my latest Meniere’s attack. I thought I had seen the worst this disease could throw at me, I really did. The daily manageable pain, the occasional dizzy spells and ground moving, the days of brain fog and loss of memory. How wrong I was. The last few days have demonstrated the ferocity and unpredictability of this illness. I am going to try and put the attack into words…please bear with me as I am still in the midst of some of the symptoms.
From the beginning of last week, I felt decidedly dodgy – heavy arms and legs, sickness, occasional room spin, brain fog and absolute knock out exhaustion. As the week progressed the symptoms became worse and by Thursday I was lucky to be able to string a full sentence together. By Thursday evening I had pain in both ears, pain I can only describe as red hot daggers being stuck in them. The pain killers took the edge off the pain but did not eradicate it. I lost my hearing, particularly when I was bending down (yes it’s absolutely true!) and the tinnitus was the loudest it had EVER been. My whole body felt like a lead weight.
Friday morning I woke up and the pain had spread down from my ears into the side of my neck and my jaw. This was the worst it had EVER been. The room was spinning and my whole body resembled a piece of very dense concrete. I couldn’t function and it scared me. Now, looking back the day is a bit of a blur. I remember at one point I tried to work and ended up resting my head on the desk and closing my eyes. Another day of work and life lost.
I came around a bit at night and watched the epic Leeds Rhino’s performance which honestly did not help my stress levels. There was a time I enjoyed going and standing on the terraces and being part of the whole atmosphere. Now it’s too loud and too scary!

Saturday I woke up and my senses of smell and taste were on overdrive. My hearing, however was a bit like Norman Collier (coming and going – just in case you don’t know who he is). My memory was shot to pieces and the lack of concentration meant I couldn’t remember what I had left the room for or who I was supposed to be ringing when I picked my mobile phone up. After a couple of hours of fighting, I lost the battle and went to sleep. 

Wes and I went to the shop for some fresh air. Soon I realised I was not okay. The ground was swaying. I had a major sweat on, fearing I would fall over and hurt myself or even worse, make a complete utter and total fool of myself. It is so unnerving not being able to hear every sound. It is like watching the television with mute on. I did my best to control myself but can honestly say I was terrified and incredibly HOT! Bed was calling!

Sunday, the tinnitus was loud, the sense of smell was overbearing but my head felt a little clearer. I ironed, wrote, prepared dinner and that was it…I was spent. Back to being laid up, nauseous and exhausted.
The pain I can handle but the wasted time, the frustration of not being able to do the simple things in life, let along write, is what drives me to distraction. It hurts when I lie down and I can’t stand up. For what seems an eternity, my life is in limbo. Until this invasion retreats, I feel totally useless. There is nothing more I can do other than ride it out. The trouble is very few people understand what this is like and expect you to continue at 100%, that then puts more pressure on me and prolongs the attacks. Today I feel shaky, sore and still have the tinnitus and brain fog along with an upset stomach and being on edge. This is what it does, it unnerves you.Hopefully I have broken the back of it now and this week will be a slow recovery. It takes every ounce of my shattered energy to remain positive. It will pass…the illness will not kill me but the madness might! I have adapted and can now type without looking at the screen or keyboard and can actually write with my eyes closed!! But there is a limit to my talents and my tolerance.
This week is the Labour Party conference in Brighton. I would have loved to have been there, particularly as it has the feel of the ‘old’ style conference where there was debate and differences. That is what democracy should be about. If people have a vested interest, they should be able to have their say. Bravo to Jeremy Corbyn for stopping the apathy rot. Let’s have real debate about real issues.
Rugby League
So we have had our break – we are back to training on Tuesday. Well, I say we but Wes is back to training on Tuesday. Under 19s here we come.







The Nanny
Is coming along slowly but surely. I love this storyline and the characters are really taking shape. The hardest element of any character is choosing a suitable name. A bit like when you’re naming your own children. This time I named all the characters before I started. It is a total distraction introducing a new character to the script and then pondering on their name. I admit I have changed a few names a long the way but that is what being creative is all about.

Beyond the Past



Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0


Well, that is me done this week. Have a safe and happy week. Please do not take your health for granted. I did until I didn’t have it anymore.
Best wishes









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A brave new world...

This week has proven what I have been moaning on about for thirty plus years. A culture built on lies and spin results in a culture of not admitting mistakes and never, ever apologising. Yes, I am going to say it … I TOLD YOU SO! I feel vindicated on so many levels.
The underlying basis of my parenting have been respect, truth and equality. I have been ridiculed so many times for giving the boys a voice on all family matters and decisions, often being told, “They are ‘only’ children.” Actually, they are human beings who need to understand the importance of making decisions and the implications of the decisions being made. When I was growing up, I was never taught this. I have never assumed the boys automatically know how to be grown up. I really believe teaching children how to and how not to behave is a fundamental issue of parenting. It does irritate me that children are told to be independent thinkers but then chastised if their opinion is not the same as the adults!!! We have some real humdingers of arguments and debates. It is perfectly healthy and right that the children question my beliefs – it certainly keeps me on my toes!
No-one really understands the dynamics of our family unit but it is really simple – RESPECT, HONESTY, SUPPORT of each other and ourselves as individuals.When I am wrong, I tell them I was wrong and I apologise, and vice versa.
I absolutely love when Wes makes a mistake on the rugby pitch and immediately apologises for it, followed by him digging in deeper to make up for the mistake. That makes me incredibly proud, not just because he is honest but also that he understands it is not a major crisis to make a mistake. We all make mistakes but it is what we do after that counts. Your actions after the mistake define you.
I actually feel there is a wind of change in the UK and I applaud any move towards a more honest, kind world. Instead of swimming against the tide, I feel the boys are positioned well enough to take on this brave new world.
Meniere’s Madness
This week was balance awareness week, promoted by the Meniere’sSociety. 

I have never been more aware of my imbalance as I am at this moment. Thursday I was in church supporting Lucas’ school service and I could see FOUR of the same vicar! It is so unnerving. It didn’t help that he is a very vocal and animated chap and believes in audience participation. People throwing their arms in the air around you when you are trying to focus on a fixed part so not to fall over, is quite a challenge.
The dizziness I can cope with, just, but the hardest part of all of this is the overwhelming feeling of frustration. When it is bad, I have this huge pressure in my ears and the back of my head, the tinnitus becomes louder than the voices around me and I am so exhausted my whole body aches. Trying to maintain focus on work is tremendously hard, not just seeing the words on the page but also fighting through the ‘brain fog’. Just trying to do the day to day stuff – remembering why you are at the supermarket, why you are upstairs, why you sat at the laptop and when you have to do the school run. But then there is the overwhelming feeling of guilt and worry of struggling to financially support my lovely family. I feel inadequate which knocks my self-confidence to zero, made much harder by the lack of understanding from the world around you. It is truly a downward spiral until the fog clears and the pain subsides. It is even harder to cope without a partner but then it was hard to cope with people who refuse to understand the effects of this complicated condition.
In spite of wanting to hold my hands up and scream, ‘you win, I quit”, I can’t and I won’t! I will get through the attacks, I will get both boys through to adulthood and I will follow my dreams. Why? Because in spite of feeling totally inadequate and useless at times, I know in my heart that I am a fighter and I will leave my mark on this world!! There is always hope. So, in between the depths of dizziness and the attacks, I will continue to work towards fulfilling my dreams and ambitions.  I just have to accept there are limitations that may hinder me but won’t stop me.
Writing
One thing the illness has taught me is that I may no longer be super woman but more like super gran – well maybe not for a long time yet!! When I am incapacitated I do tend to analyse my life and if I’m honest the negativity takes over. However, one overriding factor is clear – I GET A REAL BUZZ OUT OF WRITING (no pun intended for fellow tinnitus sufferers). Whilst the financial insecurity of the day scares the hell out of me, I am glad I had no choice but to follow my dreams. I was forced into a corner and I grabbed the opportunity. It is a slow process but I am confident we are going through the hardest part now and will come out the other side happier and stronger.
The Nanny


Is progressing well and the research has been amazing. I am combining this with editing the sequel to Beyond the Past and my PhD research proposal. Yes I know I said I wasn’t going to but…    Beyond the PastFollowing some expert advice, I have decided to turn this into a script. Next project after editing the sequel, the Nanny and writing blogs – no pressure like!




Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0

PhDSo, I was shelving this idea because I can’t get funding but then an email from the supervisor who is keen to progress, made me realise it is not a pipe dream or a stupid idea. So, I dusted the papers down and picked them up again. Actually, I love my proposal and love the preliminary research. 

It is New Computing Curricula: Corporate in Pedagogy
This is my research question, “Can the wind of change in Computing in high schools in England reach for the Cloud to achieve improved engagement, innovation and employability, offering the same opportunities to all students across the whole of the country?”
Not bad for a working class girl from east Leeds!! Subject to funding, I will be pursuing this as well as continuing to write. Only death will stop me!! Any ideas on sponsors, please, please let me know.

Well, that’s me done this week. Here’s to open mindedness and a much kinder society. 

Thank you Jeremy Corbyn for starting the road to recovery and to a new hope! I’ll be fighting with you all the way, subject to prior commitments of taxi driver, cook, mentor, supporter, teacher, cleaner, banker and all the other roles us parents take on. I hope you all will join us in the fight for a brave new world of truth and honesty.
Have a fabulous week. I’m off to junior football this afternoon. Enjoy yourselves and stay safe.








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My 100th POST!!

Wow! Where do I start this week? We have a new Labour Leader that to coin a Yorkshire saying ‘will put the cat amongst the pigeons’ – I love cats and dislike pigeons or as my Dad used to call them ‘flying rats’! Quite apt really.
So, this is my 100th post. Who would have thought it? Not me, that’s for sure. I thought no one would be interested, let alone read my ramblings but here I am! One hundred posts, hundreds of positive comments, over 26,000 views and some great online friendships. Thank you to each and every one of you for keeping me sane – well, trying anyway!

No one’s life is perfect but we do ALL have lots to be thankful of. I know I am thankful for two great boys, my independence and my brain – well, the latter when it wants to work.

After the popularity and support of last week’s blog I have made a momentous decision to live the rest of my life with the right people and not looking back, holding onto people who don’t truly love me and want me to fall at every obstacle that is put in my way. Guess what? I don’t feel lonely or scared. I think I have to admit here that my ex-husband was right all along – jeez that was HARD to say! Now, I feel liberated and free. 
It is really strange how, no matter what life throws at you, some feelings re-surface even after thirty plus years of getting on with life. I met someone recently that I haven’t seen for many, many years but the minute I was there in their presence I knew I was in the right place with the right people.  I was nervous but happy. It was a very strange and surreal moment. The challenge now is fitting in another element of life around the boys, writing, Menieres and Sheffield. Where there’s a will, there’s a way!
One thing I have learnt this weekend is never, ever underestimate the power of your voice as a human being. We are a powerful source and have the ability to change even the most stubborn of establishments if we choose to do it together. I read today that Labour are now a threat to national security because Labour ‘would break a valuable consensus between the main parties on issues such as nationalisation, nuclear weapons, taxation and union laws.’ When was this general consensus agreed? We were all right after all – they were all the same at the last election. It is extremely dangerous in a democracy for a government to call the opposition 'a national security threat' especially when we fight against the tyranny of dictatorships.
Whatever your allegiance in politics, you have to admit having someone who will stand up and question the decisions of the country’s politicians has to be a good thing for the whole country. No longer is there a free loading seat in the ivory tower. 

Labour have to now be a HUGE opposition party holding all the Tory's terrible policies to account and exposing all the lies! That is how credibility is built. Bring it on, that’s what I say. BACK TO THE DAY JOB…
It’s been a very busy week. 
THE NANNY
I have started writing the script to the Nanny in between some very valuable research as I want to do the subject justice. I can't believe I started writing this piece of work then the NI Assembly appears in the news headlines. Talk about timing...

“Sometimes the past cannot be laid to rest without direct intervention. John and Martha O’Grady were victims of the conflict in Ireland. They may have survived but witnessing the death of their parents and grandparents at the hands of the IRA had left indelible horror on their young minds. Orphaned, they were split up. Martha was sent to a convent and John adopted and moved to Manchester. Thirty years on they are about to be reunited only to find the horrors of their past re-appear with potentially fatal consequences.”
LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! Can you tell I’m a little excited about this piece of work?It is such an incredibly powerful subject so close to my heart. Watch this space…


STREETWISE
No update as yet – it is still with the first production company. Hopefully I will hear something soon and you will be the first to know …but only if you follow me on social media. Please let it be soon and be positive. I need a break from financial destitution!



The story is set in Leeds (surprise, surprise!) and tells the tale of fate bringing people together under extraordinary circumstances:
            “ Life’s path can change in the blink of an eye or the detonation of a bomb. Rob Kennedy should have been planning a wedding not a funeral. Consumed with guilt and grief, suicide seemed his only escape from his perpetual nightmare until a single act of kindness by a real life guardian angel, saves him from himself. Twelve months on, unable to trace each other, Rob and Kate’s paths are about to cross once more in extraordinarily circumstances.”

BEYOND THE PAST

Following some expert advice, I have decided to turn this into a script. Next project after editing the sequel, the Nanny and writing blogs – no pressure like!






Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0


Well, I’m off now to write The Nanny before I go to watch Lucas play his first Under 10s football match – this year he can get fined for red and yellow cards so he has been warned…oh and his Dad will be paying the fines!!
Have a brilliant week. It will certainly be an interesting one…







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