Akosua Dardaine Edwards's Blog, page 174

Are you a settler?

It takes more tan diamonds to woo meIt takes more than money to move me
It takes more than material things
It takes more than cars to get me where I need to go Don't stop the flow - Jill Scott

Someone asked me today about advice about men. Well I must admit that I was stumped by the question. I joked "Hey, maybe you didn't notice that I am manless" We had a hearty laugh
and then the silence that followed when you know you just devalued your own self and the other person agreed and felt awkward!

We started discussing settling and why we settle, all sorts of reasons came up, not being lonely, age, society, mistaking "it" for love, parent's pressure, rituals, society, time running out yadda yadda yadda
And then the silence came again
OMG!! we really do that to ourselves? We settle!!! Bam- hit us straight to the face
We settle when there is no self love - plain and simple
Make excuses
Accept bad behavior
Accept lies
Settle

We settle when we start a relationship as a crutch
Make excuses
Lose patience
Want to show the world that we can get a partner
Want to show our friends that we are happy
Settle

We settle when our partner tells us it's complicated
wait a bit - until the kids are grown 
until they do their exams
until the partner is stronger to handle it
until the mortgage is paid
Settle

Are you a settler? And if you are? ask yourself why
Peace!

None of my business

So I Idren, I-sistren,
The preaching and talkin' is done;
We've gotta live up, wo now, wo now! -
'Cause the Father's time has come.
Some people put the best outside;
Some people keep the best inside;
Some people can't stand up strong; Some people won't wait for long . Bob Marley, Survival

Yesterday I was reading A Course in Miracles with one of my  very good buddies and there were so many penny dropping moments for me with particular reference to judging people and being judged.
I am super scared of being judged, and the very same thing that I am terrified of, I do! Who knew????
My biggest fear over the past few months comes from being judged as not only being incapable but also being different. I have been struggling with it from the get go, having been pulled into an entirely new environment. And as part of that I have rushed to judge others.
Am I worthy?
Am I doing what I am supposed to do?
Am I looking the way I am supposed to look?
Am I supposed to stay quiet?
And it goes on and on
What I have learnt is this:
Be myself, set boundaries, choose courage over comfort and be kind
You would know if you have made the right decision because you will be at peace, and if you are not at peace, choose again
What people think of me is really none of my business.
Peace

Speak from a place of love

People will hear you from the place you speak from - ACIM

I was watching Oprah give a talk, and she said before she interviews anyone she asks them "What is your intention, what do you hope to achieve from this interview, what message do you want to get across?" And then she tells them what her intention is - bringing clarity before beginning and from an honest place.
How many times we go in to a situation unclear, hidden agendas and then get disappointed when our expectations are not met? If people think or believe you have hidden agendas or are being even a tad bit inauthentic then guess what? chances are they will respond in that way.

If we speak from a place of judgement, the other party will pick up on it
If we speak from a place of love, the other party feels it
So I asked myself, where do I speak from and what is my intention?
It's two quite powerful questions which can serve as a guide to me on this journey

Courage over comfort
As Don Miguel Ruiz says - have the courage to ask and don't assume
Speak from a place of love and see what happens


Peace

Life is the best gig around.

Life is the best gig around. Even the sucky days have something to offer us. It’s natural to sink into the mud of our mortal humanness from time to time, but think of it this way—all rich dirt creates new life. You just might not see it right away. - Kris Carr

I love the excitement of facing a new day, as much as I plan what I want to do, you know what they say about the best laid plans? Every day to me is an adventure, I know life is delighted to bring me the unexpected. How boring would it be if I knew everything that was going to happen. 
Life - life happens, no matter what we do, the cycles of life go around and around, I reminded myself of that today - it's just life chic! Don't get to wrapped up in the analytics- do your best, live your truth and love yourself

It is so easy for me to get caught up in what is not happening and what is taking too long- I am looking to secure a sponsor for my upcoming NYC book tour, this means me being ready and willing to hear NO!
Rejection- hearing no makes me feel ill, I am being honest- I will wait and wait to make a move on work, life and love to avoid a NO! I know it is par for the course in life - but boy oh boy - it makes me feel like a pile of crap. And so I remind myself that it is part of the adventure and part of this lovely journey called life so I have decided to eat the No's like Cheerios, suck it up and move full speed ahead to asking and contacting the proposed companies
Life is indeed the best gig
Look out for me in NYC in July 2016
Peace

You ALONE decide your value

To truly be free, we must choose beyond simply surviving adversity, we must dare to create lives of sustained optimal well-being and joy. Bell Hooks


There's no one else that gets to determine what you allow into your life other than you. You always have a choice for how high your bar is. So, take responsibility for your own greatness and aim really effing high.

Your value (of yourself) is literally all that matters. It's the one thing that no one gets to decide for you, ever. 

Not ever. No matter how they talk to you. No matter how they pay you. No matter what they think of you. No matter if you’re hired. No matter if you’re fired. If you’re dumped or have a line of suitors. Whether the trolls think you’re ugly and dumb. Or the drunk dude squeezed your ass in a bar. If they think you’re writing is shitty. Or if they all left you out of the big plans. If he thinks you’re too much. If your family is shunning you for forgetting where you came from. If you got the 17th rejection letter. 

So when you do decide your value is higher than the Himalayans (because it is)...It will change everything. You’ll feel so empowered to have all the conversations you need to have. You won’t second-guess asking for more money or flexibility. You won’t think twice about telling him that his lack of communication isn’t good enough for you no matter how much you like him. You won’t wince at speaking your opinion. You’ll be OK with people knowing you’re concerned. Asking for different terms. Or telling someone what you need. Because you value you. You know what you need. You honor what your heart is asking for. When you've determined what's good enough for you, settling won’t be on the table. Ever.

Thank you Maxie for sharing this with me, I wanted to share with you
Peace

As within so without

Your inside is a reflection of your outside. Your inner world is a reflection of your outer world.
Your outer world and the things you create into your reality is a mirror of what you believe and have created inside of you . The Law of As within so without
Truth - it's real, the truth just is and we cannot make untruth true, no matter what we do, we can deny it, ignore it, work around it - truth cannot be changed or untrue's become truthIt sometimes is a bitter pill to swallow. Bitter medicine many times work to cure the ailmentsChange your mind, change your life - that's a truth
I have been resisting, I have been holding on to thoughts of fear and it is manifesting itself in my life.I really have been asking the Universe to guide me on how to change my thoughtsI started saying an affirmation "Changing my thoughts are easy and comfortable" it has become a mantra, I speak it into being and what I have learnt is that when I change the way I see things, the situation is accepted  (not liked) and I make a more informed choice- my perception changes, many times the situation remains the same and all that has changed is how I think about it.
The Universe is so loving, that it provides us with clues - what is reflecting and happening in our lives are the clues. Hard to accept sometimes, but the choices we make internally gets reflected back to us externally and will do so until we make another choice. Simple!
Thoughts.words.action must be in alignment
Peace

Live with the consequences

Responsibility is not about whether you like what you have to do. Liking has nothing to do with the choice of responsible action Carolyn Myss

Some things that I know, I really know, are in my best interest to do sucks! It really sucks but the choice to do it is a responsible one, it allows growth and clarity.
How many times have you been in a position that you just know what you have to do, you know what the responsible choice is, and you fail to take that door because of discomfort, shame, guilt, and plain ole' laziness?
I have done this many times, from eating habits, to relationships and as much as the choice at the time is comfortable the consequences are many times long term and dire.
Courage over comfort as Brene Browne says, head into the storm like a buffalo who when they se a storm coming runs through it until they believe they are on the other side
As soon as we make the "comfortable" choice the blame game starts, the justification lines start pouring out of our mouths with absolutely no shame knowing full well that it is BS

1. I really love junk food - its only a little I am eating
2. I love him - it's complicated
3. I don't have time to exercise
4. It's not my fault, she is just a sour puss
5. I just cannot be bothered to go to the doctor right now, the pain will pass

Add to the list, I can go on and on
Making a responsible choice takes courage, honesty, authenticity and self love
Which we all have buried inside of us, pull it out when required
or live with the consequences
Peace

Who do you want to become?

I think as women, as women of color, as black women, too often we hear about what we "need to do." How we need to behave, what we need to wear, what's deemed as too much or not enough, the cultural politics of what society considers appropriate for us and for our lives. What I am learning is that the most important questions you can ask yourself are "What do I want?" and "Who do I want to become?" Lupita Nyongo

In order to achieve your vision, you must ask yourself, who am I willing to become? Chances are your vision is big, it's huge, it is different to where you are. Many times the comfort keeps us stuck, discomfort is not encouraged.
Who are you willing to become in the pursuit of your vision? What are you willing to gain, what are you wiling to give and more importantly what are you willing to give up?
I want to become fit and healthy, in order to do that I must be willing to give the time to exercise, I must be willing to give up the daily chocolate and fancy breads!
I want to be a world renowned speaker and author-what is required for that to happen, to give, to get, to gain. A Course in Miracles says what you give you get.
You decide
No one else
You
Who are YOU becoming
Not who are you being told to be
Its scary, but do it!
Peace

Changing my mind

Sometimes you just have to let everything fall apart Pema Chodron

So I admit I am a recovering fixer, I would jump in and fix it, any thing that seemed to be going astray, off plan, off course in my made up world of perfection I would be on it in a flash
There was not supposed to be any problems around me, absolutely none! It was what I believed I had to do to keep my life "together".
I thought I was doing well, until I couldn't fix something, then I thought "oh my, I am failing at this thing called life"
I wasn't.
So after much internal struggle I said one day - let me see what will happen if I do not run in like Wonder Woman and fix this

Usually we feel that there's a large problem and we have to fix it.
The instruction is to stop
Do something unfamiliar
Do anything besides rushing off in the same old direction, up to the same old tricks

I learnt that changing my mind, changes my situation
Peace

Where Humility and Appreciation are discovered

We all must experience the discomfort of poor decisions, because that is where humility and appreciation are discovered. Brenden Dilley
We all make decisions that at sometimes poor, they affect others around us, they hurt people, some decisions may make you financially disempowered, emotionally bankrupt, you name it- it had an effect on  your world however, the story does not end there, you can always always always make another choiceOne thing I have learnt is mistakes make masters and keeps me humble and grateful. It pulls me back when I am ready to pounce on someone who seemingly makes a poor choice. I think wow I have done worse and when I have done worse I truly thought that I was doing my best, or that was the information I had available to me and so I am reminded about my own mistakes and poor choices when I am about to jump on my high horse, to react to someone and also when I am about to make another choiceNote to self- we are all on our own journeys