Evan Sanders's Blog, page 5

No Such Thing As Perfection

The perfect moment will never arrive.

There’s no such thing. It’s not because the idea of perfection isn’t seductive. It is. It has people chasing after it all the time.

Rather, this idea of perfection is impossible to quantify. Turning the purely subjective into something objective is a task that leads to endless time being wasted.⁠

So instead, begin. Begin your journey wherever you are. This moment is as good as any. The thing you really have to look out for is spending an entire lifetime waiting for that perfect moment and to be stuck idling on the side of the road.⁠

If you’ve found yourself delaying for days, years or decades, begin now. Reset your intentions and learn from what it means to be out of action. The important part is that you actually start. Don’t throw judgement on top of all the time that has already gone by. That will just make life worse.⁠

Courage is not about being completely fearless. It’s about what we decide to do in the presence of fear. Courage can’t exist without it. It needs it. It’s the opposite side of the coin. In fact, you can look at the fear you’ve been feeling and see that the courage that has always been within you is right around the corner.⁠

Every step you taken in your life is new. You’re different. Life is different. Everything around you has shifted and changed.

No matter how “the same” things seem, they are completely and entirely different. Everything, in every moment, is coming and going. Don’t allow your mind to trick you into thinking that you’re the exact same person as you used to be. Even if you’ve “stalled” on the side of the road, you’ve still changed.⁣⁣⁣⁠

We don’t exist in a box that has an on or off switch. We exist across many different planes – mental, emotional, spiritual, physical etc. – and while we may not be chasing our biggest dream, our life is moving in so many different ways. ⁠

All we have to do is acknowledge it. ⁠

Allow your courage to set you upon a path of your greatest growth and development. Fear will always be part of the equation. But learning to work through it is one of the best practices there is.

That’s how you grow.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

No Matter What

No matter what happens, you have to find it within yourself to keep hanging on and refuse to quit.

Don’t ever give up. Don’t ever let your fears have the last word.

That’s not why you’re here.

You’re here to show others what’s possible with their lives if they believe in themselves and what they are capable of.

You’re going to get dragged through the mud.

You’re going to fail.

But all that matters is that you keep getting back up and you continue forward.

I’ve been thinking about the last decade of my life a lot lately. Where it began, all that happened and where I am now.

I thought about all of the mentors I had come across and the endless pages of books I got lost in.

It became really clear to me that I was seeking answers to a lot of questions that I had been asking for a very long time.

While the path wasn’t pretty at times, I found those answers.

This all brings me to this moment thinking about what’s right here in front of me.

Faith.

Redemption.

Courage.

I have a thousand stories to tell. Stories that have been locked inside, held too close to my heart for too long, because I lost my own inner compass leading me back to the truth and the point of this all – to be a light.

Joseph Campbell, one of my favorite authors and mythologists once said,

“Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”

For quite some time, I’ve been asking myself that question, “What would bliss be like?”

I can see it in color.

Every time I close my eyes and let me imagination go to work the tapestries unfold in front of me.

I can see the truth that I spent so long searching for. But it’s not enough to just know the path in front of you.

You must be willing to walk it.

So get walkin’

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Only Those Who Will Risk Going Too Far

How far can I go?

How far into this unknown can I see and trust that, if I water those ideas with the seeds of belief, one day they will sprout into a blooming new universe?

Can I trust myself enough to set myself free from the things that have shackled me all my life and know, deep within my heart, that everything I’ve ever dreamed of and everything I need, whether given as a gift or a challenge, will be there for me?

These questions have been finding their way through my mind. They have been at the forefront, calling me to continue down the road, only to find out just how far one can really go.

There have been fundamental fears that have kept me in the same place for such a long time—fears that I have come to understand and step into. Fears that scare me to death, but I just know, somewhere deep inside, that if I do what I have been called to do, I will become something greater.

It’s hard for me to understand some of these things. These whispers. The whispers telling me to go.

But what I do understand is that the greatest fight of my life has always been in my mind. Because in my mind, I am attacked with fear, doubt, worry, anxiety, and everything else.

But as soon as I drop into my intuition and step into the wisdom of my heart, I am never let down. I tend to lose the battle in my mind because it tries to understand things that it’s not capable of understanding. But my heart, my heart always knows what’s right. My heart has never led me astray.

There are many things I don’t understand. But there are many visions I have. Visions of the future—images so fresh and clear that they almost seem as if they are real.

As I have been traveling down this path and seeing some of those visions come true, I wonder if it is something beyond my imagination that is calling me to do these things?

Is this my seeing without seeing?

Is this what it means to walk by faith and not by sight?

Because when I close my eyes, sometimes it’s as if they are open. They are blooming with curiosity and of a place far, far beyond where I am now. I can see past that place. I can see past the place all the way until the end… and yet, even the end doesn’t feel like the end.

At times, this vision has created pressure in my life—pressure because I was too scared to get into action. However, as time has gone on and I have gathered more and more faith, I do understand that the actions of today, in stepping outside of my comfort zones and of myself at times, are the very things that are going to create all of this.

An excess of faith—of which there is no such thing—actually allows you to soften your life.

Because if you have faith, no matter how bad things become or how challenging they may be, you understand that they too will change, and that you will be on the other side of it eventually.

This was one of the toughest things for me to have when I was younger. I didn’t understand faith. I didn’t understand patience.

Truly, for me, throughout this entire year with the learning of patience has come faith. It was patience before faith. Without the patience, how could you ever see anything all the way through?

You couldn’t.

You would discourage yourself because it wasn’t happening right now.

But what I came to understand is that this life doesn’t work on your timeline. It happens when it’s supposed to happen, and things come along your path when you are ready for them.

That’s how it always works. You are given what you need, not what you want, but what you need. And when you have a vision to become something greater, you are pounded, shaped, morphed, broken down, and put all back together to become that person.

There’s a brilliance to the way the universe works.

The problem is we try to understand it.

You can’t. You can’t understand something so far beyond your comprehension. But what does work—the only language that truly allows you to communicate with what is outside this human world—is faith.

Faith is the language of life. Faith is the language of patience.

Many people are of different faiths, but faith nonetheless. And that is beautiful.

So here I am, holding onto my faith. Holding onto a story and a feeling within my heart that has been warming as these days go by. I believe in something greater than this. I believe that stories are about to be written—and however those stories show up—that is the way they need to be.

Do I have hopes and dreams? Yes. Do I wish for certain things? Yes. But if those aren’t right for me, I will not object. I will humble myself and continue on… even if I struggle. Because this way, the way of belief, has never left me uncared for.

So I move forward with love.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Courage Of Acceptance

It has been an interesting few years to say the least.

There have been many many challenges across the board (too many to list) and even more changes.

But I want to talk about something important that’s emerged from it all – acceptance.

Acceptance is a very interesting word.

As time as gone on, I’ve really understood acceptance to be many different things.

Ownership.

Responsibility.

Alignment.

Fluidity.

There are many other words I would use to describe it.⁠

But most of all, I’ve viewed acceptance as a deep embracing of things as they are.

I also know what acceptance isn’t.

It isn’t what I thought life should be.⁠

That gap can be very difficult to traverse sometimes.

There’s an incredible amount of friction that’s created when the mind is at war with how things actually are. It fights it in all sorts of ways and pain seems to compound.⁠

It’s even more at work when something significant happens “to you.”

This “shouldn’t” have happened.

This “should” have happened instead.

Lots of whys and what if’s also seem to come with it.⁠

But the fact of the matter is…it did happen.

It happened exactly the way it did. It didn’t happen any other way. It happened that way.

And maybe coming to that realization isn’t the easiest pill to swallow. But here’s what I can tell you after witnessing some of the bravest people I know truly own this…⁠

What comes from this is ownership, courage, bravery, responsibility, integrity, and eventually joy.⁠

Watching someone take the most difficult situations of their life, removing all of the judgement, shame, and betrayal, applying a whole lot of understanding, love and compassion is one of the most special things I get to be a part of on the daily.⁠

And honestly, being a part of that and helping facilitate it gives me more courage to continue to dig into my own story that I could ever imagine.⁠

You can’t change what happened.

But you can choose what happens next.⁠

I hope that gives you courage.⁠

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

A Practical Guide To Building Self-Awareness

I wanted to dig into the topic of self-awareness because it’s one of those absolutely crucial things that help us move forward in life.

A lot of people talk about how you need to be self-aware but everyone lands on the same question…how?

How do you actually build and develop that skill?

That’s what I want to break down simply for you today and give you some things that you can use.

First, let’s get a general definition of self-awareness.

Self-awareness is understanding of what is taking place in your experience.

Thoughts, feelings, actions, way of being.

It’s about understanding how you are showing up in the world and what’s taking place in your experience.

Now why do we need to develop this (besides the obvious)?

Because self-awareness allows us to take a look at our lives and change course if needed. We are able to see if we are showing up in the world in healthy or destructive ways.

And when we come to a deeper insight of how we function in the world and with the people in it, we can shift that experience if needed.

If you don’t have that, you can’t change anything at all.

You’re a slave to your experiences and they will repeat over and over again.

So that’s our general understanding.

There are two different ways to build self-awareness.

The first one is self-reflection.

Self-reflection is when we look back on an experience – whether 10 seconds ago or 10 years ago – and seek to learn from the experience.

What really happened here?
How did I show up in this situation?
What was I feeling, and what was I thinking?

When you look back on the past through the eyes of understanding and seeking wisdom, you start to see how events transpired the way that they did and your role in them.

What eventually comes of this is a deeper insight into how you can work with your thoughts, emotions and actions to arrive at a better outcome.

So that’s self-reflection.

The act of looking back on the past and gaining insight into the how and why things happened the way that they did.

Next is self-observation and this is where things get a bit more interesting.

Self-observation is fundamentally about understanding what is happening for you in the moment.

How am I showing up right now?
What’s taking place in this moment?
Do I need to shift my way of being?

This is a bit tricker because there are so many thoughts and emotions flying around all the time that it can be difficult to slow things down enough to see yourself in the moment.

But, when you can take a step back from those thoughts and emotions – stepping out of the river I call it – and see what’s taking place, you can make a change in the moment.

When we can change in the moment we are in, we have far more control in creating the outcome we want.

Harder to do?

Yes.

But it’s an absolutely critical part in developing well rounded self-awareness.

Okay.

But how do we develop these two really important elements of self-awareness?

For self-reflection, we start to look at moments and situations in our lives and try to look at them as objectively as we can.

As I said above, it’s critical to look at the past through the eyes of wisdom and understanding.

If you go down the path of judgement and self-criticism, you will be blinded by a flood of negativity.

So if you’re going to look, look with wisdom.

By looking at the past through these eyes, you will start to gain insight into your story and how it has unfolded.

Accountability. Responsibility. Compassion. Understanding.

All of these things flow into the forefront of your mind as you start to see just how much of an impact your way of showing up in the world has had on specific things taking place.

These things are the building blocks of our freedom.

As for self-observation we practice stopping in the moment and seeing how we are showing up in the world.

What’s here right now?
What emotions are here?
What are the thoughts that are running through my mind?
What’s taking place in my body?

These questions that you ask are the keys to understanding what’s taking place in the moment.

Another great way of engaging in self-observation is the practice of meditation, which I will be writing an entire other article about.

In the end, self-awareness practices help us understanding ourselves on a far deeper level and give us the capacity to change how we will show up in the future.

You can free yourself from repeating patterns and make sure that the way forward represents the best of who you are.

And as I always love to say…

In order to know where you’re going, you have to understand where you’ve been.

Hope this helps.

 

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

 

PS. If you’re looking for some help/support navigating through life’s challenges and would like to learn more about working with me in my coaching program privately, head to www.1on1withevan.com

Go With The Flow

When you have faith that the right things will be in your life and show up as they are designed to, then all of the fear of what might leave begins to disappear.

As with all things, they are meant to come and go.

But we love to hold on.

We love to grip everything so tight even to the point of sometimes not giving it enough freedom.

Relax your grip. Breathe. The things that are meant for you will be there.

This has been one of the greatest lessons I have ever learned (and am still learning every single day).

I used to be at war with life.

I had such a hard time with “going with the flow.”

I figured that if I just hiked upstream against the rivers will that I could just “make things happen.” But the problem was I couldn’t adjust when things inevitably ended and thought that the heavens themselves had something against me.

What I failed to see in those younger years is that things were leaving for a very good reason.

Of course it would hurt. Sometimes it hurt badly.

But every single time, something better came along.

Something that would teach me, help me grow, and put me on the right path. I know it can be hard to deal with the coming and going of things.

It can be difficult to understand. But if you hold onto your faith and trust in whatever you believe in, you’ll be okay. In fact, you’ll be more than okay.

Keep that heart open. Never close off.

Heal your wounds and stay open to wonderful things happening.

When you lose your way, come back to who you know you are and what makes you…you.

Don’t ever forget where you came from.

One last thing.

Your mindset matters more than anything with this. If you see things coming and going as an indicator that you’re cursed and the universe is conspiring against you, you’re going to head down a pretty dark path.

Trust me on that one.

The truth?

There’s no big agenda against you I promise.

But if you see everything happening as part of the process, no matter how painful it may be at time, you’ll at least give yourself a chance to heal, learn and move forward.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Do It For You

Do it for “you.”

Do it because it’s going to make you proud.

Do it because it resonates with your soul.

That’s when you’re going to find so much joy and happiness when you finally cross the finish line of whatever you’ve set out to do.

The problem is so many people attach their sense of self worth to the opinions, approval and judgements of those who are around them or who they don’t even know.

When you do that, you’re going to be in for very rocky ride because everything in the outside world is constantly shifting and changing.

People can’t even decide what they want on a menu let alone give you a deeply thoughtful, compassionate, and well delivered take on what you are doing. Everyone changes their minds on a whim.

There’s an old quote that I love and I’ll do my best to paraphrase it.

It goes, “if you build yourself upon the compliments of others you will most certainly fall upon the sword of their criticisms.” Isn’t that the truth of truths.

Remember that people’s judgements and criticisms are 100% free.

They are literally so cheap you can get them anywhere at anytime. I think if they cost a lost more than that – say $1,000 a piece – that people would be much more conscious of the criticisms they pass your way.

But as it stands now, they don’t cost anything, so don’t take it so hard when someone doesn’t like what you’re doing or what you’re about.

Their attention span is around 8 seconds anyway.

So knowing that, turn within.

Answer to yourself and to what you believe in. Always be willing to listen to those who are really trying to serve you, take criticism with a grain of salt, and check everything against your best of intentions.

If you whittle it all down to what resonates with your heart, you can hardly go wrong.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Turning Straw Into Gold

Is it possible to turn straw into gold?

Yes. Yes it is.

But it’s a process and it takes quite a bit of time. And you’re going to need a whole lot of love, understanding, wisdom and a light heart on your journey to get there. ⁠
⁠
The greatest shift you will ever make is letting go of wisdom and moving towards compassion.

When you do this, you turn on the light.

When you’re constantly judging everything that’s happened or happening in life, you’re trapped.

There’s no visible way through because you’re at war with how things are. ⁠
⁠
But when you let go of all the judgement and start to view life through much gentler eyes, you see that even though what has happened in life may have been painful, you can understand how you can transform it into something productive.

You may use your voice.
You may support others.
You may heal yourself down to the core and show others the way. ⁠
⁠
And this is how we turn straw into gold.

You turn on the lights. You find the dark spots still residing within your heart and see it in ways that you may never have before.

What you will come to find when you look at things in a completely different way is that the thing itself changes.

It moves, shifts and morphs and often of times washes right back out into the ocean.

Trust in the path.

Shine a light on what hurts.

Allow yourself to feel everything deeply and it will eventually leave you.

Let the story you tell yourself about what has happened be one of healing and not one that will continue the pain.

Let go.
Breathe.
Let go again.⁠
⁠
You’ve got this.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

It’s In The Risk

It’s in the risk. That’s where you grow.

There’s no doubt that it feels fantastic when you finally achieve something.

But that’s not where the souls gold is.

It’s in who you become during that process that matters more than anything.

Embrace that. Know it deeply.

If everything works out then great! If you try and fail, that’s ok too.

It’s part of the process.

Keep going because you’re growing.

Failure is just feedback. That’s all.

Don’t take it so hard it’s showing you that you need to go in a different direction.

But the journey, that’s where the magic is.

Whenever I’m going through the thick of it and really losing my motivation to carry forward, I always think of Theodore Roosevelt’s famous speech The Man In The Arena. He said…

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

You have to get out on the field of life.

You’re going to fail. That’s inevitable. Don’t be afraid of it. Welcome it.

Because at least you’re playing. At least you’re showing up willing to do what it takes to make your dreams, goals and ambitions come to light.

One day, you will win. If you keep changing your strategy and come back to the table again and again, you will find a way.

But, if you refuse to play the game at all, you will lose and lose big.

The cost of not playing is living with a lifetime full of regret.

And that, is far worse than failing.

So get out there and be willing to learn.

You will find your way.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Time To Let Go

Let go. Let go. Let go.

The whisper that’s been trying to teach me throughout my entire life.

It’s always been that message.

The same lesson, over and over again, in a thousand different ways.

I started writing back when I was 19 and it helped me process everything I was going through. I started to let go and little by little things changed.

But then, I ran to the future instead.

Maybe if I lived in the world of dreams and what could be I would be happier?

Wrong again.

The voice cams back.

I learned that you could suffer from living in the future just as much as living in the past.

It doesn’t matter if it’s painted with possibility, there’s still one issue.

All you can be is “here.”

Your mind can wandered to “there” as much as you let it.

But “there” doesn’t exist. You only have this moment…right here.

So that led me to this…

No matter what is going on in your life, you have a choice to make. Meet it with light or darkness. Love or fear.

The circumstances will change constantly.

Things will go up and down and those situations you can’t control. But you can control what you do with those situations.

You can write the next pages of your story as you please.

So be here.

Come back when you drift.

This moment is yours.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project