Evan Sanders's Blog, page 17
August 3, 2020
Courage, Dear Heart
A long time ago, I read a line by T.S. Eliot that sparked something deep within. He said, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.” I immediately knew that whatever I had imagined didn’t even come close to how incredible things could be.
For well over a year now, I’ve had this lingering pull within my intuition that I had to take a journey that would lead me on such a path. I’ve delayed and delayed again, but no matter how long I put it off it always came back to me relentlessly demanding my attention and commitment.
I think in many ways that’s how you know your intuition is speaking. You can deny The Call as much as you’d like – pretend that the phone isn’t ringing – but no matter how much you pretend you always know it’s there. You always have known what you had to do.
I was just finding the courage to do it. The chapter of my life in front of me brings together so many different lessons it’s hard to explain. In the end, the only way I’m going to be able to help you begin to understand what I’m talking about is to show you. Then, when it’s done, I’ll be able to tell you what happened in full.
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What would you do to feel truly alive inside?
What would you do to live in a way that you’ve never had the chance to experience yet, but you know is there?
What would you sacrifice to finally make it yours?
These questions have been echoing within me for a long time and with some patience I’ve come to my answer. I will let go of everything required in order to fulfill the calling.
Eliot’s quote was right on the mark in so many ways. No one truly knows how far they can go until they go. And while I’ve gone out into the unknown forest time and time again, I’ve never gone as far as I’m being asked to go.
I’ll leave you with this. Somewhere along my path someone told me, “You must because you can.” While it might be a very simple piece of advice, it’s also incredibly profound. You must do it…because you’re capable of it. And if that thing resonates within your soul, you have to show the world what’s possible.
So go show them.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
August 2, 2020
It’s A Brave Thing
I hope you find the courage to take off the mask and live as you truly are. Let go of the fears, doubts, worries and judgements from the outside world and what they make think. This is about you and your journey of truth, love, compassion and wisdom.
My teacher told me something a few years ago that I haven’t forgotten and remind people in my life of from time to time when they really need it. In fact, it has been one of the most profound lessons I’ve ever learned and I will pass it along to you today.
She said, “You must remember the hierarchy. First, their is The Higher. What you believe in. It is the most important part of the hierarchy. Then, there is The Higher and your relationship with it. Then, it’s The Higher, you, and then everyone else.”
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“The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is between you and what you believe in. At the end of the day, you have to make sure that’s solid. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone else. It just means that you come to your decisions about life in a conversation between you and above.”
The outside world shifts and changes at will. If you let it dictate your self worth and how much you love who you are, you will be in for one very bumpy ride. One day people like this thing, the next day they hate it and move onto the other thing.
Don’t allow the health of your soul to be subjected to opinions, judgements and criticisms that are literally worth nothing.
You are here to learn who you truly are. Create a safe space of vulnerability with you and yourself as you’re learning. Remove all judgement. Silence the critic within. And when you have questions, do not seek outside of yourself. Turn within and seek the relationship you have with what you believe in. It will never abandon you. It will always guide you upon the path you are meant to travel.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
July 21, 2020
And When You Come Across A Path
When you turn within, you will hear a gentle whisper directing you towards the path that will help you become all you are meant to be.
There, lives ancient wisdom. Older and wiser than you could possibly imagine. All caring. All loving. All knowing. And your greatest task is to trust that voice that comes from within and to follow all the way through to the end.
Quiet your mind and listen to what you know. You’ll know you’re “there” when you can feel it in your bones but find it difficult to put to words. That’s because your answer is not it a thought. It’s something far deeper than that. It’s a “knowing.”
While there are endless choices, paths and options in front of you, don’t be afraid of the one that has the most heart in it.
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It may be the toughest choice. It might be the one that you know deep down will challenge you to your core. You might deny the calling time and time again because you are scared of what it’s asking of you.
But in the end, no matter how far you may wander, you will always come back to what you already know. The path. The call. The adventure.
Every step you take is part of the journey. There’s no steps backwards. You don’t start all over again. The path unfolds right before your eyes with each step you choose to take.
Take those steps with love. Keep your heart open. Always rise to the higher version of yourself even though it may be the hardest thing at times to do. Let go of what’s happened in the past because it’s already long gone. Free yourself from always looking away…and just be here.
It’s all you have. It’s all you ever had. Step by step. Breathe by breathe. Here. Here. Here.
Home
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
May 5, 2020
Good Enough To Win
Today, a huge story for me shifted. One that when I really sit back and think about it, it’s going to change many different things.
I was talking with my dad on the phone about how I was having difficulty with stepping back from this mindset that was demanding everything be as close to perfection as possible.
In having worked with this in the past, I know that ultimately perfectionism is the enemy of done and I’ve done a pretty decent job in making progress on what I wanted to dig into.
But with new things I was trying to accomplish, there was this mindset that kept on coming back in that would constantly throw me off course or stall my movement forward.
He then told me this story about an old business partner of his and the punchline landed upon me in ways that are hard to describe…
“Is it good enough to win?”
Wow.
Honestly, all this time and through all these years I’ve been upholding some sort of standard with myself that doesn’t even focus on what I really want in the end.
It’s not about being perfect.
It’s not about being flawless in your execution of the task.
It’s about putting in the time, work, and energy necessary to win – whatever that ultimately looks like.
And this brings me right back to so many different moments in my life competing in sports where things either were messy or didn’t start off right, but no matter how the cards were stacked against me I still found a way to win.
Immediately I could feel the gears turning inside.
First, it made me question really what standard I had set for myself in the first place. I couldn’t really even identify it. I knew it was something but it was hard to name.
And then, it really started making me think of what does it mean for me to win in this season of life?
What it would look like?
What it would feel like?
Who would I have to be?
You never know when the perspective is going to come. You can never really be sure of when something is going to click. But I think that if you continue to seek the answers and work with others on it, they arrive in the most unexpected of ways.
I keep saying it over and over to myself.
Is it good enough to win?
Of course, you’re the only one that can define that. When you’re competing in something, there are markers that define at the end of the game whether you won or lost.
But when it’s just you answering to your soul, you really have to dig in and start to answer that for yourself.
It’s not about beating someone else.
It’s not about proving something to the outside world.
At it’s core, it’s about you making you proud.
That’s what really matters. That’s what you have to answer to in the long run. Because at the end of the day, it’s going to be you sitting there reflecting upon how you lived your life.
Did you spend every moment trying to be perfect and as a result never getting anything done?
Or did you do what was necessary to take things to the next level, live in the best way you possibly could and make as much of an impact as possible.
That’s what I’m going for.
Impact.
Here we go.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
April 29, 2020
Forward, I Go, Without Fear
There’s no turning back now.
In this moment, as my feet hit the ground and I take my first steps towards manifesting a dream that has existed for most of my life, I’m reminded of that old Morpheus quote from The Matrix.
“There’s a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path.”
For a couple of years, I’ve known the path. I’ve studied, learned, practiced and even from time to time really started to run on it.
But I always returned back.
Coming back to this place over and over again was never where I was meant to stay. I arrived here because of a series of circumstances playing themselves out in a way where I eventually became trapped in a cycle (self-perpetuated at times) of fear and guilt.
As much as the voice within told me to “let go” I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to. There were too many things throughout the years that rooted themselves in deeply and I just didn’t have the ability to at the time.
But one by one, I’ve yanked out those ancient weeds and filled that space with something much more healthy.
And that has led me here.
Finally walking the path.
Life isn’t linear in the way we think it is. We believe that because we count our age by some numerical quantity that we are moving on a straight line.
But if I’ve learned anything, this is far from how it actually works. We grow, expand, and contract in ways we don’t often recognize. We start walking on paths, move in different directions, and come back to them if we are meant to.
Then, there’s the realization that every single part of you – mind, body and soul – is connected. When you begin to really take care of yourself in one area, the others are impacted positively as well. And, vice versa.
I think the important thing about knowing this is that while some things may have changed and you can recall moments from the past, you still – in this moment right now – have the ability to honor the calling of who you are meant to be.
The gift that I’ve received is being able to finally hear what that actually is.
All of the pain, suffering, confusion and dread that has taken place can be healed no matter how far back it goes.
And, my task is to trust in something relatively new. To do it every day. To believe in it. To believe The Messenger. To know that it’s possible. To allow myself to let go of many things, not by sheer will, but by surrendering to a greater design.
It is not about putting in massive amounts of effort or by muscling through it all.
It’s about deeply honoring a series of choices that will inevitably lead me to where I need to be.
Forward, I go, without fear.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
April 22, 2020
Your Finest Hour
“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” – Winston Churchill
Life in its endless twists and turns brought me to this place – one that is uniquely fitted to my talents – with an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and to right so many wrongs that still call within my soul.
I didn’t ask for a lot of what happened in my life.
I didn’t manifest it. I didn’t claim it. No one ever would.
As the years have gone on, I’ve started to understand the value that those moments bring. They’ve taught me compassion, understanding, wisdom, trust and so many other things.
The price was heavy though.
And no matter how I change my view, I still know deep down within that there has to be a way to change the narrative on a foundational level.
I’m of the mind that no matter what has taken place in your life, you have the capacity to radically shift and to completely align with your greatest purpose.
I can honestly tell you that I’m only really starting to understand why I’m here and what I’m supposed to be doing. The question marks have existed for a very long time and for a while I found myself lost in it all.
But what exists in front of me is like a giant reset button.
It’s a chance to finally rip down the old structures and start building once again on solid ground. Truth is, this all has been a bit anxiety inducing and caused fear to rear its ugly head.
I know what I have to do, and yet I’ve had to work through a lot of the jitters that have come up ahead of me finally taking the steps that I need to.
It’s kind of like when you go cliff jumping. You know you’re going to jump, but no matter what you do, there’s always those moments of hesitation before you finally make the leap.
Or maybe it’s like that scene in Indiana Jones where he has to cross over the “invisible bridge” purely based on faith that something would be there to support him.
Maybe that’s a more accurate way of looking at it.
I am, without a doubt, standing at the banks of my greatest challenge and yet most incredible opportunity I’ve ever had.
It’s safe to say that everything – from the inception of my writing all the way up to this point – has led me here. That scared me for a while. While it’s very exciting, it’s also a bit intimidating.
I guess I needed time to really check in with myself get ready to really make a good go at this.
Because deep down in my heart, I know this changes everything. It’s a massive hinge point in my life where things shift drastically.
When I look back upon this single moment years from now, the same sentiment will reign true.
This was your finest hour.
Go out and own it.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
April 15, 2020
As I Forge Through This Great Valley
The decision to face your deepest of fears is amongst the most courageous decisions you can possibly make and yet present the most challenging of circumstances.
On one hand, the monumental will it takes to finally turn and face the darkness is to be celebrated in of itself.
But the journey doesn’t end there. That’s only where it begins.
What comes after that moment is where each of us are truly defined in our ability to light a once opaque path – holding onto our faith as much as possible – and move through whatever comes our way.
The bog of failures and missteps will be endless.
Fear, doubt and worry will rush in at any possible chance.
The temptations will try to tear you off course.
And yet, if you stay true to your cause, you will have your victory.
I believe that the journey begins once you decide in your heart that you’re actually going to do it. From that point on, you are on the path. You may spend days, months, or even years trying to make any sort of noticeable progress. You may feel like you haven’t achieved anything much at all. But the truth is, you’re still on the path.
You made the hardest decision of them all and that counts for something. That counts for a lot. Don’t ever forget that.
As I get ready to forge through the valley of my fears, I acknowledge that it took a lot for me to even get to this place.
As has been true historically, right before I have my biggest breakthrough all of my inner demons come out to work against me. This has definitely been the case once again.
I see them. They thwarted my plans and won endless battles. But they didn’t win this war.
If you can find it within you to recognize that the only way to lose is to quit completely, then somewhere along the line you will find the courage to begin again.
As much as it might not feel like it at times, even the long pauses between efforts still count.
While you may not like how long it took you to regroup and build up the courage to make another attempt, it’s still a worthwhile piece of the journey. There’s a lot of wisdom that lives there. In fact, there’s a lot of wisdom in the whole thing no matter the current circumstances.
I don’t know exactly when it was, but somewhere along the way recently I found that willingness inside of me again to pay off some of these outstanding debts to my soul.
I’ve lost a lot.
I’ve fallen even harder.
Nothing about any of this feels foreign.
But I’ve never failure stand and have the last laugh. I always come back to try again and to refuse to let something end on a bad note.
I have to make this right with myself.
Whatever it takes.
Redemption at its finest.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
April 14, 2020
A Beautiful Game
Every once in a great while we are given a unique opportunity to rise to the best versions of ourselves and embark upon a path of discovering who we really are.
If we find the courage within ourselves to step forward and answer the call, we begin a process of such infinite change that predicting exactly where we will end up becomes impossible. All we know is that who we will become is closer to our true nature.
These paths that exist in front of us come at a great cost. Sacrifices will need to be made. And usually, those sacrifices come at the cost of letting go of old ways of showing up in the world.
In order to cross through the threshold of your new journey, you have to fully let go of the previous one you have taken to get to this point.
The truth is new beginnings only arrive after embraced endings.
And that’s the hard part isn’t it?
Embracing the ending of something.
As I have been looking at my life, there has been this column of items labeled “unfinished business” being written within my soul.
Promises that I have made. Dreams that I’ve had. Wrongs that I would like to right. Old karma to clean up.
And as the days have gone by, that list has become clearer and clearer.
I also discovered that all of these things were not meant to be tackled one by one. They weren’t a function of random individual events happening. No, they were a function of how I was showing up in the world for such a long time – conscious or unconscious – and they all had to be dealt at once by going down fix the roots.
I’m reminded of that old zen buddhist slogan that goes, “Correct all wrongs with one single intention.”
That’s where I’ve landed.
Naturally, once I came to understand how I arrived where I am, the teachers showed up and the journey forward presented itself.
This is where The Long Pause began.
For some time now, I’ve put off what I knew I had to do. The truth is, I didn’t want to let go of what I had before. When it has taken you so many years to build yourself up to a place that you finally feel comfortable with, it can be an incredibly uncomfortable feeling having to acknowledge that you now have to let go of a lot of it for something far better.
Even though you know internally that what’s on the other side is what truly aligns with your heart and soul, there can still be a lot of fear that holds you back from making the steps necessary to move forward.
So I’ve been in this holding pattern.
And how do I know that this is the right path?
For as long as I have paused, nothing has changed at all. If anything, what needs to be done has become more and more clear. That’s how I know. I can feel it in my bones.
And I’m ready to let go so what’s truly meant for me can show up.
I’m ready to make the sacrifices through and through. Whatever it takes.
I know over this past couple of years I haven’t been able to say that, but after years of living in the same story, I feel like I’m finally ready to start writing a different chapter.
On a deeper level, I completely understand that I’m not only the pen, but the paper, the hand and the ink. That’s far more power than I ever thought I had so many years ago.
The only issue was what I thought, what I said, and what I did weren’t in complete alignment. When that happens, there can be some integrity lapses that cause things to stall out no matter how much energy you put into them.
I guess I’ll finish with this…
It’s been my belief for as long as I can remember that no matter the script that has been written in the past, you have the capacity to make unbelievable changes in your life and head in a totally new direction if you really want to.
It’s going to take courage. It’s going to take some sacrifices. You’re going to have to work against the momentum for a while of the past ways of life.
But you can do it.
You can make the change.
You can become who you’re meant to be.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 9, 2020
As I Am Tapped On The Shoulder
“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.” – Winston Churchill
Last night, I had the strangest of dreams.
I was walking in a neighborhood with houses on both sides, snow was pouring down and everything was completely whited out.
Then, out of nowhere, a massive snake that must have been twenty feet long and foot thick started chasing me.
I ran.
It was destroying everything behind me. Getting closer and closer ready to devour me.
And then, for some reason, I stopped and turned towards it…and it just froze. There was this voice that yelled out “Be gone with it!” Suddenly, it disappeared. There was peace. Then, I woke up.
As you could imagine, I woke up with my heart beating a bit faster than usual. I couldn’t help but look up what this all meant. That’s when I found this.
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I sat there for a moment struck by everything that had just happened. This massive overwhelming thing that I was sure going to consume me simply disappeared once I faced it.
Talk about a relevant message for what’s going on in my life right now.
And when I read those lines, “Snakes must literally shed or die. As painful as letting go of what restricts us can sometimes be, it’s what allows us to survive, grow and thrive.
Everything else today has echoed this message. From things that I am seeing all around me to what happened to pop up on my YouTube while I was walking at the gym.
I’m not suprised.
There’s been this ongoing conversation for quite sometime now about shedding what doesn’t serve me anymore. In many ways I have done that. There have been lots of small wins along the path. But, there’s still one massive serpent that I have to take on.
In order for me to thrive and grow, I have to move through this phase. I must face my greatest of challenges and dissolve them day by day. It’s going to take time and a hell of a lot of patience. But I’m up for the task.
While I have failed endlessly in the past, it’s those failures that have driven me to the point where I can finally achieve what I set out to do so long ago.
My story, when I tell it in full one day, will be marked by perseverance and the willingness to take it to the next level. I’m not the most talented. I’m not the smartest in the room. But you can never take the grit out of me.
That’s what I’ve got going.
That’s how I know I’m right for this job.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
March 6, 2020
The Only Way Out Is Through
Through the greatest of sacrifices we open the gates of possibility – witness a version of ourselves greater than we are now – and begin to embody the true essence of our spirit.
We become who we are meant to be.
And for the first time in our lives, the images of who we thought we were begin to shatter and disappear back into the ether.
For thousands of days, I have sat down at my desk to transcribe the whispers of my soul.
When I found the courage, I would write about the great tragedies and victories of my life, express my dreams and try my best to come to an understanding of how lost I felt at times.
What came out was pure, honest and as authentic as I could possibly be. Even though my fears arrive and try to stop the ink from flowing, there’s always something within encouraging me to go on and move forward.
All these years later, I’ve landed here.
And where is that?
Climbing a mountain that seems to be made of brittle shale that constantly shifts underneath my feet. It is one of the most encouraging and yet unbelievably frustrating times of my life.
Constantly failing. Relentlessly recommitting. Getting so close to stepping through the gates my visions continue to show me and then falling all the way back down the mountain.
I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you how challenging this process has been. And yet, every single time I fall, the flames within my gut begin to burn with greater intensity.
There’s a fury within.
One that’s fueled by being able to see what’s just on the other side of my flawed humanity.
And all that said, here’s what I know so far…
You have to find that resilience within your soul to harness your will and demand a way up the mountain. You have to believe that you belong there. You have to know it within your bones. But most importantly, you have to commit to the process – no matter how long it takes – because this is your mountain to climb and living a life of regret is simply not an option.
Let the passionate fires rage within. Let them guide you back upon your feet 100…1,000…10,000….times if this journey demands it from you.
Every time you are sharpening your resolve, finding new ways of making it through to what’s eluded you for so long, and building character in ways you couldn’t by taking the easier route.
It’s as Robert Frost said, “The only way out is through.”
I will figure this out.
Whatever it takes.
However long it takes.
Because at the end of the day, it’s worth it. This is what I’m here for. This is my journey – my mountain to climb – and exactly what I’m supposed to be doing with my life right now.
When I finally make my way up the hillside – bumps, scrapes, cuts and all – and lookout upon the heavens I will know exactly how much it took to get there.
I’ll know what it means to me.
I’ll know who I had to become.
And in that moment, I’ll smile, and be ready to climb whatever comes next.
Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project
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