Evan Sanders's Blog, page 8
February 12, 2023
These Pure Intentions
Faith can wax and wane at times.
Life gives out beatings – I think we’ve all been there – and a lot of questions can pop up as to the point of it all.
Just the straight up “WHY?” pretty much covers all of it.
But it’s important to remember that you are so much more than the things that have happened to you.
They are absolutely pieces of your life but they are not the whole thing – no matter how bad things were.
Yes there can definitely be scars and deeper wounds.
But your capacity to heal those things – even if help is needed from others at times – is unmatched.
Love, compassion and wisdom heal many many things with time and effort.
And while you may feel broken, you’re still here and that matters.
Don’t ever underestimate how much you can drastically change your life even if you’ve been sitting in the mud.
With enough faith and courage to move forward and do what needs to be done, you can suddenly find yourself in a place where the past just seems so far away.
Be patient.
Take your time.
The actions you take with pure intentions of heart matter.
The ripples you create stretch far beyond what you can see.
The future rests upon those decisions.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 11, 2023
What’s Coming Will Come
Sometimes there are lines from movies or books that really stick with you.
They resonate on a level that’s hard to understand but always seem to come right when you need them the most.
One for me has always been a line from Hagrid in The Goblet of Fire.
He says to Harry, “No good sittin’ worryin’ abou’ it. What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does.”
It’s easy to get in your head about things.
Fear has a way of gripping the soul. You sit there worrying and catastrophizing…thinking about all of the ways things could or might go wrong.
That energy feeds upon itself and can soon paralyze you completely if you allow it to.
And yet, once you come back to what’s actually here and begin to clear your mind, you see that you’re only “here” and all of the things you were thinking about don’t actually exist.
False Evidence Appearing Real.
From that space, making decisions and allowing for courage to shine through are infinitely easier. The deepest wisest version of you comes out to run the show and you make the decisions that are right for you.
You’re going to get through this.
Maybe you’re right at the beginning of something or have been navigating through it for quite some time. Nonetheless, you’ll find your way.
You’ve done that time and time again in your life. No matter how bad things were you found your way. There were probably times during that process that you thought there was absolutely no chance of making it out.
I know I’ve been there. But every time you find yourself sitting in the dark, take a moment to recognize that you are the light.
You’re the one finding your way through all of this. What’s coming will come. You’ll know what to do when it does.
You always have. You always will.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 10, 2023
Even The Smallest Acts Of Love
Even the smallest acts of love can change the world.
If the intentions are pure and matched with actions that are in alignment, the ripples can go far beyond what you could ever imagine.
People, events, moments can be impacted by positive waves of cause and effect.
And it’s kindness, one of the qualities that we seem to overlook the most, that often makes the greatest difference.
Life is hard enough as it is.
Can you make it better for yourself and also for others by meeting the moments in front of you with a sense of compassion and understanding?
It’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of fearing and judging everything. And often there seems to be a pretty compelling case for it all.
But we lose ourselves when we come from that place.
We disconnect with the best we can put forward.
Our courage.
Our ability to transmute the darkness into light.
Our ability to walk with faith without necessarily being able to see the end.
So meet these moments with kindness.
If your compassion needs to be fierce at times, let it.
Don’t ever underestimate how incredible you are and how much of a difference you can make, even if it’s just you.
It starts with one.
One becomes the many.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
It’s Not Easy Letting Go
It’s not easy letting go.
Everything inside wants to hold onto what we know. Even if it isn’t the best thing for us, there’s some sense of comfort in the familiar.
And yet, everything that’s meant for you is right on the other side of what you’ve let go of.
Your future.
Your dreams.
The life you want to live.
The things you’ve imagined for yourself.
They are all there. But there’s a price to pay.
There has to be space.
Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. What you’re holding onto takes up room and prevents what’s supposed to be from entering into the equation.
I know it’s scary.
It’s one of the hardest things to do.
But once you see through all the fear and release your grip on life, things just have a way of working themselves out.
The unknown can either be a terrifying prospect or a great opportunity. It’s entirely up to you in how you would like to approach it. That one is in your control.
My hope is that you open up to a world full of possibility and trade what you’ve known for even greater mysteries and surprises.
Be brave. You can do this.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 9, 2023
Where Do I Even Begin?
Hi.
Where do I even begin?
I guess I’ll start with what’s in my heart right now.
It’s taken me 10 years to arrive to a place, that when I started out on this journey, I could never have predicted what it all would have looked like.
Those years were full of victories and defeats of the greatest kind. And the truth is, along the way I acquired so many scars and wounds that a piece of me wanted to lock everything up and just hide.
That piece won out for quite some time.
Honestly I was just exhausted. How do you fill the cups of others when you don’t have anything in yours?
So there was nothing to pour out.
I hunkered down. Sat in it. Waited until the storm passed and learned so many things about myself along the way.
And that cup, well, it started to fill back up again.
The outputs and the inputs shifted. The passions returned. The healthy perspectives found their way back again and now here I am.
That other side, the deeper wiser version, knew that somehow I had to take everything that happened and turn all that darkness into light.
My path was so far from over even though I had convinced myself at times it was. It wasn’t the end at all. It was hardly the beginning.
This has all brought me to this moment thinking about what’s just around the bend.
Faith.
Redemption.
Courage.
Unfolding.
Trust.
I have a many stories to tell.
Stories that have been locked inside, held too close to my heart for too long, because I lost my own inner compass leading me back to the truth and the point of this all – to be a light.
Luckily, I found it once again.
Joseph Campbell, one of my favorite authors and mythologists once said, “Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”
For quite some time now, I’ve been asking myself that question, “What would bliss be like?”
I can see it in color. Every time I close my eyes and let me imagination go to work the tapestries unfold in front of me.
I can see the truth that I spent so long searching for. But it’s not enough to just know the path in front of you.
You must be willing to walk it.
And after a lifetime living in a specific way, its been very difficult for me to make the shift over to following paths that ask so much more of me.
The stumbles. The falls.
I’ve felt dejected at times from all of it.
But I keep going right back to what I know is right. Trying again and again no matter the cost.
Every time getting closer.
Until it all just…clicks.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
December 17, 2022
1 Decision Could Change Your Life
1 decision.
That’s all it’s going to take. One decision could change your entire life.
Who could you be if you really took a stand for your greatness? Who could you be if you decided that you wanted to be more than a man or a woman, but you wanted to represent an idea?
You could be anything if you were willing to pay the price.
What is that price exactly?
Long hours. Pain. Fatigue. Sea of doubt, worry, anxiety, fear…a rush of every negative emotion that you could ever think of.
You will have to suffer pain and at times deep loneliness on this path. It’s been said by those who have traveled it time and time again that these are just realities when you are creating something out of yourself that didn’t exist before.
These are realities that you must go through when you are becoming more than just a person…
You are becoming the living embodiment of an idea.
But what are the payoffs?
You give people permission to live. To dream. To wander out into the forest and explore unknown lands.
You inspire them. You motivate them. You breathe fire into their soul when they are lost.
You can help them see the stars when the darkness of life seems like too much to handle.
You can carry them when they aren’t strong enough to make footsteps of their own.
You will be their rock…the one thing in their life, for as long as life will have it, that will never fall away or crumble under the pressure of what the world brings.
And you will breathe life into yourself and others.
This is what defines the path. Your self-sacrifice is what saves those around you, and in turn, yourself.
In order to travel on this journey, you have to see everything from a different angle.
We have all gone through the phase of doing things for ourselves because we want to achieve them…but there’s a different type of power, of motivation, of energy that is born when you begin to start doing things with your life that will give others the permission to dream as large as they can and to have the courage to go after those dreams. You are not just backed by your own will, but by the eyes and hearts of those who are following you.
We must take the leap and live for the greatness of others. We must pay the price. We must sacrifice.
We must…because we can.
If we have that ability to hear it the call must be answered.
We must change.
We must go through the growing pains.
We must grow despite what challenges us.
We must.
Because we can.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: To answers your heart’s desire for decision
Practice: What’s That 1 Decision?
What’s the one decision you need to make today that will change your life? Chances are, you know exactly what it is. In your journal, write it down. “Today, I am deciding to finally…..”
PS. If you’re feeling a bit “stuck” in life right now and looking for some help in navigating through your challenges, here at the 7 ways I can help you as a life coach www.1on1withevan.com
You’re 1 Decision Today
1 decision.
That’s all it’s going to take. One decision could change your entire life.
Who could you be if you really took a stand for your greatness? Who could you be if you decided that you wanted to be more than a man or a woman, but you wanted to represent an idea?
You could be anything if you were willing to pay the price.
What is that price exactly?
Long hours. Pain. Fatigue. Sea of doubt, worry, anxiety, fear…a rush of every negative emotion that you could ever think of.
You will have to suffer pain and at times deep loneliness on this path. It’s been said by those who have traveled it time and time again that these are just realities when you are creating something out of yourself that didn’t exist before.
These are realities that you must go through when you are becoming more than just a person…
You are becoming the living embodiment of an idea.
But what are the payoffs?
You give people permission to live. To dream. To wander out into the forest and explore unknown lands.
You inspire them. You motivate them. You breathe fire into their soul when they are lost.
You can help them see the stars when the darkness of life seems like too much to handle.
You can carry them when they aren’t strong enough to make footsteps of their own.
You will be their rock…the one thing in their life, for as long as life will have it, that will never fall away or crumble under the pressure of what the world brings.
And you will breathe life into yourself and others.
This is what defines the path. Your self-sacrifice is what saves those around you, and in turn, yourself.
In order to travel on this journey, you have to see everything from a different angle.
We have all gone through the phase of doing things for ourselves because we want to achieve them…but there’s a different type of power, of motivation, of energy that is born when you begin to start doing things with your life that will give others the permission to dream as large as they can and to have the courage to go after those dreams. You are not just backed by your own will, but by the eyes and hearts of those who are following you.
We must take the leap and live for the greatness of others. We must pay the price. We must sacrifice.
We must…because we can.
If we have that ability to hear it the call must be answered.
We must change.
We must go through the growing pains.
We must grow despite what challenges us.
We must.
Because we can.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: To answers your heart’s desire for decision
Practice: What’s That 1 Decision?
What’s the one decision you need to make today that will change your life? Chances are, you know exactly what it is. In your journal, write it down. “Today, I am deciding to finally…..”
PS. If you’re feeling a bit “stuck” in life right now and looking for some help in navigating through your challenges, here at the 7 ways I can help you as a life coach www.1on1withevan.com
December 16, 2022
Who Is Steve Nash?
What can you learn about relationships from a famous basketball point guard?
Apparently a lot.
You see, Steve Nash wasn’t the biggest guy ever. In fact, he’s pretty small for a NBA basketball player standing at only 6ft 3in.
But boy could the guy handle the ball…
And what made him so much fun to watch?
His passing skills.
That guy could find a seam in the defense to exploit in any situation.
And he did…time and time again.
A reporter once asked Nash what his goal was when he went out onto the court…and his reply to this question struck me when I heard it years and years ago.
He said that he didn’t aim to be the highest scorer or the flashiest player out there on the court…
But he wanted to be the guy that made everyone else look better.
He was the guy who made average players look good and good players look great.
That was his goal.
And so I ask you today, “Are you making the people around you better…or worse?”
Are you adding to their life or subtracting from it?
You can ask this question of every single type of relationship that you have.
But the second piece of this conversation is just as important as what you bring…
What are others bringing into your life? Are they making you better? Or are they making you worse?
If you want to grow, you have to get the energy drainers and the negative people out of your life.
In fact, you should resolve to have your life be a drama-free zone.
Now of course not all drama can be avoided (duh) but you have to clear out the people who constantly bring you down, don’t support you, or make you worse.
Don’t ever forget…you are a product of the people you hangout with and your environment as well.
Keep this in mind.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: To identify your deepest gifts and to continue to build strong networks of support
Practice: My Gifts & My Network
In your journal, start a list of all of the gifts, qualities, and things that you bring to the world. How are you adding to the lives of the people around you and making your mark on the world?
Then, take a moment to identify the people, situations, or events that are most prominent in your life right now. Ask yourself, “Does this add or subtract from my life.” Explore and examine the reasons why.
PS. If you’re feeling a bit “stuck” in life right now and looking for some help in navigating through your challenges, here at the 7 ways I can help you as a life coach www.1on1withevan.com
December 15, 2022
Avoid Life’s Pretty Wallpaper
Without a little bit of madness, your life is going to lack depth.
Without depth, it’s going to be hard to really grow.
And hell, if you don’t feel like you’re growing…things can get really messy.
But we are incredibly scared of this “madness.” You know, the chaos that comes with life. I’ve talked about it in previous lessons, but to reiterate, these are those dark times that really challenge you down to your core.
But your best stuff can come out of this place if you let it. That’s the tough part. That’s my job today – to help you shift your mind about these trying times.
When you get knocked on your ass, guess what you discover?
Your foundation…and what it’s made out of.
And truthfully, you only really know what you are made out of when the rug gets ripped out from underneath you, your heart gets broken, or something in your life falls apart.
But the problem is, especially in our society today, there’s an inclination to teach everyone to become romanced with the quick and easy fix or to simply “rise above” our pain. Things have to be “fixed” right now…but we are robbing ourselves of something incredibly valuable…
Feeling it.
I mean really feeling it.
Because when you allow yourself to really feel something, good or bad, it opens up the doors for you to understand just how much something means to you. That’s where the magic is.
However, the more and more you try to rise above a situation or your pain…the more and more you disconnect from your emotions.
When you build walls to avoid specific feelings you have also deadened your ability to really feel the positive emotions on the other side of those negative ones.
There’s also a great danger in trying to “rise above” something when you haven’t done the work to really heal. When you engage in this you create this false ladder…and when life kicks your butt you go back to step down a rung and guess what?
There’s no rung…
You didn’t do the work to create that foundational piece.
So what happens…
Ahh! All the way down.
And for those who have fallen off of a ladder, you know how bad this can be.
The world we live in is full of chaos.
It’s a absolute mess at times and it’s a miracle that we can even keep ourselves together for most of it. It feels like we are all on the verge of complete breakdown day after day because of the complexity of what we are constantly dealing with.
However, when we slow down a bit to appreciate what is going on with our lives and sit in this moment, we deeply connect to what’s actually going on.
When we can connect with the present moment we can dive into ourselves much more easily.
Surface level foundations never work – try building a home with wallpaper.
When it all boils down to it, keeping your life on the surface level is not going to cut it when you want to do some serious development.
If you really want to make some big changes, you have to get down into the dirt and pick the weeds out yourself.
Life isn’t always pretty.
In fact, life can be incredibly dirty and murky a lot of the time. But if you don’t do the work that’s necessary to heal it will always be that way for you.
But in real things (thoughts, feelings, experiences) that have some depth to them, they are not wallpaper in any way. They have some madness to them. This is to be expected.
They are not predictable, certain and they are almost always completely surprising. They will sometimes rip the rug out from under you and at other times help you pop right back up when you are down.
It’s a bit chaotic, but that is the point.
The chaos is the art.
When you start to live in that place, your whole life becomes part of that painting.
Then, when you begin to accept that you have a role to play in this world, you can begin to develop the faith driven hand of the painter.
But you have to build your foundations first.
So it’s time to go to work. It’s time to focus more on building the strong foundation and support structure of your life instead of focusing on the outer layers.
Sure it’s easier to focus on those outer layers because they are cheaper (almost literally). But if you really want to make some changes…
You have to start at your core.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: Who Am I?
Practice: Self Reflection Exercise
This may require some thinking. In fact, it will require some thinking.
Tonight, I want you to write down a few of the more challenging experiences you’ve ever had in your life and underneath each experience, write out the answer to this question, “What did I learn about myself in going through this?” Sure, you may have learned some negative traits that came out, but I also want you to find the positives. What was evoked in you during this challenging time?
PS. If you’re feeling a bit “stuck” in life right now and looking for some help in navigating through your challenges, here at the 7 ways I can help you as a life coach www.1on1withevan.com
December 14, 2022
Life Changing Advice On How To Calm Anxiety
I’ll never forget sitting in class and having my master coach drop a life changing piece of advice on how to calm anxiety.
He said to everyone, “Now a lot of things are about to change in your life, and this may bring up some anxiety, but just think of it like this…”
“Anxiety is just new things happening.”
Woah.
New things happening?
I’ve never thought of it like that before.
When we really get down to what anxiety really is…it’s a feeling of worry or nervousness about a situation that has a little bit of uncertainty surrounding it.
Oh good lord…more rowboat thinking right? Future based?
What will happen next? What will the outcome be? I’m sure you are well aware of the questions surrounding this type of thinking by now.
In a way, anxiety popping up in your body is a fantastic leading indicator of rowboat thinking.
Remember, the only moment you have is right now. In fact, if you’ve been engaging in the meditation practice you might already have come to a greater understanding of this.
But what can actually help with anxiety popping up?
That uncertainty?
Love it.
Embrace the hell out of it.
The uncertain places in your life are opportunities for growth and development. Do you actually know what is going to happen? Of course not. Will you try to project as much as possible? Yes, we’ve all done that haven’t we.
But when you start coming back to the present moment over and over again because our minds never stop getting distracted, you get to fully be here.
Here is a really great place to be.
Start actually seeing what is going on around you instead of spending so much time distracting yourself from everything that is not in the here and now.
In fact, a tip for when you are experiencing some anxiety or nervousness in your life is something that you’ve already been engaging in for the past few days…
Come back to your breath.
Slow down. Breath deep. Slow everything way down.
When you do this, you come back to being present.
Really bad anxiety? Slow down even more. In fact, you might actually take some time to sit down and meditate for a bit.
Do what it takes to come back to the present moment.
So all anxiety really is, when it comes down to it, is new things happening.
Embrace that feeling and sit with it. Actually take the time to really feel the anxiety in your stomach and then take a moment to begin to understand why it’s coming up. Learn from it.
“In this moment, what’s the thing that is happening right now that’s new?”
When you start to do that, well, things become a lot more interesting. But when you stop living in the future, the anxiety starts to disappear altogether.
I hope this helps you with how to calm anxiety down.
Take it for a ride.
Action Steps For Today
Intention: To build a healthier relationship with anxiety
Practice: The Old Friend Method
After you digest the lesson above and learn the main way to view your anxiety, I want you to begin to work with it. As anxiety arrives in your life, ask yourself , “What new things are happening.” Then, as if anxiety was an old friend of yours coming in to tell you a story, see what it is saying. When you maintain a sense of curiosity about what is bringing this anxiety about, you will be able to take a few steps back and not feel it as deeply. See what you can understand!
PS. If you’re feeling a bit “stuck” in life right now and looking for some help in navigating through your challenges, here at the 7 ways I can help you as a life coach www.1on1withevan.com
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