Dawn Metcalfe's Blog, page 10

How to Turn Conflict into Opportunity

For many of us the thought of workplace conflict makes us want to run and hide under our desks. But these obstacles – whether difficult clients, disagreeing with coworkers, or challenging your boss – are often what leads to opportunity. Opportunity to achieve better outcomes and improve relationships. In this piece, HBR contributor Amy Gallo tells us why we should be disagreeing more at work.

You can read the full article at Harvard Business Review here: https://hbr.org/2018/01/why-we-should-be-disagreeing-more-at-work

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How to Overcome One of Life's Biggest Obstacles

Imagine: You’ve carved out a successful corporate career, you’re a champion of pay parity and supporting women rise, and you have a beautiful family. And then, aged 38, it hits you full force – one of life’s biggest obstacles: cancer. Rana Nawas was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and in this piece she charts her experiences in life after diagnosis. It’s hard to imagine going up against such a big obstacle – there’s no sugarcoating it, platitudes are worthless. But Rana’s hard talking account outlines how we can still find opportunity and optimism, even in the face of life’s biggest obstacles.

You read the full article at The Tempest here: https://thetempest.co/2018/04/18/now-beyond/when-cancer-bites-your-30-something-ass/

Rana Nawas is a published writer, corporate warrior and sought-after speaker on a mission to inspire women of all backgrounds to shine. Rana recently launched the When Women Win Podcast which brings to female professionals everywhere tools and strategies that boss ladies from all walks of life have used along their journey.

The post How to Overcome One of Life's Biggest Obstacles appeared first on HardTalk.

From Obstacle to Optimism - What I Learned from Cancer

Imagine: You’ve carved out a successful corporate career, you’re a champion of pay parity and supporting women rise, and you have a beautiful family. And then, aged 38, it hits you full force – one of life’s biggest obstacles: cancer. Rana Nawas was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and in this piece she charts her experiences in life after diagnosis. It’s hard to imagine going up against such a big obstacle – there’s no sugarcoating it, platitudes are worthless. But Rana’s hard talking account outlines how we can still find opportunity and optimism, even in the face of life’s biggest obstacles.

You read the full article at The Tempest here: https://thetempest.co/2018/04/18/now-beyond/when-cancer-bites-your-30-something-ass/

Rana Nawas is a published writer, corporate warrior and sought-after speaker on a mission to inspire women of all backgrounds to shine. Rana recently launched the When Women Win Podcast which brings to female professionals everywhere tools and strategies that boss ladies from all walks of life have used along their journey.

The post From Obstacle to Optimism - What I Learned from Cancer appeared first on HardTalk.

Bad Behaviour Bites – Stop Copying It

As you may have noticed by now I’m a big fan of speaking up: respectfully and in the best way I can of course, but my default response is to speak up. I know this isn’t true for everyone and, even where it is true, there may be other obstacles to having an effective HardTalk.

There may, for example, be challenges related to the prevailing culture in the organisation or particular individuals. While these things can make it more difficult to communicate effectively and get the results you want they need not stop you entirely.

Assuming you want to try to change things for the better here are some typical obstacles to avoid:

Trying to tackle several issues at once

Often, by the time we’re ready to speak up the topic we want to discuss is no longer clear. Do you want to talk to your colleague about the fact that his report was late for the fourth time or is it more about the fact that you’re starting to feel like he doesn’t care? Is your problem that her action has led to you looking bad in front of your mutual boss? Or perhaps that you believe she’s been out to get you for the last year? Is it the fact that your boss interrupts? Or do you feel that, deep down, he’s not on your side? Working out what you really want to talk about is a special skill in itself.

Thinking we know what our HardTalk partner’s purpose is – and forgetting ours

We don’t know what’s going on inside somebody else’s head. No matter how clever we are, no matter how well we think we know them, no matter how “obvious” it should be what the “right” thing to think is. It’s easy to forget this. Try finding a phrase you’re comfortable with that allows you to get back on track. For example: “Hmm, ok, I can see I haven’t really understood where you’re coming from. Help me to understand better?” The great thing about this phrase is that it reminds us of our ultimate purpose, “To hear and to be heard”. If you focus on this it becomes easier to remember the other things we want to achieve. These might include an objective around the relationship and other things of value – not just the bottom line. “Winning” once is not always the answer. In many situations this will force your counterpart into “losing” and that is not likely to be something they find enjoyable and eager to repeat. Think about your long-term purpose.

Overlooking obstacles

The other person, our HardTalk partner, is not working in a vacuum. They have their own filters to deal with and they could be facing challenges and obstacles we don’t understand.

Reciprocating “bad” behaviour

When faced with any kind of behaviour humans tend to reciprocate. So if your opponent has taken a decision to deploy any one of the various “tricks” of “negotiating” e.g. lying, threatening, stonewalling, crying, sarcasm, shouting, silence, accusing, taking offence, the temptation is to do likewise. But you don’t have to reciprocate. You can choose your behaviour. One way is to draw attention to the behaviour i.e. the “truth” in HardTalk terms. For example you might say “You raise your voice whenever I try to talk about what happened in the market last year” and follow this by sharing your potential, e.g. “This makes me think you don’t want to talk about it right now. Is that right?” Or you could simply say, “I don’t know how to interpret your silence.”

Following a script

Preparation is hugely important. You won’t be given the opportunity to prepare for some of the most important difficult conversations so, if you get the chance, you should definitely do so. We talk you through how to do this in the HardTalk programme and you can download a copy of the DecisionTree that encapsulates that process at hardtalk.info (LINK)

But preparation is not the same as following a script. Human beings are “messy” and as the man said “no plan survives first contact with the enemy”. Starting the conversation well is important and you can script that but after that it’s down to preparation, practice and putting in place tools you can use to build self-awareness and self-control.

It’s not about learning a “listicle” or “5 things that will transform your ability to persuade others”. It’s about building a set of skills, understanding a set of principles and practicing regularly.

 

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post Bad Behaviour Bites – Stop Copying It appeared first on HardTalk.

Here are 5 Reasons Why You'll Fail If You're Trying to Tackle too Much

As you may have noticed by now I’m a big fan of speaking up: respectfully and in the best way I can of course, but my default response is to speak up. I know this isn’t true for everyone and, even where it is true, there may be other obstacles to having an effective HardTalk.

There may, for example, be challenges related to the prevailing culture in the organisation or particular individuals. While these things can make it more difficult to communicate effectively and get the results you want they need not stop you entirely.

Assuming you want to try to change things for the better here are some typical obstacles to avoid:

Trying to tackle several issues at once

Often, by the time we’re ready to speak up the topic we want to discuss is no longer clear. Do you want to talk to your colleague about the fact that his report was late for the fourth time or is it more about the fact that you’re starting to feel like he doesn’t care? Is your problem that her action has led to you looking bad in front of your mutual boss? Or perhaps that you believe she’s been out to get you for the last year? Is it the fact that your boss interrupts? Or do you feel that, deep down, he’s not on your side? Working out what you really want to talk about is a special skill in itself.

Thinking we know what our HardTalk partner’s purpose is – and forgetting ours

We don’t know what’s going on inside somebody else’s head. No matter how clever we are, no matter how well we think we know them, no matter how “obvious” it should be what the “right” thing to think is. It’s easy to forget this. Try finding a phrase you’re comfortable with that allows you to get back on track. For example: “Hmm, ok, I can see I haven’t really understood where you’re coming from. Help me to understand better?” The great thing about this phrase is that it reminds us of our ultimate purpose, “To hear and to be heard”. If you focus on this it becomes easier to remember the other things we want to achieve. These might include an objective around the relationship and other things of value – not just the bottom line. “Winning” once is not always the answer. In many situations this will force your counterpart into “losing” and that is not likely to be something they find enjoyable and eager to repeat. Think about your long-term purpose.

Overlooking obstacles

The other person, our HardTalk partner, is not working in a vacuum. They have their own filters to deal with and they could be facing challenges and obstacles we don’t understand.

Reciprocating “bad” behaviour

When faced with any kind of behaviour humans tend to reciprocate. So if your opponent has taken a decision to deploy any one of the various “tricks” of “negotiating” e.g. lying, threatening, stonewalling, crying, sarcasm, shouting, silence, accusing, taking offence, the temptation is to do likewise. But you don’t have to reciprocate. You can choose your behaviour. One way is to draw attention to the behaviour i.e. the “truth” in HardTalk terms. For example you might say “You raise your voice whenever I try to talk about what happened in the market last year” and follow this by sharing your potential, e.g. “This makes me think you don’t want to talk about it right now. Is that right?” Or you could simply say, “I don’t know how to interpret your silence.”

Following a script

Preparation is hugely important. You won’t be given the opportunity to prepare for some of the most important difficult conversations so, if you get the chance, you should definitely do so. We talk you through how to do this in the HardTalk programme and you can download a copy of the DecisionTree that encapsulates that process at hardtalk.info (LINK)

But preparation is not the same as following a script. Human beings are “messy” and as the man said “no plan survives first contact with the enemy”. Starting the conversation well is important and you can script that but after that it’s down to preparation, practice and putting in place tools you can use to build self-awareness and self-control.

It’s not about learning a “listicle” or “5 things that will transform your ability to persuade others”. It’s about building a set of skills, understanding a set of principles and practicing regularly.

 

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post Here are 5 Reasons Why You'll Fail If You're Trying to Tackle too Much appeared first on HardTalk.

5 Ways to Avoid Obstacles and Get What You Want

As you may have noticed by now I’m a big fan of speaking up: respectfully and in the best way I can of course, but my default response is to speak up. I know this isn’t true for everyone and, even where it is true, there may be other obstacles to having an effective HardTalk.

There may, for example, be challenges related to the prevailing culture in the organisation or particular individuals. While these things can make it more difficult to communicate effectively and get the results you want they need not stop you entirely.

Assuming you want to try to change things for the better here are some typical obstacles to avoid:

Trying to tackle several issues at once

Often, by the time we’re ready to speak up the topic we want to discuss is no longer clear. Do you want to talk to your colleague about the fact that his report was late for the fourth time or is it more about the fact that you’re starting to feel like he doesn’t care? Is your problem that her action has led to you looking bad in front of your mutual boss? Or perhaps that you believe she’s been out to get you for the last year? Is it the fact that your boss interrupts? Or do you feel that, deep down, he’s not on your side? Working out what you really want to talk about is a special skill in itself.

Thinking we know what our HardTalk partner’s purpose is – and forgetting ours

We don’t know what’s going on inside somebody else’s head. No matter how clever we are, no matter how well we think we know them, no matter how “obvious” it should be what the “right” thing to think is. It’s easy to forget this. Try finding a phrase you’re comfortable with that allows you to get back on track. For example: “Hmm, ok, I can see I haven’t really understood where you’re coming from. Help me to understand better?” The great thing about this phrase is that it reminds us of our ultimate purpose, “To hear and to be heard”. If you focus on this it becomes easier to remember the other things we want to achieve. These might include an objective around the relationship and other things of value – not just the bottom line. “Winning” once is not always the answer. In many situations this will force your counterpart into “losing” and that is not likely to be something they find enjoyable and eager to repeat. Think about your long-term purpose.

Overlooking obstacles

The other person, our HardTalk partner, is not working in a vacuum. They have their own filters to deal with and they could be facing challenges and obstacles we don’t understand.

Reciprocating “bad” behaviour

When faced with any kind of behaviour humans tend to reciprocate. So if your opponent has taken a decision to deploy any one of the various “tricks” of “negotiating” e.g. lying, threatening, stonewalling, crying, sarcasm, shouting, silence, accusing, taking offence, the temptation is to do likewise. But you don’t have to reciprocate. You can choose your behaviour. One way is to draw attention to the behaviour i.e. the “truth” in HardTalk terms. For example you might say “You raise your voice whenever I try to talk about what happened in the market last year” and follow this by sharing your potential, e.g. “This makes me think you don’t want to talk about it right now. Is that right?” Or you could simply say, “I don’t know how to interpret your silence.”

Following a script

Preparation is hugely important. You won’t be given the opportunity to prepare for some of the most important difficult conversations so, if you get the chance, you should definitely do so. We talk you through how to do this in the HardTalk programme and you can download a copy of the DecisionTree that encapsulates that process at hardtalk.info (LINK)

But preparation is not the same as following a script. Human beings are “messy” and as the man said “no plan survives first contact with the enemy”. Starting the conversation well is important and you can script that but after that it’s down to preparation, practice and putting in place tools you can use to build self-awareness and self-control.

It’s not about learning a “listicle” or “5 things that will transform your ability to persuade others”. It’s about building a set of skills, understanding a set of principles and practicing regularly.

 

Dawn Metcalfe is an executive coach, facilitator, trainer and leadership advisor. She is also the author of Managing the Matrix (published in both English and Arabic) and HardTalk. Dawn is the founder of Dubai based PDSi, which helps individuals and teams get even better at what they do, and has worked with business leaders around the world to change the way they see the world, their behaviour and their impact on others.

The post 5 Ways to Avoid Obstacles and Get What You Want appeared first on HardTalk.

Negotiate Even if it’s Not in Your Nature

Last month the UAE announced a draft law which would make it illegal to pay a man more than a woman for the same job – with one of the narrowest pay gaps already in the world, it’s great news. But don’t just sit back, relax and take fair pay for granted. Women are as good as negotiating at men when they actually do it – but according to many studies, they’re less inclined to take the leap and try. Dawn Metcalfe recently wrote a tips piece for Ella to help you negotiate the salary you want, even if it doesn’t come naturally. Give it a try – the principles are the same whether you’re male or female.

Check out Ella’s Facebook page to read the article in full: https://www.facebook.com/notes/ella/negotiate-your-salary-like-a-pro/1894285067279561/ 

 

The post Negotiate Even if it’s Not in Your Nature appeared first on HardTalk.

Creating Lasting Connections

It’s easy to think ‘networking by numbers’ – but building quality over quantity is so much more important when it comes to creating lasting connections. In order to value your network, you have to make sure the work you put in is valuable. World-renowned entrepreneur Chris Kirubi shares expert insight on how to plant and cultivate your network to get the best out of every opportunity.

You read the full article at Capital Business here: https://www.capitalfm.co.ke/business/2016/06/networking-101-askkirubi/

The post Creating Lasting Connections appeared first on HardTalk.

“Work Until You No Longer Have to Introduce Yourself”

It’s easy to think ‘networking by numbers’ – but building quality over quantity is so much more important when it comes to creating lasting connections. In order to value your network, you have to make sure the work you put in is valuable. World-renowned entrepreneur Chris Kirubi shares expert insight on how to plant and cultivate your network to get the best out of every opportunity.

You read the full article at Capital Business here: https://www.capitalfm.co.ke/business/2016/06/networking-101-askkirubi/

The post “Work Until You No Longer Have to Introduce Yourself” appeared first on HardTalk.

Guest Blog: How to Make the Most of Your Mingling

Networking doesn’t come naturally to everyone but with some proper planning, it doesn’t have to be quite so hard. In this guest piece, Guy Guillemard shares his top tips to make the most of your mingling. 

People do business with people they know – make it count, have a plan. If your success depends on meeting people who need your skills, you will already know that you can be the most brilliant lawyer, consultant, banker, trainer or recruiter on the planet… but if you do not know people and they do not know you, you will almost certainly wither and die. Do more networking and have a plan.

Get there early. You may be Mr Popular or Miss Congeniality and on everyone’s invitation list. Or do you find there are only two or three useful events each month to which you are invited? Either way, almost every business occasion has 30 minutes mingling, before the main event (whether a speech, business panel, concert, etc.) begins. Don’t be the swot who stays in the office to send out two more emails and arrives panting, ten minutes before the curtain goes up. Be one of the first to arrive. Look at the badges at registration and see who you’d really like to meet. It’s easy to join groups and start conversing when there are less than ten of you in the room. Thirty minutes mingling time is 300% more valuable than ten.

Don’t flock to the people you already know. Human beings are social animals, with a herd and safety instinct that impels us to seek out people we already know – even colleagues we see in the office daily. Greet them with a smile, a friendly wave or catch them later, but focus on the new people. You are likely to learn more from them, make a friend or a useful contact that you can help. You want to add to your network: build a circle of connections who know you and can introduce you. 

You are not there to sell. People can tell it a mile off. It’s usually a put-off. If you are trying to win them as a future client, let that emerge as a by-product of pleasant, natural social interaction. Most people do not want to focus on your business; don’t want to talk about law, insurance, real estate, asset management or logistics. They want to enjoy the occasion, learn new things and make new connections. Some like to talk about themselves. Exchange names, handshakes, business cards. Have some pleasant interchange to move you steadily up the rungs of the ladder from first contact to friendship. Don’t hog the conversation or try to sell your services and skills. Listen rather more than you talk.

Give to get. Be generous with your knowledge and connections. Many of us tend to ask or to sell – too early: “Could we introduce our business?” or “Could we pitch for your next piece of work?” and even “Could my kid Tammy intern with your firm?” Focus on THEM and understand the people you meet. What interests them? What challenges are they facing? Might you might be able to help them, or know someone who can? The common phrase “You become interesting when you become interested” rings true. Offer to share some research. Forward a great article. Can you connect the person with someone who may be able to help them or who shares the same hobby or passion? Isn’t that a much better stepping-stone than pushing for a presentation opportunity?

Giving is more effective than asking or taking. There is a balance, a natural reciprocity in life between people of good character. People who help others first tend to be liked, trusted, remembered, recommended and offered reciprocal help.

This piece is written by Dubai-based Guy Guillemard, an experienced trainer and coach with PDSi. PDSi helps individuals and organisations get even better at what they do best. Guy’s focus is on relationship building, networking, business development and people skills, working across all sectors. He has 25 years’ experience in management, leadership, ownership, consulting and training in MENA and a decade in Asia. For more information see: www.pds-i.com

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