Colleen Brown's Blog, page 178

I have so much coursework I have to catch up on by tomorrow. Plus I have my final exam in the...

I have so much coursework I have to catch up on by tomorrow. Plus I have my final exam in the morning, I have to put together a Creative Fiction portfolio, I have to work all day today, and I cannot stop thinking about the way his hands grabbed my hips when I tried to walk away. Too much to do, too much thinking, and my hands for some reason won’t move faster.

A poem with some of the words you love: You are my soft and tender peach/ You illuminate my every day in your own delicate way/ I imagine your caress in my dreamy state/ Your warm and gentle being beside me/ The most delicate of roses/ The most tender of c

You are a soft, tender, illuminating, delicate, and dreamy peach. Really though. This was wonderful.

the sun was on my side today

the sun was on my side today

I crave the feelingof your hands againstmy skin, and your bodyagainst mine. When youtouch me, you...

I crave the feeling
of your hands against
my skin, and your body
against mine. When you
touch me, you send
a wave of passionate
pleasure throughout
my entire being. 
When you hold me,
I could take on
just about anything
that comes my way.

I really love this playlist.

I really love this playlist.

i'm going to be honest. i feel inadequate, small, unworthy. everyone around me seems to be doing something exciting all the time. falling in love, getting jobs, succeeding. and here i am, struggling not to take the easy way out. trying to find strength wit

I think most, if not everyone feels that way at some point in their life. They look around and feel as if everything is moving on without them or that things are stuck on fast forward. But I can assure you that they are not passing by you as quickly as you think. That if you just take a moment to take it all in, it will all start to make sense. It’s hard not to look at others and to not compare yourself to what they had, have, or may gain, but you have to realize that when it comes down to it, your life is different from theirs. Your life is yours and whatever you do with it is only going to truly effect you. Those people, the people you are seeing probably think the same thing, but keep it in just as well as you may be doing. Just because everything seems wonderful and well on the outside, does not mean it is on the inside. Which I hope we all know that. But you can’t keep going through your life comparing it to the goals and the achievements of others. If you do and when you do look at someones life and compare yours or yourself to it, use those comparisons to become something or someone that you’ve always wanted to become. No one is stopping you but yourself. The longer you admire and envy someone else’s life, the harder it will be for you to live your very own. Do what’s best for you. Make yourself happy by accepting yourself and going after things that you’ve always desired. It’s about your happiness. This is your life, this is your time. Don’t waste it by thinking that you’ve wasted it when you haven’t even started to live yet. Yeah, a job is good because money, but a job doesn’t mean happiness. It actually means more stress. Falling in love is wonderful but you should try to enjoy yourself and your solitude before your time is spent being dedicated to someone else. Just love yourself. The more you love and the more you let go, the more appealing and exciting your own life will become. Don’t spend your time wanting to be someone else. That person is already taken. Be who you are. There is only one of you and you are beautiful and unique. Don’t be afraid, love. It will all fall into place when you are least expecting it. That’s the most beautiful part of life.

I’ve replaced the feel of your fingers in-between mine with cigarettes.I’ve replaced the feelof...

I’ve replaced the feel

of your fingers in-between

mine with cigarettes.

I’ve replaced the feel

of your mouth pressed

against mine with shots

of whiskey to wash out

your taste. I’ve replaced

your love that sat

in the pit of my stomach

with coffee. I do these

self-destructive things

to myself because

I’m trying to rid of you.

But no matter how many

cigarettes I smoke, shots

I chase, and cups of coffee

that I drink, I still cannot

seem to rid of you

from my body.

I’ve replaced the feel of your fingers in-between mine with cigarettes. I’ve replaced the feel of...

I’ve replaced the feel
of your fingers in-between
mine with cigarettes.
I’ve replaced the feel
of your mouth pressed
against mine with shots
of whiskey to wash out
your taste. I’ve replaced
your love that sat
in the pit of my stomach
with coffee. I do these
self-destructive things
to myself because
I’m trying to rid of you.
But no matter how many
cigarettes I smoke, shots
I chase, and cups of coffee
I drink, I still cannot
seem to rid you
from my body.

My heart has alwaysbeen open for youto come in whenever you need shelter,whenever you needto...

My heart has always

been open for you

to come in whenever

you need shelter,

whenever you need

to feel protected.

But I cannot keep

these doors unlocked

at all times. I am not

something to retreat to

when the time is right

for you. So take my heart

in your advantage

and love me when

it’s right for

the both of us.

"Before this poem turns intosomething about you, I am going tomake it about me. I just wanted..."

“Before this poem turns into

something about you, I am going to

make it about me. I just wanted to

remind myself about the amount

of passion that seeps from my pours,

and makes its way to the surface.

Or about how much truth

I am able to hold

without even realizing it.

I’m always writing about you,

and I think it’s time

that I finally write about myself

to let myself know that it’s okay

to fall in love with your solitude.

That it’s okay to see yourself

before you see others. I am

the only one who is allowed to

break myself. I cannot be ruined

if I don’t let myself become wrecked.

My hands are in charge,

and if I want destroy my body

I can, because it’s my being,

my flesh, my everything attached.

There is no such thing as vanity

when you are studying your curves

and becoming infatuated with the way

that your body is able to move.

And if I am considered to be conceited

for being able to make mends

with myself, for being able to

flatter myself when I need it the most,

so be it. Because I would rather

be called arrogant then to shame myself

for admiring every piece of me

that I have grown so proud of.”

- "For once, this ones about me," - Colleen Brown