Colleen Brown's Blog, page 121
October 6, 2014
Because it may happen over and over again.
Because it may happen
over and over again.
October 5, 2014
We are lost
and I don’t know
if we will ever
find what it is
that is missing
inside of us.
We...
We are lost
and I don’t know
if we will ever
find what it is
that is missing
inside of us.
We have been
wandering about
for what feels
like a lifetime,
and I just hope
that someday
we will receive
what it is
that we have
been searching
for all along.
"I’m done fighting with you over things that are out of my control. Whether it be the weather, the..."
“I’m done fighting with you over things that are out of my control. Whether it be the weather, the way others speak to me without being spoken to first, and even the way I love too many without receiving their love in return. There is always something that I am doing wrong. It’s always something that I should have done but never had the strength to do. When you left it broke me but it also fueled my confidence. I no longer had to answer to someone who only could push my faults in my face; flaws that I’ve long known that have been building themselves up inside of me. I never could do anything right when we were together. I either gave you too much or not enough, and there was never a medium, never an okay moment. It was always something. And I know that after you read this, which you will, you will find more reasons to why it’s a good thing that you’re moving on, and how I am selfish for saying this indirectly. But I don’t care because I’ve spent too much of my time censoring my mouth and warning my hands about what’s right and what’s wrong. This is my truth, my feelings, my how I see it. This is about you, yes, but more importantly this is about getting it out. This is about not hiding anymore and making it clear that I was not the only one at fault when it comes to our end. But still, as always, you’ll find a way to turn the table, point the finger, make this about my defaults, my sins, my mistakes that I thought I could trust you with keeping. But when it comes to being right it doesn’t matter about trust, or about secrets. Because if you can make yourself out to be someone who did nothing wrong, who only fought, who tried until there was nothing left, you would tell the world, my family, my enemies, everything that I wanted to stay between you and I.”
- "It’s not about who is right anymore to you, it’s about revenge," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
- "It’s not about who is right anymore to you, it’s about revenge," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
"I’m done fighting with you over things that are out of my control. Whether it be the weather, the..."
“I’m done fighting with you over things that are out of my control. Whether it be the weather, the way others speak to me without being spoken to first, and even the way I love too many without receiving their love in return. There is always something that I am doing wrong. It’s always something that I should have done but never had the strength to do. When you left it broke me but it also fueled my confidence. I no longer had to answer to someone who only could push my faults in my face; flaws that I’ve long known that have been building themselves up inside of me. I never could do anything right when we were together. I either gave you too much or not enough, and there was never a medium, never an okay moment. It was always something. And I know that after you read this, which you will, you will find more reasons to why it’s a good thing that you’re moving on, and how I am selfish for saying this indirectly. But I don’t care because I’ve spent too much of my time censoring my mouth and warning my hands about what’s right and what’s wrong. This is my truth, my feelings, my how I see it. This is about you, yes, but more importantly this is about getting it out. This is about not hiding anymore and making it clear that I was not the only one at fault when it comes to our end. But still, as always, you’ll find a way to turn the table, point the finger, make this about my defaults, my sins, my mistakes that I thought I could trust you with keeping. But when it comes to being right it doesn’t matter about trust, or about secrets. Because if you can make yourself out to be someone who did nothing wrong, who only fought, who tried until there was nothing left, you would tell the world, my family, my enemies, everything that I wanted to stay between you and I.”
- "It’s not about who is right anymore to you, it’s about revenge," - Colleen Brown
- "It’s not about who is right anymore to you, it’s about revenge," - Colleen Brown
"I can admit that I am
a hopeless romantic, but
the things I am drawn to,
addicted to, are..."
“I can admit that I am
a hopeless romantic, but
the things I am drawn to,
addicted to, are not.
Smoking cigarettes,
and this is not a metaphor
that I can hold between
my teeth, is not romantic.
Breathing fire when it
comes to defending myself
and the ones that I have
sworn to protect is not
romantic, and it’s not
even close to becoming
a hero. When the night
comes and I am exposed
to the darkness, I turn
into someone who is not
recognizable. Not even
my father could find his
daughter beneath the smoke
and the bitter truth.
Some see me as
an inspiration, as a truthful
being that has been
soaked in experience and
who is able to turn pain
into poetry, but sometimes
that is not the case.
Sometimes the pain is
masked with sarcasm,
whiskey, THC and even
one night stands. Sometimes
not even I could replace
the hurt with lines of rhythmic
truth. Sometimes I am just as
hopeless as the person who
has had enough of this world
and decides to put their fate
within the leveled ground.
Sometimes even the hero
of the story needs a break.”
- "I may not be who you think I am," - Colleen Brown
a hopeless romantic, but
the things I am drawn to,
addicted to, are not.
Smoking cigarettes,
and this is not a metaphor
that I can hold between
my teeth, is not romantic.
Breathing fire when it
comes to defending myself
and the ones that I have
sworn to protect is not
romantic, and it’s not
even close to becoming
a hero. When the night
comes and I am exposed
to the darkness, I turn
into someone who is not
recognizable. Not even
my father could find his
daughter beneath the smoke
and the bitter truth.
Some see me as
an inspiration, as a truthful
being that has been
soaked in experience and
who is able to turn pain
into poetry, but sometimes
that is not the case.
Sometimes the pain is
masked with sarcasm,
whiskey, THC and even
one night stands. Sometimes
not even I could replace
the hurt with lines of rhythmic
truth. Sometimes I am just as
hopeless as the person who
has had enough of this world
and decides to put their fate
within the leveled ground.
Sometimes even the hero
of the story needs a break.”
- "I may not be who you think I am," - Colleen Brown
the trees, those trees
the trees, those trees
October 4, 2014
"Our love story begins
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by..."
“Our love story begins
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by screens,
but now we are distanced
by the miles that are put
between us. When we live
our lives without living with
one another, we see other
couples on the street,
in stores, and even in class.
We are envious at the fact
that they are privileged
enough to be able to hold
one another without a phone
line in the middle. We listen
to our friends telling us about
how annoyed they are
that the one they love wants
to be with them at every
moment. What we wouldn’t
give to be in their place.
To be able to even touch
each other would be enough
to allow us to sleep soundly
for one night. They make it
look so easy in the films.
That you can just jump
on a plane and be beside
the one you know that you
were made for. But it’s not
that simple, and it’s not
that quick. If I would have
known that you were the one
I would be dreaming of
throughout the day and during
the night, I would have used
my life savings saving what
we had left, instead of investing
in an education that would
just leave me as jobless
as it would hopeless.
But with you, I wouldn’t need
professors or pens, I would
just need your presence.
But it’s not that easy,
and it’s not that cheap.
And if I had it my way from
the very start I would have
stopped Pangea so that we
were never separated
by the oceans that have
put a wedge between our
bodies and love.”
- "A long distanced love," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by screens,
but now we are distanced
by the miles that are put
between us. When we live
our lives without living with
one another, we see other
couples on the street,
in stores, and even in class.
We are envious at the fact
that they are privileged
enough to be able to hold
one another without a phone
line in the middle. We listen
to our friends telling us about
how annoyed they are
that the one they love wants
to be with them at every
moment. What we wouldn’t
give to be in their place.
To be able to even touch
each other would be enough
to allow us to sleep soundly
for one night. They make it
look so easy in the films.
That you can just jump
on a plane and be beside
the one you know that you
were made for. But it’s not
that simple, and it’s not
that quick. If I would have
known that you were the one
I would be dreaming of
throughout the day and during
the night, I would have used
my life savings saving what
we had left, instead of investing
in an education that would
just leave me as jobless
as it would hopeless.
But with you, I wouldn’t need
professors or pens, I would
just need your presence.
But it’s not that easy,
and it’s not that cheap.
And if I had it my way from
the very start I would have
stopped Pangea so that we
were never separated
by the oceans that have
put a wedge between our
bodies and love.”
- "A long distanced love," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
"Our love story begins
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by..."
“Our love story begins
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by screens,
but now we are distanced
by the miles that are put
between us. When we live
our lives without living with
one another, we see other
couples on the street,
in stores, and even in class.
We are envious at the fact
that they are privileged
enough to be able to hold
one another without a phone
line in the middle. We listen
to our friends telling us about
how annoyed they are
that the one they love wants
to be with them at every
moment. What we wouldn’t
give to be in their place.
To be able to even touch
each other would be enough
to allow us to sleep soundly
for one night. They make it
look so easy in the films.
That you can just jump
on a plane and be beside
the one you know that you
were made for. But it’s not
that simple, and it’s not
that quick. If I would have
known that you were the one
I would be dreaming of
throughout the day and during
the night, I would have used
my life savings saving what
we had left, instead of investing
in an education that would
just leave me as jobless
as it would hopeless.
But with you, I wouldn’t need
professors or pens, I would
just need your presence.
But it’s not that easy,
and it’s not that cheap.
And if I had it my way from
the very start I would have
stopped Pangea so that we
were never separated
by the oceans that have
put a wedge between our
bodies and love.”
- "A long distanced love," - Colleen Brown
without us actually meeting
one another. At first we
were separated by screens,
but now we are distanced
by the miles that are put
between us. When we live
our lives without living with
one another, we see other
couples on the street,
in stores, and even in class.
We are envious at the fact
that they are privileged
enough to be able to hold
one another without a phone
line in the middle. We listen
to our friends telling us about
how annoyed they are
that the one they love wants
to be with them at every
moment. What we wouldn’t
give to be in their place.
To be able to even touch
each other would be enough
to allow us to sleep soundly
for one night. They make it
look so easy in the films.
That you can just jump
on a plane and be beside
the one you know that you
were made for. But it’s not
that simple, and it’s not
that quick. If I would have
known that you were the one
I would be dreaming of
throughout the day and during
the night, I would have used
my life savings saving what
we had left, instead of investing
in an education that would
just leave me as jobless
as it would hopeless.
But with you, I wouldn’t need
professors or pens, I would
just need your presence.
But it’s not that easy,
and it’s not that cheap.
And if I had it my way from
the very start I would have
stopped Pangea so that we
were never separated
by the oceans that have
put a wedge between our
bodies and love.”
- "A long distanced love," - Colleen Brown
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