Evan Sanders's Blog, page 15
November 16, 2021
In Those Challenging Moments
I want to share something with you today that I’ve only shared with a few people. It’s a lucid dream I had a while back that eventually turned into one of the greatest practices I have. More than anything, it’s a way to work with your emotions.
…even the most challenging ones.
I want you to imagine a room, a building, a space…somewhere that resonates with you. Could be a spiritual or holy place. Could be somewhere you’ve been and felt deeply connected with.
See yourself there.
Open every window and door. After you do, imagine setting up two chairs in the center of the room. One is for you. One is for whatever wishes to visit.
Sit.
Breathe.
Settle in.
Remember, you’re holding space for everything and anything that needs your attention. No distractions. No judgements. Just letting things be exactly as they are.
Maybe joy walks in through one of the doors and sits down next to you for a while. Jumps on the chair. Does a dance and wanders off.
Maybe a memory comes through one of the open windows and you remember a special day long ago.
But the true healing arrives when we embrace the more difficult things work with. So when sadness walks through the door, you don’t avoid it, but rather you motion to the chair for it to sit down, hold its hand, and listen.
Don’t run from it. Seek to understand it first.
Listen to what it needs. Sure, it may be uncomfortable at first. That’s the way difficult emotions are. But the more you sit with them the deeper the insights become. You see through the pain and start to recognize the opportunities for healing.
Those darker moments get lighter and lighter as you bring love to them. The heaviness of the emotion begins to lift. The more you embrace it, the more sense it makes.
…and eventually, when it’s ready, it gets up and walks away.
Make this practice your own. Let your imagination run with it. But I think you understand the core of it. Leave yourself open to hearing the messages even if they are difficult.
There’s no greater thing I could ever teach you than learning how to tap into the deepest wisest version of yourself.
This is just one of the ways to get there.
Enjoy.
Evan Sanders
Start With What You Have
That first step can be pretty scary. Leaving what you’ve know behind and heading into something new? That takes so much courage. But it’s also hard. There’s a ton of momentum from the old ways of doing things and trying to shift that can be a challenge in of itself.
What can make or break this entire process is a sneaky idea called “perfection.”
It’ll convince you that there will be some point in the future that everything has lined up so nicely that you’ll have no problem with starting.
So you wait and wait…and wait.
But here’s what I can tell you with certainty – if you wait for the perfect moment to arrive, you’ll be waiting forever.
It’s never going to show up. Not because you don’t deserve it or anything like that. It’ll never arrive because there’s no such thing.
When is it ever going to be perfect? No problems? Nothing to face? Nothing going on in the world?
It’s just not a thing.
That’s the sneaky part about it. The mind romanticizes perfection so much that it believes its real. It’s just an endless trap that’s very difficult to escape from once you’re in its clutches.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need to wait for perfect moments.
You don’t need to put on a show.
You don’t need to be flawless.
You don’t need any of that.
What you need to be is you. Flawed. Imperfect. Human. Blessed. Chosen.
Take that with you. Take this version of yourself on that journey that you’ve been seeing in your mind. Let yourself be molded by your travels. The adventure of it all is what matters.
You’ll go where you need to go. It may not end up being where you thought you were going to end up, but often it’s so much better.
It takes courage to let go.
It takes courage to begin.
It takes courage to be yourself.
Be proud of that – that you have this in you to start something and see if all the way through to the end.
That’s really something.
Evan Sanders
Put Your Heart On The Line
That’s where it all happens. It all starts to unfold once you answer the call that’s been ringing for so long. Maybe you were scared of the journey in front of you so you delayed for as long as you could. But honestly, who hasn’t?
Who hasn’t denied themselves from moving forward because of fear? Who hasn’t limited themselves because of events that happened in the past?
Surely everyone has.
But you don’t have to stay there. You don’t have to allow the events that have unfolded in the past to control the decisions that you make right now. You can see them in a new light. You can begin to heal those old wounds.
And eventually, you can gather up the courage to try again. When you do, that’s when the magic happens. That’s when you grow. That’s when you develop. That’s when you start making movement towards the place you’re truly meant to be.
It takes embracing risk. That’s the secret sauce.
If you focus on the chance that things may not work out, you’ll never move. You’ll never change. You’ll never see what you have the capacity to see.
If you focus on your reasons why you’re doing it – your intentions – then you’ll start making those meaningful steps along your journey.
Can you ever really know what’s going to happen as you head in a new direction? No. No one really can predict the future. But that voice deep within you knows it’s good for you. It knows that there’s heart in the path and that’s all that really matters.
So take the risk. Put your heart on the line. It’s worth it.
The Greatest Lie Of All
Rumi once said, “What you seek is seeking you.” I’ve always loved that. The very thing you’re looking for is also trying to find you.
It takes courage to look deep within your heart and allow yourself to dream without rules or restrictions. You have to put aside all of the fear, doubt and worry. You have to let go of all of the things that other people have said to you in the past.
Root yourself deep within the earth and ask. Close your eyes and begin speaking to the heavens. Let the gifts that are within you heat up and images of possibility start to dance in your mind.
Being who you really are and calling forward what you truly want takes guts. Will there be fear? Of course. But the journey to bring your dreams to life is the greatest one of all.
So let them out.
Show your gifts.
Let your visions guide the way.
Step into what you know you have to do and what you’ve never done before. Sacrifices will have to be made. Commitments will have to be strengthened. But if you allow yourself to move into the world in a new way, your entire world will change.
Old stories will disintegrate.
Old fears will release.
And all of the worries of what it means to let something go will be confronted with what actually is here. Very quickly, you will come to see that what’s “here” is far more interesting than what you thought was going to be “there.”
Soak it in. It’s your time.
Evan Sanders
November 14, 2021
The Only Thing I’m Certain Of
You must reveal what’s inside. That’s what I’ve always come back to time and time again. The more vulnerable you are – sitting in truth – the deeper your connection grows with life. The more you see yourself as you actually are.
Everything else just falls away.
This has been true in my life time and time again. And hey, even though things don’t always go right and you get burned while cooking in the kitchen sometimes, you really do always come back to cook again. There’s something about being on the field willing to try something new. I guess you could call that hope.
Open yourself up…even if it’s slowly.
It’s not that you can’t keep everything locked up. Of course you could. But when you start to let yourself be seen, the world changes in front of you. More importantly, you change.
As much as others get to see you, you also get to see yourself.
Everything on the outside often acts as a mirror to what’s going on in the inside. A reflection. I know life can be tough. Things happen that really can bring you down to your knees. But you are so much more than what’s happened to you.
I really need you to understand this.
You are more…than what’s happened to you. There’s so much light. So many talents. So many dreams. So many good qualities.
It’s just that sometimes the events in life can make you feel like you’re covered in mud. You forgot who you are because you couldn’t see it past what happened. But that doesn’t mean you lost it. It just means you have to uncover what’s been hiding underneath this entire time.
I know it can be scary to show yourself as you truly are.
But my god that’s brave. To be yourself. To refuse to fit in just out of comfort. Everything that’s unique and special about you suffers in that place. Squished between the walls of what’s acceptable.
So be you. Reveal it all. Defeat your demons and conquer those mountains. Leave a blazing trail of light behind you.
Evan Sanders
November 10, 2021
A Little Bit About Me
I am an avid fisherman, a lover of all sports, aspiring to be the next American novelist, a rock climber, a social media nerd, an inventor, obsessed with personal development, a reader of all genres, a collector of baseball cards, a lover of watermelon, a developing natural bodybuilder, an expert organizer, an entrepreneur, a brand builder, a long-boarder, a slight Romantic, sometimes an insufferable insomniac, a photographer, an almost drowning surfer, an ambidextrous bowler, a killer snowboarder, an on-call rapper, an explorer, a mildly successful car rebuilder, a reincarnated Robin Hood, a certified IKEA furniture maker, an amateur long-range rifle marksman, obsessed with Pawn Stars, an iron-fisted negotiator, a creative thinker, a hard worker, a roofer, a salesman, a Lego architect, a self-proclaimed painter, a creative landscaper, a Renaissance man, and a deep philosophical thinker. I am best at inspiring others to act and have taken that passion and transformed it into a successful coaching career.
My blog is called The Better Man Project and is focused around my journey towards becoming a better man and the lessons I learn along the way. Check it out at www.thebettermanprojects.com. (Like I said, salesman.)
I have genetic entrepreneurial blood in my body and have followed my father’s footsteps in creating unique startup companies. I enjoy a good glass of wine, a long run and walks in the depths of the forest. I do not necessarily know where I am going, but I know who I am going to be when I get there.
I am a man of unconditional love, fiery passion, and possess an unexplainable form of intensity. I never ask anything of anyone that I do not ask of myself (honesty, loyalty, respect), and I strive every day to become a better person. I can grow a full beard and climb trees with ease…as long as the rope doesn’t break.
I want to make a difference in this world and have people remember me as someone who went out with all engines burning. I will never own a mini-van…ever.
I will have a baseball team full of children…and do not think that will effect my decision on the mini-van statement. I will have a white wrap-around porch. I can reel in a 200-lb halibut in 30 minutes. Spiders scare the hell out of me, and bell peppers make me gag.
I have successfully cooked Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner for 12 by myself. I can bake an assortment of pies and can make little children laugh. I have successfully rebuilt pitchers mounds, to only then wreck them by pitching off of them. People randomly tell me their deepest secrets.
I successfully speared a fly to the door by throwing a Phillips screwdriver from 10 ft. away. I am a quote junkie and will randomly recite movie lines or motivational speeches to people who care or care less about what I am currently saying.
I am a recovering pyromaniac…and have a record of close calls. I collect vinyls, and wish I had a record player. I often come up with nicknames for those close to me, and they usually resemble animals. I have a predilection for Asian cuisine.
If I had to be two movie stars, it would either be Clint Eastwood or Morgan Freeman. If they had to be under 50, Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington. I can iron my own shirts, do my own laundry, vacuum and clean floors with unparalleled precision. My music playlists demand respect. I was once nearly fluent in Japanese.
I’ve successfully discouraged packs of men from hitting on my sister in Europe…just by the sharpness of my jawline. I have sold women’s yoga clothes, have squatted 500 lbs, and have broken many stereotypes about white men not being able to jump.
I will be real with you no matter what, however I do have a tendency for sarcastic and witty remarks. I have been asked if I have bad days. I drink Guinness and whiskey, can pull off legendary dance moves after significant amounts of stretching. I have a tendency to speak foreign languages I do not know in my sleep.
I am, 100%, me.
October 7, 2021
The Power Of Vulnerability
You can spend a lifetime looking back at the past – contemplating, wishing, dreading, reliving – but the fact of the matter is those moments have passed. They are gone. What’s leftover are just the movie reels from those moments in time.
And you can play them again and again. The good. The bad. The dark. With eyes of judgement we dig ourselves even deeper into those moments and the ripple effects they have had on our lives. With understanding we can find wisdom and compassion in the same moments that have challenged you down to your core.
But you have to come back. This is all you’ve got. What’s right here. What happened doesn’t matter anymore. It has been written. For better or for worse. But now…that’s still yours…over and over again. You can come back from anything. I’ve seen it over and over again.
You are not the tragedies that have happened to you in your life. You are so much more than that.
It’s up to you to bring yourself back time and time again. To settle the mind. To listen to your spirit. To course correct as you learn to trust yourself more and more. You are your responsibility.
So write the story you’d be proud to read one day. Write a story about a hero coming back from the depths of despair. Write of teachers, guides, courage and determination. Write a story about grit. That no matter what came your way, no matter how badly you have fallen, that you persisted. You never quit. No circumstance was adequate enough to dim your light.
Don’t focus so much on letting go. Focus your intentions on coming back. Gently. With grace. “Back to this moment.” Breathe. As it has been said in so many different ways throughout time…be here now.
It’s all you’ve got.
Evan Sanders
October 6, 2021
Wisdom From Sages
“Tell me about this plant here.” I looked at my teacher confused. I had no idea what this had to do with anything or how it was going to help me fix my problems. But…I played along.
Well, there’s the roots, the stem, the leaves and the flowers. I don’t know what you’re really getting at here and I definitely don’t how this going to help me?
She looked at me with a smile on her face and said, “Good. Now, can you stand over that flower and yell at it to make it grow faster?”
Damn. I knew exactly what she was getting at. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had fallen into the trap of always trying to get “there, there, there.” You know, make it to that island where it all turns out. The one that will make you happy when you finally get there.
I looked at her and smiled. She knew I got it. I then looked at the plant, nodded, and went back to my desk with a far better sense of what I had to do. I needed to be “here.” I had to pull my mind back from always trying to get to this imaginary island that you really can’t ever get to when you see it for what it is.
It can be pretty hard to trust the process and the unfolding of things. It can be even harder to be patient enough to see something through all the way to the end. But I can promise you this…
If you allow yourself to connect with the journey you are on, embrace the moments in front of you and continue to learn about who you really are, the things that are meant for you will arrive.
I can’t tell you when. I can’t tell you how. But what I do know is that if you stay open to the possibilities of life and accept the fact that this truly is all a great mystery
you’ll go on one amazing ride.
You can’t yell at a flower to make it grow faster. You can only nurture it, love it, support it and embrace where it’s at during the natural course of things. Align yourself with where you’re truly at on your journey. Enjoy where you are. Of course there’s still room to grow. You’ll be doing that for the rest of your life. But when you can be “here” and truly connect with these moments, you’ll find the peace you’ve always been looking for.
Onward.
Evan Sanders
August 19, 2021
7 Lessons From Failure
Failing hurts. Putting your heart into something and it not working out can be brutal. But like with all things, if you take time to really sit and learn from the experience, you’re going to grow.
Losing at something can become one of your greatest teachers if you let it. You can learn things about yourself and life that you just can’t learn from winning. Of course you’re not aiming to fail. But knowing that it’s going to happen (and that it happens to everyone) is a huge part of moving forward.
While the events that took place can be difficult to deal with on their own, the real focus has to be on your interpretation of those events. The stories you tell yourself about what happened can either make things infinitely better or worse.
You’re in charge of that. Make sure you’re looking at it in way that truly serves you.
Here’s a few lessons from failure:
1. you can’t avoid it. it’s part of the process. if you’re playing on the field of life, you’re going to lose from time to time. embrace it.
2. what you do with it matters. you have a choice – judgement or compassion. choose judgement and you’ll never learn. choose compassion and you will gain wisdom.
3. it’s a teacher. let what doesn’t work help you discover what will.
4. you’re amongst great company. anyone who’s ever done anything in this world has failed. welcome to the team.
5. it can unveil your greatest qualities. compassion. courage. fearlessness. wisdom. relentlessness. determination. the list goes on.
6. you don’t have to like it. it hurts when you put your heart into something and it doesn’t work out. it’s okay to not be okay. see it for what it is.
7. it’s not the end. failure is an integral part of learning and a stepping stone to becoming who you want to be.
Remember, you’re going to fail. It’s going to sting. But that’s nothing to be ashamed of nor does it mean that the journey is over.
It’s just the beginning.
And if you never give up, you’ll get to where you want to be. Just keep at it.
Evan Sanders
Lukewarm Is No Good
Roald Dahl once said, “I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good.”
As I’ve been thinking about this, I also recognize just how important it is that we take that same intensity about life and turn it towards deeply loving ourselves.
Each of us are on a journey to discover who we truly are down to our core. There are a million distractions, diversions and pitfalls on the path that can throw us into a multitude of different situations.
Some will cast you off your course for a moment. Others will take a lifetime to come back from. But if we all follow that deep whisper within our hearts telling us which way to go, we will find our way back home.
The way back isn’t through judgement. I remember one of my teachers a few years back saying, “Life is hard enough. Don’t make it worse.” And that’s what judgement does. It makes everything that’s already challenging 100x worse.
Loving yourself isn’t just about affirmations, slogans and self care activities. It goes far deeper than that. It’s about offering yourself things like grace, compassion, kindness in the face of our greatest challenges.
It’s about recognizing the toxic language of the inner critic, acknowledging its existence, silencing it and moving forward in a way that truly serves you. It’s about stepping into the deepest wisest version of yourself and letting that voice run the show.
The love we give to others is something incredibly special. Relationships bring so much depth to our lives it’s impossible to even describe. People come into our lives and impact us in ways that go far beyond our own understanding. They are even there for us in moments where we feel like we can’t continue on.
But nothing will ever be able to replace the relationship you have with yourself. That relationship (and the one with what you believe in) is what will define your entire life. So make sure you’re writing the story in a way that you can be proud of.
And be kind, always.
Evan Sanders
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