Greg Marcus's Blog, page 2

Harm Reduction as a Mussar Humility Practice

This has been a challenging month for me, as it has been for many in the Jewish and Jewish adjacent communities. The War in Israel has cut to the core in ways that I can’t begin to enumerate. Many people both inside and outside of the Jewish community are fragile and overwrought by the scale of death and suffering, and the surge of antisemitism around the world.

This week as we enter our second week practicing Humility, I’m asking myself how much space I should take up. I’ve decided to take a harm reduction approach, and I invite you to join me this practice. Harm reduction has its roots in drug treatment, and assumes that everyone has dignity, and that sometimes we can reduce harm to ourselves and others even if we can’t or won’t stop using completely. 

The idea behind a harm reduction as a Mussar Humility practice is to assume that everyone is having a difficult time, and avoid things that could cause more pain. For example, I have friends who think Israel needs to end the occupation immediately. While I disagree, I am not going to get into it with them. This is particularly important on Facebook or social media. A time will come for us to work out these differences, but now is not the time, and social media certainly is not the place. In fact, I am reducing harm to myself by limiting my time on social media.

This practice is particularly important for me because I have been wracked by judgement, and set off by small things. For example, in a class this week we became “sidetracked” only five minutes into class by a series of questions from my fellow students . I was disturbed, and ready to ask that we “get back on track.” Two things held me back. First, I realized that it was not my place to tell a professor how to run their class. Just because I didn’t like it did not mean it was the wrong way to go. And second, I realized that my objections could potentially upset the professor and my fellow students engaged in a lively discussion. “I don’t want to do any harm here,” I said to myself and kept quiet. After the break the professor shared how happy and excited he was at the participation, and that the content per se was not as important as our collective engagement with the material. I was really happy that I’d kept my mouth shut.

Alan Morinis wrote, “No more than my place. Not less than my space.” Now it is particularly important to be mindful of how much space to take up.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

The post Harm Reduction as a Mussar Humility Practice first appeared on American Mussar.

The post Harm Reduction as a Mussar Humility Practice appeared first on American Mussar.

Contemplating Mussar Silence In Tel Aviv

Silence at a bus stop in Sderot

My wife and I are still in Israel, trying to get a flight out. We went quiet for a few days on Facebook, and people were asking if we were safe. As I am processing what we are experiencing, the soul trait that is most applicable is Silence.

Because sometimes there are no words. What can you say to the murder of hundreds of people? Entire families wiped out?

What to say after watching distraught family members crying on tv in a language I largely don’t understand? What to say about refugee children burst into tears as we walk into the safe area during a rocket attack? The words we say really matter. And for this I have no words. Last year in my Chaplaincy training, we were learned that being present with someone is far more important than talking. We strive to create a safe space for them to process.

I am touched that so many people who have checked in. “Thinking of you and checking in” offers presence and care. I have been bewildered how to answer those who ask if I am safe. I am in a country at war, with missiles flying. I am ok in an area that is relatively ok. But safe?

Silence is the sound of a closed hotel kitchen, no longer serving dinner because the cooks were called into service. Silence is the empty beaches.

Silence also governs speech and other holy sounds. Laughter from children finding toys as they explore the hotel. The relief and black humor from their resilient parents, who are happy we have 90 seconds to get to the shelter instead of 10 seconds like they did in the South.

I had questions for people who on Facebook who said they are praying for peace. The words we say matter. And this is a time to think and contemplate before we speak or write.

“What do you mean by peace?” I might ask. I have more thoughts, but I’m not sure they will benefit either me or you if I share them. So Silence reigns.

The post Contemplating Mussar Silence In Tel Aviv first appeared on American Mussar.

The post Contemplating Mussar Silence In Tel Aviv appeared first on American Mussar.

What Will You Learn This Year After Rosh Hashanah?

How will you nourish your own growth this year?

A Jewish thought leader recently said on a podcast “You can’t teach character.”

As a Mussar guy, I objected – of course you can teach character.

I kept percolating, and realized they were right. And while you can’t teach character, you can learn it. It’s like that old joke: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has to want to change. Indeed, I have gone great pains to say that our weekly Mussar Gathering is not a class, and I am not a teacher. We are on a journey of personal growth together. I can facilitate the process, and we can learn together, but I can’t teach you how to grow and build character. The work is all on your side.

The question I am asking myself this Rosh Hashanah is what do I want to learn next year? I have goals like writing my thesis and getting a job. I’m taking classes in Jewish Education, Hebrew and the prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel. But none of them will teach me, they will only provide me with opportunities for learning. (In fact, I’m realizing that this mindset is influenced by reading in my education class, which invited us to change from a teaching mindset to a learning mindset.)

But our character, who we are, is what we are all invited to put under the microscope during the High Holidays. The prayers, the rituals, at the end of the day they are there to help us with the process of Cheshbon Ha’Nefesh, accounting of the soul.

This is the season where we strive to see ourselves as we truly are, and to love ourselves at we truly are. For if the Divine can forgive us, then we should be able to forgive ourselves. And then from this perspective of self acceptance, we go about growing and correcting our mistakes from the past year.

Wishing you a Sweet New Year, and meaningful learning to guide your journey.

You might also like Let The High Holidays Disrupt Your Life For Good

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

The post What Will You Learn This Year After Rosh Hashanah? first appeared on American Mussar.

The post What Will You Learn This Year After Rosh Hashanah? appeared first on American Mussar.

Psalm 27 Workshop Materials

Week 1 Handout MS Word

Week 1 Handout PDF

Week 1 Slides PDF

Cantor Cohn Video

The post Psalm 27 Workshop Materials first appeared on American Mussar.

The post Psalm 27 Workshop Materials appeared first on American Mussar.

Mussar Perspective on Truth: More Than the Absence of Falsehood

Last week we began exploring the soul trait of Truth. For example, we discussed how flattery is different from praise. For one thing, flattery is motivated by some degree of manipulation, with the hope of personal gain in the short or long run. Praise, on the other hand, is more of a genuine recognition of a positive trait or accomplishment by someone. Notice that they key difference is not whether something is true or not; it is about the motivation of the speaker. Sometimes flattery can encompass saying something that is false, but other times flattery is relaying information that is factually correct. Yes, telling the truth in a manipulative way is flattery, and thus undesirable. You can see the recording here.

Truth is not the same as the absence of falsehood. Indeed, falsehood is easier to identify than the truth. Falsehood is something that is demonstrably inaccurate. For example, I say that I went to the store, when I really went over to my friends house. Therefore the opposite of false is “accurate.”

How often have you been in a conversation with someone where each of you walked away with a different version of what was said? Both of you have true but different versions of what was said. You are both accurately recounting what happened from your perspective, and thus have two versions of what is true. Other times, our opinions masquerade as the truth. Do I look good in this shirt? It is one thing to have an opinion that I do. It is another to assert that no other opinion is possible. Is so and so a terrible person? The answer is an opinion, not a fact.

The second week on Truth started with the statement “Is a baby step a big deal or not?” I shared an insight I had when working with grief clients that relates to this question. And we’ll also look at some of the traps that can lead us to falsehood. You can see the recording here.

Do you agree that Truth is not the opposite of falsehood? What is your take? As always, I’ll answer every comment

 

The post Mussar Perspective on Truth: More Than the Absence of Falsehood appeared first on American Mussar.

Practice Mussar Order When Things Get Crazy

A calm plan b just in case

When I went to log in to the weekly Mussar meeting last week, I was locked out of the Jewish Live account – some zoom reset required me to change the password. I called my contact – No Answer! Five Minutes till the meeting starts. What to do? I stopped for a moment, and then decided to set up a new zoom link from my own account. Although we started 10 minutes late, everyone made it. 

It felt like the universe was sending a message because we are just about to start practicing the soul trait of Order. The best way to practice Order when things get crazy is to plan ahead, and have a plan B already in place. Indeed, this zoom thing happened once before, so I knew that I might need to send out a different link. Of course when we don’t have a plan B already, we need to stop a moment to plan one. Planning is better than reacting when things get crazy. 

But there is a larger issue at play here: Simplification. Jewish Wisdom for Coping with a Pandemic has been going for over three years, using the Jewish Live platform, as well as weekly publicity from my home synagogue. Neither one has sent many, if any, participants lately. Therefore, I decided to simplify by creating a new zoom link from the American Mussar account, and to discontinue the synagogue and Jewish Live Platforms. As a bonus, we can change the name of the meeting now that the pandemic has passed.

This plan to practice Order when things get crazy may seem pretty simple. That’s because it is. While Order does encompass complex mechanisms that only work if everything is just right, we are much better served by robust, simple systems. 

Can you think of a time when your life was improved by simplification? Please hit reply and share. I answer every comment.

Photo by John Diez

New to Mussar? Take the soul trait quiz.

The post Practice Mussar Order When Things Get Crazy appeared first on American Mussar.

Does Time Off Make You Stressed Out? Gratitude Can Help

At long last: A week off! No classes, no internship, no deadlines. And as a result, I’m really stressed out. I find myself pulled into the future, wondering about classes for next year, how to fill gaps I have in service leading, and planning for a return as student Rabbi to the synagogue where I interned.

Some of this may be a rebound from a high octane trip to LA, which featured lots of time with my friends from school and my first in person ordination. After returning from such a great experience, it isn’t always easy to get back into the routine of everyday life. As mindfulness master Jack Kornfield wrote, “After the Ecstasy, The Laundry.” I was so annoyed when I first heard that teaching. I always hoped a vacation and great time would spill over into a greater feeling of satisfaction throughout life. Alas, things don’t work that way.

To help get myself back into the moment, I’m turning to this week’s soul trait: Gratitude. Last week we began exploring Gratitude, focusing on the importance of “enoughness.” You can see the recording here. This is an important first step. Reminding myself that I am enough, even as I work on building professional competencies is important.

In addition, Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda taught that people do not feel gratitude because they become preoccupied with worldly things, and therefore miss out on many opportunities to experience joy. Therefore, I’ll build some time for mindful fun and joy into the week. I am playing some games I like, but it feels a bit more like numbing than actual enjoyment. Time to remedy that!

Do you see a difference between an enjoyable and a numbing activity? Please comment and let me know. I reply to every comment. 

Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash

The post Does Time Off Make You Stressed Out? Gratitude Can Help appeared first on American Mussar.

Ready to Bear the Burden of the Other? The Mussar Quest

Listening and just being there is a powerful way to bear another’s burden. No need to fix, just listen.

Recently, we had perhaps one of our best Mussar gatherings as we started to explore the soul trait of Honor. You can see the recording here. What made is special was how often the stories turned relational. Honor is about recognizing the Divine spark in others and acting accordingly. When we act from a place where we recognize the fundamental worth of others, it become all about relationship.

Rabbi Ira Stone teaches that Mussar is “learning to bear the burden of the other.” If that is our fundamental job, then Honor must play a foundational role in Mussar. Patience becomes staying in relationship with someone who annoys us. Humility becomes not taking space that belongs to another because it might damage the relationship. 

Last week in our breakout groups, we discussed a teaching from 13th century Rabbi  Yonah of Gerondi that stressed the importance of one’s own self worth. If we put this in the context of bearing the burden of the other, we quickly realize that unless we are strong enough to hold our own weight, how can we carry the weight of another?

I wrote this post on the last day of my internship working in bereavement. Over the last nine months, I built my capacity to hear people’s stories without carrying them around for days after. This too was an exercise in Honor. I needed to be able to build my own foundation, to bear their burden while they shared it, and then to not carry it in ways that are not helpful to them, and frankly harmful to me.

How do you relate to the concept of “bearing the burden of the other?” I’d love to hear from you, and as always I answer every email.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

The post Ready to Bear the Burden of the Other? The Mussar Quest appeared first on American Mussar.

Understanding Mussar Wholeness

One of the goals of a Mussar practice is to achieve a state of wholeness. What does that mean exactly? Just the sound of the phrase evokes almost a wistfulness in me, a longing for peace. Indeed, the Hebrew word for wholeness as the same root at the  Hebrew word for peace, which is Shalom.

Wholeness is to be comfortable in one’s own skin, warts and all. We know who we are, including our strengths and weaknesses, and we are at peace with it. That doesn’t mean that we are complacent, or “accepting of mediocrity.” Those phrases give voice to thoughts of self-judgements that can pain us. Rather, part of wholeness is to continue to strive for growth and internal healing. We do that striving from a place of peace and acceptance.

One of the assumptions of an American Mussar practice is: “We are driven by the conflict between the Evil Inclination and the Good Inclination.” Remember that the Evil Inclination is not the Voldmort type of evil – rather it is a label given to our selfish drives, as well as the influence of anger and sexuality. The evil inclination is an essential part of who we are. We don’t seek to get rid of it, but rather to guide it with our Good Inclination. Part of Mussar wholeness is accepting this dynamic, and practicing self-compassion when we miss the mark.

Finally, wholeness is a state of being. It is something that can come and go, and is something we can achieve from wherever we are. We don’t need to meet any particular achievement milestone, or listen to the voice of perfectionism to get to a state of wholeness. Rather, the more we can accept ourselves and others with love, the closer we are to wholeness.

If you found this post interesting, you may also like Understanding Mussar Choice Points

Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

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Practicing Mussar Equanimity, Even When You’re Not a Basket Case

Happy in Hawaii

I am just back from a wonderful week in Hawaii with my wife. Every day was fun and relaxing. So many people commented on my picture: “Greg, you look so happy.” or “Greg, it’s nice to see you look so happy.” I started to wonder, do I look unhappy all the time?

While I don’t think that is the case, the wide gap between how I felt on vacation and in everyday life gives me pause. While I am sure I am hardly the first person to want to “stay relaxed” after vacation. I remember in the corporate world two hours after I was back it was like I never left. Thankfully, it isn’t that bad today.

As it happens, it was time for me to begin practicing Mussar Equanimity, also known as Calmness of the Soul. Inspired by how relaxed I was on vacation, I am really trying not to get carried away by the ups and downs of everyday life. Last night I woke up annoyed about a podcast episode. I tossed and turned for an hour, and then something clicked: “this isn’t something I need to worry about right now.” I quickly relaxed and went back to sleep.

When practicing Mussar Equanimity, we are not removed from life. We remain active participants in the world, but with a higher level of consciousness that helps us avoid getting sucked into emotional drama. As Rabbi Menachem Mendel Levin wrote, “Rise above events that are inconsequential—both bad and good—for they are not worth disturbing your equanimity.”

I’m not a basket case right now, but there is room for improvement. Mussar helps me find that next step.

What are things that disturb your equanimity? Are there both good and bad things on the list? Please reply and let me know. As always, I answer every comment.

The post Practicing Mussar Equanimity, Even When You’re Not a Basket Case appeared first on American Mussar.