Evan Sanders's Blog, page 4

Diamonds In The Rough

The best people are the ones that stay.

Everything is always changing. Things are always coming and going and we don’t really have much control over the point in time the path runs out. It just suddenly arrives and we can only see that when it’s here.

But then there are the rare and special few who ride with you all the way until the end. Who make you a better version of yourself, help you regain faith in who you are when you feel lost and who stand with you when you are going through hell and high water.

They’re just different. To feel like someone has “got you” no matter what happens is one of the best feelings in the world. Because no matter how much you may think it at times, we can’t go through this life alone. The support and love of others is a critical part to our growth and development. It helps us arrive to who we are meant to be.

Have faith that whatever has come into your life is for you and whatever has left wasn’t meant to be. You can let go of the past, bring yourself back from the future and just be here. Here with what’s here for you. Deeply connected to it. Grateful for what you have. That’s when the joy comes out.

And at the same time, all of this is not an excuse to be in denial about unfinished business you need to take care of with someone. I see that all the time as well. If your integrity is out of alignment, don’t just “let someone go” and pass it off as something spiritual. It’s not. You’re just using a concept to serve your agenda. And you’ll know this is the case when there’s a festering soul splinter that just refuses to go away as time goes on. Do the work. Fix what you need to.

If you have these people in your life, tell them that you love them. Let them know. They are gifts, guides and mentors.

Diamonds in the rough.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Find The Courage

I hope you find the courage to live as you truly are.

Let go of the fears, doubts, worries and judgements from the outside world and what they make think. This is about you and your journey of truth, love, compassion and wisdom.

My teacher told me something a few years ago that I haven’t forgotten and remind people in my life of from time to time when they really need it.

In fact, it has been one of the most profound lessons I’ve ever learned and I will pass it along to you today.

She said, “You must remember the hierarchy.

First, there is The Higher. What you believe in. It is the most important part of the hierarchy.

Then, there is The Higher and your relationship with it.

Then, it’s The Higher, you, and then everyone else.”

“The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is between you and what you believe in. At the end of the day, you have to make sure that’s solid.

It doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone else. It just means that you come to your decisions about life in a conversation between you and above.”

The outside world shifts and changes at will. If you let it dictate your self worth and how much you love who you are, you will be in for one very bumpy ride.

One day people like this thing, the next day they hate it and move onto the other thing.

Don’t allow the health of your soul to be subjected to opinions, judgements and criticisms that are literally worth nothing.

You are here to learn who you truly are. Create a safe space of vulnerability with you and yourself as you’re learning. Remove all judgement. Silence the critic within.

And when you have questions, do not seek outside of yourself.

Turn within and seek the relationship you have with what you believe in.

It will never abandon you.

It will always guide you upon the path you are meant to travel.

Go out there and shine.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Just Don’t Make It Worse

I’ll never forget one of the lessons my teacher shared with our class the last day of coaching school.

He said, “You want to know what 10 years of studying with monks really taught me?”

Of course were are all interested. Who wouldn’t be? Everyone responded back with a resounding “yes!”

“Life’s hard enough. Don’t make it worse.”

Learning to love the things that come across your path is a challenging task to say the least. Life’s not all sprinkles and rainbows. There are really tragic and difficult situations that face just about everyone and they strain the soul.

You don’t have to like what happened. Shoot I don’t even blame you at all if you have the desire to hate it. I can understand that. I feel for you.

But what consequences does holding all of that in you have as that moment has passed along? Remember, life’s hard enough…don’t make it worse.

Meeting your challenges with a sense of love, understanding, compassion and empathy is not decision that happens once and then you’re done and everything is all good.

It’s an endless process. You’re going to sink back into your negative feelings from time to time. That’s okay. Come back to your intentions and work through it again.

But the greatest project of all is meeting yourself with that same amount of grace (maybe even more). Learning to love yourself. Learning to carve out space for who you really are.

That’s the good stuff. That’s when you’re really growing.

Meet yourself on deeper planes and you will find that you can hold space for others as well. The work you do within will reflect outwardly…and visa versa.

When in doubt, apply more love. When really in doubt, apply even more.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

It’s All Part Of The Path

You’re not lost.

You’re finding your way.

Every step, every movement, every decision and every breath is part of the path.

The ups and downs. The contractions. The expansions. It is all part of learning to find your way. It’s all part of the road you are supposed to travel.

Once you start letting go of the old ways of doing things some pretty interesting things start to happen. You come into full contact with the present moment, release yourself from the present and the future and all there is…is here.

The past seems like a collection of distant memories in a shoe box somewhere and the future just becomes a succession of “nows.”

Now. Now. Now. Now.

Brick by brick. Ripple by ripple. Intentions and decisions cascade into the unknown.

As the old stories begin to fall apart, room opens up all around you. Possibilities flood in. Adventure begins to call. Even though there is nothing, everything can be created from that place.

You’ll always be able to travel down old paths if you wish. It will bring you back to everything you’ve already known. It’s almost as if you’re in a dream state when you go back and do the things you used to do in the places you used to do them.

There you are, witnessing yourself in action almost as if you were out of your own body.

You can play around with that for a while, but you always have to come back. Dig into what’s going on right now. These are your only moments.

At times that can be a bit intimidating. I think there’s a tendency to want to doubt everything that you’re going through and question whether or not it is the way.

But that’s where faith comes in.

Faith dissolves the doubt and lights the stepping stones up in front of you.

You have the freedom to choose. You always have. But do you have the courage to trust?

See the way in front of you. Trust the wisdom guiding you. And most of all, commit to it. The heavens smile upon those who believe in their dreams.

If the heart whispers it so.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

You Never Lost Your Way

Every step you’ve taken has been part of the path. You never lost your way. You’ve only been “here.”

There are no steps backwards. There’s no going back in time. You’ve only been finding your way – a perfect succession of “nows” over and over again.

Every fall.

Every mistake.

Every victory and defeat.

They have all led you here, to this place, waking up more and more as the days go by. How could you ever say that these things that happened – while maybe painful at times – were not meant to be if you are finding the gold that lays within them?

They were what you needed to learn. To become. To shift and morph. So here you are.

Awakening.

Seeing.

Rooting and discovering.

And the big question becomes…who are you going to be in your next moments?

The events of the past have turned to fluid paintings and are almost like a dream. How can you nourish them? How can you soften them? How can you take something so dark and bring light to it?

No one can travel this path but you.

The rocks in the river can be moved. The barriers can be broken. The moments can be transformed. They all can shift. But you have to let them. You have to finally let go and step forward.

Trust. Trust in your heart. Trust in who you really are. Then, become.

What you think you are is only a fraction of what you could really be. You have so much in front of you. You have many lifetimes left.

All of that time you spent struggling and battling against the cards that were given to you can be reclaimed as well.

But you have to make the choice. So when you’re a little more excited than afraid, begin.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Answers From The Depths

What do I need?

What does the deepest wisest version of myself say?

When you can answer that question (and the answers might change every day) you are at the essence of self-care.

There’s a very common story that flies around in peoples heads (for many different reasons) that self-care = selfish. But they couldn’t be farther apart.

Self-care is about nourishing the deepest elements of who you are to make sure you can show up to the best version of yourself. Selfishness at its core is about caring about yourself only.

One doesn’t equal the other. When you can let go of the story that taking care of you is such a bad thing, you open yourself up to the possibility of finally getting what you need.

For most people, it’s like finally getting a sip of water after walking through an endless desert.

Pretty damn refreshing.

And the big payoff is this – when you finally start taking care of yourself, you vastly improve your capacity to give to and take care of others.

You thought you had a big heart before?

Wait until you start giving yourself what you need. Your ability to bring forward compassion, empathy, hold space and every other wonderful element of what makes you, YOU…will come to the forefront.

Give it a try. Answer those questions above. What does the deepest wisest version of myself say that I really need here?

Patiently wait and listen for an answer.

Then, and most importantly, go do it.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

You Lack Nothing

You are not deficient. You are not lacking. You are not a piece or a part of a soul. You are not a victim. Let me repeat the last one – you are not a victim.

At one point in time you may have thought that, but not now. No longer. You have what you need. You have more than enough. You are whole. You are healing, moving forward, and taking the lead role in how the rest of the story is written.

It’s easy to find yourself in the clutches of fear. If you let it settle in for too long, it will begin to crawl into all areas of your life. One day you go outside and look at the garden and see that it has been completely overrun by weeds. That’s how fear works…it’s consuming.

Roll up your sleeves.

If the garden is a mess, it’s time to start pulling. There’s no mind trick that erases habitual patterns and choices. There’s no slogan that dissolves fear on contact.

There’s only awareness and choices.

You first have to be able to see what are you doing. You have to be aware of it. You have to know whether or not it is helping you grow or holding you back. That’s half of the battle there.

Then, you need a new way. Imagine a way of showing up in the world that serves you. Now that you’ve imagined it, step into it. Do it. Try it out.

This is how your entire world changes. You have to be willing to take the chance of trying something new in order to grow into who you are meant to be. There’s no way around in.

The cycles will repeat themselves endlessly until you choose differently. This is where you have to realize that you have everything you need to be who you are meant to be. It’s staring at you right in the mirror.

You are the source. You are the solution. You’re it.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Moments That Changed You

There are these moments that you keep close to the chest that you’ll never forget for as long as you live.

Moments that changed you in some way. So much so that you could never go back to who you were before them.

For me, those moments have always brought warmth. Even though situations and people change as time goes on, those moments stand still in time.

Working through resentment is a tricky thing. There’s the part of you that wants to be right about it all and prove a point. It only breeds more anger and bitterness.

And then there’s that ancient part of you – I guess you would call that the soul – that understands that you can honor both: that things have changed and the moment you still treasure.

When that happens…all the resentment and negativity just flows away.

All your left with is love for someone, even though things couldn’t be more different now.

Maybe that’s what opens doors are…

Opportunities for people to walk through – as different human beings – but ones that have impacted you in some important way.

It’s okay for things to change.

They are going to change despite your best efforts.

You can only go with how things are and ride that current.

But I hope you leave doors open along the way. Even if things didn’t end well. Because people are capable of extraordinary things.

And maybe, just maybe, they will walk through that door again.

Wouldn’t that be something.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

In The Thick Of It

 

I wrote this when I was going through the thick of it. When everything feels like it’s swirling around you and you can’t find your footing, it’s really easy to get swept downstream in it all.

Be right here. Even if it’s in the mud.

Because if there wasn’t any mud, there couldn’t be a lotus.

You don’t have to escape what’s happening. That’s how you get swept away. Sit in it. Root yourself deep into the ground and just breathe.

All of it will pass. And for the things that need your input and attention, if you can find your breath in it all you’ll also have your wisdom.

You’re not lost.

You’re right here.

You’ve always been right here.

It doesn’t have to be your favorite place to be. You don’t have to pretend that you like what’s happening if you’re really going through it.

But you do need…you…to be here.

Fully.

Willing to face it.

Willing to work through it.

Willing to accept your role in all of it.

And when you can do that, you’ll find your way through.

So be right here.

Here. Here. Here.

Here. Here.

Here.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

There Are These Are Moments In Time

Every once in a while there comes a rare moment that shifts the course of your life permanently.

Let me tell you about one of mine…

One day my coach who I had been working with for a while couldn’t make her session with her own mentor.

Out of the blue she called me up and asked me if I would like to take her spot.

I immediately said yes. I knew I couldn’t miss that chance. So I wiped my calendar clean for the day and a few hours later drove to the depths of San Jose.

While being very excited, I had no idea what to expect.

However, as soon as I walked into her home office and saw her for the first time, I knew I was going to be okay because she reminded me of The Oracle from The Matrix.

I sat down and within minutes just started speaking from my heart. I told her everything that was going on. I shared my fears, doubts and worries.

I spilled out all of the secrets I had never told anyone.

The mask came off and I just sat there vulnerable, exposed…and yet felt safer than I had ever been.

It became very apparent to me in speaking with her how much fear gripped my life. Then, she did something I would never forget.

She looked me in the eyes and said…

“The things we run from end up owning us.”

I think there are a few moments in life when you hear something that couldn’t have come at a better time. This was definitely one of those for me.

Her words shook me.

mentally

emotionally

physically

spiritually

She helped me realize that everything I was avoiding was running my life. It was tearing me apart. Everything that I swept under the rug hoping that it would just disappear was still there waiting to be dealt with.

It was never going to go away if I didn’t deal with it.

We are destined to continue repeating the mistakes of the past if we don’t spend time truly understanding how we came to be who we are.

But it all has to be done with a gentle heart.

You don’t have to spend your life looking into the past.

But for those things that need healing, go with love.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project