Dawn Metcalfe's Blog, page 13

Why your Feelings can Hold you Back

Everybody fights.  Thanks to our (extremely beneficial) individuality, it’s inevitable. But it can be incredibly awkward in the workplace.  If a colleague throws you under the bus, or your boss calls you out in front of the office, or a client doesn’t react well to your hard work; these are just some of the situations that could cause a fight or, at the very least, stir up some resentment on your part.  Feeling emotions about our negative interactions with others is completely normal, but that doesn’t mean they are always useful to the situation.  If we are able to consider the emotions we feel more rationally, we might actually have a much greater chance of resolving conflict in a more productive and successful way.  Had an office fight lately, or feel one brewing?  Read this before you go any further.

You read the full article on Harvard Business Review here:   https://hbr.org/2017/12/should-you-share-your-feelings-during-a-work-fight?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

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How You Should Process Your Feelings in the Workplace

Everybody fights.  Thanks to our (extremely beneficial) individuality, it’s inevitable. But it can be incredibly awkward in the workplace.  If a colleague throws you under the bus, or your boss calls you out in front of the office, or a client doesn’t react well to your hard work; these are just some of the situations that could cause a fight or, at the very least, stir up some resentment on your part.  Feeling emotions about our negative interactions with others is completely normal, but that doesn’t mean they are always useful to the situation.  If we are able to consider the emotions we feel more rationally, we might actually have a much greater chance of resolving conflict in a more productive and successful way.  Had an office fight lately, or feel one brewing?  Read this before you go any further.

You read the full article on Harvard Business Review here:   https://hbr.org/2017/12/should-you-share-your-feelings-during-a-work-fight?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

The post How You Should Process Your Feelings in the Workplace appeared first on HardTalk.

Why More Questions are Needed in Your Workplace

Obviously changing the way we communicate in the workplace is something we know a lot about at HardTalk.  But there are some really key attributes to your communication style that you can start adopting right now.  One of the most important is your use of questions.  As a rule, we simply aren’t asking enough questions in the workplace.  Questioning (and Listening Hard to the responses) is a vital tool to building rapport, developing trust, preventing mistakes and, of course, facilitating creativity and innovation.  Can you afford to keep avoiding the important questions?

You read the full article on Harvard Business Review here:  https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

The post Why More Questions are Needed in Your Workplace appeared first on HardTalk.

Don’t Ask. Don’t Get. Why Questions are Essential

Obviously changing the way we communicate in the workplace is something we know a lot about at HardTalk.  But there are some really key attributes to your communication style that you can start adopting right now.  One of the most important is your use of questions.  As a rule, we simply aren’t asking enough questions in the workplace.  Questioning (and Listening Hard to the responses) is a vital tool to building rapport, developing trust, preventing mistakes and, of course, facilitating creativity and innovation.  Can you afford to keep avoiding the important questions?

You read the full article on Harvard Business Review here:  https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions?utm_campaign=hbr&utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social

The post Don’t Ask. Don’t Get. Why Questions are Essential appeared first on HardTalk.

Supportlocal: Dawn Metcalfe

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer, leadership advisor, and author of two books, Managing the Matrix and The HardTalk Handbook and talks to Equity to share insight into what she does, why she does it and where she came from.

https://www.equity.media/supportlocal-dawn-metcalfe/

The post Supportlocal: Dawn Metcalfe appeared first on HardTalk.

Don't Take Kindness For Granted

Sometimes it’s hard to write. You know you want to write about a particular topic but the words don’t come. That’s not the case for this one because I want to talk about kindness and this is a topic that’s been very much at the top of my mind for the last few weeks and months.

As most of you will know I recently launched the HardTalk Handbook and, in doing so, I had an opportunity to experience kindness from so many people, in so many situations that it almost broke my heart.

From the manicurist who spent 3 hours (I know!) making sure that my nails would be perfect when she heard that I was launching a book, via the lady who met me in a supermarket queue and later sent me a picture of the book that she’d ordered the same day via www.noon.com, to the clients who found time in their busy lives to attend the party, I’ve been overwhelmed.

It’s almost got to the stage where I’m taking it for granted. Of course my parents would somehow manage to make sure that flowers arrived for me just before the launch (thus threatening my make up), of course the Saudi friend who was with me when the first copy of my first book arrived would fly into Dubai from Riyadh for an hour simply to show his face and pick up a copy of the second, of course the buyer from Kinokuniya would give us an amazing spot in the store and introduce us to exactly the right person to make sure the book will be in stores across the Middle East. I almost take it for granted, but just almost.

Of course we should never get used to kindness. We should never take it for granted. Even if it’s things much smaller than those above. As soon as we do we risk behaving in a way that it is nearly designed to ensure we don’t experience it again.

On the other hand, we must also make sure we don’t get used to other, less positive, things. As soon as you accept the world around you and the behaviour of those you interact with without question and without comment you’re telling them you don’t care. If you aren’t noticing what’s happening and responding to it then you’re saying “meh, it’s ok by me”.

If you’re lucky enough to be surrounded by kindness, acknowledge it and say thank you.

And if you’re faced with rudeness, indifference or worse, then speak up. Nothing changes without a conversation.

 

If you’d like to learn more about mastering the art and science of difficult conversations or HardTalk you can do so here; by signing up for the newsletter or sending us an email. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on this and other topics on LinkedIn or Twitter .

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post Don't Take Kindness For Granted appeared first on HardTalk.

Why Kindness Matters

Sometimes it’s hard to write. You know you want to write about a particular topic but the words don’t come. That’s not the case for this one because I want to talk about kindness and this is a topic that’s been very much at the top of my mind for the last few weeks and months.

As most of you will know I recently launched the HardTalk Handbook and, in doing so, I had an opportunity to experience kindness from so many people, in so many situations that it almost broke my heart.

From the manicurist who spent 3 hours (I know!) making sure that my nails would be perfect when she heard that I was launching a book, via the lady who met me in a supermarket queue and later sent me a picture of the book that she’d ordered the same day via www.noon.com, to the clients who found time in their busy lives to attend the party, I’ve been overwhelmed.

It’s almost got to the stage where I’m taking it for granted. Of course my parents would somehow manage to make sure that flowers arrived for me just before the launch (thus threatening my make up), of course the Saudi friend who was with me when the first copy of my first book arrived would fly into Dubai from Riyadh for an hour simply to show his face and pick up a copy of the second, of course the buyer from Kinokuniya would give us an amazing spot in the store and introduce us to exactly the right person to make sure the book will be in stores across the Middle East. I almost take it for granted, but just almost.

Of course we should never get used to kindness. We should never take it for granted. Even if it’s things much smaller than those above. As soon as we do we risk behaving in a way that it is nearly designed to ensure we don’t experience it again.

On the other hand, we must also make sure we don’t get used to other, less positive, things. As soon as you accept the world around you and the behaviour of those you interact with without question and without comment you’re telling them you don’t care. If you aren’t noticing what’s happening and responding to it then you’re saying “meh, it’s ok by me”.

If you’re lucky enough to be surrounded by kindness, acknowledge it and say thank you.

And if you’re faced with rudeness, indifference or worse, then speak up. Nothing changes without a conversation.

 

If you’d like to learn more about mastering the art and science of difficult conversations or HardTalk you can do so here; by signing up for the newsletter or sending us an email. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on this and other topics on LinkedIn or Twitter .

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post Why Kindness Matters appeared first on HardTalk.

How is Your Karma?

I was lucky enough to be invited as a panelist and moderator to the very first iteration of the International Women Empowerment Programme recently. It’s an initiative sponsored by the Consulate General of India here in the UAE and some very prominent speakers were in attendance including a lady who lost her leg in a tragic accident and yet went on to be a famous dancer and actress whose biography is part of the Indian School Curriculum.

The attendees were, primarily, from India and so Sikh or Buddhist and it got me thinking about karma and how it relates to HardTalk.

For those who don’t know,(and I’m no religious scholar so correct me if I’m wrong!) karma is defined (in Hinduism and Buddhism) as the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences. The urban dictionary is a little more user friendly suggesting that karma is “getting what you give~if you’re mean, you get bad karma~bad things happen. If you’re kindly & nice, you’ll get good karma~good things will happen.”

So what’s this got to do with HardTalk?

In the last edition of Insights we talked about how we often justify our own bad behaviour by citing how others have “done us wrong” in the past. For example, “he was rude to me so I can be rude to him”. Whilst this might feel good in the moment it doesn’t help us get the results we want.

Instead we need to be thinking about the Platinum Rule.

The Golden Rule is better known and, in many situations, isn’t awful advice. It states “do unto others as you would have them do to you. In other words, treat other people–in business and in life- the way you yourself would want to be treated.

The problem is other people aren’t “you” – they’re different. Whether as a result of their age, gender, education, culture or other filters they may not want to be treated in the same way you would like. So if you’re working in a multi-cultural environment or with many, different generations or across functions where the educational background is very different the Golden Rule might actually be doing more harm than good.

The Platinum Rule is less well known but more considerate and effective because it tells us to “do unto others as they would want done to them”. This takes into account the fact that all of us are different.

One of the things that we’re trying to do when doing HardTalk is to influence others. Treating them how they would like to be treated is a great way to achieve this.

As the late Dale Carnegie put it in his famous best-seller, “How to win friends and influence people”:

“Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?”

If you consistently follow the Platinum Rule, you never know – maybe Karma will kick in and you’ll be treated as you want in return.

And what if you don’t know what other people would like? It’s easy. Ask them and then ListenHard!

 

If you’d like to learn more about mastering the art and science of difficult conversations or HardTalk you can do so here; by signing up for the newsletter or sending us an email. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on this and other topics on LinkedIn or Twitter .

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post How is Your Karma? appeared first on HardTalk.

How to Create Good Business Karma

I was lucky enough to be invited as a panelist and moderator to the very first iteration of the International Women Empowerment Programme recently. It’s an initiative sponsored by the Consulate General of India here in the UAE and some very prominent speakers were in attendance including a lady who lost her leg in a tragic accident and yet went on to be a famous dancer and actress whose biography is part of the Indian School Curriculum.

The attendees were, primarily, from India and so Sikh or Buddhist and it got me thinking about karma and how it relates to HardTalk.

For those who don’t know,(and I’m no religious scholar so correct me if I’m wrong!) karma is defined (in Hinduism and Buddhism) as the sum of a person’s actions in this and previous states of existence, viewed as deciding their fate in future existences. The urban dictionary is a little more user friendly suggesting that karma is “getting what you give~if you’re mean, you get bad karma~bad things happen. If you’re kindly & nice, you’ll get good karma~good things will happen.”

So what’s this got to do with HardTalk?

In the last edition of Insights we talked about how we often justify our own bad behaviour by citing how others have “done us wrong” in the past. For example, “he was rude to me so I can be rude to him”. Whilst this might feel good in the moment it doesn’t help us get the results we want.

Instead we need to be thinking about the Platinum Rule.

The Golden Rule is better known and, in many situations, isn’t awful advice. It states “do unto others as you would have them do to you. In other words, treat other people–in business and in life- the way you yourself would want to be treated.

The problem is other people aren’t “you” – they’re different. Whether as a result of their age, gender, education, culture or other filters they may not want to be treated in the same way you would like. So if you’re working in a multi-cultural environment or with many, different generations or across functions where the educational background is very different the Golden Rule might actually be doing more harm than good.

The Platinum Rule is less well known but more considerate and effective because it tells us to “do unto others as they would want done to them”. This takes into account the fact that all of us are different.

One of the things that we’re trying to do when doing HardTalk is to influence others. Treating them how they would like to be treated is a great way to achieve this.

As the late Dale Carnegie put it in his famous best-seller, “How to win friends and influence people”:

“Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, but I have found that for some strange reason, fish prefer worms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about what I wanted. I thought about what they wanted. I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangled a worm or grasshopper in front of the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?”

If you consistently follow the Platinum Rule, you never know – maybe Karma will kick in and you’ll be treated as you want in return.

And what if you don’t know what other people would like? It’s easy. Ask them and then ListenHard!

 

If you’d like to learn more about mastering the art and science of difficult conversations or HardTalk you can do so here; by signing up for the newsletter or sending us an email. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on this and other topics on LinkedIn or Twitter .

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post How to Create Good Business Karma appeared first on HardTalk.

Why Your Justifications Are Holding You Back

There are many annoying people out there. People who don’t listen, who interrupt, who say one thing to our face and another behind our back. These are people we don’t trust or like. They exist and, sometimes, they’re us.

And yet we need to work effectively with others – even when they’re not perfect or perfectly lovely. We need them to get the results we care about. Very few of us are lucky enough to be entirely self-sufficient.

A thing we hear a lot when talking HardTalk is people justifying their “bad behaviour” by referring to the behaviour of others. They say things like “well, my boss never listens” or “my colleague is lazy” and use these as reasons for not bringing up the subject they want addressed or for not using the HardTalk principles in the difficult conversations they do have.

I understand this. It makes sense that your history with other people – the experiences you’ve had with them in the past – will have an effect on how you (want to) treat them. But the point of difficult conversations is to improve the results we get. It’s not about being “right” or feeling good right now. Instead it’s about behaving in a manner that allows you to understand the other person and so influence their behaviour. And making sure that they can understand you, your issues and what you’re trying to achieve.

Justifying our “bad behaviour” (in HardTalk terms this means any behaviour that moves us away from getting the results we care about) based on the bad behaviour of others may feel good and give us a sense that justice has been done. But that’s in the short-term. In the long-term we don’t move anything forward. Our lives don’t get better. We don’t achieve what we really, really want.

Instead of spending our time justifying behaviour that we know isn’t helpful we need to focus on our longer-term objectives i.e. the Purpose we have in the HardTalk. For example, you may want to roll your eyes and sigh when your boss brings up an issue you’ve already thought about and dealt with or your colleague asks a question you are “sure” has an ulterior motive but, before you do, ask yourself if this is aligned to your real Purpose. If not then stop. And don’t justify your bad behaviour because of theirs.

 

If you’d like to learn more about mastering the art and science of difficult conversations or HardTalk you can do so here; by signing up for the newsletter or sending us an email. We’d also love to hear your thoughts on this and other topics on LinkedIn or Twitter .

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

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