Colleen Brown's Blog, page 120

You tell someonetoo much too soonand then suddenlyyou are alonewondering if youhave opened...

You tell someone

too much too soon

and then suddenly

you are alone

wondering if you

have opened yourself

to someone who

will never even try

to understand why

you confided in them

in the first place.

"I’ve taught myself how tosay no, how to stand my groundwhen someone is trying toshift my weight..."

“I’ve taught myself how to

say no, how to stand my ground

when someone is trying to

shift my weight to a place

that is better for them.

I learnt the hard way of how

losing someone can feel as if

you’ve lost everything. When I

feel an oncoming absence

I fill my room with the things

I love so that I never feel empty

again. Someone once told me

that forgiving someone means

becoming a better person,

but I still have not forgave those

who have put me through

torture for the sake of their

own pleasure and still

I get better as the days go on.

I don’t care anymore about

being called selfish because

if this is the only life that I will

ever live, I want to survive

in the only way that I know how.

And if that means not exposing

myself to anyone who claims

that they won’t use my secrets

against me then I will board up

the walls of my heart so that

no one can break through.

This is not a poem about

realizing that I am better off

now than I was before I knew

that not everyone you love

will not always love you back,

but a poem to show myself

that I made it through those

rough times and if I keep

holding on I will only become

stronger than I am right now.”

- "On reflecting," - Colleen Brown

I held her as ifit was going to bethe last timethat I would everhave the privilege to touch her...

I held her as if

it was going to be

the last time

that I would ever

have the privilege

to touch her again.

mostlyfiction:What 2 do / Where 2 go

mostlyfiction:

What 2 do / Where 2 go

What kind of person do you look for in a relationship or in a distance relationship?

I think a long distance relationship is the same as a normal relationship. There is just distance. It’s not that I’m not looking, but I’m not on the hunt for my next partner. I’m waiting for something to just happen instead of searching for it whenever I’m around others. But what I’m attracted to / enjoy in another person is someone who finds me incredibly ridiculous and loves it. And when I say ridiculous I mean they understand my humor and who I am and still enjoy being around me. Someone who is into films, fandoms, anything art, nature and even if they don’t like doing what I like, they still appreciate it and enjoy that I enjoy it. So basically someone who is a gentle human and works as much and as hard as I do.

Are you currently in a relationship?

I’m dating three people right now. Me, myself and I. We’re doing pretty good.

Your opinion on LDR's?

If you can handle the distance and are patient, you will have no trouble in one. It’s a strain, but it’s worth it if you’re waiting for the one you love. I’ve been in a few, one more serious than any, and it was worth it. Even if it didn’t last, it was worth the experience.

tables turned- he broke up with me today I'm going to die

You’re not going to die. You’re going to thrive from this. You’re not going to let someone ruin your life. You’re not going to ruin your own life because someone couldn’t see how lucky they were. You’re not going to die. You’re going to get stronger. You’re going to get better and you’re going to love yourself and you’re not going to let anyone break your heart. You’re going to find love, real and true love one day. You’re going to look back at these times and you’re going to laugh because you’re going to be confused on why any of this, why this insignificant boy made you think death was better, that death was the answer. You’re going to grow and you’re going to show him that you don’t need him to be happy, or to love yourself, or to feel complete. You’re going to be just fine.

"You are the one I want,still, after all of these yearsof being alone or beingin the bed of..."

“You are the one I want,

still, after all of these years

of being alone or being

in the bed of someone

whose touch will never

come close to the way

your hands felt against

my skin. I’ve been

wondering lately if this

is how it’s always going

to be. If I will ever find

someone who can do

the proper justice of loving

me in the way that you

once did. But it’s a

question that I already

know the answer to

without having to go back

to the problem. It’s a

simple yes or no but I can’t

find the courage inside

of myself to just admit

to knowing. So for now

I will keep searching

for a feeling that comes

remotely close to how

I felt when I was with you.

Even if that means

settling for something

that may never compare.”

- "I’ll come back to this question later," - Colleen Brown

Because it may happenover and over again.

Because it may happen

over and over again.