Evan Sanders's Blog, page 6
March 8, 2023
The Courageous Are Not Fearless
Courage is not about being completely fearless.
It’s about feeling fear and moving forward anyway.
You’re never going to feel 100% ready. That moment will never arrive.
You will never reach a place where you feel completely comfortable as the planets and stars align.
The perfect moment will never arrive.
Never.
So instead, begin.
Begin your journey wherever you are. This moment is as good as any.
The thing you don’t want to run into is spending an entire lifetime waiting for that perfect moment and to be stuck idling in place. If you’ve found yourself delaying for days, years or decades, begin now.
The important part is that you actually start. Then, you can learn from all that procrastination.
Every step you take is new. You’re different. Life is different.
Everything around you has shifted and changed.
No matter how “the same” things seem, they are completely and entirely different. Everything, in every moment, is coming and going.
Don’t allow your mind to trick you into thinking that you’re the exact same person as you used to be. Even if you’ve “stalled” you’ve still changed.
There will come a point in your life when you’re going to be able to look at the “negative” experience and gain a tremendous amount of wisdom, compassion and insight from them.
However the only way you get to that point is by getting out of your own way, dropping all of the judgement and moving forward with a perspective rooted in love.
When you can do that, everything will rapidly shift for you.
Trust me.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 5, 2023
These Dreams You Have
These dreams you have exist for a reason.
They are whispers coming from the soul speaking of potential, possibility and growth.
Honor them.
Listen to them.
Create them.
Step fully into them.
The path you travel will never be completely clear.
Waiting until you’re fully ready to throw yourself into it sets you up to never actually go for it.
Trust me, I’ve spent more time than you can imagine waiting for the right moment for it only to never come.
The truth is, you’re never going to feel completely ready. You’re never going to feel like you’ve got everything figured out.
But you’re not supposed to.
There’s so many elements of the future that you could never predict and only will be able to address when you reach them.
So, when you get to the place where you’re just a little more excited than afraid, that’s when you go for it.
That’s when you go all in. To hell with playing it safe…it will never get you anywhere significant.
My favorite movie drops one of the greatest nuggets of wisdom ever.
Chef Gusteau says, “You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true – anyone can cook, but only the fearless can be great.
Don’t be afraid to dream big. Don’t be afraid to chase after the best version of you. If you believe you can make it happen, then go for it.
The world has seen impossible turn to possible time and time again.
But everyone who achieved that had one very important characteristic – belief.
They saw something far beyond what many could and they trusted that vision.
It’s yours to create.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 4, 2023
You Can Always Find Your Way
I believe that no matter where your journey has taken you or how lost you might feel, you can always find your way to the path you were meant to travel.
Mine, when I look back on it so far, has had its many wild twists and turns. I’ve lost my footing a handful of times.
I’ve walked in directions I knew I shouldn’t have. I’ve experienced the darkest of darks to the brightest of lights.
And oh I struggled.
Deeply.
Like that soul wrenching struggle that squeezes the air out of your lungs.
I’ve raged against what had come to be. I’ve battled currents I couldn’t overrun. I’ve given up completely and been swept downstream by fear.
I’ve suffered at the hands of others in all the ways that you can. And while I watched everyone go out into the world and live their life to the fullest, I was left feeling so scarred and wounded that my soul was like it was Swiss cheese.
This wasn’t the best place to be.
I never asked for it, but surely enough it had arrived in full force and with conviction. What I soon discovered was that no matter how mad I was or how much others were to blame, it never fixed anything.
It only kept me trapped in the past drinking the same poison over and over again.
So, as hard as it was, I had to learn to own all of it.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
I had to accept that this was my story for better or for worse. I had to take responsibility for myself.
And here’s what came of that.
Strength.
Choice.
Light.
No longer did I have to see myself as a victim.
I could decide for myself how the pages of my story were going to be written even after ink was thrown all over many chapters of the book.
And even though I tripped up thousands of times trying to turn it all around, eventually I started to get some things right.
Then, some more. Then, even more. And with some learning and guidance, even more.
I dug myself out of pit that I never thought I would be able to get out of.
With ownership comes freedom. You let go of the things that harm your soul and make space for what’s meant to be.
It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to take time.
But the chance to really live beyond pain…that’s worth it.
Own it.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 3, 2023
As You Grow Older
I think as you grow older, you look for very different things in people.
Honesty. Loyalty. Respect.
But most of all, you look for someone who will stand right by your side when the walls start crumbling down and the fires rage within.
They are right there, and in that moment, you know they’ve got you.
Never lose sight of the fact that actions speak far louder than words.
We live in a world where anyone can say anything and make it sound believable. But when you really take a step back and watch what they are doing, what do their actions say?
Are they actually there when it matters?
Do they back up their words or do they fade into the distance on a ship of excuses. Do they step up to the plate and own their side of the relationship or is it a one way street? Are they committed to their word?
Actions say far far more than words ever could.
Because we all know that when something really matters, we find a way to make it work. What can be incredibly confusing though is when someone’s intentions are good but they can never actually follow all the way through.
Even then, as intricate as the situation may be, you know where things stand and who you can truly depend on in the end.
And then there are those rare few in your life who show up no matter what the circumstances are. If you really need them, they will be there. They are the ones who show up day in and day out and invest in what you are building together.
But they are rare and hard to find. That’s how they are supposed to be. The gifts doesn’t just sit right on the surface. You have to keep patiently digging, searching and staying open to the possibilities of these types of relationships to come into your life.
If you have faith enough to know that they are out there, in time you will find them. It may take a while and you’re probably going to have a lot of relationships that don’t hit quite to that level, but that’s okay. Each level of depth has its value.
But when you do find them, it makes all the waiting worth it. You’ve found someone who truly believes in you and who you can depend on through life’s twists and turns. Someone who has your back.
Someone who’s “got you.”
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 2, 2023
The Recovering Perfectionist
As a recovering perfectionist, this has always been something I’ve needed to remind myself. Progress is progress. No matter how small the steps might be, they still matter.
Even continuing to just hold your intentions and not letting go of what you know you need to do is a win. Think about what happened this past year?
Everyone had their lives upended in an unprecedented way over and over again. But if you come back to your path no matter how many times you get thrown off of it, that’s a huge W in my book.
There are no L’s. Only lessons.
But you have to look for those teachings.
Because if you start to look at the past through the eyes of judgement and criticism, you’re going to have a long day.
Your critic will endlessly rip you apart for things that happened or mistakes you’ve made.
There’s no growth in that though.
There’s only toxicity.
If you’re going to go there, you have to go with eyes of understanding. Silence the criticism and try to learn.
That’s the only way you grow anyway.
You can’t learn while you’re ripping yourself to pieces. You can only learn when you can sit down with yourself and compassionately look at what’s taken place and understand how you can improve next time.
It’s not letting yourself off the hook. It’s taking responsibility.
There’s no responsibility in judgement – just a brutal take on yourself and life.
But there’s a whole lot of responsibility that’s present in owning your story and learning from it.
Gives you the power to become who you’re meant to be.
That’s worth it. Little steps count.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 1, 2023
Embracing Joy
You have to maintain a light heart. You have to claim that for yourself.
I know this life isn’t easy for most everyone. I’ve been there. I understand that. I’ve been beaten, broken, abandoned, shamed, abused, bullied, cheated on, lied to, betrayed and everything in between. Those scars seem endless. Some of them took forever to even begin the process of healing.
But…and this is the big thing…they don’t own my soul. They can’t take the light. That’s mine no matter what.
It’s not about being positive all the time. It’s about choices. These are hard to make, but hen the wold feels like it’s crumbling around you, you have to make a choice not to quit and move forward no matter what.
That’s why I’m here writing to you today. I made that choice nearly a decade ago and trust me, there were many compelling reasons to quit.
Make your decisions out of love.
Fear is always ready to grip you and take you out. It’s easy to succumb to the darkness. At times, you might find that you have. That’s okay. Recognize when you fallen into its hands and then make your decisions out of love once again.
You’re not supposed to be perfect. It’s impossible to be. But you can do your best and really give it a go. That’s all that matters.
Be gentle with yourself. The judgment only makes life worse and it’s already hard enough. There’s no point in it anyway because you have to get past it to release and grow.
So let go of the criticism, shame, bitterness, guilt and anger and trade for the light. Root yourself in wisdom, compassion and love. That will help you see the big picture and truly learn from your past footsteps.
After all, they end up being some of our best teachers. Oh and don’t forget to laugh.
Joy works wonders.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 28, 2023
Even If It’s Hard To Understand
A lot of things are difficult to understand when you’re going through them.
It’s easy to think that when things aren’t working out the way you wanted them to, that it’s somehow not part of your path.
“Oh no, that’s my true path over there. Let me get back to that.”
But it’s all part of it.
Every step.
Every choice.
Every cause, effect and ripple effect.
No piece of it is separate. No part of it is untrue.
Because “the path” isn’t a traditional path you walk on and arrive to a specific location. That’s what the mind thinks it is. It’s trying to visualize something that it just can’t make sense of. Like some island you can row to where it all turns out.
But it doesn’t work like that. There’s no end point. No location to get to. You take yourself with you every single step of the way.
There’s only here. Then another here. Then another.
It’s the farthest thing from being liner. Rather, you expand, contract, shift and grow in ways that are difficult to understand at the time. You can’t possibly see it all.
How could you? How can you see the picture when you’re in the frame?
The straight line is a myth. It doesn’t exist out there. It only exists in the head.
And yet, this makes intention even more important. Intention reaches down to the roots of who you are and brings forward the deepest expression of yourself.
Whatever you plant at the core impacts the rest of the tree. The universe doesn’t care what you plant. It only gives you more of what you put into the soil.
Plant mango seeds, you get mango trees.
Plant poison oak, you get a field of it.
While trying to see where you want to go has its benefits, what you must always come back to is in what ways are your feet falling upon the path as you create it.
There’s only what serves you and what doesn’t. What is an authentic expression of your true self and what isn’t.
From that place comes the greatest act of faith you can bring forward. Not knowing exactly where you’re going or how it’s all going to turn out…
…but trusting that with light in your heart, you’ll arrive exactly where you need to be.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 27, 2023
As I’ve Come To Understand Perfectionism
Of all the things I’ve learned this year, understanding perfectionism and it’s different shades has been the most valuable lesson of them all.
“Is it good enough to win?”
There’s usually a pretty large gap between being perfect and what it actually takes to win.
Winning for me has never been about competing with someone else. It’s always been about going head to head with my potential – what I’m capable of.
That can be infuriating at times because, as the old saying goes, “I hate losing more than I love winning.” And when you’re going up against your potential, there’s a lot of learning moments to be had.
But there’s no greater challenge and payoff in life than competing against what your capable of. There’s the person who we are now and there’s always…just a bit ahead of us…the deepest wisest version of who we are and can be.
The goal post constantly moves. And that’s actually the point. While you will spend your life growing and developing, your potential will as well.
It’s not always pretty.
It’s not always fun.
You might get caught in loops of a thousand days of succumbing to past habitual patterns. But the commitment to discovering your best is what brings so much value to living.
It’s the constant unfolding of who you really are that adds so much color.
Perfectionism is fundamentally about fear.
That’s what I’ve learned. Fear that if you don’t do it perfectly, and something goes wrong, you won’t be able to handle the loss.
But greatness and excellence are about courage. It’s about embracing your humanity, working through the fear and doing the damn thing anyway.
So…ask yourself…”Is it good enough to win?”
That’s where the bar should be.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 23, 2023
Surrender To It
When I was little, my parents dragged me kicking, crying and screaming to baseball tryouts.
I was so afraid of going to do something new that I threw a legendary fit. They used to tell me that when I would get incredibly mad, you could see my beet red head through my platinum blonde hair.
And when I finally got there, I fell in love immediately.
Isn’t that something…that the very thing I resisted the most ended up being one of the great passions of my life.
Every ounce of my heart ended up going into what was once my greatest fear.
This year has been many things for me. But more than anything, I have realized I’m having another “being dragged to tryouts” moment, but instead of it being my parents, it’s my intuition dragging me.
I spent most of my life seeking answers to problems that no one seemed to have solutions for. The lack of answers at moments made me feel hopeless and broken inside. And that’s just the truth. For those who have had something taken away from them, something rooted deeply within their soul, they know a type of pain that others might not.
It’s easy for darkness, fear, hopelessness and despondence to take root within you and begin to overrun your joy.
And yet, while I might be incredibly stubborn, I have also been gifted with relentless amounts of grit. Sometimes, they battle against each other…but the search for answers continued no matter how many “No’s” I received.
It’s almost as I didn’t quite believe I had come across a “Yes” when it finally came from the most unexpected of places. I wasn’t ready for it. I discovered I wasn’t quite ready to let go of who I was in the sea of “no” because that’s what most of my life was defined by.
I was given what I needed. The answer laid on the table in front of me for well over a year. I tried to pick it up but I kept putting it back down. I was scared. The kid all over again being driven to tryouts. Refusing to surrender.
And here I am again. But different now. I know I have to surrender through and through. To let go…the message that’s echoed within my soul for eons. And I will.
Surrender. Let go. Batter up.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
February 22, 2023
When You’re Feeling Lost
It’s pretty easy to feel like you’re losing yourself in this world.
There’s a thousand things pulling you in every direction trying to tell you who you should be.
Everyone is seeking attention in one way or another but forgetting to give each other love.
All of this can lead to this feeling of emptiness inside. Feeling like you’re “doing it wrong” or need to change who you are for some unknown reason.”
But it’s never been about conforming to what everyone else is doing. That comes and goes. It’s about discovering who you really are and peeling back the layers of the onion day after day.
You’ll find some things that you need to work on.
You’ll discover some things that you really love that you didn’t know were there. But you have to stay true to yourself and continue discovering no matter what.
Every day, I hope you become more and more of what makes you – you. I wrote that because I want you to remind you of where most of your focus needs to be in this wild world.
You’re never done. There’s no “there” to get to. But that’s the point. That’s the beautiful part of the journey.
It’s just layer after layer after layer and it never ends. If you feel stuck right now, understand that will also pass and you have so much more left to see and become.
So stay wide open. Learn about yourself day after day. Put yourself into the mindset that life is a great mystery and you’re here to explore it – one of the biggest mysteries being yourself.
And when you do inevitably discover some cool shit, celebrate it. Life’s too hard to not have some fun and feel joy in its deepest form.
Keep on unfolding.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
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