Pam Charles's Blog, page 2

Life with Meniere's Disease

This will be a long one… please bear with me. I receive lots of criticism for raising Meniere's disease. My prime motive is and always will be raising awareness. I don't want sympathy… understanding would be progress. Honestly… hands up all those who knew what Meniere's disease was prior to it being raised? I did not even know what it was when I was diagnosed. I was told I had it, it wasn't cancer and I would have to learn to live with it! I still do not fully understand it.
Over the years, I have discovered some of the weird symptoms I have suffered, can be attributed to Meniere's disease. These light bulb moments tend to follow discussions with fellow sufferers and not from the professionals, who struggle to fully understand or appreciate the difficulties of dealing with it daily.
The most difficult aspect for me… its unpredictability. One day I am feeling well, energised, invincible and "normal" (although I'm not sure I have ever been normal, nor would I want to be!); the next day, I am totally laid up with the room spinning unable to control any element of my body.
The "IFFY" Days
 It’s the "IFFY" days that get to me the most.  Sadly, these days are frequent. I am not laid up with vertigo but deal with symptoms that make it very difficult to carry on day to day activities without making serious adjustments. These include – having vice like pressure across my ears and the back of my head; brain fog making it difficult to string a sentence together; trying to spend most of your energy masking the pain from loved ones; the constant swaying of the floor; complete sickly exhaustion where my whole-body aches.
but… the biggest daily fear – at any point, wherever I am, I could be struck with vertigo causing a drop attack. I have been so lucky up until now. I have only fallen three times outside – the first was pre-diagnosis, walking home with my son who was six at the time; the second when I was leafleting in the general election of 2015 and recently, in a car park. I have fallen in the house lots of times, thankfully the worst I have suffered is bruising to my arm, leg and lower back. No broken bones… yet!
All this leads to a huge lack of self-confidence and serious bouts of self-doubt. I never appreciated how hard life was with a disability or lifelong illness until it happened to me. We all think we are invincible. The mental strength that is required to get through a full day should never be underestimated.




The Hidden Pains of Meniere's
The incidental consequences of this disease:
1.    Lack of understanding from professionals, employers and people in general
2.    Feeling isolated – not just physically on days when I can not leave the house but in crowded rooms where I cannot hear conversations properly due to the tinnitus and background noise.
3.    Having to miss out on events because I can not commit in case I am ill and can not make it.
4.    Tired through explaining to people who say insensitive crap like "well you don't look ill!" Only my close family see me on my worst days.
5.    Sensory overload – making mundane tasks – shopping – almost impossible without worrying or panicking. Oh, and the restaurants, hotels and supermarkets using patterned carpets and flooring!! DON'T!! The patterns move when I walk on them!
6.    I have no patience for petty people and petty squabbles – life is to hard and way too short.
IT IS NOT ALL BAD.
There are positive aspects to Meniere's… well to living with it.
1.    The brain fog and mixing up of my words gives us some huge laughs. Yoda has nothing on me! When I forget the word… it turns into a family guessing game!
2.    I look like a cross between Bambi and Captain Jack Sparrow some days!
3.    I appreciate every single day of my life and can categorically say, I took lots of days for granted before I became ill.
4.    I am so thankful for my boys and how they handle our lives. They never put excessive expectations or pressure on me.
5.    I can work at home. It's not conventional – I don't do conventional! It's tough, demoralising at times but it is my life and me – perfectly imperfect. I refuse to give in or give up hope. I may not be super talented, but I work hard and try even harder. If I can achieve my PhD and keep publishing work… I will have achieved my goals.
COPING WITH MENIERE'S
I am always asked… how do you cope? The short answer is… I have no choice. The easiest life would be to give up and let the Meniere's eat away at me. I am a fighter. I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck with a knot in it. It was touch and go whether I would survive. I did, probably disappointing to some!
I want to prove to the boys… and to myself… I can have a life with Meniere's. It took me a long time to accept what I lost, and to embrace what I gained. I wish to leave a legacy my boys can be proud of and if I can inspire one person to not give up and follow their dreams, I will have done a good job.
So how do I cope?
Coping Mechanisms
1.    Accept on the bad days to go with the Meniere's flow.
2.    Know when you can and can NOT exceed your limits.
3.    Don't let professionals and the illness defeat you.
4.    Surround yourself with inspirational people.
5.    Laugh… a lot… usually at the disease's expense.
6.    Low salt diet
7.    Drink litres… and litres… and litres of water.
8.    Exercise – it really does help me.
9.    Don't hide away … its very tempting at times
10. Be as strong as YOU can be.
11. MUSIC… I love my music
12. I've learned I am strong, resilient and adaptable – I can even type with my eyes shut!! New party trick.
13. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE
WRITING
Beyond the Lies is being proof read at present. I will confirm the publication date shortly. I am revisiting much of my drafts and early works. I have learned so much over the last few years especially self evaluation and improvement. Never stop learning.





We moved to a new house recently. The whole experience was highly traumatic but with sheer will, determination and bloody mindedness we got through it. I could not have done it without my amazing sons and adopted daughter. Now I need to rebalance my body… no pun intended!
Whilst we celebrate Liverpool FC emphatically booking their place in the semi final of the Champions League, we remember the lives that were taken and changed forever at Hillsborough. Still waiting for justice. #JFT96. Always remembered.
Thank you for all your continued support. Messages are always welcome. If I can help, I will. Stay safe everyone
Much love

Education is NOT Educating…

On the 15th June 2014 I wrote a blog named Swimming against the tide. This is an extract from it:
“I decided I wanted my children to understand the importance of struggle, of community, of what is right and wrong and most of all about respect. Most days I am swimming against the tide but nevertheless I still swim. I still swim because I would like my boys to be strong individual men that respect themselves and have respect for all others.  I hope their greatest attributes will be respect, honesty, integrity, justice, decent morals and tolerance. Just imagine what sort of a world we would have then. If you don’t invest the time in children, how on earth can you expect them to turn into decent human beings? I can’t be doing too bad a job when my son is giving my advice out and asking if I would help his friends if they need it!!” (full blog here).
For too many years I have received criticism for the way I have raised the boys, but I knew my plan and I was sticking to it, not out of arrogance but because I knew that my way of raising them would allow them to develop their own skills in many areas they need to have a successful life. These skills include communication, problem solving and the key skill of all critical analysis. I have taught them politics from any early age… all spectrums…for them to be armed with the tools to think for themselves and not be easily influenced by ignorance and bigotry. They can make their own minds up and if they make a mistake they have problem solving skills to put things right. Despite the criticism, it has been the best thing I have ever done… by a mile. Don’t get me wrong… I’m not a perfect parent and often gets things wrong. I do, however, own my mistakes, admit to the boys when I am wrong and apologise to them. They know we are all only human and all make mistakes.
I am so pleased I stood my ground because these invaluable skills are being denied to our children in the English school system.  The World Economic Forum, UNESCO and OECD have all published reports into what skills our children will need to be successful in the changing world of work. These are:
Critical thinking and problem solvingCollaboration across networks and leading by influenceAgility and adaptabilityInitiative and entrepreneurialismEffective oral and written communicationAccessing and analysing informationCuriosity and imagination.



Yet, the English education system, under the Tories, has been turned into an examination factory where the only concern is to teach children to pass examinations. The system is sucking the life, the imagination, the creativity and independent thinking out of our children. Teachers are powerless to prevent it. This is solely down to this horrendous Government. You would have thought; the Education policy would centre around these seven essential skills. The reality is, it is having the opposite effect on our children. Add to that the draconian disciplinary regimes and we are heading for a generation of adults who have had opinions oppressed and been denied a voice on top of being denied the skills required to succeed in a changing world. It is time we faced up to it… Education is NOT educating our children.
Changes in the Computer Science curriculum and the withdrawal of ICT this year will result in some of our children not being provided with any digital skills. This is a subject very close to my heart and I am furious the Government refuse to address the skills deficit. There are pockets of good practice, but this is outweighed by the vast number of children being deprived of essential skills training. WE SHOULD ALL BE CONCERNED.
Therefore, my PhD is so important to me. It focuses on the delivery of Computer Science in the secondary schools. I believe our children deserve so much better than is being delivered but the system requires a radical change including substantial investment. I am doing my bit. We need a Government committed to providing skills for our children to truly succeed in life.
Writing
Today I finally submitted the manuscript of Beyond the Lies to the publishers. I apologise to everyone who is waiting for it but in true self-doubt style, I can not submit it until I am 99.9999% happy with it. I’ll keep you updated.
Meniere’s Disease
Finally, an update on the dreaded M word… Meniere’s of course. Last week, during the storm, was horrendous. I lost four days to vertigo, sickness, tinnitus and the dreaded brain fog. Today, I still have the same symptoms, but they are bearable although the boys have laughed at me mixing my words up… I’m sure Yoda was based upon a Meniere’s sufferer.
Have a fun week. I intend to. I am fighting and will continue to fight. Keep the faith
Much love

100 years Suffrage… still fighting for TRUE EQUALITY

Today, in the UK, we celebrate one hundred years since the passing of the Representation of the People's Act 1918. This act gave a limited number of women the vote! Equality in voting did not occur for another ten years… TEN YEARS in 1928.

We may have the right to vote today but we have a hell of a way to go before we see true equality. I have no interest in the notion of women being superior to men or vice versa. We are all human beings, only separated by genetics. What concerns me more is the artificially made inequality within our society.

The hypocrisy of the Prime Minister and Home Secretary this morning is sickening. They are lauding the Suffragettes, their actions and their fight yet these two women are responsible for Parliamentary Acts specifically designed to stifle democracy and freedom of speech. In addition, their Conservative Party has orchestrated poverty, WASPI women loss of pensions, working mothers being disproportionately hit by austerity and our young girls suffering period poverty. 
Cameron was even worse. His ignorance was permanently and clearly on show when he referred to female colleagues as "she". This disdain for women MPs continues, a glaring example was the during last week's Prime Ministers Question Time, when Tory MPs did their best to bray at and shout down Emily Thornberry. How do we really expect to convince our girls to voice their opinions and take public office?
I admit, I have no desire to serve in public office due to the negative media attention and the biased bullish behaviour some men display. I would much prefer to work with books and use research and education to influence future policy. I should not feel that way… but I do.
I faced sexism and misogyny all my life especially in a male dominated industry but even today, some recent events within my own local party, only demonstrated misogyny is alive and thriving in 2018. 
The whole system, Government and commerce, is endemically against mothers yet being a Mum is a vital role within our communities. As a single Mum, I was constantly told my growing boys needed a male role model. They did NOT. They needed a strong role model who could teach them the importance and significance of equality and being respectful to ALL human beings.
All these calls for more women MPs, business leaders, role models, etc, etc will never be achieved without a total change in attitude and ethos within our whole society. It must start with education of both boys and girls. We must get away from this divisive language and rhetoric. As soon as a child enters the education system, they are labelled and collectivised based upon gender which immediately hinders their opportunities in certain subjects because of societal stereotypes. This is prevalent in STEM subjects. The fact that Wes is helping me write this, demonstrates how far we can develop mutual understanding without gender bias.

What I would like to see going forward, amongst many other ideas:

A conscious effort within education to eradicate divisive, restrictive labels and stereotypingAn education curriculum that truly represents equality. The curriculum is weighted towards men's achievements – Bletchley Park is known for Alan Turing's codebreakers yet actually 8,000 women worked there and were instrumental in the war effort. They made up 75% of the workforce but rarely get the recognition they so richly deserve.I want issues not to be "women's" issues. Period poverty should concern everyone in society as should sexual harassment. Men and Women should stand together to fight for these issues. My boys know how to treat men and women respectfully, more importantly equally. Anyone who believes in equality, regardless of gender, should unite and fight for true equality. I don't want to set in women's groups. I want to take the fight to the main platform!!
Let us promote behaving as equal human beings.

Let us unite and fight for true equality against economic and political systems that are specifically and inherently designed to divide us. Let us also fight to ensure every human being has their right to vote across the world.

I can't write this post without mentioning… today would have been Annie Williams' birthday. Annie fought tirelessly for the truth and justice for Kevin AND all the victims and survivors of Hillsborough. A Mum, through no choice of her own, fought with love, great resolve and dignity. She took the fight to the establishment at such great personal cost to herself and her amazing family and WON!! 

Annie will always be my hero.



Much love

Meniere’s – ticking time bomb

The more I deal with this ticking time bomb, the more I realise it is essential to keep raising awareness. Over 13 million people in the world suffer from it yet the reaction I get when I speak about it is one of “what is that?” and “well you don’t look ill”. Only my boys see me on the bad days. Time is so precious.
Everyday, I spend 50-60% of my energy disguising the symptoms and fighting the disease so people don’t see its true effects. That only leaves between 40-50% of my energy to raise the boys, run the house, sort the finances, study, write and keep everything together. The hardest part of it is not knowing from one day to the next, what symptoms, what attacks, what the hell is going to happen. It is really a ticking time bomb. On a recent visit to the doctors, the doctor was talking to me and all I could think of was the old loony tunes cartoons (appropriate!) When they used to have one of those round black bombs lit and were running around with it and you knew it was going to explode. Lol... that's Meniere’s... a ticking time bomb. Also this gives you an insight to how my warped mind works... the boys understand me lol 

Stop making excuses for Racism, Bigotry and Misogyny…

Enough is enough. Are we really regressing into the past world of segregation and inhumanity? I make no apology in saying that unless these attacks are directed at you, you do not personally know what it feels like. 
My eldest son is mixed race. His Dad is British like me yet since Brexit, my son has suffered racism and a change in attitude towards him. I see it too when we are walking around the supermarket – the looks he gets, the disdain, the women who suddenly clutch their bags tighter, not to mention the under the breath comments.  It is repulsive and disgusting and legitimised by world leaders and politicians. He tells me how it makes him feel but I can't imagine it, just as he can't imagine how demoralising it is for me to be treated with contempt because I am female. I don't want tokenism, I want fairness and equality based upon my experience and hard work just as my son wants to be treated as the good, British citizen that he is. His patriotism is far stronger than any one flying a flag on a Britain First march. He cares about this country and exercises his right to question the cruel, inequality of this Tory Government, not for him but for his fellow citizens. 
Freedom of speech does not include allowing hate speech. I certainly feel that we are going backwards and if we do not get a grip of it, there will be irreversible damage. Equality is NOT political correctness. It is common decency and well, humanity. 
If we really want to address inequality, we must stop treating people differently and sticking labels on each and everyone of us. Forget the information based on gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. We are ALL human beings. I have never approved of equal opportunity monitoring forms. They do not help equality, nor do they serve any purpose other than to provide statistical analysis for employers and Government agencies. Let's face it…in the current climate, it is more than likely, the information will be used to discriminate. Flouting equality laws has become the new norm legitimised by changes in the legal systems making it impossible for any legal redress due to the cuts in legal aid and spiralling tribunal fees. The changes in the legal system was no coincidence. The Tories have planned this divide and rule strategy, systematically singling out sections of our communities for derision and attack.
Then there is our "special relationship" partner. Trump is a racist and was a racist before he was elected. His popularity repulsed me and to have even socialists, telling me he was a better choice than the Democrats, only demonstrated how little regard some people have for equality. There is no excuse at all for racism, bigotry and misogyny yet, during both Brexit and the USA presidential campaign, they were not only brushed off, they were actively incorporated into the campaigns. This is not ignorance, this is a calculated act of pure evil. Have we forgotten what our previous generations fought for? The fact that Trump made his "shithole" comments then could dishonour Martin Luther King just shows how ignorant we are becoming. This ignorance MUST be stamped out NOW. We must use our voices to educate our children and make sure they understand the struggles of the past do not become their new fights of the future. We need to arm future generations with the tools to promote true equality, to eradicate the world of labels, categories and types. We are ALL human beings. 
Now, more than ever, anyone who truly believes in equality, should be fighting together to stop any attempts of Governments and world leaders to try and divide our communities based upon gender, ethnicity, religious beliefs and sexual preferences. 

DO NOT STAND BY… STAND TOGETHER
Much love
 

Happy New Year!

June 2018 sees me hitting my half a century! I may look it, but I don’t feel it… well some days I may!   If I think about it, it scares me because I still have so much to achieve. That’s what happens when you start late but better late than never. It drives me on even more to ensure I achieve my goals, be healthy and happy and make the boys proud of me.
This year I am going to be kinder to myself. I have not had a break in fifteen years, so I am going to pursue some of my own interests while the boys are doing their thing. The first on the list is a trip to Bletchley Park. I am a little excited… NO… I am in giddy child mode! It’s been on my list to do for a long, long time.
A good friend of mine, without them even knowing it, has really helped me to put the past to bed. No more looking backwards, only forwards. I am so grateful for their friendship and glad they are in my life. They inspire me to keep going.
One thing I do suffer from is self-doubt. I had originally set a 2018 goal to overcome it, but I am not even going to try. Self-doubt is my driver. It drives me to be the best I can be in anything I go for. It got me a first-class honours degree, a publishing deal and a Distinction in my Masters. I may tweak it a bit, but I need it to drive me forward.
Meniere’s Disease
The symptoms are getting worse as predicted but I can manage them, once I get on top of them. The stormy weather is a real problem for me, as is stress. Both are terrible triggers. The latter I can try and control but even I can’t change the weather. I live with this daily and some days just controlling the symptoms and pain takes all my energy and resolve. Even the Doctors have started to ask me for advice on managing the symptoms.
On the good days, I intend to make the most of every second. Wes laughs when I say this because even on the bad days, I force myself to do the jobs that need doing even if it results in me falling over, which is does… often.
Writing
Back to finalising Beyond the Lies. I had put it on hold during my Masters degree but now I have this, I want to crack on.  I have so many projects to look at.


Streetwise
I am revising this again! I am not releasing any work until I am 100% happy with it, however long it takes.




PhD
This is my project to start in 2018… a lifelong ambition to change a small part of the world in my own way. The boys are really excited I am doing this. I am currently working on the proposal. I am impatient to complete it but must understand Meniere’s will slow me down some days but never stop me.
Oh! Jeremy Corbyn
I have been a socialist all of my life, since helping raise funds during the miner’s strike in the 1980s. I have always believed in equality, truth and justice. For many years, it felt I was swimming against the tide especially bringing the boys up with values not shared by society. Thankfully I stuck to my principles. The fight is more important than ever. This country has never been about food banks, homeless people dying, children in poverty, NHS crises and no social care and certainly never been about persecution of the disabled! So why are we accepting it now?


It is time we joined together and stood up for true British values. I will be working to get rid of this cold, callous government. I hope you will join me too.
Right, no rest for the wicked. Back to the research. My goals won’t achieve themselves. Whatever you decide to do in 2018 – love what you do and be kind!
Much love

The world needs misfits like me…

No matter how many times I say, “that is it. I’m going to be more selfish, treat people as they treat me…” it doesn’t work. I can’t do it.
I have fought my entire life to NOT confirm to the “I’m alright Jack” society. I am proud, although exhausted, to have brought the boys up to think critically about the world, to not be afraid to question things and to stand up for their own beliefs. Swimming against the tide is shattering and demoralising at times. It is easy to conform.
There is a consequence to living life with humility, humanity, love, hope and decency… you will be judged, ridiculed and will, without doubt, get hurt, usually by cold hearted, selfish and manipulative people. BUT each encounter with that type of person, makes you stronger and more resilient. A survivor.
I am a fighter and which, at time I am exhausted, I will never give up hope for a better world for everyone. I want to eradicate poverty, inhumanity and inequality. Now I am proud to be totally aligned with a man, Jeremy Corbyn who advocates the fundamental principles of my life. For the first time, it feels good to be a misfit!!
Christmas is a weird time of year for me. I let the boys decide how we celebrate it. They chose no Christmas lunch, pyjamas, family games and chilling. Well, they never did buy into the whole falsehoods of a commercial Christmas. As a Mum, you do feel guilty for not providing the “traditions” but us Mum’s are good at feeling guilty when there really is no need. People will judge anyone who does not follow the “norm”. Anyone who knows us, knows we are far from “normal”, although my son has always maintained we are the “normal” ones.


Whatever you decide to do, have a safe and spectacular Christmas. I’m off to the pub shortly to eat and play pool with the boys. To simply enjoy their company.
Let hope, equality and humanity spread quickly. 2018 is life changing…for everyone.
I intend to start my PhD and be proactive in making a change to help all our children. It is my small part to play. Imagine what we could achieve if each and everyone of us made one slight change for this world.

Much love

Positive parenting

The biggest lesson I learned from dealing with bullies and narcissists, was to ensure the boys could always talk about their feelings and tell me if they had any worries, including if I was doing something wrong that was distressing them. I consciously put a full support mechanism in place without them even knowing it. As soon as they could talk, I openly asked them daily how they were feeling, had they any worries, had they had any problems if they were not with me. It became a habit they fell into and part of our automatic routine.
The sweetest thing I ever experienced was Wes coming home from school when Lucas was about two or three years old and Lucas asking Wes if he had any problems today? Did he want to talk about them? So cute but proved the technique was really working. Honestly, my heart almost burst with pride.
Nowadays, we all open and honest with each other… brutal at times! It is something outsiders rarely understand but it works for us and I know the boys will not bottle anything up or suffer in silence like I did. Moreover, they will take this skill onto the next generations of our family. The important lesson for all of us is to watch the words we use with our children. It may seem funny to pick them up if they dropped 1% in a Maths test but to them it could be the difference between self confidence or self-deprecation.  These comments have a greater impact than you think.
I am not in line for a parent of the year award but I know the boys are happy! What’s more I don’t care if people fail to understand my parent techniques. It's always interesting that the most criticism comes from those who have not had children and those whose children have grown up with little integrity. 
MSc IT
Sounds good, doesn’t it? Yes, I did it. I passed with Distinction. It was, without doubt, the hardest project I have ever embarked upon, but I am so proud of myself and the sense of achievement is immense.









Writing
I have several projects on the go but focusing on editing existing work to get it into publishing. Watch this space… now I am back again.
Meniere’s Disease
What a pain in the backside!! It has raised its ugly head again! I am struggling to get it under control but, by goodness, I will. I have too much to do to let this monster in.
It is almost Christmas again. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious family.  
I started this blog to promote my writing and motivate people who, like me, had their lives devastated by a life changing illness. You will always receive criticism and at times, it has been soul destroying and hurtful especially as these people have not walked in my shoes or failed to grasp any concept of common decency.  It is time for a revamp for 2018. Lucas has come up with an amazing title and we will be putting it in place for January. You will be able to access the new blog at www.pamcharles.comand select blog. 2018 is full of positivity and lots of exciting new projects.

Have a lovely Christmas and kick ass out of 2018
Much love

Positive parenting

The one thing bullies and narcissists deprive you of is your ability to trust your own instincts which causes personal inner conflict. Even as a child, this caused great anxiety that I still suffer from today. It affects every decision you make throughout your life as you second guess everything you do.
When you are continually told you are paranoid, mentally ill and that classic “highly strung”, you start to mistrust your own feelings and instincts. Eventually, over time and your pleas falling on deaf ears, you succumb to their way of thinking… not because they are right but because you have nowhere to turn. You are backed into a corner, alone and this is how they keep control over you. They build self-doubt, tell you everyone hates you and that many wish you had not been born. They isolate you from anyone who could believe what is going on. The fact is, it does not matter if this unacceptable behaviour is done knowingly or not. The point is it affects people throughout their lives and as I do now, I believe this was all intentional not because of paranoia but because I lived the experience… the loneliness, the lies from adults!! The very people you should trust as a child.
Once they have you in this frame of mind, it is easy to waste your life believing you are worthless and second rate leading to wrong paths and trusting the wrong people – ironically the same type of people as the bullies!!
I have spent the whole of my life in self-preservation and survival mode. The biggest decision I made was kicking all these people out of my life. It took 40+ years to pluck up the courage to do it. I had tried it before but kept coming back because I believed I could change their behaviour towards me or I could handle their behaviour which I would do initially but then revert to the same old self-loathing. I worried that if I went it alone it would have a detrimental effect on the boys. It had the opposite effect. They have thrived as have I.
The biggest lesson I learned and put into practice, was to ensure the boys could always talk about their feelings and tell me if they had any worries, including if I was doing something wrong that was distressing them. I consciously put a full support mechanism in place without them even knowing it. As soon as they could talk, I openly asked them daily how they were feeling, had they any worries, had they had any problems if they were not with me. It became a habit they fell into and part of our automatic routine.
The sweetest thing I ever experienced was Wes coming home from school when Lucas was about two or three years old and Lucas asking Wes if he had any problems today? Did he want to talk about them? So cute but proved the technique was really working. Honestly, my heart almost burst with pride.
Nowadays, we all open and honest with each other… brutal at times! It is something outsiders rarely understand but it works for us and I know the boys will not bottle anything up or suffer in silence like I did. Moreover, they will take this skill onto the next generations of our family. The important lesson for all of us is to watch the words we use with our children. It may seem funny to pick them up if they dropped 1% in a Maths test but to them it could be the difference between self confidence or self-deprecation.  These comments have a greater impact than you think.


MSc IT
Sounds good, doesn’t it? Yes, I did it. I passed with Distinction. It was, without doubt, the hardest project I have ever embarked upon, but I am so proud of myself and the sense of achievement is immense. I am currently working on a PGCE but I have to say , it was the wrong choice for me.





Writing
I have several projects on the go but focusing on editing existing work to get it into publishing. Watch this space… now I am back again.


Meniere’s Disease
What a pain in the backside!! It has raised its ugly head again! I am struggling to get it under control but, by goodness, I will. I have too much to do to let this monster in.
Since writing, my life has changed so much. I have found my soul mate. Yes… that is right. Well actually, he found me. I could not have asked for a better man. We make an amazing team and our boys are as excited as we are for the plans we have in store. Watch this space… but for now, follow me on Instagram. LOL… he has a psychology degree which will certainly come in handy!
It is almost Christmas again. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious family. 2018 promises to be our best year… it is about time!


Much love

Mummy's Boys

It's such an old fashioned, ignorant term that invokes so much anger in me. I have been accused of putting my boys first… YES… shock horror… Mother puts her children first! Like that is a terrible thing! Maybe if some parents had put their children first, they could have taught them how to respect themselves and more importantly, respect everyone in society especially women.
Let me break down my parenting style into very simple terms. I do, very much, consciously, put my boys and their needs first and foremost, over everything. That is my job! I brought them into this world, I am responsible for making them good citizens and I sure as hell am responsible for their physical and mental wellbeing. I am also the best person to teach them how to treat everyone with respect and equality, that starts by ensuring they have the right values for themselves.
People can criticise me all they want… go ahead, have a pop! I look at the boys with immense pride and realise both can listen to understand not just reply; the ability to think critically; the ability to empathise and the ability to treat everyone, including themselves, with respect and equality.
I asked Lucas if he ever felt I favoured Wes over him with him being the youngest and my past experiences. Bless him, he laughed at me, told me not to be so silly and that he loved we were all equal, with equal say over decisions. Job part done!! Let's face it… and I am going to blow my own trumpet here… I have set my boys up to be decent human beings. If that makes them Mummy's boys… I take it and own it. I'll certainly take it over selfish misogynists any day!
Right, now I have that off my chest… I started my PGCE this week and finished my Masters. As usual I am panicking over my Masters result… because that is what I do!! I was going to take a break from studying after my PGCE but I can feel a PhD coming on! Whilst writing and teaching part time. Yes, I really do believe I am super woman now! (That is a joke before you quote me!)
For too long, I lived within the shackles of society – you must do this, you must do that and www.pamcharles.comyou must do it this way or you're a freak. Guess what? I am a freak! I do things my way because I believe in me and my family. If I get it wrong, I own up, change and adapt but never criticise others for choosing a different path. Remember it is YOUR life… live it YOUR way!
One more thing… never stop learning… it scares the hell out of some people!
Have a fabulous weekend. We are coming into autumn – my favourite season!
Much love