Colleen Brown's Blog, page 125
September 24, 2014
I still have the desire
to call you up on the phone
and confess to you
that what we once had
is...
I still have the desire
to call you up on the phone
and confess to you
that what we once had
is still something
that I want, that I crave.
But there is no use
because no matter how many
times I tell you that I want
you back, there will
always be a reason for you
to keep your heart guarded.
September 23, 2014
September 22, 2014
"1. The day you left
was the day I thought
that I could not continue
living if it meant
living..."
“1. The day you left
was the day I thought
that I could not continue
living if it meant
living without you.
2. On the second day
of your prolonged absence
nothing seemed worth
doing. Not as long
as you were not doing it
with me.
3. On the third day
I realized there would be
no sign of your return
and that I would have to
keep going. Even if
that meant going on
without you.
4. On the fourth day
my hands finally had
the strength to open the
blinds and to rid of
everything that reminded
me of you. It was difficult
and it took me most
of the day to be able to
push all of the memories
beneath my bed.
5. On the fifth day of living
on my own, I worked up
the courage to tell all
of our friends what had really
happened. How you just left
one morning without looking
back, or even locking
the doors. They haven’t
heard from you since.
6. On the sixth day
your best friend asked me
out for coffee, said he knew
where I could find you.
I said I didn’t want to know.
I would rather have you
lost than to know you were
out there somewhere
without me with you.
7. On the seventh day
I woke up to a still empty bed
and when I rolled over
on your side I could no longer
feel where your body
used to lay.
8. On the eighth day
I took all of your belongings
to the end of the driveway
for the trash man to take.
I didn’t care if you still
wanted any of it.
9. On the ninth day
you texted me, and it took me
half of the day to summon
the courage to even open it.
Inside it read, ” I still love you.
I’m sorry. Please, let me
come home.” I never replied.
10. On the tenth day
I changed the garage
combination, the locks on
the doors, my telephone
number and the color of my hair
that you loved so much.
You are no longer welcome
in my home, in my head
and in my heart.”
- "It took me 10 days to get over you," - Colleen Brown
was the day I thought
that I could not continue
living if it meant
living without you.
2. On the second day
of your prolonged absence
nothing seemed worth
doing. Not as long
as you were not doing it
with me.
3. On the third day
I realized there would be
no sign of your return
and that I would have to
keep going. Even if
that meant going on
without you.
4. On the fourth day
my hands finally had
the strength to open the
blinds and to rid of
everything that reminded
me of you. It was difficult
and it took me most
of the day to be able to
push all of the memories
beneath my bed.
5. On the fifth day of living
on my own, I worked up
the courage to tell all
of our friends what had really
happened. How you just left
one morning without looking
back, or even locking
the doors. They haven’t
heard from you since.
6. On the sixth day
your best friend asked me
out for coffee, said he knew
where I could find you.
I said I didn’t want to know.
I would rather have you
lost than to know you were
out there somewhere
without me with you.
7. On the seventh day
I woke up to a still empty bed
and when I rolled over
on your side I could no longer
feel where your body
used to lay.
8. On the eighth day
I took all of your belongings
to the end of the driveway
for the trash man to take.
I didn’t care if you still
wanted any of it.
9. On the ninth day
you texted me, and it took me
half of the day to summon
the courage to even open it.
Inside it read, ” I still love you.
I’m sorry. Please, let me
come home.” I never replied.
10. On the tenth day
I changed the garage
combination, the locks on
the doors, my telephone
number and the color of my hair
that you loved so much.
You are no longer welcome
in my home, in my head
and in my heart.”
- "It took me 10 days to get over you," - Colleen Brown
September 21, 2014
I miss everything
about you. Even the
things that drove
me to almost insanity.
I would have...
I miss everything
about you. Even the
things that drove
me to almost insanity.
I would have never
known that your
absence would have
left me to feel this
lost, this alone, this
defeated. I should
have never took your
presence for granted.
Now that you’re gone
I need you more than
I ever thought possible.
I thought if I tried hard
enough, held on long enough
that you would someday
love me. That you...
I thought if I tried hard
enough, held on long enough
that you would someday
love me. That you would leave
the life behind that you always
seemed to despise.
I would have helped you build
a new beginning. Would have
searched for your lost
happiness in the parts
of the world that you feared
most. I would have gone
to great lengths just to see
you smile again, but you never
had the strength or the time
to do for me what I would
have done for you.
September 20, 2014
"Sometimes loving me won’t be
easy. To some it was never
enough, or it wasn’t worth
the fight. But I..."
“Sometimes loving me won’t be
easy. To some it was never
enough, or it wasn’t worth
the fight. But I can tell you
that if you never put your sword
down, it will be worth it
in the end. Just like anything
that ends happily, there was
always a struggle to push
through. There was always
hardship to defeat. But like
those who have survived it,
you will receive exactly what
you want. And I can be exactly
what you want, but you have to
be ready for the challenge
that rests ahead. So yes,
loving me will not be easy
at first. It will not be made up
of butterflies on the inside
of your stomach, and it will
not be happily ever after
from the very start. It will be
a war that you will someday
thrive from. But I promise
that if you do not retreat
before the war has even begun
you will leave the battlefield
that is my heart with
even more than what you
had expected.”
- "If you fight for me," - Colleen Brown
easy. To some it was never
enough, or it wasn’t worth
the fight. But I can tell you
that if you never put your sword
down, it will be worth it
in the end. Just like anything
that ends happily, there was
always a struggle to push
through. There was always
hardship to defeat. But like
those who have survived it,
you will receive exactly what
you want. And I can be exactly
what you want, but you have to
be ready for the challenge
that rests ahead. So yes,
loving me will not be easy
at first. It will not be made up
of butterflies on the inside
of your stomach, and it will
not be happily ever after
from the very start. It will be
a war that you will someday
thrive from. But I promise
that if you do not retreat
before the war has even begun
you will leave the battlefield
that is my heart with
even more than what you
had expected.”
- "If you fight for me," - Colleen Brown
September 19, 2014
"I like the way your hands
move in the sunlight. Even better,
I like the way your hands move
against..."
“I like the way your hands
move in the sunlight. Even better,
I like the way your hands move
against skin that does not
belong to you. You say so much
but really you keep the most
important words to yourself.
Or better yet, you write that chaotic
mess of meaning into poetry.
How do you do it? How can you
love so many but insist
that you do not deserve
the same love in return? I’ve never
met someone as selfless
as you. I’ve never come across
another person who is able to
give others the amount of hope
that you do. So why not give
some of that energy to yourself?
You’ve spent so much of your time
trying to fix the broken pieces
of those who will just leave
once they are patched up.
Do you think that’s fair? Do you
think that’s love? Have you tried
stitching up your own wounds
before using that thread
on someone who will only end up
tearing it out. Now I know that this
reads more like a lesson
than it does a love poem,
but I am being aggressive because
I love you more than anyone
could ever promise. I hope you
don’t hate me after this. I hope
you don’t see your faults
as flaws, or your dedication
as something that should be
removed. You are beautiful,
and you are as gentle as the way
the morning kisses the mist.
So please, try to love yourself
more. Try to see that you are
much more than a nurturer
to the weak. Try to see that you
need love just as much
as those who have been swallowed
by their own darkness.
You radiate so much light
that I know it can be hard to see
the shadows in your eyes.
But I see them, and I know you are
not as strong as you say.
So turn over your open sign,
lock the doors and use your time
off to say to yourself what you
always seem to say to others;
you are beautiful and you will
survive, I promise. Because if
there is anyone that can turn
their pain into poetry, their pain
into a new way of healing,
it’s you.”
- "A love poem to myself," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
move in the sunlight. Even better,
I like the way your hands move
against skin that does not
belong to you. You say so much
but really you keep the most
important words to yourself.
Or better yet, you write that chaotic
mess of meaning into poetry.
How do you do it? How can you
love so many but insist
that you do not deserve
the same love in return? I’ve never
met someone as selfless
as you. I’ve never come across
another person who is able to
give others the amount of hope
that you do. So why not give
some of that energy to yourself?
You’ve spent so much of your time
trying to fix the broken pieces
of those who will just leave
once they are patched up.
Do you think that’s fair? Do you
think that’s love? Have you tried
stitching up your own wounds
before using that thread
on someone who will only end up
tearing it out. Now I know that this
reads more like a lesson
than it does a love poem,
but I am being aggressive because
I love you more than anyone
could ever promise. I hope you
don’t hate me after this. I hope
you don’t see your faults
as flaws, or your dedication
as something that should be
removed. You are beautiful,
and you are as gentle as the way
the morning kisses the mist.
So please, try to love yourself
more. Try to see that you are
much more than a nurturer
to the weak. Try to see that you
need love just as much
as those who have been swallowed
by their own darkness.
You radiate so much light
that I know it can be hard to see
the shadows in your eyes.
But I see them, and I know you are
not as strong as you say.
So turn over your open sign,
lock the doors and use your time
off to say to yourself what you
always seem to say to others;
you are beautiful and you will
survive, I promise. Because if
there is anyone that can turn
their pain into poetry, their pain
into a new way of healing,
it’s you.”
- "A love poem to myself," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
It looked like the hills were on fire and like the sky’s head...
It looked like the hills were on fire and like the sky’s head was too misty to even wake itself up.
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