Evan Sanders's Blog, page 12
February 21, 2022
Before You Build A Wall
Not everything that comes back around is meant to stay in your life. We attract all sorts of different things. Not all of them have your best interests in mind. So it becomes incredibly important to learn how to say “no.”
Strong. Healthy. Boundaries.
We aren’t looking to build walls. Walls, while they do keep things out quite well, also tend to trap things in. When you try to block out fear, doubt, worry, anxiety etc. you only suppress your compassion, joy, courage and other wonderful qualities as well.
Instead, think of healthy boundaries like a big golden protective net.
The net’s holes are big enough to let things in that are meant to be there and yet they are small enough to catch what’s meant to be put at a distance. As you walk throughout life you learn more and more what’s meant for you and what’s not.
But that’s not the end of this.
Life has a funny way of testing the boundaries you created. It’s almost as if it says, “Oh yeah? You’re feeling quite confident that this person isn’t meant for you or that you won’t do that anymore? Well…let’s just drop that right thereeeee and see what happens.”
And then all the speculation goes right out the window and you actually have an opportunity to step up to the plate and back up what you said.
Or, not.
Which is a lesson as well.
You’re not going to be perfect with this. No one walks into this world knowing how to set healthy boundaries. They are either going to come on too strong or not exist at all.
But find the balance.
Find where your “no” comes across as wise, compassionate and strong.
Boundaries aren’t set out of fear. Those only end up limiting and hurting you. Boundaries are there out of love.
They are created with the best intentions in mind. It’s about honoring your experience and what your wisdom tells you. It’s about making distinctions between compassion and tolerance.
So, be mindful of the things that come your way and how they fit into your life.
Evan Sanders
A Piece Of Who You Are
You’re going to meet people who will change your life forever. Some are there for years, a few for a lifetime and many for what seems like just a flash.
But everyone changes you in some way.
They are all pieces of who you are and who you will become. Then, there are the rarest of few, who stick with you no matter what you’re going through in life.
The ups. The downs. Everything in between. They just show up over and over and over again. And because they do, those relationships continue to grow and deepen.
When you let go of the idea that you fully “know” someone, you give yourself the opportunity to learn about them each and every day.
Because honestly, even if you did spend endless hours with someone you care about, it’s nothing in comparison to every moment they spend with themself.
There are countless stories, moments, thoughts, emotions, dreams, fears that you don’t know about or they never even thought to voice them.
I’ve always viewed people as icebergs. What you see is just the expression of the entire thing. It’s not even remotely close to all that’s there.
That doesn’t have to be something that’s scary. We are all mixtures of darkness and light (no matter how much we don’t want to admit that at times). But that doesn’t make you a bad human being. It makes you just that – a human.
Stay open to “the more.” See what’s there. Continue to nurture the relationships around you and the right ones will grow immeasurably.
It’s a beautiful thing.
Evan Sanders
February 20, 2022
You Never Get “There”
You never get “there.” There’s no island where it all turns out. Rather, you’re a constantly unfolding being always learning and growing.
Always in the act of becoming.
A beautiful work in progress.
A soul with boundless potential.
Imagine a lotus unfolding endlessly layer after layer after layer. It never ends. It just continues on and on. Each layer you arrive at a new stage of depth where you come to an understanding. And then the next layer unfolds, you begin again, and arrive at a place of depth and wisdom in time.
You have absolutely no idea of just how much you are capable of. It goes beyond what your mind could “see.”
Why limit yourself then? You only “know what you know.” But that’s for right now. Isn’t it the story of your life that you eventually come to “know” things that you never knew before?
The possibilities are the same. You’re capable of things…that you don’t even “know” you’re capable of. That should excite the hell out of you.
So stop putting so much pressure on yourself to get “there.” There is no “there.” There’s only here. It’s all you have, all you ever had and all you ever will have.
And when you really take the time to stop and just connect, you’ll experience so many wonderful things flooding in it will overwhelm you. You get to see the process for what it actually is – endless growth.
You’ve spent a lifetime running to a place where you think it all pans out. But that place has always been right here. That’s what the seeker eventually learns – that everything they were ever looking for existed within.
At times we may feel completely disconnected from our intentions and who we really are, but we don’t need to go searching outside of ourselves for that version of ourselves. All we have to do is plug back in – like plugging in a lamps chord into the wall.
Be here. Be here. Be here. Over and over again. Repeat it to yourself. Sit in the silence and just feel into what’s “here.”
Evan Sanders
February 19, 2022
What Closure Is Really About
Closure is a pretty interesting thing. Sometimes we think we need closure from someone or a situation because that will be the thing that really helps us move on.
But it’s not always the case. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone seek out closure and it actually got worse.
The person who they went to didn’t show up in a way that would allow for any healing to happen. Sometimes the wound even gets opened back up and there’s a sense of regret for even going down that path in the first place.
They might not even know why they did something. Seriously. Or even if they told you, it might not even be the truth. It really takes a lot for someone to even admit wrongdoing to themselves let alone another person.
Not saying this always happens…but it happens more than you might think.
So that brings me to this. Closure, amongst many other things, is about coming to a deep acceptance of what happened and taking it upon yourself to truly – 100% – decide what happens next in your story.
It’s not about denial. It’s not about living in la-la land. It’s not about tolerating that behavior. It’s about an understanding that you’re here now – the good and the bad – and you are the only one that can take it upon yourself to make choices going forward.
Blame, judgement, anger, hatred etc are all human emotions and they are completely okay to experience as long as you’re not pointing them inward at yourself or outward at someone else.
Feel it. It’s part of being human. But what you decide to do with those emotions and how you act is on you. You can choose to continue cycles of pain or begin cycles of healing.
Not saying it’s going to be easy. This is NOT easy. But, it’s worth it. And if you want to exit lands of trauma – whether they were someone else’s fault or not – going through all of this is required.
A challenging path…but a worthwhile one.
Evan Sanders
February 18, 2022
You’re Not Lost
You’re not lost. You’re finding your way. Every step, every movement, every decision and every breath is part of the path.
The ups and downs. The contractions. The expansions. It is all part of learning to find your way. It’s all part of the road you are supposed to travel.
Once you start letting go of the old ways of doing things some pretty interesting things start to happen. You come into full contact with the present moment, release yourself from the present and the future and all there is…is here.
The past seems like a collection of distant memories in a shoe box somewhere and the future just becomes a succession of “nows.”
Now. Now. Now. Now.
Brick by brick. Ripple by ripple. Intentions and decisions cascade into the unknown.
As the old stories begin to fall apart, room opens up all around you. Possibilities flood in. Adventure begins to call. Even though there is nothing, everything can be created from that place.
You’ll always be able to travel down old paths if you wish. It will bring you back to everything you’ve already known. It’s almost as if you’re in a dream state when you go back and do the things you used to do in the places you used to do them.
There you are, witnessing yourself in action almost as if you were out of your own body.
You can play around with that for a while, but you always have to come back. Dig into what’s going on right now. These are your only moments.
At times that can be a bit intimidating. I think there’s a tendency to want to doubt everything that you’re going through and question whether or not it is the way.
But that’s where faith comes in.
Faith dissolves the doubt and lights the stepping stones up in front of you.
You have the freedom to choose. You always have. But do you have the courage to trust?
See the way in front of you. Trust the wisdom guiding you. And most of all, commit to it. The heavens smile upon those who believe in their dreams.
If the heart whispers it so.
Evan Sanders
Nothing Takes More Courage
The greatest challenge you will ever face is beginning to believe in yourself again after you feel like all has been lost.
When you lose faith and trust in yourself and everything around you, things begin to look pretty dark. It can feel like there’s no one who understands where you’re at and can possibly help you through the mud you’re in.
If you’re in this place right now, I want you to hear what I’m about to say next.
No matter how bad it gets, deep within you lives a light that cannot be extinguished.
Some call it hope. Others call it courage. I think it may be different for everyone. But for me, it was resilience. It has always been there and no matter what was happening in my life, no matter how bad it seemed, I knew that if I just kept on moving forward, I would find my way out of the mud.
You will too.
To find this spark again, you need to quiet everything down around you – all of the voices, judgements and people – and reach deep within yourself and remind yourself of who you are beyond the fleeting opinions of the outside world.
Reach in and hold your dreams again.
See how you have survived everything that’s ever come your way. Give yourself credit for still being here. And then, find that one reason why it’s going to be worth it for you to keep on moving forward.
That’s all you need.
When things were hard for me, I lived by the following quote by Eleanor Roosevelt. She said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
You can do this.
Evan Sanders
Where You’ve Always Needed To Be
It’s not so much about what you think. It’s more about what you “know.” What exists deep within your bones? What do you know to be true – a wisdom that cannot be taken from you?
Those whispers will guide you. They will take you in the right direction – the places you’ve always needed to go.
But if you think about it, you are already heading off path. It’s not going to make sense to your mind – it lives far outside of that.
That intuition, that wisdom, doesn’t live in the head – rather it arises from the bottom of the ocean and pops like a bubble once it reaches the surface.
Then, you just know. You know without a doubt.
It’s not always easy to trust your gut. Do things always happen the way you thought they were going to? No of course not. But it was never about that. It has always been about learning what you need in order to grow.
I think if you spend your entire life avoiding hardship you’re doing yourself a massive disservice. You are going to build a castle around yourself, and while you may feel safe temporarily, the costs and consequences begin to mount.
I know what it’s like to be in that place – the place where you want to shut yourself off from the rest of the world and go into protection mode. That can be fine for a while if you need to regroup, but you really can’t stay there.
What happens when you wall everything out to protect yourself from anything bad happening?
You contract.
You revert.
You push things away.
You lock in your most authentic self.
Life is risky.
There’s risk in everything. But if you embrace that and know that no matter what happens you’re going to find a way through, you’ll have a lot easier of a time navigating through the challenges when they come.
Stay open. Take your time. Be patient with yourself. Piece by piece open up. Doesn’t have to be all at once.
Take a step outside the walls. There’s magic in the risk.
Evan Sanders
January 27, 2022
You Can’t See The Picture When You’re In The Frame
“You can’t see the picture when you’re in the frame.” I’ll never forget the first time I heard that. It struck me because it’s so true. How can you see yourself…when you are yourself.
The blindspots will always be there. You’ll wander down paths that for one reason or another you think are good for you but then when you look back on it years down the road you’ll see where you went a bit off course. This is where you learn. Toss out all the judgement and look with eyes of wisdom.
What does all this tell me?
What can I pull from this?
How has this shaped me into something far wiser?
How do I course correct from this place?
When you look at these things deeply, you’ll see them in a whole new light. That’s the gift. Perspective. Wisdom.
Here’s something I always want you to keep in mind: the journey isn’t a straight line. It’s not even a squiggly one. That would imply there’s a start and an end. Instead, it’s a constant unfolding. Think of a lotus flower that opens layer after layer after layer after layer. Unending…for infinite amounts of time.
There’s always more to learn. Sometimes the same lessons come back around with a slight variety and you learn them all over again in a far deeper way. Sometimes, you are going to be “tested” to make sure you maintain your resolve with something you promised long ago.
And here’s where faith comes in. Being able to trust in something greater than yourself – whatever it is that you believe in – grants you unbelievable amounts of strength. You can, and you always have been able to, handle whatever is thrown your way.
Forget understanding “why?!”‘ it all is happening. Instead, dig your heels into the ground and move forward with courage. No matter how far you may have wandered off your path, you can always come back to what your heart knows to be true. That’s always available to you.
All it takes is connecting with your breath…slowing down the mind…and returning to a far deeper and wiser version that has always known which way to go.
Evan Sanders
Get Out Of Your Own Way
It’s been an interesting couple of years to say the least. There have been many many challenges across the board (too many to list) and even more changes. But I want to talk about what’s written above more than anything because I think that’s the most important part of it all.
Acceptance is a very interesting word.
As time as gone on, I’ve really understood acceptance to be many different things. Ownership. Responsibility. Alignment. Mobility. There are many other words I would use alongside it.
But most of all, I’ve viewed acceptance as a deep embracing of things as they are. I also know what acceptance isn’t. It isn’t what I thought life should be.
That gap can be very difficult to traverse sometimes. There’s an incredible amount of friction that’s created when the mind is at war with how things actually are. It fights it in all sorts of ways and pain seems to compound.
It’s even more at work when something significant happens “to you.” This “shouldn’t” have happened. This “should” have happened instead. Lots of whys and what if’s also seem to come with it.
But the fact of the matter is…it did happen. It happened exactly the way it did. It didn’t happen any other way. It happened that way. And maybe coming to that realization isn’t the easiest pill to swallow. But here’s what I can tell you after witnessing some of the bravest people I know truly own this…
What comes from this type of ownership is courage, bravery, responsibility, integrity, and eventually joy.
Watching someone take the most difficult situations of their life, removing all of the judgement, shame, and betrayal, applying a whole lot of understanding, love and compassion is one of the most special things I get to be a part of on the daily.
And honestly, being a part of that and helping facilitate it gives me more courage to continue to dig into my own story that I could ever imagine.
You can’t change what happened. But you can choose what happens next.
I hope that gives you courage.
Evan Sanders
You Were Given What You Need
Never forget that you were given exactly what you need in order to become who you are meant to be.
This one takes faith.
You can look into the outside world and find a million reasons as to why you think this is untrue. The mind can jump in and start comparing and contrasting against everything that you see.
But it’s forgotten one very very important thing – nothing you’re comparing yourself against is traveling the path you are on and meant to travel.
It’s your journey. No one else is on it but you. So knowing that, it’s time to start turning back within.
It’s time to start looking at who you really are, the light within your soul, the gifts you have been given and listening to the whispers in your heart telling you which way to go next.
When you ignore the inner work, you will be lost forever.
Wandering. Floating. Miserable with all the time you spend looking outside of yourself.
And then when you finally make that shift to go within, you find exactly what you’ve been seeking all along.
The treasures are “here.” They are not “there.”
I started that journey nearly 10 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Did I get lost at times and lose sight of what really mattered? You bet. Many times.
But every single time you find yourself feeling lost, all you have to do is to tell yourself to “come back.” Come back to who you really are. Come back to what matters to you. Come back to seeing your feet hit the ground again and understand the importance of your own path.
You are far far more than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes we just forget that.
Turn back within.
You’ll see it.
Evan Sanders
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