Dawn Metcalfe's Blog, page 7

Don’t waste time and money on team building exercises if you want to build trust

Remember your last office ‘away day’ and all the fun team building exercises you took part in? Perhaps you built a raft and tried to stay afloat. Or maybe someone led you around while you wore a blindfold. Or were you really brave and jumped from a height into your colleagues’ open arms? Team building exercises are supposed to evoke trust, camaraderie and fun. While they will almost certainly deliver on the last part – and collectively letting off steam is important – do they really build stronger teams?

We’re big fans of Alison Green (aka Ask a Manager) at Team HardTalk and even more so after reading her recent piece on team building for the BBC:

“I heard from one reader who worked on a team of people who were having trouble getting along, so her manager organised a team-building event where everyone present had to share what they didn’t like about each other.

Unsurprisingly, tears ensued. She noted that, contrary to the purpose of the event, she and her colleagues went from not being able to work together well to actively disliking each other in about 30 minutes.

Another reader wrote in about a team-building event that her office held on a horse farm. One horse got over-excited and nearly trampled one of her colleagues. “It was a bonding experience to a certain extent,” she wrote, “but only because we all thought we were going to die.”

Another reader described a team-building exercise where she and her co-workers had to spit soda into each other’s mouths – why, I don’t know – and another was made to watch videos about the leadership skills of dolphins.”

Perhaps these are extreme examples, but they are indicative of the wider problem with team building in that they are failing to achieve what they set out to do. Why is that?

In HardTalk, we explore the two different types of trust we need in the workplace or in fact anywhere where we want to successfully deal with other people:

Common trust  –  The confidence/belief that a co-worker or team member won’t break generally accepted laws, norms, policies, etc. If I leave my phone in a meeting room, it’s the trust that no one will steal it.

Vulnerability-based trust –  The belief that you can do things like take risks, ask for help, admit mistakes, or confront and hold others accountable without fear of retaliation, humiliation, or resentment.

For the most part, common trust is exactly that and we’d like to hope it’s a default setting in most organisations. We believe that vulnerability-based trust is what really contributes to a strong workplace culture – one that is built on constant candour and communication.

The problem with a one-off team building exercise is that we may feel energised and happy after we’ve completed it. We may even feel a bit friendlier towards our colleagues – unless we’re talking about the examples shared by Alison… But what happens when those feelings inevitably wear off after a few days/weeks back in the office? Things return to the status quo. Building trust shouldn’t hinge on an annual day out. Trust should be built on every day, at every level of the business, if we want to see real behavioural and organisational change.

We know that the most successful companies are those who encourage and respond to constant candour. Sometimes this may mean experiencing confrontation or conflict, or dealing with the fallout from a mistake – things which leave our co-workers and us in a more vulnerable state and will most certainly involve HardTalk. But HardTalk becomes a lot easier when it takes place in an environment where people are empowered to hear and be heard. It takes hard work and practise.

If you want to learn to swim you take lessons. If you want to improve your golf swing, you hire a coach. If you want to work better as a team, you need to learn to work together as a team. There is no magic wand.

We think Alison sums it up quite nicely:

“In other words, what builds strong teams is… good management, day after day after day. That may not be as entertaining as dance performances or rope courses, but it’s what works.”

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Want to be a better manager? Sweat the small stuff

Did the Netflix CEO get it right? Dawn Metcalfe shares her analysis of the media giant’s crisis comms handling.

To read the full article click here

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HardTalk with Dawn Metcalfe

Dawn Metcalfe, Managing Director of PDSi and author of The HardTalk Handbook, found that while 90% of people face problems with their colleagues, 70% say they would avoid the awkward confrontation at all costs. With HardTalk, she’s helping people initiate the difficult conversations that will make a difference.

To read the full article click here

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How to make the power of suggestion work in your favour

Personal development author Polly Campbell shines a light on ‘suggestion’…

‘Ever had someone tell you that the procedure would “really hurt” or that the test was “really hard” or that the boss was “impossible to deal with” and then had those scenarios play out just as predicted?

Turns out those early suggestions probably shaped your reality. Psychological scientists Maryanne Garry, Robert Michael and Irving Kirsch explore this phenomena in an article in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science and found that deliberate suggestions can influence how well people remember things, how they respond to medical treatments, and even how they’ll behave.

The reason, they say, is attributable to something the bigwigs call “response expectancies.” This means that the way we anticipate our response to a situation influences how we will actually respond. In other words, if something is suggested or you expect an outcome, your behaviors, thoughts, and reactions will actually contribute to making that expectation occur.

If someone suggests you’ll ace the interview, you’re more likely to do a good job. If you think you’ll win the race, you’re more likely to train and prepare and perform in a way that gives you a greater chance of winning the race.

Using suggestion in this way can be a powerful tool in accomplishing our goals. But, it can also sabotage our success. If you internalize a suggestion that you aren’t good at math, or don’t have a clue about parenting, or probably won’t ever make much money, you’re more likely to create those scenarios too.

Making Good With Positive Suggestions

The influence of suggestion and our expectations is so far-reaching that scientists are now looking at how they can influence medical treatment, criminal investigations, policy decisions and educational processes.

“If real treatment and suggestion lead to a similar outcome, what differentiates between the two?” says Maryanne Garry, one of the authors of the journal article. “If we can harness the power of suggestion, we can improve people’s lives.”

I’m becoming more aware of the power of suggestion in my own life when it comes to accomplishing my own career and health goals and while helping to raise my daughter.

Before going out to a social event, for example, I’ll say to my daughter: “I know you’ll be polite and respectful because that’s just how you behave,” instead of suggesting that she better NOT be a pill. She’s a good kid, with good behavior, is that because of the suggestions we make around here? Who knows, but it can’t hurt.

I do this for myself too, particularly when it comes to exercise. I am constantly suggesting that I will feel strong and healthy during my workout. Does it always play out? Nope. But, if nothing else, it almost always helps motivate me to head to the gym. Suggesting that I’m too tired or wimpy, doesn’t inspire me at all.

This is all a little law-of-attractiony, but I don’t think it matters how this stuff supports us — or even why — just that it does. We are exposed to so many thoughts, ideas, beliefs, influences. When we take charge of our experience and choose those that actually help us, those that actually empower, motivate, engage, enliven, and inspire us, good things are bound to happen.’

If you want to work with the power of suggestion in your own life, personal development specialist Polly Campbell shares her top three tips in this Huffington Post here: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/polly-campbell/power-of-suggestion_b_3398584.html

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Guest blog: Is silence golden? Or are you confessing guilt?

As a communicator, I appreciate the power of silence. It’s a golden rule of my profession that, when one is asked a difficult question, a response of silence is considered a sign of guilt, indecision, or apathy. PR experts warn about a communications vacuum, that someone else’s voice will be heard and the narrative will change. However, silence can be the right choice, especially when it focuses the dialogue on a singular issue and makes those engaged in the conversation think hard about what they’re discussing. Silence can promote the right type of HardTalk.

So, when is silence the right option?

When others are defending you – You don’t always need to answer back, especially when you’re being criticised for issues that are questionable. If you’ve spent time building both a network and a reputation, others will come to your aid who’ll fire back and speak on your behalf. A strategy of silence can be the best course of action here; any response from your side may only amplify the negative attention and fuel greater criticism.
Don’t respond to anonymous trolls – You don’t need to respond to every single person out there, especially when you’re being trolled by people who are out to harm you. Any significant response may only embolden those who are making false claims. In this situation, silence preserves your integrity. You and your team must understand the difference between a troublemaking voice with no following/reputation and a legitimate customer or influencer.
And don’t take on bigger bullies – It’s also often not worth engaging with influential critics who command the attention of the mainstream media. If you believe that a response will lead to amplification, then don’t respond, especially if the critic has a history of moving on quickly to other issues.
When you have nothing else to say – If you’ve said your piece, stop. It’s a well-worn tactic by journalists (and others) to use silence to keep the second person talking. Many people find silence awkward, and they’ll continue talking, even when they’ve answered the question. If you want to keep the conversation focused on a singular issue, stop talking and let the other person respond.

And when should you respond?

When you want to set the tone – In today’s always-on world, where it seems everyone is online, all the time, there’s more pressure to move fast. If you don’t move fast enough, then others will speak on your behalf. If you want to set the narrative, get ahead of the problem and solve it, then raise your voice and don’t stay silent.
When those that you care about are asking the questions – You may not care about everyone out there, especially every troll or critic online. However, when your shareholders, customers, and your employees, start to ask hard questions, that is the time to talk and engage in conversation. The act of listening and then responding to their concerns underlines that you care about them, it signals that you’re addressing the issues, and it reinforces that you are responsive. In contrast, silence would not only suggest you’re tone deaf, but it’d also signal that you have something to hide.

When used wisely, silence can improve both how and why you communicate. However, if you don’t respond at the right time and with the right audience, your silence will convey an unintended message. Think carefully about how you use the power of silence, especially when you are in need of a HardTalk.

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Want to improve your self-control? You need to work harder

High self-control is about organising your life so that you don’t get into situations where it’s impossible. It’s not – believe it or not – about whether your willpower wins, but more about the choices you make and the structure you build. And, much like in HardTalk, these choices take a lot of work to uphold – in fact, the WorkHard module forms the largest part of the full HardTalk programme.

In this article, author Christian Jarrett shares his take on a recent study which looks at what’s needed to successfully exercise self-control.

“You may think of people with high self-control as having enviable reserves of willpower, but recent findings suggest this isn’t the case. Instead it seems the strong-willed are canny folk, adept at avoiding temptation in the first place. A new study in the journal Self and Identity builds on this picture, showing that people high in self-control tend to experience less intense visceral states, like fatigue, hunger and stress (states that are known to encourage impulsive behaviour).

The new findings make sense: after all, it is much easier to be in control of your decisions if you are organised enough to ensure your animalistic needs rarely become overpowering.

Cassandra Baldwin’s team exploited five years’ worth of relevant data from their lab, taking in studies that had measured trait self-control (rated through agreement with statements like “I have hard time breaking bad habits” and “I am able to work effectively toward long-term goals”) and that involved one-shot self-reports of states like hunger, fatigue, daily stress, and symptoms of the common cold.

The researchers ended up with data from over 5,500 college students, mostly women, collected in 25 studies. In many cases, they also had information on how much sleep the participants had had the previous night and the amount of time since they had last eaten.

The results were very consistent: higher trait self-control correlated with less intense experience of all the measured visceral states, from hunger to cold symptoms.”

You can read the article in full on the British Psychological Society site: https://digest.bps.org.uk/2018/08/06/people-with-strong-self-control-experience-less-intense-bodily-states-like-hunger-and-fatigue/

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The art of persuasion - how to lead with influence

Few books illuminated the worlds of marketing, sales, psychology, and leadership as Dr. Robert Cialdini’s 1984 classic Influence. Since their inception, Cialdini’s six principles — (1) Reciprocity, (2) Commitment and Consistency, (3) Social Proof, (4) Authority, (5) Liking, and (6) Scarcity — have shone like flares marking the path toward getting what you want.

So, here’s the twist.

It turns out that Influence was only part one of a larger journey that took Cialdini another 30 years to complete. While the six principles are powerful and scientifically validated “weapons,” they didn’t spotlight the most critical moment of any persuasive exchange: the moment before.

As Cialdini explains in his new book Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade: “The best persuaders become the best through pre-suasion — the process of arranging for recipients to be receptive to a message before they encounter it. To persuade optimally, then, it’s necessary to pre-suade optimally. But how?” The rest of Pre-Suasion sets about answering that question.

And yet for leaders, another “how” remains: How does this  apply to me ?

In other words, what pre-suasive principles stand out when it comes to initiating organizational change, motivating teams, and guiding projects? What are the common pitfalls that come not just from ignoring the moment before but mishandling it? And most importantly, how can companies create a culture of “unity” to foster agreement and healthy critique?

To answer those questions, I connected with Dr. Cialdini to ask him about the secrets to being a persuasive leader.

If you had to pick a single principle from Pre-Suasion for leaders, what should they take away?

Dr. Robert Cialdini: The one that jumps out at me is personified by Warren Buffett.

Fifteen years ago, I was given a gift of Berkshire Hathaway stock. In the annual reports, I noticed something unique. Most reports begin with strengths. They start with the most powerful arguments, the most beneficial reasons why someone should continue investing. Then, they mention the drawbacks.

Buffet does the opposite. He begins with the drawbacks by highlighting their recent mistakes on the first or second page: “Here are the things we did wrong. And here’s how we’re going to try and fix them.”

The approach is disarming. I’ve seen him do it 15 times and I still say to myself, “Wow. This guy is being straight.” What’s more, I’m immediately drawn into what he’s going to say next. I’m poised to listen — riveted really, which is saying something for an annual stock report — because in presenting the drawbacks first, he establishes trust.

You can read Aaron Orendorff’s full interview with Dr. Robert Cialdini in Mashable here: https://mashable.com/2017/04/12/how-to-be-a-persuasive-leader-robert-cialdini.amp

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Guest blog: When silence stops being respectful

“If you do not have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” Growing up in a Middle Eastern society, these words were the cornerstone of what it meant to be respectful. Far better to be quiet and accommodating than to risk causing offence by speaking up. As a result, while respect is always a given, difficult yet important conversations are rarely had.

However, over time, I have come to realize how impractical this is. If we really want to make a difference, then this “hard talk” is crucial. We do ourselves and others a disservice by keeping silent.

At Sheraa, respect lies at the core of our culture – not only to external stakeholders, but towards one another. When we say “respect,” what we mean is valuing each other’s work, time, and individual strengths and work styles. Appreciating that everyone on the team has an important job to do, and supporting them, while also holding them accountable for it, is essential to a respectful environment.

In order to maintain that sense of accountability, we work hard to instil a growth mindset amongst the team in the belief that through dedication and hard work, any skill can be improved. We have paired this with a culture of feedback, necessary to encourage growth across the board. Of course, psychological safety plays an important role. The team must feel secure when both giving and receiving feedback, which is why we host regular workshops on how to do so objectively and with respect. We emphasize that it is not only top-down, but omnidirectional, because we know that we must all grow together in order to improve as a team.

However, giving feedback is only one piece of the puzzle. Unless you establish a culture of openness and transparency, you run the risk of the critique, however constructive, remaining only at surface-level. We have learned to address things that others may hesitate to bring up because they may be considered “sensitive” topics. For example, microaggressions, such as coworkers speaking Arabic in front of non-Arabic speakers, or certain people taking advantage of a perceived “protected status” to shirk their duties, or an antagonistic colleague always engaged in unhealthy arguments with the team.

Issues such as these must be addressed head on because over time, it could lead to discord. I confess, having these “harder” conversations is one of the things we have struggled with most. Sheraa is made up of a small, close-knit team. We’re good friends – often referring to each other as “family” – we socialize outside of work, and while this strengthens our bond, it does blur the boundaries between the personal and the professional. However, as we grow in size and scope, we are beginning to acknowledge the necessity of separating the two when evaluating job performance.

Recognizing and addressing patterns of behavior has helped provide structure to these call-outs. Once-off errors can be overlooked, but if there is repeated behavior that is affecting performance, then a serious one-on-one conversation must be had. The aim is not to lay blame, but to point out examples and note how it affects the workplace, then explore options to correct it.

Having said that, we have also have learned to pick our battles, deciding which conversations are truly mission-critical. Just because we can provide feedback on everything, does not mean we should. All that does is create a constant state of insecurity.

Let’s be honest, things don’t always go as planned. In fact, we have on a couple of occasions been forced to acknowledge that things were simply not working out and it was time to part ways. But for the most part, this respectful approach towards giving feedback has worked well.

It is not easy to change the years of socialization which have taught us that respect is about keeping the peace at all costs. We all struggle to have the tough conversations—they are uncomfortable, and difficult (otherwise it wouldn’t be called “hard talk”). However, they are essential for healthier, more productive working relationships. And while we still have a lot of work to do, every moment at Sheraa where we have gotten over that discomfort and spoken openly and honestly, we have only been better for it.

 

Najla Al-Midfa is Chief Executive Officer of the Sharjah Entrepreneurship Center (Sheraa), a government-supported entity with a mandate to build the entrepreneurial ecosystem in Sharjah, and support the next generation of entrepreneurs as they build and grow innovative startups that will contribute positively to the region’s economy. She also spearheaded the creation of the annual Sharjah Entrepreneurship Festival and is founder of Khayarat, a platform that empowers young, high-potential Emiratis to make informed career choices, and enables them to succeed in the private sector.

Najla also features on the cover of this month’s Entrepreneur Middle East magazine – if you’re interested in reading more about her journey, you can view the article here.

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Want to be a better manager? Sweat the small stuff

This article was originally posted on Forbes: https://www.forbes.com/sites/ellevate/2018/08/01/want-to-be-a-better-manager-sweat-the-small-stuff/#7302d2a255d7 

We’ve mastered the art of knowing what’s a big enough issue to require our time and energy, and what we can simply overlook in order not to be weighed down. We’ve read countless articles advising us to focus on the bigger picture, keep our eyes on the prize, and enter into the long game. By focusing on our long-term objectives, we hope to define the path that will help us reach them.

But what if those niggling, everyday pain points we’re trying to ignore are the very things holding us back? The minutiae can be a productivity blocker at best, and at worst, a major drain on workplace culture. This is true at any level within an organization.

Why do we ignore these things? It might be that we don’t think it’s worth wasting our breath on something so small, or we don’t feel comfortable having these conversations at all. But nothing changes without a conversation. Once we master the smaller issues, the bigger ones become much easier.

Leaders – listen!

If you’re part of a senior leadership team, you are undoubtedly focused on the bigger picture. It’s your responsibility to drive business forward. But you are also responsible for your workforce. If you don’t take the time to listen to what’s going on, you run the risk of becoming tone deaf and disconnected.

I worked with the senior leadership team of a multinational financial services company dealing with the aftereffects of this. A senior manager had a team of people working for him, all of whom had made complaints about his behavior. He had an obnoxious sense of humor and did not breed an environment conducive to productivity. Those who made complaints were very specific, noting that he picked on particular individuals, was inconsistent in his decision-making, and clearly had favorites, particularly based on nationality.

Senior leadership’s initial response was, “But he’s hitting his numbers – it’s fine.” Guess what? It didn’t take long until his numbers were dramatically down, because all the good people in his team went somewhere else, and those who were left behind felt dejected and resentful.

Small things add up to create culture.

Culture is an amalgam of behaviors. It’s not enough to say that you have a great company culture; it must be seen in the behavior of every employee at every level of the business. Sometimes, it’s the seemingly “small” stuff that can really impact workplace culture.

GM’s CEO Mary Barra understood this when she was head of HR, completely overhauling the ten-page company dress code guidelines and reducing it to two words: “Dress appropriately.” Not only did this help reduce unnecessary bureaucracy, but it empowered middle management (the ones who were tasked with upholding the new policy). Barra noted, “If they cannot handle ‘dress appropriately,’ what other decisions can they handle?”

Another example: A mid-sized organization used to get a fruit basket delivered weekly for employees. When this was cancelled, some employees were furious – they felt that they were having a perk taken away from them. Because of other organizational changes, they started to speculate that the business was making cutbacks and was in financial trouble. Of course, it doesn’t take long for this type of talk to take hold in a company, and it can have a detrimental effect on culture.

While this was all going on, not one person simply asked management why they were no longer getting their healthy perk. When someone finally spoke up, management reinstated the deliveries. There was no issue at all, beyond a breakdown in communication. Doesn’t that seem unnecessary?

Time to get personal.

If you directly manage someone, or work with others on a daily basis, there will inevitably be times when you need to bring up less-than-savory issues. If an issue is becoming chronic – someone repeatedly being late, or “jokingly” teasing a colleague – it needs to be addressed. Having conversations of this nature are rarely fun, yet failing to have them not only has a negative impact on business, but does a huge disservice to the person at the center of the issue. It’s far kinder to bring it to their attention, hold them accountable, and give them the opportunity to learn and grow. They will thank you for it in the long run. Your organizational culture will thank you for it immediately.

In some cases, it may not be someone’s actions causing problems, but something of a far more embarrassing nature. I have been paid eight different times to tell workers that they smell bad. Something that seems so inconsequential to the business’s bigger picture can prove damaging to teams by isolating individuals. This is not good for culture. We have to acknowledge that this is a difficult conversation for both parties, but the focus is giving the “offender” useful information which will help them in the long-run.

While I wholeheartedly agree that we need to focus on our long-term goals, we also need to understand the web of intricacies that exist in an organization in order to identify the pain points that hold us back. It’s only by having a conversation that we can address them. Without this, nothing changes.

 

Dawn Metcalfe, HardTalk creator and Managing Director of PDSi, wrote this piece for the Ellevate Network on Forbes. Ellevate Network is a global professional women’s network, made up of women who are committed to elevating each other through education, inspiration, and opportunity. Its mission is to close the gender gap in business by providing women with a community to lean on and learn from.

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