Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 175

Comparison is a joy stealer

Comparison is crazy-making. It stamps on potential and truth and all the good things you might already have going for you if you weren’t so busy shadow-boxing with the people who you think have it better.  Danielle La Porte
My grandma always told me that I must compete with no one but who I see in the mirror and compare myself to that person as well.Truth be told I do not have a competitive bone in my body, put me in a race to prove it and please don't bet on me! I developed the whole compare vibe at University, I wanted to be like the students who had cars, who were popular who were hanging out with the who's who! I quickly learnt that it wasn't my game to play. Comparison left me feeling always wanting! And so it seems like over the last few weeks I started reliving my University experience by comparing myself and guess what the "always wanting" feeling came screaming to me! 

Comparison is a big waste of time and energy, you can only be you so do you to the best  Comparison is a slippery slope to envy and for the most part, envy wastes energy that could be put towards getting what you want or optimizing what you have. It’s a trap. I used to envygirls who went to the prestige schools and my friends with rich parents. “Poor me…no leg-up, born into an average family, gotta be self-made…” Yack. Whatta waste of mind space – space that could be filled with creativity and ingenuity.Do you and do it wellPeace 

No one can give if he is concerned with the result of the giving.

It is not the function of God’s teachers to evaluate the outcome of their gifts. It is merely their function to give them. Once they have done that they have also given outcome that is part of the gift. No one can give if he is concerned with the result of the giving. That is a limitation of the giving itself, and neither the giver nor the receiver would have the gift. Trust is an essential part of giving in fact it is part that making sharing possible. The part that guarantees the giver will not lose but only gain, Who gives a gift and then remains with it, to be sure it is used as the giver deems appropriate Such is not giving but imprisoning
It is relinquishing of all concern about the gift that makes it truly given and it is trust that makes true giving possible ACIM
A Course in Miracles (ACIM) is one text that has me thinking, scratching my head sometimes, and even smiling to myself other times using some choice language.The Course talks about our function is to give the gift and move on- as soon as we become concerned about what the receiver does with the gift, how they respond to getting the gift,the ego has been called into the equation.Listen, I struggled with this concept for a long long time - are they saying I must give a gift and then do not give two hoots? You mean to say that I really must just leave it and do not care? No way hosay. I may have spent sooo much time, effort and money and the receiver shows no appreciation, no gratitude, nothing!??And then I said, as the Course recommends " I am willing to see this differently" - let me practice this concept with no judgement.OMG - the stress eliminated was enormous, I give a talk, a tithe, a compliment, a thank you, a good morning and let go, no expectations - stress eliminator I tell you - thinking about other people's response and reactions-forms very little basis on how I now give. I give my best because my gift is for giving - and that is allWhat we do and how we act says something about who we are- at that moment. Our state of mind, our thinking, our self respect - this has nothing to do with the giver- so give it up. Peace

Everything I do is a joy and a gift

Everything I do for you is a joy and a gift .You got my whole life lifted Jill Scott

Something hit me on Friday at the NiNa Graduation. This is what I will do for free and it brings me joy. I sat there and right at that moment there is no other place I would have rather been. Ok so what is the challenge with that? Well truth be told this programme is my labour of love, every cycle I have to somehow find/gather/muster up the resources to make it happen. I have some pretty awesome friends and angels who have supported me on this journey so far, and some continue to. They show up for me - without me having to pay them and they deliver. But as reality goes it costs money to run the thing! One of the speakers on Friday reminded me in her own way to know my worth, believe in what I do and believe that it has value- thank you for the reminderThe whole concept of "not enoughness" rears its head over and over and I maintain a balancing act with that and wanting to give back and do things for loveWhat's the solutionACIM says " I am willing to see this differently" say that to yourself in a situation of so called conflict and wait in stillness for the responseSo I waitLooking forward to the next cycle of the NiNa Programme which starts in SeptemberPeace

NiNa Graduation Day

Give, unrestrained. Assume nothing Danielle La Porte
NiNa Graduation happened yesterday, I smiled so much my jaws are paining!I played very little part in the planning of the graduation I showed up and assumed nothingNiNa is a program that I started at a point in my life where I thought it was all over, I decided after reading something somewhere that in order to forget about your own issues, get involved in doing something positive for someone else, I also had this dream for a while but had no clue on how to make it happenThe Universe said yes as soon as I did and the programme started in my old high school as an after school programme and now in it's 5th year it has grown from strength to strength 
The participants this year were exceptional, every year they are quite good, this year however, these young ladies were so so willing, open minded and extremely ambitious. it showed up in their presentations and yesterday at the graduation! We had a fabulous time I am grateful to them for teaching me to show up open minded, willing, courageous and ambitios
Peace

Accomplishment

What Did I Learn Today?There's no better feeling than doing what you say -Accomplishment
And I suppose that starts by saying what you mean
And meaning what you articulate
And believing in what you think
And thinking about what you dream
and action, doing itToday, I smiled a whole lot, and what has me still smiling maybe even more than reading at the Bocas Lit Festival is meeting Kesha James today at the YWCA and presenting two books to her.
I never met Kesha James, she came to an event I spoke at and the head of the YWCA contacted me over Facebook saying that Kesha was quite moved by the talk and started making forward movement to taking responsibilty for her goals and vision for the first time. She asked me if I can come by and drop off the books to Kesha. I had a full day at Bocas Lit so I told her that I will really make a big effort but cannot promise as I am not sure when I would be finished. I finished early and called the YWCA, and headed over to deliver the books. It really made my day. Pride,humility, love came forth and I am grateful.
Bocas Lit  Fest, the literary festival held annually in Trinidad and Tobago, is one of the Caribbean's largest literary festival with authors from across the globe, was a wonderful experience for me, the energy in the space, the authors speaking and sharing, the vibes- I was an absolute smiley face all dayFrom talks on Calypso to travel, to civil rights you name it!The festival ends on Sunday 1st May and I plan to be a spectator over the weekend - take in the vibes
NiNa Graduation is on today!! 
Peace

This is how self-trust breaks down.

 You get stuck in thinking about what you should feel rather than acknowledging what you actually do feel. You are left with needs that do not go away and that you are unable to fulfill. This leads you to believe that you are not safe in the world, that you make bad choices, that you cannot have what you desire and that your best efforts will never be good enough . Iyanla

OMG  how many times have I told myself no I don't feel that I should be feeling "this" - does anyone know what I am talking about?
Your feeling is up in your face shouting at you, sometimes slapping you but you push it away and convince yourself that you should be feeling something else
The feeling is buried alive, it doesn't go away, it manifests itself in so many other ways including affecting your health
This I know for sure
Feel the feelings
The discomfort is temporary
Not feeling the feelings will not change the reality of what happened, it will not change the past what it will do is have you acknowledge and accept the situation and deal with it
and that is the first step of healing
A Course in Miracles says "Truth does not struggle against ignorance, and love does not attack fear" the truth just is, it cannot be altered and needs no defence
And so the feelings you feel builds self trust, it lets you know that whatever happens you can handle it
you can deal with it and come out on the other side reminding you that there is nothing to fear, the discomfort is growing pains
Feel the feelings
Peace

Top Fifteen Lessons This Month

Dreams don't happen because you're busy. They happen because you're intentional. Because you've made space to move the right things forward- Maxie McCoy

It's been a month of lessons, my friend told me last night that when I talk of lessons it is usually challenges, not joy, and yea traditionally when I reflect that is true what she said about how I speak of the challenges. 
Life happens, it just does, this month has been one of the months where the challenges came in like a tide, the beauty is the tide goes back out after washing things away and this is and was the case so I wanted to share my top fifteen lessons for this month

Overthinking can be a form of fearful avoidance. Few people have "eureka" moments by strenuously over analysing.Stop waiting for life to begin or change. Do it now.We all want instant results. But only the Lotto, Disney and The X Factor promise that. Amazing things take time. We are all scared. It's not only you.Resilience is the key to reaching your goals and pretty much everything really.Quite often our biggest pain is all about other people not being how we want them to be.Worrying never helps If you want change in your life you have to DO something differentlyAlways treasure anyone who has helped you or made you feel good about yourself. They're precious.Perfectionism is a form of hiding from blame. Maybe even shameWe are all creative beings.It's OK to not have the foggiest. Keep taking the steps.The unknown and uncertainty have to become your homies. It's all we have.Shyness and under confidence are not part of your DNA. You can change thisSeek silence. Find answersPeace

Be observant

When we find ourselves offended by the choices of others we are not in alignment with the diversity of creation, nor are we in alignment with the highest good of our own free will choices. This is called ego projection - where we criticize the behaviors of others because we are not being observant of the behaviors within our SELF.  Sabrina Reber

Pay attention when you are criticizing. Pay attention to when you are constantly doing it. Pay attention
That is a lesson I learnt on my journey - constant complaining and criticizing meant that my life was trying to communicate with me - to pay attention to ME! catch that - my life was calling me to pay attention to ME, what I was doing, what I was not doing, what I was accepting, the bad behavior I was condoning, the things I was not saying, the complaining about other people was a way to project outward my own dissatisfaction and fear.
And so I pay attention to what I say and how I say it
Sometimes I slip up but practice helps
and I get to see and know when I required to pay attention to ME!
Ain't life sweet?
Giving us signs everytime
Peace

Consistency

Show up for where you’ve been led.  be consistent. Happiness isn’t for dabblers Gabby Bernstein
I am a fan of consistency- my definition of which is quite simple - do something every day in the direction of a clear vision, however small. Now that requires two main ingredients, a vision and belief in the vision - clarity.
What do you want?What do you really really want?Is it clearly defined?You don't even have to know how you will achieve it, all that is required to move is the belief  and that being consistent in your actions will propel you towards it.
When I was in University I decided that no matter how small I would do something everyday to get me to my vision of having a degree from this institution, whatever it was. Everyday. I believed and I movedSome days I may do 15 minutes but I did something. It was a decision. A very conscious decision.And so, I was reminded of consistency this weekend, have I been consistent in my actions, hell am I even clear on what the vision is?  Old lessons being brought to the fore here. And I remain grateful to the Universe for the reminders. Life is so for us that it gives us messages and reminders - once we pay attention we become aware that the Universe is saying something to us.Get clearBelieveBe consistentTrust the process and find somewhere in there to rest and celebrate the victories
Peace

Boundaries

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can't base our own worthiness on others' approval (and this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!). Only when we believe, deep down, that we are  enough can we say "Enough!"   Brene Brown

How do you set boundaries? Do you have boundaries? Do you know what boundaries are? How can I set boundaries? These are questions that surfaced in my pool yesterday
Why? I believe it did because of my deep desire to keep the peace, people please, and avoid confrontation. This week working with a team showed me that I must choose courage over comfort and set some boundaries for myself - and that involves me knowing without a shadow of a doubt what I want, what is okay for me and knowing that whatever the outcome of letting people know this I will be okay
Pretty sobering thoughts right there
Onwards to setting boundaries....
Peace!