Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 172
June 10, 2016
Show up
Remember the vision always.
It will get you through the tough days. The dark moments. The worry. The fear. The questioning. The resignation. And the wonder. And make sure that vision is rooted deeply in your why. It will add wings to your rise.
Maxie Mccoy
I attended a focus group on Wednesday night at the University, I walked in and sat quietly- being late and all- and was listening to the plenary speaker talk about poverty alleviation and playing our part in serving our country, as she ended and I was thinking about what role can I play in this exercise, someone on the table said to me "I quote you all the time, up to today I used one of your quotes""Me?""Yes, aren't you the author of the book What Did I Learn Today? I recognised the name"I smiled and she went on to ask me what am I doing now and how did I manage to be so brave to write this book- as I was about to jump into the sanitized version of events I thought about how much I give the clean version of events when people ask me about the journey. I thought about why I give this version
I’m passionate about sharing my lessons with struggles and about talking about my own journey, warts and all. All of you know this because I write about my big questions, my own wondering, and my discomfort. Typically, only after I’ve figured it out for myself do I feel comfortable enough to share it. As Maya says "As you learn you teach"
Getting to where I’m at right this second shouldn’t be any different. This amazingly fortunate stage in my life feels like a gift every day. And from the outside I can see how fabulous it all looks...however, it has come with some majorly dark moments, some seriously anxious mornings, and plentyyyyy of self doubt and questioning.
When I ditched it all and peaced out for Africa it was because it was the only option I could see for myself in order to get there. I had spent years giving my life to a situation that I believed would make me happy, content, financially secure and worldly. However, this was shrouded in fear and not enoughness, in dishonour and secrets. The only option I could see was finding space – from my day-to-day, and from my comfort zone – to do something I wasn’t sure if I could do. Basically, I knew I needed to shock my system if I was ever going to feel like I alone was enough.
Oh, and let’s not forget that I didn’t exactly have the most amazing savings account to go a say screw it all let’s do this. Nottttt the case. I had nothing, nada. It was more about survival than anything at that point.
And here’s where grace comes in: I landed in Manchester first and was asked to teach the University in the meantime while someone was on maternity leave so I was able to get cash
So I did. But I cannot tell you how many mornings I looked at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth and said to myself “What the EFF are you doing here Yak.” Fear creeped in hard. None of the conversations were easy. I was so anxious to make this life change that I had to put pep talk sticky notes everywhere in order to get through each day and remind myself of what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I took it day by day. Change by change. In order to make this “giant leap” that everyone sees as something so amazing and bold. 90% of the time to me it just felt scary. Down to the first few nights in Kampala where I questioned over and over again, “What have I done!?”. My gut knew it was right, my head crept into fear.
I went through most of any money I saved once I moved back to T&T. I won’t soon forget the time I was down to my last 20 bucks and the electricity was cut off. I started looking for opportunities to work at a full time job. Oh universe, because shortly after that call...magic began to happen with all the seeds I'd spent months planting. Opportunities I didn’t even know were in the works presented themselves. I knew things would work deep down, but there have been so many mornings it was a little hard to breathe because I was so sacred it wouldn’t.
And that’s more like the honest story. Am I proud of the bold moves I made? Absolutely. But was I scared out of my mind to do any of it? 100%. For every mind-blowing Instagram picture there’s probably been a thousand freaking out thoughts. I’d do it all over again to get to where I am.
And here’s why it’s important: because you cannot take your own panicky days and worried thoughts as a sign that you shouldn’t do something new and scary. You cannot compare your journey to the glossy one of someone else’s and then decide you’re not fit for this path. If you’re just as excited and energized as you are worried, it’s a sign. None of the big moments that get us to where we are today are ever comfortable. They may look huge from the outside, but on the inside in the moment they usually feel like some of the scariest things we’ve ever done.
Show up. The Universe got ya! trust thatPeace
I attended a focus group on Wednesday night at the University, I walked in and sat quietly- being late and all- and was listening to the plenary speaker talk about poverty alleviation and playing our part in serving our country, as she ended and I was thinking about what role can I play in this exercise, someone on the table said to me "I quote you all the time, up to today I used one of your quotes""Me?""Yes, aren't you the author of the book What Did I Learn Today? I recognised the name"I smiled and she went on to ask me what am I doing now and how did I manage to be so brave to write this book- as I was about to jump into the sanitized version of events I thought about how much I give the clean version of events when people ask me about the journey. I thought about why I give this version
I’m passionate about sharing my lessons with struggles and about talking about my own journey, warts and all. All of you know this because I write about my big questions, my own wondering, and my discomfort. Typically, only after I’ve figured it out for myself do I feel comfortable enough to share it. As Maya says "As you learn you teach"
Getting to where I’m at right this second shouldn’t be any different. This amazingly fortunate stage in my life feels like a gift every day. And from the outside I can see how fabulous it all looks...however, it has come with some majorly dark moments, some seriously anxious mornings, and plentyyyyy of self doubt and questioning.
When I ditched it all and peaced out for Africa it was because it was the only option I could see for myself in order to get there. I had spent years giving my life to a situation that I believed would make me happy, content, financially secure and worldly. However, this was shrouded in fear and not enoughness, in dishonour and secrets. The only option I could see was finding space – from my day-to-day, and from my comfort zone – to do something I wasn’t sure if I could do. Basically, I knew I needed to shock my system if I was ever going to feel like I alone was enough.
Oh, and let’s not forget that I didn’t exactly have the most amazing savings account to go a say screw it all let’s do this. Nottttt the case. I had nothing, nada. It was more about survival than anything at that point.
And here’s where grace comes in: I landed in Manchester first and was asked to teach the University in the meantime while someone was on maternity leave so I was able to get cash
So I did. But I cannot tell you how many mornings I looked at myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth and said to myself “What the EFF are you doing here Yak.” Fear creeped in hard. None of the conversations were easy. I was so anxious to make this life change that I had to put pep talk sticky notes everywhere in order to get through each day and remind myself of what I was doing and why I was doing it.
I took it day by day. Change by change. In order to make this “giant leap” that everyone sees as something so amazing and bold. 90% of the time to me it just felt scary. Down to the first few nights in Kampala where I questioned over and over again, “What have I done!?”. My gut knew it was right, my head crept into fear.
I went through most of any money I saved once I moved back to T&T. I won’t soon forget the time I was down to my last 20 bucks and the electricity was cut off. I started looking for opportunities to work at a full time job. Oh universe, because shortly after that call...magic began to happen with all the seeds I'd spent months planting. Opportunities I didn’t even know were in the works presented themselves. I knew things would work deep down, but there have been so many mornings it was a little hard to breathe because I was so sacred it wouldn’t.
And that’s more like the honest story. Am I proud of the bold moves I made? Absolutely. But was I scared out of my mind to do any of it? 100%. For every mind-blowing Instagram picture there’s probably been a thousand freaking out thoughts. I’d do it all over again to get to where I am.
And here’s why it’s important: because you cannot take your own panicky days and worried thoughts as a sign that you shouldn’t do something new and scary. You cannot compare your journey to the glossy one of someone else’s and then decide you’re not fit for this path. If you’re just as excited and energized as you are worried, it’s a sign. None of the big moments that get us to where we are today are ever comfortable. They may look huge from the outside, but on the inside in the moment they usually feel like some of the scariest things we’ve ever done.
Show up. The Universe got ya! trust thatPeace
June 9, 2016
Walk in Sunlight
Love wishes to be known, completely understood and shared. It has no secrets; nothing that it would keep apart and hide. It walks in sunlight, open-eyed and calm, in smiling welcome and in sincerity so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstood
. ACIM
This definition of love is one of my favorites
Love has no secretsLove is so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstoodSo, for me, any question, misunderstanding and complications - it just isn't loveIt is something elseand that is all!I need not go any further to deliberate and analyseI just don't label it loveAnd, get this, love can mean a big fat nobut the no is simple obvious and cannot be misunderstoodNo can be the most loving thing to say and do at that time
Love wishes to be shared, no secretsWhy would I hide what I love?
From this interpretation of what love is I am so clear, I have no need to go ask anyone or sit in wonderWalk in sunlightPeace
This definition of love is one of my favorites
Love has no secretsLove is so simple and so obvious it cannot be misunderstoodSo, for me, any question, misunderstanding and complications - it just isn't loveIt is something elseand that is all!I need not go any further to deliberate and analyseI just don't label it loveAnd, get this, love can mean a big fat nobut the no is simple obvious and cannot be misunderstoodNo can be the most loving thing to say and do at that time
Love wishes to be shared, no secretsWhy would I hide what I love?
From this interpretation of what love is I am so clear, I have no need to go ask anyone or sit in wonderWalk in sunlightPeace
June 8, 2016
Star Gazing
You have to grab moments when they happen. I like to improvise and ad lib
. – Denzel Washington
They called me outside of the cabin, come lie here with us, I really was hesitant at first it on was on the ground just in front of the ocean front
We lied flat on our backs
"Akosua look up"
I looked up and the sky was covered with stars, it literally took my breath away. The last time I saw so many stars was years ago in South Africa. I exhaled and like magic a shooting star, everyone screamed with delight
"Akosua did you ask the shooting star for guidance?"
"No"
"Oh man, you better be ready always for the shooting stars!"
Who was expecting shooting stars in the middle of nowhere - which I have realized that I was in the middle of "now-here"
I thought about being open and ready for what is presented in front of me even when I am uncomfortable, in fact, especially when I am uncomfortable
To be obedient to the messages from within and to show up with courage to slay the resistance
It is always worth it
Peace
They called me outside of the cabin, come lie here with us, I really was hesitant at first it on was on the ground just in front of the ocean front
We lied flat on our backs
"Akosua look up"
I looked up and the sky was covered with stars, it literally took my breath away. The last time I saw so many stars was years ago in South Africa. I exhaled and like magic a shooting star, everyone screamed with delight
"Akosua did you ask the shooting star for guidance?"
"No"
"Oh man, you better be ready always for the shooting stars!"
Who was expecting shooting stars in the middle of nowhere - which I have realized that I was in the middle of "now-here"
I thought about being open and ready for what is presented in front of me even when I am uncomfortable, in fact, especially when I am uncomfortable
To be obedient to the messages from within and to show up with courage to slay the resistance
It is always worth it
Peace
June 7, 2016
Be Kind
Above all else, please, be kind - Ijeoma
What a wonderful few days I have had. Kindness never goes out of style it really is a form of intelligence
Kindness allows you to set boundaries
Kindness allows you to be gracious
Kindness allows you to let go
Kindness allows you to see things from a different perspective
Kindness never goes out of style
As I navigated my way into a place which was unfamiliar to me this weekend, totally out of my comfort zone, no electricity and all the material comforts that we take for granted, I was taken in by a kind family into their beautiful space overlooking the ocean. They never met me before but cooked all my favourite dishes and just was so kind, it brought me to a space of remembrance- to be kind in my approach I may not have to agree or share the same point of view or believe in the same approach but I can be kind, it costs me nothing. Being kind comes from a place of self love.
Kindness - the quality of being considerate and courteous - that comes from within and from practice. Its how you deliver it, people may take your kindness and interpret it in many different ways
But that's not your business
It really isn't
“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Peace
What a wonderful few days I have had. Kindness never goes out of style it really is a form of intelligence
Kindness allows you to set boundaries
Kindness allows you to be gracious
Kindness allows you to let go
Kindness allows you to see things from a different perspective
Kindness never goes out of style
As I navigated my way into a place which was unfamiliar to me this weekend, totally out of my comfort zone, no electricity and all the material comforts that we take for granted, I was taken in by a kind family into their beautiful space overlooking the ocean. They never met me before but cooked all my favourite dishes and just was so kind, it brought me to a space of remembrance- to be kind in my approach I may not have to agree or share the same point of view or believe in the same approach but I can be kind, it costs me nothing. Being kind comes from a place of self love.
Kindness - the quality of being considerate and courteous - that comes from within and from practice. Its how you deliver it, people may take your kindness and interpret it in many different ways
But that's not your business
It really isn't
“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution.”
― Kahlil Gibran
Peace
June 6, 2016
Working on my passion
working diligently on your passion instead of trying to force anyone to notice you actually saves lives. pass it on. you are welcome.
Ijeoma
That whole thing where I focus on being my best me takes time. So much so that I have very little to focus on anything elseThe whole thing where I focus on living my best life takes a whole 'lotta time, there is not much left for anything elseThe whole thing where spending time doing things that bring me absolute joy yea that thing, leaves very little time to tolerate nonsenseSo yea, that is why I have not been calling you, or texting you, yea, that's whyPass it onYou are welcomePeace
I'm off tomorrow, no Internet and not even electricityso catch you on the other sidePeace
That whole thing where I focus on being my best me takes time. So much so that I have very little to focus on anything elseThe whole thing where I focus on living my best life takes a whole 'lotta time, there is not much left for anything elseThe whole thing where spending time doing things that bring me absolute joy yea that thing, leaves very little time to tolerate nonsenseSo yea, that is why I have not been calling you, or texting you, yea, that's whyPass it onYou are welcomePeace
I'm off tomorrow, no Internet and not even electricityso catch you on the other sidePeace
June 3, 2016
What is your why?
Why do, do, do I, I, I, I feel trapped
Inside a box when I just don't fit into it?
Maybe I've been scared knowing
What's there in front of me Maybe I been trying to be
What they needed me to be?
When I should've just been me
Why, why, why, why, why, why? Whatever it is, let it be, let it be
Whatever it is, whatever it is
Whatever it is, let it be, let it be
Whatever it is, whatever it is, let it Jill Scott
What's your why?I mean really? What is your why?What is the why you do anything that you do?The why has the answers, the why has the guidance, the why has the truth
the why comes from inside, from the gut, from the intention
Today I had the privilege of spending time at Heartbeat Radio For Women 103.5FM
As I was there I was thinking this is so surreal I would watch Ms Marcia Miranda growing up, singing and on stage and looked up to her and here I was in the same room with her, it dawned on me that I was there because I had the courage to share my story in the most authentic way because I wanted someone to learn from my experience - that was my why. Never in my wildest dreams I thought I would be sitting in the same room with her sharing and learning as well from her own journey.
Meeting Ms Patricia Toby today as well brought my why into focus as well, she came to share her story to support her friend and that was very humbling.
I have learnt that the why may not be clear in the moment but lay it down, journal it out, ask the Universe, Challenges will pull you off course. You won’t have a filter for decision making. And when shit gets hard and you get confused... you need that why,
Today one of my why's came and introduced herself - in a radio studio in Trinidad and Tobago
And here is my new question I am now asking myself with no judgement -"Why? What would a person who does this need to believe in order to justify doing it?"
Peace
Inside a box when I just don't fit into it?
Maybe I've been scared knowing
What's there in front of me Maybe I been trying to be
What they needed me to be?
When I should've just been me
Why, why, why, why, why, why? Whatever it is, let it be, let it be
Whatever it is, whatever it is
Whatever it is, let it be, let it be
Whatever it is, whatever it is, let it Jill Scott
What's your why?I mean really? What is your why?What is the why you do anything that you do?The why has the answers, the why has the guidance, the why has the truth
the why comes from inside, from the gut, from the intention
Today I had the privilege of spending time at Heartbeat Radio For Women 103.5FM
As I was there I was thinking this is so surreal I would watch Ms Marcia Miranda growing up, singing and on stage and looked up to her and here I was in the same room with her, it dawned on me that I was there because I had the courage to share my story in the most authentic way because I wanted someone to learn from my experience - that was my why. Never in my wildest dreams I thought I would be sitting in the same room with her sharing and learning as well from her own journey.
Meeting Ms Patricia Toby today as well brought my why into focus as well, she came to share her story to support her friend and that was very humbling.
I have learnt that the why may not be clear in the moment but lay it down, journal it out, ask the Universe, Challenges will pull you off course. You won’t have a filter for decision making. And when shit gets hard and you get confused... you need that why,
Today one of my why's came and introduced herself - in a radio studio in Trinidad and Tobago
And here is my new question I am now asking myself with no judgement -"Why? What would a person who does this need to believe in order to justify doing it?"
Peace
June 2, 2016
Get in the Flow
Get in the flow. Expect the best. Do your best. Become The World Heavyweight Champion of Positivity.
Jen Sincero
Have you ever spent any time around people who make comments that are snarky, negative and just plain ole stoopid? all the time?From the first questionHow are you?They startand it continues until you feel like all the juice was squeezed out of you and you don't even know why
Get in the flow- many of the times we are in a situation, sometimes not created by us, and we are resisting because it "should" not be like this- newsflash - right now it IS like this so what you gonna do?
Take things as they come - the things you cannot control - make a decision based on what is. Eckhart Tolle says we have three basic chices embrace and accept what is, move yourself out of the situation, change your mind.Complaining as the legend Bob Marley says is praying to the devil
Do your best - then let it go. that involves having a level of faith and believing in what is not yet seen
Do this experiment- see what happens!Peace
Join me today on Heartbeat Radio for Women 103.5FM - sharing lessons on the Journey on their Everywoman Hour 10am
Have you ever spent any time around people who make comments that are snarky, negative and just plain ole stoopid? all the time?From the first questionHow are you?They startand it continues until you feel like all the juice was squeezed out of you and you don't even know why
Get in the flow- many of the times we are in a situation, sometimes not created by us, and we are resisting because it "should" not be like this- newsflash - right now it IS like this so what you gonna do?
Take things as they come - the things you cannot control - make a decision based on what is. Eckhart Tolle says we have three basic chices embrace and accept what is, move yourself out of the situation, change your mind.Complaining as the legend Bob Marley says is praying to the devil
Do your best - then let it go. that involves having a level of faith and believing in what is not yet seen
Do this experiment- see what happens!Peace
Join me today on Heartbeat Radio for Women 103.5FM - sharing lessons on the Journey on their Everywoman Hour 10am
June 1, 2016
Try the gentle approach
But where did we get this idea that being hard on ourself was the only way to grow? Being negative was the only way to do better? To be critical was the only way to excel?
It’s total bullshit. It really is. Can you imagine trying to improve while having someone yelling nasty, terrible things at you 24/7??
Max McCoy
Today I feel really proud, I am heading to a cheque giving ceremony. A sponsor has come on board to assist with the NiNa Programme. I feel especially proud because the persistence and determination paid off and that I was able to reach to a point where others saw the importance to be a part of something that changes lives in even the smallest way.
I feel proud that I accepted the invitation to share the lessons learnt through this programme and it was able to touch someone enough to say let's support one another
I was my fiercest critic, I cussed myself many times about this programme, about my approach, about what I was doing wrong, and truth be told, that didn't work it was an unsustainable motivator for me moving forward. I always wanted to do more, do more, do more, do more
The decision was made to lighten up and then light shone in
I am happy and proud to say that my lesson was - to lighten up, change the inner critic- go with the flow and love yourself back to the light.
Peace
Join Akosua in New York City this summer - Why Are You Here in NYC Book Tour
Today I feel really proud, I am heading to a cheque giving ceremony. A sponsor has come on board to assist with the NiNa Programme. I feel especially proud because the persistence and determination paid off and that I was able to reach to a point where others saw the importance to be a part of something that changes lives in even the smallest way.
I feel proud that I accepted the invitation to share the lessons learnt through this programme and it was able to touch someone enough to say let's support one another
I was my fiercest critic, I cussed myself many times about this programme, about my approach, about what I was doing wrong, and truth be told, that didn't work it was an unsustainable motivator for me moving forward. I always wanted to do more, do more, do more, do more
The decision was made to lighten up and then light shone in
I am happy and proud to say that my lesson was - to lighten up, change the inner critic- go with the flow and love yourself back to the light.
Peace
Join Akosua in New York City this summer - Why Are You Here in NYC Book Tour
May 31, 2016
Use the fire
We now live in a society where we are encouraged to make feelings that make us feel uncomfortable go away. We do this by jumping on our phone, using social media, eating, drinking, taking medication, accepting situations or people in our life that we know aren't right but bring certainty with them and, as a result remove our doubts and fears.
Jasmine SkeeI have too much stress- a very common statement! I say now I have ,too much fire, too much inner heat that manifests itself in what we call stresstoo much inner creativity that you are not using!you haven't given birth to the thing inside you that needs to come out- due to fear mainly! you haven't participated in a ritual that you need to do to make you feel valuedand the fire starts burning in you, it spreads and you become "stressed"status quo, fear, living unconsciously, inauthenticity stops us in our tracks in using the fire to create, to burn.the fire rages on, it burns right through you instead of for youI have a sleeping disorder - no you don't it's the fire, you can't turn the light out at nightI have a sinus problem - no you don't it's the fire - its burning up your nostrilsI have an allergy - newsflash it's the fire talking to you
Call it- call the "sickness" - trust me it's the fireThe fire, it's not where you burn fromUse the light, light up your soul, it really is okayPeace
Call it- call the "sickness" - trust me it's the fireThe fire, it's not where you burn fromUse the light, light up your soul, it really is okayPeace
May 30, 2016
Honor Yourself
Thou shalt honor thyself enough not to take things that do not belong to you, and this includes other people's people
- Iyanla Vanzant
One of the most challenging lessons I have learnt is the honoring of myself. Why? Because for one thing I firmly believed that I was a good person, doing good things and living a good life and then I realized that being a good person had absolutely nothing to do with how I honored myself or if indeed I honored myself. Being a good person was a social construct based on my upbringing of respecting my elders, paying my dues, working hard - nothing to do with me and how I showed up for me and in the world. It was hard at first to swallow that honoring myself was steeped in the fact that I had to be radically honest in all situations and take responsibility for every single thing that was happening in my life down to even my health.
Honoring myself involved taking responsibility for my own life and how I live - all.the.time!
Honoring myself involved keeping the agreements that I made with ME and renegotiating them when they absolutely required not because I was punking out
Honoring myself involved celebrating my triumphs without excuses or dumbing them down to make others who were not honoring themselves feel comfortable around me
Honoring myself involved doing what was morally right - every.single,time
Honoring myself involved forgiveness of myself first and then others
Honoring myself involved accepting myself as I am
Honoring myself meant saying no - because sometimes no was the most loving thing to say
The whole concept was like wow, this is different to being "good"
I have learnt that when I honor myself, every.single.decision.comes.from.that.space
Peace
One of the most challenging lessons I have learnt is the honoring of myself. Why? Because for one thing I firmly believed that I was a good person, doing good things and living a good life and then I realized that being a good person had absolutely nothing to do with how I honored myself or if indeed I honored myself. Being a good person was a social construct based on my upbringing of respecting my elders, paying my dues, working hard - nothing to do with me and how I showed up for me and in the world. It was hard at first to swallow that honoring myself was steeped in the fact that I had to be radically honest in all situations and take responsibility for every single thing that was happening in my life down to even my health.
Honoring myself involved taking responsibility for my own life and how I live - all.the.time!
Honoring myself involved keeping the agreements that I made with ME and renegotiating them when they absolutely required not because I was punking out
Honoring myself involved celebrating my triumphs without excuses or dumbing them down to make others who were not honoring themselves feel comfortable around me
Honoring myself involved doing what was morally right - every.single,time
Honoring myself involved forgiveness of myself first and then others
Honoring myself involved accepting myself as I am
Honoring myself meant saying no - because sometimes no was the most loving thing to say
The whole concept was like wow, this is different to being "good"
I have learnt that when I honor myself, every.single.decision.comes.from.that.space
Peace
