Pam Charles's Blog, page 6

Soap box…what soap box?

www.pamcharles.comIt's going to be a short one this week – I hear you all cheer!! I'm in the middle of working on one of my Masters assignments (Masters as in academic work not the male dominant Donald Trump would want all us women to succumb to). I'm writing about the environmental impact of ICT use in High Schools. It is riveting and I find it really hard to put the literature down. I am a Mum on a Mission - more dangerous, yet more productive than any politician!!
Last week's blog caused another backlash from the very people I expected, who have no understanding of perspectives and outcomes of peoples' deceptions. A word to the wise – you demonstrated the exact traits I have fought against all my life AND it won't stop me from speaking the truth. In the words of Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men "you can't handle the truth." Great film and great actor. On the bright side, while they are slating me, they are leaving some other poor soul alone - maybe I should call that 'public service'.
I have learned to grow a thick skin but not thick enough to have no feelings towards my fellow human beings. In fact, the harshness of how I have been treated has made me the sympathetic, caring soul I am today. As my son commented this week, our lovely home is peaceful and calm – a place of tranquility and love. I must be doing something right.
Wes and I spent Friday working on our University work, bouncing ideas and thoughts off each other, I loved it. 
On top of striving for world domination through education (I think this should be my logo!), I have been continuing to write. I thought it would be impossible to educate myself at this level and work part time on writing. Whilst I'm broke, the end justifies the means. As one of my heroes, Nelson Mandela, said – "It always seems impossible until it is done". I feel more alive when I am inundated with projects. I feel even more alive knowing the example I am setting to my boys is reflecting in the success of their life, both in and outside of education. We can all make a difference in our own unique way.
Anyone else sick of Brexit? I am totally sick of it. I voted to remain in the EU and my reasons for this decision have been well documented. However, I am a democratic socialist and believe in the democratic process even if I don't agree with its outcome – which has been nearly every vote since the 1980s!!! Anyway, Brexit now has become this drama of words with no practical moving forward. It highlights the ineptitude of some of our elected elite but people won’t remember this when it comes to re-election! Brexit will now be used by the Tories as a stick to beat people, like you and me, with. All the damage they have done to the economy will now be "it wasn't us, it was Brexit, which you voted for so it's your fault." I'd say send in the clowns but even they are turning violent!
I had a conversation with someone this week who thought, by Parliament wanting to discuss the triggering of article 50, it was a signal they were trying to stop Brexit from happening. My reply, "So, we let the Tories ride rough shot over all of us and we all end up worse off. What are you truly prepared to forfeit for Brexit? Workers' rights? Jobs? Standard of living? By debating we can ensure some protection." His response – I'd not thought of it like that. Whatever happens in this country, I don't want to be part of an arrogant, xenophobic country where Tories use immigration as a wedge to divide communities when it is their lack of investment that has resulted in poorly paid, insecure jobs, no public services, a collapsing NHS or no social housing. Stop blaming our EU fellow citizens and start blaming the true culprits.
I said I wouldn't get on my soap box this week. LOL. That went well!
Regardless of the world around us, please remember we can ALL make a difference in our own way. Don't give up hope and don't think you have to be stuck in the same, dark place you are in now. I was there and bit by bit I am crawling my way out of the dark hole and creating my own footprints. 
Stay safe, stay strong.
Much love

Old dogs CAN learn new tricks…

Where to start this week?

I am livid, embarrassed and thoroughly depressed at the state of politics in the UK. Beam me up Scotty!! We have elected MPs purporting to support democratic socialism undermining a democratically elected leader, we have Tory MPs degrading and insulting people and MEP's scrapping in Brussels. What a total shambles!! Thank goodness we have the cool, calm and collected Jeremy Corbyn and his team to steer us away from the depths of nationalism!




credit:unknownAnd while these people, being paid a bloody good salary are playing their silly, childish and dangerous games, we have children in poverty, students facing tens of thousands of pounds of debt, food banks, a NHS close to collapse and an education system not fit for purpose but then the latter is exactly what this Government wants because uneducated people can't see through their lies and bigotry. Let's face it, this Government has trashed all public services and the economy – the EU referendum was a tool they used to hide their incompetence. Even worse they are scapegoating immigrants to divide communities. It is disgraceful. We need urgent laws to stop politicians from being able to blatantly lie – is there an integrity bucket outside the Houses of Parliament for it to be thrown in once they cross the threshold? Thankfully, Jeremy and his team by-pass that bucket. LISTEN TO HIS TRUTHS.
One thing I love about University is the diversity of people on campus – student and staff. I feel part of the big, wide world, surrounded by amazing people with fascinating lives and backgrounds. I feel I spend my whole life apologizing for the bigotry being peddled by the politicians. The ignorance scares me and repulses me. I do not and will never support segregation and alienation. Prejudice repulses me. I wish people would understand it is Government policies across the world that prevents us all from living in peace and harmony.
Last night (Friday) we had our constituency Labour Party meeting with guest speaker, Angela Rayner, Shadow Education Secretary. I almost had a very embarrassing moment when she talked of her childhood and the lack of support. Honestly, I had to fight back the tears. It hit right at the heart of how I felt. I managed to hold it together until I got home, when I burst into tears telling Wes what had been said. It's tough getting over deeply embedded feelings - it's little reminders that bring them flooding back.
BUT…and it's a HUGE but… last night I realised how far I have come… ON MY OWN. I know I can achieve my ultimate goals. I have had a brilliant week at University – I am organized and learning things I never imagined I would, including Portuguese. I am proof you can teach an old dog new tricks. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Today (Saturday) the boys are happily doing their own thing so I am going to be reading – ICT and the Environment AND Managing Information in a Digital Economy… it won't float everyone's boat but it does mine.I guess the lesson this week has to be to find something you love and go for it. Don't let people put you off. For me, it is books and reading and writing. I feel reinvigorated even though I am physically exhausted. The exhaustion is from being a Mum of a student who has well and truly found student life!! It was Leeds varsity this week…need I say more.
Sometimes it is really tough and seems impossible, to break a downward cycle. I know from bitter experience BUT it can be done.My advice, for what it is worth:1.    Pick something you love2.    Ignore the doubters3.    Get rid of the doubters – yep! Totally GONE.4.    Never, ever accept you have to 'fit in' or 'conform' - Some rules are meant to be broken like shackles off slaves!5.    Get support – surround yourself with people who believe in you. 6.    Work hard 7.    Keep going
Sod what 'society' expects! Nothing ever changes if we all stay the same. For thirty plus years I've been an outcast, daring to use the 's' word – SOCIALISM. Ha…now…I can say…I was right!
Be the exception to the rule. For the first time in my long, bumpy road, I know I want to be a researcher/lecturer and continue to write. Me…from a council estate and a single Mum. How dare I break the mould. How dare I get ideas above my station? I DARE and I WILL. I hope you will too. Whatever 'it' is – DO IT! FLIPPING DO IT!!
We can all change the world in our own, unique way.Much love 

Comfort zone...what's that

It’s been a manic week. Honestly, I had a total wobble on Thursday. I was exhausted, the Meniere’s was a real pain and I was in University all day, looking at new subjects I have not done before. Fair to say, I wanted to run away, hide and lock myself in the house. Understated, I was a little overwhelmed with the amount of reading and work I have to do for the Master’s degree, I know… I did expect it but it’s a bit of a brain overload. Needless to say, I will rise to the challenge. For the first time in my entire life, I know exactly what I want to do and where I want to be. That’s very exciting. I am totally out of my comfort zone but with like minded people.
Learning and motivation to learn is infectious and one of the reasons I write this blog. Lucas has taken his reading book to bed with him every night this week, without debate or discussion. I’m so proud of his attitude and that he sees us studying and wants to do it himself.
Wes has been on a week’s residential to the Lake District with his Uni course. We missed him but no one more than Lucas. By the end of the week he was really down and asking how many hours before he returned. That’s what I only ever wanted – a sibling bond between them that is unbreakable. They are truly superstars.
In the last six months our lives have changed by epic proportions but one thing remains – our family unit remains tighter than ever.
Master’s Degree
I am going green. My Master’s is in Information and Technology and I have chosen ICT and the Environment, Managing Information in the Digital and Global Environment and Project Management. I want to do something to change how IT is taught in High Schools and you know me… when I start with a bee in my bonnet – it buzzes until its free and done!



Writing

Beyond the Past


Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me? Read the first three chapters FREE on my websiteAvailable from:Pegasus Publishers Amazon UKKindleAmazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-
I have almost finished the ending of Beyond the Lies – well, the new ending that is. I apologise for the delay in publishing this but I’m not rushing it. I promise you it will be worth it…I think.I am still waiting ever so patiently for anyone to take Streetwise. I won’t give up and really believe my time will come.The Nanny is coming along…I can’t put into words how happy I am at the moment. Long may it continue and I suspect it will as long as I do what is best for me and my imperfectly perfect family. Please follow your dreams and don’t give up. For me, the UK Government has announced PhD loans from 2018. Ideally I would like an arts council scholarship but at least now I have a plan b and you know how much us Mums love a plan b and c, d, e, f, g, h, I, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z… then we wing it!
Have a fabulous week and just GO FOR IT. I love autumn. It's my favourite time of year.
Much love…

Embracing Change

Einstein once said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. In 2015, UK Labour performed poorly (understated for diplomatic reasons) in the UK General Election. Yet, ex-leaders and some MPs will not accept the party needs a seismic shift in order to be remotely electable again. Speaking with ex-Labour voters, their main gripe was "they're all the same now. They're only interested in the money they can make for themselves and claiming expenses." Not once did I hear, "they're too left wing."

Most people, I believe, are not interested in right or left wing. It is terminology used by the media and Westminster elite to bully and scare us. In reality, people want policies that make their lives easier and give them a stable, secure job and viable, accessible services for their family. Love him or loathe him, Jeremy Corbyn offers all this and so much more. Not only has he proven he is honest, principled and incorruptible but he has some great progressive policies to take us into a new technological and economic age. I love his policies – believe me I have studied them – particularly on education, health and the economy. He speaks my language and so does John McDonnell. His critics want you to believe we are going backwards when, in fact, the policies take us forward and strive for equality and prosperity. This is a very popular agenda and that is why opponents don’t like it.
I get really cross and frustrated when some MPs and political analysts complain Jeremy can't speak to the electorate, only members. Who do these people think new members are? In less than twelve months, Jeremy and his team have motivated half a million people – let that sink in for a while. Half a million, disenfranchised people. Imagine what we could achieve with unbiased media coverage and a fully united party. We can and we must win the next General Election. Jeremy WILL be our next Prime Minister and change the agenda from war and corruption to peace and prosperity for everyone in society, not just the privileged few. Very exciting and interesting times indeed. I raise a glass this evening to all my fellow Labour members, to Jeremy Corbyn, John McDonnell and all the young MPs who stepped up and work so hard when others refused to. They challenged themselves for us, pushed themselves out of their comfort zones. Well done and thank you.
One last quote from Einstein, "We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
Masters Study
So I did it. I took the plunge and I have honestly been like a kid at Christmas, especially in the library. BOOKS! BOOKS! And more BOOKS!
However, in true Charles household style, the first day did not go according to plan. Lucas had a stomach bug and was off school – thankfully I had a plan B – us Mums do! On top of that I was bitten by an insect on the Friday before and had a really bad reaction. I couldn't get in to see the doctor so I had to treat it myself based on past experience. On the day of registration, we turned up to Uni and I dropped Wes off and tried to get a parking space. I had to park a quarter of a mile away and walk back with a badly swollen foot. Honestly, I just laugh at these hiccups now. I've been through so many – nothing actually is straight forward but at least I can say, it is never boring!
It has been like a military operation this week – syncing Uni timetables, childcare and sporting activities for Lucas including time for writing. It's tough but it is worth it and we can do it. Bless my children. Wes is going to get the bus through to Lucas' school on Thursday afternoons so I can attend a Project Management lecture. We make an amazing team and I am so grateful. Lucas is super excited to have his big brother pick him up and go on a bus! I wonder how long the novelty will last, especially through winter!  I am so grateful for the people I have around me who support my own personal development. Whatever you want to do, it IS possible. Don't underestimate yourself and don't, ever listen to the doubters.
On my 'epic' walk into Uni, I went through the same old shit, "I can't do this," but I did and it was great. I have met some great friends, old and new and I'm incredibly excited with the new challenge. I know I can smash it!
Homemade - bad boy!I always do more when I have more to do. I'm more organised and motivated.  The house is clean, the boys are still getting homemade food, help with homework goes on, my study plan is drafted, files organized and my writing continues on a part time bases. I am one very happy lady and Mummy. Long may it continue. I hope I feel this relaxed when my assignments are due or when I'm sitting the exams. I suspect not!!
My Portuguese class starts on the 3rdOctobers and I'm so grateful to Grandma Dot for looking after Lucas so I can do this and my studies, although, I suspect, she is as excited as Lucas is.  Wes is away next week on a residential as part of his course. I am jealous, he is going to one of my favourite haunts. I'm so proud of how he has settled into his new student life even if he is a little tired!
Life is not perfect but it's pretty damn close. Do me a favour… go out there this week and do what makes you happy. Your happiness and success is in your hands.
Much love

Trust your instincts

My blog posts are written from the heart. They are honest, based upon my life experiences, my observations and my instincts. For years, I was deceived into believing my instincts were so wrong that I never trusted myself. I was paranoid I had something wrong with me because I was duped into believing I was totally wrong based on people lying. NOT ANYMORE. Now I know I was right all along. What's more telling is when you write honestly and it provokes an over the top, cynical and silly reaction – only proving my instincts and observations were right all, the comments now serve as a boost to my self-confidence. As I've said on so many occasions, if you cut someone out of your life and they don't leave a gaping hole, they should never have been there in the first place. They do say, however, people are either a blessing or a lesson.
Thursday evening was bizarre and surreal, a real light bulb moment. The storyline of Tracey in Emmerdale being made to feel worthless in childhood, affecting her adulthood decisions, really struck a chord. One of those 'stopped in your tracks' moment. Then, I watched BBC Question Time and witnessed the most horrific, despicable bullying and a vicious, sustained attack on a decent man. What made it much worse was, it was orchestrated. The winks, nudges and nods from Dimbleby, Soubry and Campbell reminded me of why our politicians are no longer trusted. The masonic cult within our hierarchy was on display for everyone to see. It was truly appalling and if I'm totally honest, heart breaking. To see a Labour man, claiming to love the party and want to save it, side with a Bullingdon Boy and a Tory MP summarised how far the Labour Party has lost its true values, the values I have instilled in my children – justice, fairness, equality and above all else, tolerance!
No BULLYING or ABUSE can ever be tolerated. We have laws to deal with them – take the accusations to the police and let them investigate them. That is the adult thing to do. Throwing accusations without physical evidence diminishes the bullying and abuse victims suffer daily. Campbell, in my view, brought the party into disrepute and should be suspended pending a full investigation. He is not even an elected Member of Parliament and therefore only represents his own views, like I do.

Having said all that, judging from the reaction on social media, the stunt has spectacularly backfired. These people really need to stop insulting our intelligence. They need to remember you cannot hide who you really are. Eventually, you show your true colours. Jeremy and John have selflessly worked in public service without corruption!! Let's face it, we knew after a successful PMQs, the smearers were going to up their game. Only this is not a game – people depend on us to help make their lives better. I'm disgusted and demoralised with grown up adults behaving so badly in the public domain. Just ask yourselves:What must the world think of our lying politicians?How can we ever think we can have global credibility when our elected members behave worse than children?How can Owen Smith ever be electable or taken seriously when he will NOT accept a democratic decision unless it provides the result he wants. Even worse for me, how can Labour ever be taken seriously to fight against the world's evil dictators and advocate democracy, when the party refuses to accept democratic results.Everyone knows I wanted to stay within the EU and I did try and persuade people the politicians were lying but the democratic result has been delivered. Instead of fighting this decision, how about we pass urgent legislation prevented elected members lying or deceiving the public with disqualification of office if proven correct? I know Jeremy Corbyn is not the messiah or perfect but he has proven over thirty years, he is incorruptible and that, in itself, is an invaluable and rare commodity in this day and age.  I genuinely believe the majority of people will vote for policies that make their lives easier and not because the policies are right or left wing. The Westminster bubble need bursting with the Corbyn pin. 
Sheffield Eagles Unfortunately the professional club that gave Wes his chance in rugby league is struggling and may not survive after this month. You can read the full story on their website 
If you can please donate to their survival fund and share the link for the gofundme page amongst your friends.    FamilyTime
We've been venturing out on family walks after school. Well, Lucas has been chasing Pokemon and as he is not allowed unaccompanied, we've been out with the football. It is great family time together and, quite often, Lucas ditches the Pokemon to play football with us.   

This week we went to Roundhay Park instead of our usual haunt, Temple Newsam. It was Eid and the park was buzzing with Muslim families celebrating together. It made me realise how lucky we are to live in a diverse, vibrant and mostly tolerant city. Lucas wanted to gatecrash the barbecues. Instead, he decided to turn his hand to photography. These are his photos and he's definitely uncovered a hidden talent.




Scriptwriting
Jimmy McGovern is, without doubt, one of my writing heroes. This week I was reading about his own life which inspired me not to give up writing or my principles. His writing is always honest and takes you through a whole range of emotions during one piece. It's remarkable.
I am trialing the software First Draft this month. Previously I have used open source software and devised my own beat sheet and character sheets. These are incorporated into the system. So, far I like it. I'll let you know how I get on.
The Nanny
This is my main project. I toned it down but I've decided not to and stick to my own beliefs which means it's an explosive, hopefully, thought provoking piece. 









Right, I'm off to do some writing while the boys are doing their own thing. Later, we'll be going out to enjoy the last days of the September sun. Have a fabulous weekend. Next week, Wes and I start our University courses – I do hope Leeds Beckett know what they're letting themselves in for.
Much love

Hope and Unity – Our Greatest Strengths

Sometimes it's important to remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. I can assure you it's not for the money in my case – well, maybe a long term incentive. If it was for a short term gain, I would have given up years ago! We do desperately need some money coming in but, since Meniere's, it has been almost impossible to find a sympathetic employer. That's a great shame because I have so much experience and knowledge. I'm also ambitious, creative and continually wanting to improve.
Now, on top of writing, I know which career direction I am taking. I'm not prepared to be written off by Meniere's. I have a plan and no-one or nothing is going to stop me from pursuing it and achieving my goals. Life is for living and I am damn sure I am going to wring every last drop out of mine.
It's time to cut out all the doubts, the 'I can’t do this' and 'I'm not god enough' and hold my head up high and shout, "I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS. I'M A PUBLISHED AUTHOR, A GREAT MUM, A MASTER'S STUDENT AND A THOROUGHLY DECENT HUMAN BEING.' How many can actually declare that? I'm perfectly imperfect in every way but I'm a trier and everyone loves a trier…right?
This is my last week before I start my Master's degree. Leeds Beckett University holds a special place in my heart – it is a place that gives me self-confidence and self-belief. I love the vibrant atmosphere and mulling around the library. I've also signed up for lessons in either Portuguese or Italian, one evening a week.
I am continuing my writing at the same time as studying. It is important for my future career progression in the industry of my choice. More importantly, I love what I do. I draw strength from all your positive reviews and a huge sense of achievement at the end of one project and the start of another.
Writing
This week's writing has taken me to Lulea in Sweden and Marbella in Spain without even leaving my desk! Two very contrasting settings, chosen for, just that. In the future, I hope I can travel to these places, when my finances allow me, and write whilst there but in the meantime I have my other sources. One of the best parts of writing is the transportation away from the stresses of my own life into imaginary worlds. When I'm writing about Marbella, I can feel the sun on my face and the surrounding tranquility of a sea resort. Lulea offers the crisp snow and a winter chill drawing you into a log cabin with a raging fire. I have a great sense of calm when writing and enter into my own little world. It's very therapeutic.
I also love the flexibility of writing. I write anywhere - bed, kitchen whilst cooking, outside school waiting for Lucas, outside the gym whilst Wes trains (I'm the taxi!), even in the supermarket pushing the trolley when a rush of ideas flow out of my brain! I write everywhere and anywhere. One contract would secure our future – just one. Giving up is NOT in my DNA. 

Labour Leadership It is two weeks until the result will be known. We desperately need Jeremy Corbyn to be re-elected and Labour MPs to accept the decision. I suspect the latter will not happen otherwise we would not be going through this pointless charade. I will be doing all I can to support Jeremy Corbyn as I genuinely believe the ideas he has and John McDonnell's economic policy, will bring greater opportunities for everyone in this country. For me, though, their biggest appeal is their impenetrable stance against corruption. Having lived through Hillsborough, Orgreave, child abuse allegations and the banking crisis, the corruption through the whole system is glaringly obvious, as is the institutional prejudice and elitism and that, sadly, includes within the Labour Party.
Our country is more divided now than ever before, caused by those who want to seek to divide us and make us weak enough not to resist or hallenge their gravy train. It's ironic, though, these very people know our real strength if we all stick together. Strength through unity is the establishments greatest fear. They will use anything to stop us joining together including despicable racism and segregation. Thatcher started the breaking up of our communities, our trade unions and advocating and effectively creating New Labour. In my humble opinion, Thatcher did a bloody good job instilling a sense of inferiority into the Labour Party. Too many Labour MPs, including Owen Smith, believe we have to become like the Tories to beat them. I believe we lost General Elections and credibility by doing just that. 
I totally disagree. I think people want definitive principles. Labour offered no real alternative until now. At last we have a Labour movement again, all working together for the greater good…or we will once the Parliamentary Labour Party realise Jeremy brings hope, unity and strength to the Labour Party. His leadership has also highlight the extraordinary young talent we have in Parliament - Richard Burgon, Rebecca Long-Bailey, Angela Rayner, Kate Osamor and Clive Lewis - to name a few. They recognise the urgent need for change and have worked very well under enormous pressure caused by other MPs withdrawing their service to the shadow cabinet.
Ask yourself – where do our taxes go? We pay tax for public services, the NHS, education, social care… yet, all the taxes we pay are NOT used for these, otherwise they would not be in crisis. Instead, money is diverted to fund bank bailouts, wars, airstrikes and MPs' extortionate expenses. We allow them to manipulate us – make us believe we have to live within our means while forcing our children to accept tens of thousands of pounds of debt so they have a degree from the education system our taxes are supposed to pay for!!  I don’t understand why people fall for it. State pension is not a welfare payment – you have PAID for it all your working life!
Jeremy has woken people up and will continue to do so. Please WAKE UP! We can do this – we can join together and under Jeremy's leadership, we can eradicate the lies, the fat cats and turn around the fortunes of millions instead of the elite few. We do have HOPE – at last! I'll jump off my soap box now.
Well, I'm off to spend some quality time with the boys and sneak in some writing when they retreat to their Xboxes. Have a fabulous weekend. MAKE IT COUNT.
Much love 

Time is too precious…

I had so much planned for today but Meniere's has raised its ugly head. My head is full, my thoughts stuck within the brain fog and I can hear both my own pulse and footsteps reverberating through my ear drums. It is really off putting when you are trying to concentrate and hear what people have to say. Still, at least I am on my feet and not confined to bed. I won't apologise for this post if its seems unorganised – welcome to my world on a day like today.
John Lennon had a huge influence on my early life. I loved his music, his love he shared with Yoko and spent so much time researching his childhood and life in Liverpool. I was devastated when he was killed but one line always sticks in my mind the most, especially when I think of my children. It's from a song on his last album, Double Fantasy, called Beautiful boy (Darling Boy) – written for Sean, his son.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
Meniere's and life have taught us we don't want to be too busy making other plans. Yes, we have goals and dreams but too much time can be wasted thinking and contemplating those goals and dreams. I used to be guilty of it.
Wes said to me recently that Meniere's has enabled us to make the good days count more and he is absolutely right. Too much of our short time on this earth is thinking of our past, what went wrong and of the future – what could be. We, as a family have decided to focus on the present. We intend to enjoy all that we have now and this is NOT financial – as any writer will tell you. 
Life will throw curveballs, smacking you straight in the face when you least expect it! Most of them come from events and circumstances out of your control. Unfortunately, that is life. It's how you heal, learn and rebuild that counts. 
We've made a conscious decision to stand strong as a family regardless of what is thrown at us. We intend to make the most of all our precious time together and apart. This clearly shone through in, what has been, the best summer holiday we have ever had. We didn't have much money (that's an understatement). We had something more precious - time together. As a family, we hate shopping and sitting in pubs and restaurants. Give us a picnic and a wide open field, with or without goal posts and we'll spend hours enjoying each other's company and having fun. Alternatively, give us a pyjama day, playing board games, eating and drinking home cooked foods and we'd be just as happy. 
Our family trip to Wales in August was so relaxing yet we did every conceivable activity – archery, golf, bike hire and the beach every day. Everyone mucked in and we all thoroughly enjoyed our precious time together. More is to come.
My dreams are still achievable but my focus is different – how it should be and how it was intended to be without me putting unnecessary pressure on myself to the detriment of my health and our family time. We are stronger than ever as a family and the boys are included in every major decision made. I value their input and I know they value being consulted. It's the way we are, it works well and I don’t care if people don't understand or like it!

It's the same with people who don’t understand Meniere's, basically 90% of the population. Whilst I will continue to raise awareness of this invisible monster, I won't justify the way I live my life. A valuable lesson from Meniere's is some people will use your differences as a stick to beat you with. Thankfully, it is a lesson I have taught both boys and armed them with education, which is a potent anti-dote to ignorance. My advice – BE DIFFERENT! BE YOU!
As well as starting my Masters, I have the opportunity to start a 26 weeks evening class in a language. After family consultation, my first choice is Portuguese followed by Italian – it is all part of our master plan. I don't know who is more excited – me or Lucas!
MY MOTTO IN LIFE : NEVER STOP LEARNING.
WRITING
When Meniere's happened, I did go into a few years of utter panic along with depression. As a single Mum, it is daunting to lose your only source of income, have the responsibility of young children, try to deal with daily symptoms and having no one around you who understands what you are going through. No one can understand the downward spiral until you have been in the position yourself. Now I can help others going through the same turmoil.
Over the last twelve months, I have calmed down. I'm much more relaxed, partly because it helps reduce the symptoms and partly due to the reality of going with the flow more. This is reflected in my writing. When I wrote my first book, I went at it at 100 mph! I was desperate to earn money and prove this monster was not going to beat me!
It's silly now looking back but at the time, I needed to do it as part of the acceptance process. Now I plan more, write more and edit more. I also research more and spend more time reading about the craft of writing. It takes time to adjust and come to terms with major life changing decisions.  I'm a much better writer and person for all the struggle I have been through.
PROJECTS
Beyond the Past
Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?
Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0
Beyond the LiesI am re-writing the ending - I think being able to self assess your work and listening to your reading helper makes you a much better writer. This ending is explosive stuff. 

Streetwise













The Nanny  










I have a number of new ideas that are formulating from our summer holiday. 
Although the schools have gone back and I am missing my partner in crime, I love this time of year – the low sun, the changing of the colours and the anticipation of the exciting things we have coming up. My life is worlds away from what it was… it is much more exciting, peaceful and fulfilling than it has ever been even when I was an Associate Director with a big fat pay check and company car. Some things in life, like time and family, are truly priceless.

Whatever you do in life - treasure TIME - it is very precious.
Much love.





P.S. I've been reading lots of news reports from around the world recently discussing the UK's problem of xenophobia since the EU referendum. Let me say it started before the referendum by our MPs who used a disgusting islamaphobic campaign in the Mayoral elections in London. To all my friends, new and old across the world, these despicable opinions are not shared by all us decent Brits. I have fought all my life for equality and tolerance. I wanted to stay in the EU, I still wanted to be part of a caring and tolerant, but more importantly, EQUAL world. Love to all.

Ctrl, Alt, Del…reset.

Do you ever just sit back and think "Wow! I did that!" No? Well…you should. I say that tongue in cheek because, until this month, I haven't. You can get so wrapped up in surviving, deflecting criticism, following your dreams, helping your children follow theirs and listening to negativity, that you forget to look at your achievements so far. Remember, nothing is absolute. At any point in your life, you can press control, alt and delete and basically reset your life. Sure, some things you can wipe out but you can move forward and re- configure your life. All you need is will power, faith and hard work.
People's negativity towards your life and your choices is as a result of their ignorance and their perception of what a 'perfect life' is. Let's be straight here – A PERFECT LIFE IS NON-EXISTENT! 
Life, for me, boils down this… it is YOUR LIFE, YOUR CHOICE, YOUR CHANCE. No one has the right to tell you, you can't succeed – you can! No one gets an easy life (unless you're a Royal of course). You have to work hard and you have to accept there will be bumps, or huge mountains in your way. You can choose to ride over them or around them but don’t choose to give up. This is where I am now in my life. I have wasted too much time thinking or being told I wasn't worthy or clever enough.  Honestly, it's an absolute load of rubbish!! Some people will not want you to succeed, they don't want you to achieve what they themselves don't dare to try for. Let's face it, I could land on the moon, invent life-saving equipment or a discover a vaccine and yet some will still despise me or criticise me.  I say ignore them and go for it! Follow what makes you happy.
I know my faults and I know my limitations. I choose to exceed those limitations and right some of my faults. The only true support I have had during this time has been from the boys and my very close circle of friends. The circle has contracted even more recently and I could not be happier. Those doubters, obstacles and mountains have been removed! I have no ambitions or inclinations to surround myself with dozens of people pretending to support me. I'm far too busy creating the next chapters in our lives to deal with silly drama. I have set my new goals for the next six months. It's very exciting.
Spending time with the boys and Erin over the summer holidays, has reinforced the importance of genuine family time, precious time with people who make me smile and who create a natural, happy environment. When you strip back the artificial stresses imposed by external forces, you really see the beauty of the people around you and the beauty in yourself. 
We've had the best summer ever, with a short break down to Morfar Bychan in Wales (one of my favourite places - you can see why).









Lucas reached a milestone of ten - TEN! Where did the time go. It poured it down all day but we still had a barbecue and the boys played in the paddling pool in the rain. Seeing the smiles on their faces was truly priceless.





Wes achieved his place on the course of his choice at University and is ready, and excited, to start a new chapter in his life.

 
Yes, I sit back and look at what I created and nurtured. I am truly blessed and love my little, imperfect family.










Writing
I have struggled to find words recently but I'm back – can you tell? I have a strong feeling my hands are going to struggle to keep up with my brain. It's not a bad position to be in. I have so many new ideas and projects to complete – one glorious step at a time. 




Masters
Over the next few weeks, I am preparing to study a Masters in Information Technology. I couldn't secure funding for the PhD this year but I haven't given up! Where there is a will, there is a way.


Right, I'm off to enter my screenplay into a few competitions. You never know your luck! Have a fabulous week. I can’t believe we only have one week left before the school term starts. I am going to miss having little legs at home even though I can go for hours before seeing him emerge from his little den. Still, he is happy and his mental well being is vital for his future growth. The only time I do see him is for food and to escort him in his search for Pokemon!! I love it really.
Enjoy your week x

Life is blooming tough…but thrilling too

The side effects of lies
I am currently dealing with so many issues, I feel like my head is about to explode. It's tough being on your own. We all need a sounding board but we don’t want to sound like we're moaning all the time. 
One of the side effects of Meniere's is lack of self-confidence. It's tough to know when the next attack will strike. Do you stay in? Do you venture out? Do you tell people about your illness? Do you keep it to yourself? Will people understand? Will people misunderstand when you can't attend events? Whilst I try to get on with life and, I think, I do quite well most of the time, I do have days when I can't breathe from the fear within me. This fear has also been fed by the terrible monster unleashed by peoples' lies about me. They have killed my self-esteem and confidence many times over.  I am trying to come to terms with years of being told my instincts were wrong and I was paranoid, only to discover and prove beyond any doubt, my instincts were 100% correct and I wasn't paranoid…EVER!
I am not angry at the lies. I'm angry that I spent all my life second guessing because I believed I couldn't trust my own instincts. When people I loved told me I was wrong, I was paranoid and stupid, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. For years, I have avoided relationships and friendships because I thought I was incapable of being loved or loving back. Can you imagine that? 
When I finally had irrefutable evidence, I was angrier with myself, than the perpertrators. I had allowed myself to be manipulated. I couldn't work out what I had done to deserve the treatment I received. Now, I don’t think I did anything wrong other than denying it was happening and not turning my back on it years ago. 
From day to day I get flashbacks of events that happened many years ago – my reactions to them range from anger, sickness and floods of tears. It is all part of the healing process and I am so thankful Wes has been helping me to come to terms with it. Some days are better than others but I have no choice other than to work through this while keeping my head held high, bring the boys up, support them, the house and forge a new career for myself. I realise just how strong and determined I am. 
Lies MUST be uncovered and called out but more importantly, people need to accept the consequences of those lies and the bullying and manipulation that follows when trying to cover up the lies. Honesty is the best policy. Own your mistakes, apologise where you need to and most of all, LEARN not to repeat. 
I am impatient. The trouble is, the enormity and emotions of the events take over every single aspect of your life. The fight to stop it taking over creates another conflict to get over! Some days, I feel like I am on a constant cycle of pain between a broken heart and broken ears. In between all this, I am trying to live my life and build a new career.  I want to wave a magic wand, get over my past and move on. If only it was that simple! Instead, I am fudging day by day and know one day, hopefully not in the too distant future, the fudging will be replaced with calm acceptance of my new, peaceful life.
Until then, I accept the struggle but won't give up on my children or my dreams. My enrolling on a Masters course is part of the process of getting out and not hiding away. I love being around like minded people and if I can get over the fears instilled over many years of abuse, I know I can succeed in all of my dreams. I refuse to give up!!
Before anyone reads this as self-indulgent wallowing, it most certainly is NOT. So many people are lied to or lied about; so many people are bullied by the people who pretend to love them. I just want those people to know, you are not alone. Message me. I can't promise I have the answers but I can lend you an ear so you are not going through it all alone. 
WritingI confess, I have not written much over the last two weeks. I have been reading up on writing techniques and reading many writers' works. It's important to me to pick up the craft of writing and extend my knowledge but now it is back to finishing the work I have started.
The NannyThis is progressing well. There is lots of research involved in this project which I absolutely love.










 Streetwise

Is out in the market place, still.












Beyond the Past


Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?
Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Kindle
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0
MastersI am looking forward to going back to University to study Information Technology. People are surprised when I tell them I am not doing a Master in writing but I want to broaden my horizon and my career prospects. Nothing wrong with having more strings to your bow.I can’t wait to get stuck into my new challenge and know I can do this and write. I will still be pursuing funding for my PhD.
I am off to get ready for the first pre-season football training session this evening. I do love the summer holidays but autumn is my favourite time of year. Good luck to all the students getting their A level results tomorrow. I do hope you get what you want. We are anxious here but it's not the end of the world or life and death!!Have a fabulous week and please, be kind to everyone.
Much love

It's good to talk

This week I'm in the process of re-writing the end of Beyond the Lies and not because I didn't like the ending I had written. I have lost my favourite ending! Yes, LOST IT - vanished from my laptop! I wrote two endings and kept them saved separately from the manuscript, only now I can't find the ending I wanted! Typical! And the one phrase that sprang to mind – KISS – keep it simple stupid!!
Serves me right really! I should not have been indecisive – that's what happens when people plant doubt into your mind. 
I've also been working on The Nanny now for just over twelve months. Development takes time and so does the writing. I'm not going to rush anymore work – I admit, I did with the first novel because I was a desperate, single parent. I still am but much more chilled about it all now. Thank goodness my boys are totally supportive and not materialistic. It would be nice to not have to juggle money around. I look forward to the day when the bills are automatically paid without worry! We all have dreams!
PhD Update
Until then, I am going to keep going. If I don't, the last five year's struggle would have been in vain. I've applied for a part time job to complement the Masters I am about to embark on. This will give me a year to find funding for my PhD. As a single Mum, I need to be close to home – to juggle school runs, football, rugby, illness and education. The research council has confirmed my research falls well within their remit but I they won't fund it at my nearest University. The whole system needs an overhaul in my humble opinion. Research funding should be provided to the individual not the institution – the institution should act as guarantor. The system hinders equality and prevents development outside the 'clique' establishments. 
My PhD study will provide invaluable research for the future delivery of Computing in High Schools. All I would like is an opportunity to give our children greater chance of success in life. If my screenplay is taken up by a production company, I would fund my own study but until then the research councils are supposed to be there to provide funding. I won't give up – I am annoyingly persistent when I am right! Let's stop inequality.
Mental Health
As exam results days' loom, this time of year always makes me worry about mental health. Mine know exams are not the be all and end all.  I have written about this before. Suicide is the biggest single killer of men under the age of 45 and mental health has always been a big concern for me as a Mum.  I have always created a culture of open discussion with the boys, to the point that, as soon as they get into the car after a day at school, they naturally tell me their full day – warts and all. Sometimes, their honesty surprises me but it shouldn't. If you teach children from a very early age it is perfectly normal to talk about your feelings and create an environment where it is very easy to express their emotions, it becomes second nature for them not to bottle things up. 
I get so many parents telling me their children never tell them anything about their school day. It makes me so proud mine will tell me everything – I mean everything! More importantly, they are not afraid to show their true emotions. 
My determination to ensure a fully open relationship stems from not having anyone to talk to when I was being bullied at school. I have had to overcome so much alone and know, sometimes how close I came to giving up on life!
I am so passionate about mental health of my boys. When Sheffield Eagles decided to end their Reserves side, I was really worried how Wes would handle it. To his credit, he handled it really well. We talked a lot about it and his feelings. Just knowing someone is there to listen, means the world.
ItsOkayToTalk  #ANDYSMANCLUB
Even if my boys didn't have the support system in place, I would hope they had somewhere to turn. #AndysManClub is an initiative set up by rugby league player, Luke Ambler and his partner, Lisa Roberts after the tragic suicide of Andy Robert's, Lisa's brother.  Their initiative is to provide a safe space for men to go and talk about how they feel and what is worrying them. 
Luke is raising money through JustGiving to provide #AndyManClub across the UK. Please support this cause. Please click HERE.
Luke has worked tirelessly to promote on social media through the hashtag #ItsOkayToTalk. You can get involved by posting your 'OK Selfies' and nominating 5 of your friends. There has already been global interest including Ricky Gervais. You can follow all this on Twitter at @andymanclubuk.
I wish Luke and Lisa all the very best. It is such an incredibly important initiative and highlights as always, MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS.
Family Time
I'm taking some time off this weekend to spend some quality time with the boys. We have one week to go before the A level results and Uni prep and two weeks before Lucas' 10th birthday – TEN! TEN! Where does the time go?
No matter how busy life gets, spend time with your children – you are their greatest teacher and role model.
Labour Leadership
Okay, I tried… but I can’t get through a blog without mentioning this. We had our nomination meeting this week and I am pleased my constituency nominated Jeremy again. I wish we were not having this battle at all but we are. There are three lessons I've taught the boys that are totally relevant to this leadership campaign.
Always check the motive and source of any information. You only have to look at the twitter accounts of some of the rebel MPs to see their vile language and their motives. There was never any intention to make the new leadership work in spite of a democratic vote. Don't suffer from hostile deafness – you'll never hear what is being said if you already hate the messenger – no matter how much these words and subsequent actions will benefit you. That's what I believe some MPs suffer from.Always make your decision based on what's best for those who will be impacted the most by your decisions.  We have been consistently let down by central Govt. That won't change by voting for the 'same'. We have to be bold. I want a Labour Government that prioritises education, health, job security and decent pay. In addition, mental health will NOT be a priority unless we have a Government who listens, understands and funds proper care. More talk, more funding, more action!

Have a lovely week – the UK is supposed to be heading for another heatwave – translates to my overseas friends as a 'bit of sun'. Keep smiling and enjoy life. 
Much love