Evan Sanders's Blog, page 19

These Mountains Will Fall

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Courage, dear heart. These mountains will fall. I want to share something personal with you today. It’s something I say quite often to people who know me and they feel stuck in life. “Play to win. Don’t play to not lose.”

Where did that even come from? I spent a lot of time in the past afraid to put it all on the line and chase after what I know I can be. Sometimes it would be 70%. Others 95%. But I would always hold something back. I would always keep something in reserve just in case it didn’t go “my way.” ⠀
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I did this because there were a few times in my life where I did go all in and everything fell apart at the seams in apocalyptic fashion. So that made me a bit shell-shocked. It made me unwilling to step fully across the line. I had these big dreams but held on dearly to past habits that would act as a “hand brake” on my potential and slow me down…just in case life had different plans for me.

But that’s no way to truly live. Tentative. Wary. Unsure. That’s no way to live at all. When you’re in the place, you’re just trying to make sure nothing goes wrong. That’s not strength that’s motivating you. It’s fear. Fear that you won’t be able to handle whatever comes along. ⠀
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Here’s the truth. With love and courage in your heart, you can take anything that arrives at your doorstep.

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As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Isn’t that the truth. All you have to do is just keep getting back up no matter what.⠀
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Play to win.

The worst that could happen is that it doesn’t work out the way you wanted it to. You’ll have the chance to try again. But when does life ever turn out the way you thought? I think that’s the point.

Nonetheless, you still learn. You still gain the experience that many could never dream of because they aren’t willing to even try. Your journey is where all the golden nuggets are.

Get out there.

Give it your all.

Keep going until it’s done.

Never quit.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Now, I Understand

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The other night I sat down on the couch to watch a movie and came across The Matrix (a movie I’ve seen probably 10 times) and know like the back of my hand.

Or so I thought…

I’ll spare you all the plot details, but something strange happened while I was watching. I heard something that I’ve never heard before.

Morpheus looks at Neo and says, “There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

I sat there…stunned…like a sack of bricks had hit me.

I had heard what I needed to hear at the perfect time.

The Universe was speaking to me.

There’s something about hearing the truth – the pure truth – and how it resonates deeply within your heart and soul. For some time now, I’ve been walking on a new path that I know is the right way to go, but there’s been some hesitation.

There’s been a lot of fear that has come up surrounding all of this and to be honest, I haven’t always been able to work my way through it successfully. I’ve succumbed plenty of times to its grips and it has stopped me dead in my tracks. It doesn’t feel good but that’s the just the truth.

Through all of this though, I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned where my weak spots were, the mind games that cause me to sabotage my progress and been given further clarification each and every time of what I truly need to do.

I know the path. I just have to walk it…and walk it with full commitment.

Joseph Campbell, one of my favorite authors and mythologists once said, “Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn’t have opened for anyone else.”⁣

In my heart I know I am meant to make a big impact on the world and help people become who they are truly meant to be. I know that’s why I’m here.

But I also know that in order for me to do that, I have to work through my own fears that have held me back for a very very long time. I’ve been driving with the parking break on and it’s been wearing me out.

My greatest victory over this past year was deeply knowing what I was supposed to do and not discarding the message. While my execution of that truth was flawed and quite human, I am still proud of the fact that I dug deeper and deeper until I found something I’ve been searching for all my life.

I mean that when I say it. I’ve been looking for a very long time.

What stands in front of me is an opportunity to get it right. I know that in order to break through my fears I have to commit myself on an extraordinary level for a period of time to give myself the amount of momentum needed to take me all the way home.

It’s a funny feeling knowing that the task in front of you will change your life forever. I know I will never be the same again. Maybe that’s where some of the fear is coming from. While there have been many points in my 30 year life that I’ve felt were path-altering, I know that they don’t even hold a candle to this.

I get to change course in a way that brings me back to the path I’ve been always meant to travel.

Everything that I’ve been through, no matter what it was, has taught me how to be a better human being in so many different ways. If it wasn’t for writing – a place where I could seek wisdom and understanding – my life would look very different.

I know I’m not who I am meant to be yet. But I am getting so much closer.

I know that I am full of light and that already shows. While I am flawed, I do my best to put hope back into people’s hearts.

And when everything that has held me back falls to the side…

We will see just how light things can be.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Eternal Patience

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I’ve come too far to quit.

I’ve come all this way and now have a chance to gain something that I may have never had.

This one scene of my life continues to play over and over again in my head…

“You mean to tell me there’s miracles?”

Of course there are.

It has been one very interesting road to get here. Thousands upon thousands of hours of learning and digging into areas of life that I never could have predicted.

The answers were a bit strange.

Not strange in the sense that they were bizarre and hard to understand. More strange in the way that they are so unbelievably potent but virtually unknown.

I didn’t get here alone. Far from it. I got here with a handful of mentors who, once again, I could have never predicted finding. My lone wolf story was blown right out of the water and now I’m learning how to be a good student again.

Which brings me to this…

The other day when I was thinking about my struggles with consistency, I came to a particularly interesting insight. It suddenly dawned on me that my difficulty stemmed not from discipline (I’ve got that when I’m locked in) but rather from trust.

After so many countless examples of having my trust broken, it’s incredibly hard to hear guidance, walk completely and utterly off the beaten path and trust that it’s all going to work out.

Time and time again I felt like my heart had been ripped out…and I don’t know if you can resonate with this feeling, but when you physically feel your chest – like it’s being pulled away from you – because you’re in so much pain, you really don’t want to feel that again.

I’ve felt that feeling so many times…and because of experiencing that, I’m trying to give myself some grace in my inherent aversion to heading into the waters of the unknown.

That doesn’t stop the calling to trust.

It’s still there, ringing away.

All I know is that it takes time to build back trust. Step by step. Brick by brick. It’s not all gained back overnight. You’re still going to have to work through all of your old baggage – a lot of which is there for good reason – and have the courage to navigate what has been avoided for so long.

But on the other side of all of this is a new way of life.

You’re really going to have to work with it.

Miracles do happen.

It just takes trust.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Only The Fearless Can Be Great

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I need you to give me everything you’ve got.

I need you to find that extra gear within yourself, to dig a little bit farther into your faith and to trust that this is the right path to travel.

I need your undivided attention.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

Faith. Faith. Faith.

This moment reminds me of three quotes that have always helped me move through times like this.

“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” – Winston Churchill

“You must be imaginative, strong-hearted. You must try things that may not work, and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul. What I say is true – anyone can cook…but only the fearless can be great.” – Chef Gusteau, Ratatouille

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

There is this resiliency in me that refuses to die. No matter what I go through and how many times I fail, there’s that drive to get back in the ring over and over again.

Truth is, I’ve gone through a thousand failures lately.

It’s not that they aren’t teaching me anything. They are. But deep down within, when I’m all alone and only have myself to answer to, I know that I can do so much better.

I know that I have to do better.

Way back when I started writing, the drive to become more came from a place of insecurity more than anything else. I was comparing myself to other people and the poisonous roots of “deficiency” planted themselves deep within my mind.

But as time has gone on and I’ve cut away all the distractions, there’s just me and my spirit left. It’s been that image of who I could be that’s been driving me ever since.

I have to be honest with you – it’s been a challenge to step up and go to bat.

There have been many times throughout this journey that I’ve been told to take a step back and come down a level.

Even though I hear this advice, and in many ways I know it’s coming from a good place, it’s hard to describe what you “see” to another person. They are only looking at you from an outside perspective. They can only see through their filter. They won’t be able to see those dreams and feel those deep pulls from within the soul to move in a specific direction.

For the longest time I ignored my intuition because I just wanted to be accepted. Then, I learned that no matter how much you change yourself to be liked by other people, they still won’t like you for some reason. I also discovered that the people who are truly meant to be in your life will love you for just being who you really are – so why not just be that?

But that relationship with the voice inside still had some work to do.

It could be echoing throughout my soul for years and I still wouldn’t listen. Sometimes you just want it to shut up. But at the end of the day, you know it’s the right thing to do. You know it’s only speaking the truth.

I haven’t given it everything I’ve got.

I’ve been scared to.

The tradeoff for that is living a life just underneath of what I’m capable of. The “tired” part of me sabotages and quits. The “awoken” side of me pushes me right back onto the field.

And then there’s that voice again…

Faith. Faith. Faith.

Trust. Trust. Trust.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

There Will Be No Dying With Leftover Dreams

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We are all capable of extraordinary things.

In many ways, I can relate deeply to those who have lost their way.

When I look back on my life, I can see so many moments of pain and suffering that really rocked me to my core. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many wonderful moments as well. I’m not disregarding that. But the truth is, in many different ways I haven’t been able to enjoy myself as much as I can now see I could have.

Why didn’t I back then?

Some things were chosen for me.

Some things that I chose myself were based upon lies.

Many of the avenues in which I tried to fix problems were false paths.

The past couple of years have been enlightening to say the least. I’ve learned so much in such a short amount of time and wouldn’t change any part of it.

But all of this learning has left me with a unique challenge.

When you start to wake up, you first see the contrast between the old way of doing things and the path you are being shown to travel. It’s incredibly encouraging to “know” what exists for you if you head in a different direction.

But when it comes down to it, the great challenge is actually going through with it all the way.

And for me, that involves letting go of a handful of things in my life that a massive part of my old story is built upon.

Truth is, that’s scary.

Even though I can see how exciting it is to get to the other side of the river, I still have to cross the deep unknown waters in front of me and have the faith that it’s all going to be okay.

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“All the way” I keep telling myself over and over again.

You can’t give it 80%…90%…or even 98%.

You have to let go all the way or else you’re still holding onto that old rope. That, in itself, is enough to keep you stuck in the same place.

Imagine this – you spend an entire lifetime walking a specific path (one that you did your best with) and then learn you need to disinvest in that path and start on another.

While that new path actually offers you what you really want, you do have a bit of “escalation of commitment” where it becomes increasingly hard to swallow the fact that you need to move everything into another life portfolio.

So that’s what I’ve been struggling with.

That’s what I’ve been working on.

Every level that you reach demands a new level of commitment. I’ve been through many so far, but this one (as all have seemed at one point in time) is really giving me a run for my money.

To reach that new level of commitment, you’re going to have to go through season after season of failure. If you see those mistakes in a productive way, you start learning more and more about how to “not do things” which takes you closer and closer to your end going.

Now, here I am, on the precipice of actually making this happen for myself. There’s fear present. No doubt about that. But there’s also courage. There’s the faith and belief that if I have enough grace to move over and get out of my own way, that this will happen.

Not many people believe in miracles.

I do though.

I believe anything is possible.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Road Ahead

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I’ve never done this before.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t see an outcome.

Is it all of the outcomes that will come to be? No. But my head and heart are in a good place.

It’s going to take consistency. It’s going to take patience. I’m going to have to listen to my wisdom in a way that I never have before. But it’s time.

Truth is, it has been time for some time.

But here we are – having arrived at my moment.

I’ve reorganized my goals so that they aren’t centered around amounts of time passed but rather milestones achieved. This will keep me focused on the task at hand and connected to the present moment instead of falling into the trap of dreading how many days or weeks are ahead.

This is something that’s tripped me up in the past.

I honestly don’t know how long it will take. I have some sort of idea but it actually may happen much faster than I believe. So I’m going to leave that open to what’s meant to be.

All I need to do is stay on plan.

For the longest time, I’ve been trying to apply a broken equation to solving one of my biggest dreams.

What’s interesting about the pieces of that equation is that I’ve had to unlearn so many different things that were deemed “just the way it is.” The truth is, so many things about what we are taught as “just the way it is” aren’t actually the way it is at all.

It’s actually a completely different way but just hidden in the depths by layers and layers of dirt.

If you head out into the world and you seek answers from within, eventually you will begin to discover bits and pieces of these truths. Part of the experience, I’ve come to find, is that these truths need some tending to because they are often covered up with the mud of the way we have been living for so long.

It reminds me of the story about the golden buddha that was covered up with mud by the townspeople so the invading forces wouldn’t steal it and melt it down. Because it was hidden so well, it was lost in the covered up mud for hundreds of years until someone started to dig into the seemingly insignificant mound of dirt. To their surprise, they found the treasure that lived underneath.

When you wash everything off and chip away at all of the judgements, fears, doubts and worries, you are just left with pure truth.

Sometimes, that truth is hard to accept in itself.

But at the end of the day, the truth is the truth and you will always come back to it.

My mission at this point in my life has been in accepting the journey that comes along with the wisdom that I gained in all of my searching.

While there is no end of the path – as complexity will always dictate – there is a point where you just arrive at that piece of wisdom you need.

You can continue to look for supporting information, dive farther and farther in, come up with hundreds of scenarios or ways it could all play out…but at the end of the day, you just have to apply it and go for the ride.

It doesn’t matter what’s happened in the past.

The end result is going to be what’s it’s going to be.

There’s only this moment – focusing on what I need to do – and then the next moment after that.

Brick by brick.

Present.

Connected.

Aligned.

In tune.

Then at the end of this all, I will stand and see the beautiful building I’ve built.

Journey on.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Deeper Levels Of Commitment

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The space between who you are and who you want to be is one of the most difficult transitions of all.

You’re asking yourself to become something greater, to break out of the shell you’re currently in and that will test you down to your core.

It’s no easy feat to elevate to the next level.

It can be…

Infuriating.

Challenging.

Maddening.

Yet no matter how many times you fail at reaching it, it continues to call you over and over again. It shines a light on your half-efforts and demands proper admission – your best.

Nothing short of that will do.

To be completely honest, I’ve given this a lot less than my best.

I allowed for excuses and procrastination to set in and time and time again come up short. When I look in the mirror, I know there’s no one to blame but myself.

Half-assed efforts lead to half-assed results.

Somewhere, there is a bone in my body that loves to learn but gets scared and gives 70-80% of what’s required to make my goals and dreams happen. It’s like I lock up and worry about what will happen if everything goes wrong.

It’s not like I don’t have prior experience in “everything going wrong” as there have been a few significant moments in my life where things tragically fell to pieces.

But the deeper wiser version of me knows better. It knows that I cannot allow for those old events to determine future outcomes.

In many ways, I have.

I’m not afraid to admit that. I know that the only way to work to that next level is to take ownership of what landed me here.

I have to give more than this.

I’ve got to get back in flow.

I have to recommit to the things that I know are good for me.

I have to do what I’ve been shown and taught.

One of the biggest things that has been getting in my way is believing that I have to grind incredibly hard to get what I want. It’s actually the opposite. I have to end my war, put down the sword and shield and go with things and not against them.

Flow, not force.

It’s a change in mentality that’s been difficult to take on in a few areas of my life.

I can do this. I know I can. Like with all things in the past, it takes me many many tries to finally get right.

But isn’t that what this entire journey is about?

Becoming the best version of ourselves as time goes on?

I’m still committed to that.

So I’m going to dig in – deeper than I have before.

Into my roots I go.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

These Winding Paths Through The Stars

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Sometimes, you look back and wonder where time has gone.

Yet, in following moments you see exactly where it went.

One of my greatest challenges is fully accepting a truth that’s so glaringly simple and powerful beyond measure that it completely disintegrates an entire decade of searching for answers to problems that caused me so much pain.

That’s a lot to chew on.

I’m reminded of the book “Holes” by Louis Sachar where a group of young men were digging out in the desert seeking treasure. They dug and dug and dug and time and time again came up with nothing.

In many ways, I can relate.

Often I’ve felt like I’ve been diggin in all of the wrong places. While I’ve found some cool artifacts along the way, I never really stayed where I wanted to be.

But at the same time, there’s something to be said about at least putting the shovel in the ground somewhere to get anywhere.

I didn’t come into any of this journey with a plan.

There was no map or general idea of where I was supposed to begin.

There was only my gut – which I often mistrusted – but came back to in the end despite getting remarkably lost.

There were so many moments that I thought I had something and then I just found more sand. I sought and sought for secrets and complexities and at the end of the day found out that the solution couldn’t have been more easy to understand.

It was me.

It has always been me.

I was looking outward and as soon as I turned within, I discovered that all of the problems and solutions existed with who was staring right back at me in the mirror.

“I created this.”

Now, I’m responsible for turning this all around.

And then came the next lesson…

Responsibility is an interesting thing.

As soon as you take 100% of it, there’s this little voice inside wishing that you didn’t have to. It wishes that you could have an excuse for a scapegoat. But as soon as you point fingers, you’re stuck in a trap.

We are, in many ways, products of the decisions we have made throughout our entire lives. But in no way is that a permanent reality.

In time, many things can change.

Just as you have arrived here through those decisions you can change your destination entirely by making completely new ones.

But what really started to make me wonder was when I was taught that you could turn back the clock on a lot of the effects and ripple effects many of those decisions have created.

So here I am sitting with the simplicity of it all.

It can’t really be that simple.

There has to be something else.

But the truth is, there isn’t something else.

The truth is, for those who dive down the rabbit holes of the mind the farther and farther away from the truth they find themselves.

The answer is in plain sight.

It’s not complicated.

It’s not difficult.

It’s the easiest thing you’ll ever do and that’s what will make it challenging.

That’s the twist.

And when you get that, you’ll know.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

What Exists Just Beyond That Door

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It’s been a long time since I’ve been here.

Nearly half a year.

But in that time, so much has happened. I’ve changed in so many ways. But most importantly…

I finally broke through. I finally saw what was around the bend.

Let me take you back a bit.

When I first heard that call to head to the mountains and spend time alone, I wasn’t sure what I was going to find. It turned out that the entire experience served as a mirror to who I really was.

No illusions…just a perfect mirror image serving up an unflinchingly realistic view.

I saw who I had been, who I was and glimpses of who I could really be.

And then, the cycle started.

See the hard part about seeing your potential is that you can never unsee it. It’s there constantly right in front of you and it serves as an unforgettable and often maddening reminder of what’s ahead.

So when I saw those things, I scratched and clawed my way forward to try to become them. I was challenged at every turn, thrown back into the pit every single time I fell out of alignment with my integrity and then rose up to learn and practice more and more.

I committed. Failed. Recommitted again.

Hundreds of times.

Over and over again.

And every single time I tried and failed, eventually I got back up and tried my best to answer the challenges that were ahead.

But none of this was easy and it took me countless amount of tries to finally get it right once. Right after that, I learned my next lesson.

Persistence gets you there. Consistency keeps you there.

I have admittedly not been the most consistent person when applying new knowledge and practices in my life. There’s often this gap period where who I was gets in the way of who I wish to become.

In many ways, I believe that’s the process of development and change. There’s always going to be a gap between where you are and where you want to be.

But where I can really grow is in the process of traversing the river itself.

During this time up in the mountains, I discovered that I had this story that played itself over and over in my mind that went something like this…

“Tomorrow is Day 1. Better engage in (insert habit here) one more time.”

Then, “tomorrow” would come and the following story would arrive…

“Well, maybe tomorrow instead. Not today. Today, one last time.”

This happened more times than I could remember.

When I look back on this, I see exactly what was in my way.

My relationship with sacrifice and discomfort.

What I was asking myself was not by any stretch of the imagination easy to do. This wasn’t like I was trying to do a simple task. I was asking myself to compete directly with my potential and to go through hell and high water.

What made it even more challenging is that I experienced glimpses of living up at “that level” for a while and because of where I was in my own personal development and a lack of proper information, the experience was far harder than it should have been.

Another learning point.

It’s not just enough to want to set sail towards your goal. You have to have a good ship, the proper information, equipment and people surrounding you who know what the hell they are doing.

When you have those things, you can really make some pretty incredible things happen.

No matter how hard it was, I stuck with it. I kept going. I stayed true to the cause and I did eventually break through. It wasn’t pretty, but I did. For that, I’m incredibly proud.

But sitting here now looking back on it all, I can see where my blindspots were and how I can grow moving forward.

Trusting in the process and perfecting your craft is often born through failure after failure. Getting it right the first time doesn’t teach you anything. But here’s what really teaches you something…

Staying with it no matter what.

Pounding on the doors of your dreams time and time again despite being rejected entry (even by your own doing).

Resilience.

Persistence.

Possibility.

In many ways, my life has changed dramatically over the past two years. But right now, sitting here writing again, I see something completely different for what’s just around the bend in the future.

I see something I’ve been wishing for my entire life.

I see that it’s real. I’ve claimed it for myself. I’ve spoken it into existence. I know exactly what I have to do to make it happen. I have the guides and the tools with me. Now I just have to put the final piece into play.

Consistency.

I’m willing, ready and able to pay the price.

Because I see what exists just beyond that door.

I can almost feel it.

Here we go.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Budding Spirit

Over time and somewhere along the way…

I lost perspective of something very very important.

The steps I’ve taken.

Ever since I was little, I’ve been incredibly hard on myself. Not in the way of bringing myself down (although that happened at times) but more of a frustration knowing that I could act better than I was.

As time went on and life added up its rounds against me, that frustration grew. The anger of things not going my way compounded and I felt demoralized that this was all that life had to offer.

I’m not sure exactly when it was but at some point I started hearing a voice that was telling me that there was more to understand, unlock and explore than I had perceived.

There were secrets.

There were answers.

All I had to do was go out and search for them.

I was called to break down my fear of being alone.

I was called to change the ways I was living.

And when I did, those answers and doors started to open. The process of understanding that what you see and perceive might be skewed in many different ways came to light.

What’s difficult and what I never understood at the beginning of my journey was that the truths you discover might require you to head in the exact opposite direction of where everyone else is going.

That’s hard to swallow at times.

However, as the years go by I’m finding peace in being able to survive harmoniously in this world — living according to these truths I’ve come to understand — without having to go to war with the way “things should be.”

Fluidity and flexibility.

Not everything is going to be perfect and it rarely ever is. Therefore, I shouldn’t have that expectation of myself either.

I have been doing my best to find the balance between stepping into the lessons I’ve been taught and being able to be flexible with them in the name of friendship, community and enjoying my time here.

This hasn’t been the easiest thing in the world because that mind of mind still seeks out perfection and is in the process of settling down.

I’m still learning.

It’s really easy to forget all of the steps you’ve taken to arrive at the very moment you are in.

For me, its been a journey of almost 8 years and to be honest, I’ve forgotten at times all that I’ve been through and all it has taken to get here.

There have been very difficult times, very good ones and everything in between.

Lately, my intuition tells me that whatever is in front of me are going to be wonderful years. It also tells me that in order to have those be everything they can be, I must continue to grow, learn and make the changes I’m being asked to make.

So in honor of that I’m moving forward with flexibility, strategy, a whole lot of love and excitement for what is to come.

That’s all I can be.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

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