Evan Sanders's Blog, page 16

My Ultimate Goal Setting Guide

We are all capable of extraordinary things.

We all come into this world with talents, skills and dreams and part of our journey is about discovering how to create what we have envisioned. As we grow up, we are definitely challenged by life and sometimes we lose faith in ourselves due to failures, tragedies and everything else life throws at us.

But that doesn’t have to be the end of the story.

I’m here to help you turn that all around and give you some amazing no-nonsense strategies and tactics that will help you finally achieve your goals. It’s not going to be complicated – in fact, we want our goals to be anything but complicated. But this guide will be rooted in battle-tested techniques that will get you from where you are to where you want to be.

Remember this following statement.

It’s not usually the goal that was bad. It’s usually the strategy that sucked.

When we try to achieve our goals and fall short (or don’t even start at all) it’s because the strategy that we have implemented (if there was one in the first place) isn’t supportive enough to give us a chance to succeed.

Fundamentally, that’s what we are working on here. There will be many different elements to this guide, but the strategies we put into place is going to be huge.

So that all being said, let’s get started.

Step 1 – Dream A Wonderful Dream

“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” – Joseph Campbell

The fundamental question we really want to ask ourselves when we are coming up with our goals is “What would bliss be like?” That question will guide you better than any other question you could ask yourself when you’re trying to discover what really matters to you. What would mean so much to you and would make you so proud that you would essentially feel blissful in accomplishing it?

So here’s what I want you to do during the first step. I want you to sit in a quiet room, close your eyes, and just breath for a couple of minutes. Don’t think about anything. Just wait until your mind has calmed down and you are feeling completely relaxed.

Then, I want you to ask yourself that question “What would bliss be like?” Give yourself the chance to dream.

Some of you may be dreaming again for the first time in years. Don’t worry about how you’re going to make this all work. This is not the place for that yet. We will dig into that later. This is purely time dedicated to the dreamer and seeing all possibilities in front of you and should be a 100% positive moment. Dream away. Take as long as you need. Enjoy what arrives.

Step 2 – Get It All Down On Paper

Okay, so you’ve been dreaming away for as much time as you needed and should be feeling pretty good about what came up for you. Now, get the important stuff down on paper! These goals and dreams resonated with you on a deeper level and now we have to capture them.

My favorite method of doing this is just getting a lined notepad and writing down a big list of everything I had just come up with. If you’re worried about forgetting things during Step 1, you can bring your notepad with you during your dreaming stage.

It doesn’t matter the order of any of it. Just get it all down. You’re not going to try to tackle everything once (heaven forbid) but you do want to have a recording of all of these individual goals that you want to tackle in the future. They will come in handy. If you have tons, great! If you only have one or a few, that’s also great. The number doesn’t matter. The significance of what you wrote matters.

Step 3 – The One Big Domino

The one big trap I see people fall into all the time is they have so many things they are going after at once that they can’t get anything done.

I like to use an analogy I call “Digging A Hole To China.” If, you are going to dig a hole to China, you probably want to dig in the same spot. It’s such a monumental task that if you dug 5 holes to China at the same time, you’d exhaust yourself, never get anywhere, and if something went wrong you’d never be able to handle it. See why going after a bunch of big goals all at the same time is exactly the wrong thing to do? You only have so much time and energy. You want to make sure you’re giving your goal as much as you can.

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.” – Lewis Carroll

Take a look at your awesome list and spend a moment identifying the top 3-5 goals you have that really stand out to you. Sure there are a bunch of things we usually have dreamed up, but what really stands out? Then, out of those 3-5, I want you to identify that one BIG goal that is so much more valuable to you than anything else. If it feels like bliss to you when you think about yourself accomplishing it, that’s usually the one.

That, is going to be your 1 Big Domino – the one goal that if you push it down, it has a positive ripple effect upon the rest of your life (possibly even knocking down other goals by proximity) and will make you feel incredible. That’s the one I want you going for first. We will come back to the other goals on your sheet when you knock this one out of the park. But for now, I want 100% of your energy and effort going to the task at hand.

Step 4 – Get SMART

Since you now have your 1 Big Domino, I want you get a bit more specific with what make up the individual elements of this goal. It’s important to do this step because remember, if you don’t know exactly where you’re going, it’s pretty easy to get lost.

So, use the S.M.A.R.T. system (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time Based) to really flesh out the details of your big goal. This will help you stay on track and know exactly what you’re aiming for.

On a piece of paper, write out the individual pieces of this acronym. Here are some things to think about for each one.

Specific Who. What. Where. Where. Why. How. Answer them all. Get as specific as you can with your goal. The more specific the better. If your goal is vague and ambiguous, you’ll never know if your close or have even arrived in the first place! But if your goal is exact and specific, you’ll know precisely when you cross the finish line.

Measurable Ask yourself, “How will I know when I have accomplished this goal?” What’s the measure of my success with this? You really want to be able to quantify it as much as possible. Is it in lbs? Hours? $$$. Get really specific with what the number is. You want something as exact as you can make it.

Achievable When you’re setting goals, make sure it’s something achievable. Chances are you’re not going to grow fins and turn into a mermaid. Make these goals achievable and as you go on, you can set bigger and bigger goals!

Relevant We’ve already covered this one together when I had you sit in that dream state for quite some time and really figure out what was the most important goal to you. But it doesn’t hurt to double check your work. Make sure this goal means something important to you.

Time Based Set a deadline! Without a deadline, you’re just wishing. Don’t know what date to set? Just set one that seems reasonable and make that the day you are going to have accomplished your goal! Without a start and an end date, it’s really easy to fall into “tomorrow syndrome.”

Step 5 – Break It Down Into Habits & Systems

Alright! So you’ve selected your one big goal and made it very clear by specifying the elements of what that goal is and what it specifically looks like to achieve it. Now, we have to do one of the most important parts of the goal setting process.

Remember way above when I said, “It’s not usually the goal that was bad. It’s usually the strategy that sucked.” This is how we make sure we are implementing proper tactics and strategies that will help keep us on the right track and continue our progress.

Your objective here is not to create a complicated system of a million things you need to do every single day so you can be successful. There’s close to zero chance you’ll be able to follow through if you do that. Your objective is to create a plan that is so plain and simple and yet incredibly impactful that you can’t help but achieving what you want to achieve.

When developing a strategy, you’re looking for one to three different things to do each day that will have a lot of leverage in terms of moving you forward. Spend a few minutes really thinking about this. It may take a bit to really break it down (especially if it is a longer term goal) and find the answers you are looking for. But in the end, you’ll come across a few impactful habits to take on that if you stay consistent with them, in time you will hit your mark.

Step 6 – Begin

Here’s where a lot of people get stuck. You are never going to feel 100% ready to start your journey. Waiting for that moment is a trap because it will never come. Instead, prepare yourself as much as you can up to the date you selected to start and then just begin.

You can spend a lifetime telling yourself, “I’ll just start tomorrow.” Don’t let that be your story. Begin with what you have and you will figure out many more pieces along the way. That’s the point of this anyway – to grow and become more. Don’t let your fears stop you from starting.

Step 7 – Adapt & Adjust

Along the journey, you’re going to come across many situations and challenges that you didn’t predict happening back when you were breaking everything down into systems and habits. That is to be completely expected. There’s no possible way to know what will arrive on the unknown parts of your path.

This is where the mindset of adapting and adjusting comes into play. Instead of abandoning your goal and thinking you’re doing something wrong when things are hard, just see the challenge that faces you as something to be expected. You may have to shift your plan a little bit in order to move through it. Don’t be so rigid with sticking to an element of your original plan that’s proving to not work over and over again. Instead, ask yourself, “How can I shift this element of my plan a little bit to make sure it clicks a bit more with what I’m doing.” Then, implement it and carry on forward.

Learning how to adapt and adjust to challenges is a skill to develop. The only way to learn it is to face those challenges and find your way through them. Developing this will help you continue to move forward with whatever comes your way.

Step 8 – “No Matter What.”

There’s a great line by Hagrid in Harry Potter when he’s about to head into the dark forrest. He says to Harry, “What’s coming will come and we’ll meet it when it does.” Mindset is huge when you’re trying to make a goal happen and I’ve found no other better slogan to use than “no matter what.”

Tell yourself over and over again that no matter what happen you will find a way. Whenever you are challenged or feeling weak, work with this slogan. I can’t possibly predict what will happen for you on your journey. However, I can tell you that if you dedicate yourself to finding your way through, you will find the answers you’re looking for. There are going to be tough times ahead and you have to mentally prepare yourself for those moments. If you don’t, it’s really easy to pack it up and quit.

Step 9 – All The Way To The End

I can’t explain why, but human beings have a remarkable way of stopping right before they have a huge breakthrough. When things are going really well, they get complacent and stop practicing the things that got them them. When things are going poorly, they lose faith and quit even though they were so close to being done.

This is another big mindset piece. Along with the slogan “no matter what” you have to also repeat to yourself “all the way.” Don’t waver. Don’t quit. Don’t stop until you finish what you started.

Trust me, the amount of courage, discipline, resilience, focus, consistency and many other character traits that you develop when you stick to something and finish strong is astounding. Do this for you. Finish strong.

Step 10 – Celebrate

This one is important for so many reasons. You must celebrate when you achieved your goal. You’ve worked your butt off. You’ve broken through old ways of being, developed new habits and grown significantly because of the journey you have taken. Celebrate your wins. You deserve to feel incredible about doing something you’ve never been able to do before. Don’t cut yourself short here. You need this moment in your life as a landmark for what’s possible. It will serve you in the future and give you momentum when you try to achieve other big goals as well. Whatever celebrating looks like to you, whether it’s going out with family and friends or a wonderful private moment to yourself, do it. Your heart will be forever encouraged because you’ll be able to say, “I did that. I can take on whatever comes next.”

Step 11 – What Comes Next

I thought that this would be an important part to add into the goal setting guide that usually doesn’t get talked about often enough. Once you have achieved your big goal, you’re going to have a ton of momentum behind you. Use it. Take a look at the list you created all the way back in Step 2 and circle the next Big Domino. Go back through this guide if you need to step by step to make sure you’re setting yourself up for success.

So there we are!

That’s my Ultimate Goal Setting Guide. I hope this helped you gain a deeper understanding of the skills, tactics and strategies that are needed to make sure you give yourself the best chance to succeed.

If you have any questions, please let me know!

And if you’re interested in learning more about working with me privately, head over to www.1on1withevan.com

All the best,
Evan Sanders

There’s A Ring To This

In order to make things better, you first have to stop making them worse.

It’s like floating around in a boat that has holes in it. While you may be successfully bailing out water, there’s always more water coming in. The goal isn’t to bail out water faster. It’s stopping everything, taking a moment to plug up the holes, bailing out the water remaining and continuing onward.

Accepting that reality is crucial.

But why is it so hard at times in our day to day lives to truly embrace that?

Maybe it comes down to having difficulties in identifying what the holes are in the first place (because the boat is just a analogy)? Or, and this is something I’ve experienced many different times, it’s the overwhelming amount of paths you can follow to fix an issue…and not actually sticking with one until the job is done.

There’s many different ways to address something. Many of those suggestions are incredibly helpful. But when the mind goes into “which one is the best?” mode it can easily run into the grips of perfectionism.

The truth is that half of the battle is identifying the problem.

If you can do that, you’re halfway there. But in the end, knowing what’s wrong isn’t enough.

The other half of the battle is deciding a course of action to take and actually sticking with it. Arguably, that’s the most difficult part of all of this. Disciplining yourself to dig in the same spot, over and over again, having faith that you will reach the destination.

But if you’ve never traveled that path before and have absolutely no context for what’s possible, it can be pretty scary at times. It’s can be pretty compelling to start all over, try something new, go back to what you were doing before…mainly do anything but what you had decided to do.

What you know is comfortable…even if your wisdom tells you it’s not for you anymore.

A while back, I had this dream about life working like the rings of a tree.

Each of these rings signifies a point in your life of growth. In each ring is a story. A lesson. A trial. But as you hear the calling to adventure and traverse the challenge in front of you, you expand to the next ring.

The rings are about expansion and depth.

Some rings tell stories of growth and others of great drought. But they are all part of who you are and who you will become.

In my own journey, I’ve been stuck at this single ring for quick some time. I’ve made attempts. I’ve succeeded and failed. I’ve risen to the occasion and quit a few times. But in my heart, I know exactly what I have to do, what I need to let go of and what I need to bring in to move gently into the next ring.

There’s a threshold I have to cross and it’s rooted in time. The trick is, I’m uncertain of the amount it will take to reach the summit. All I know is that what I’ve done in the past caused me to slide right back down the mountain.

Blind commitment to the future.

Pure faith in the present.

Ah, the lessons make sense.

Because long ago, I went through such extreme losses that both my faith and belief in what was possible for me went right out the window. That’s what devastating moments can do to you. It can make you doubt everything about yourself.

I think more than anything, it’s important to calm down those voices of criticism and come back to what you know to be true.

You’re valuable. You’re worthy.

And if you give yourself what you need to heal, you will.

But you have to give it to yourself.

Where I stand now after one of the most stressful periods of my life is coming back to an idea that made its way to me a long time ago.

It could be better than you’ve ever imagined.

That’s what faith has been telling me. The cost of admission is my wholehearted belief in that idea. This ring of life has taught me more through suffering than I ever could have imagined.

To stay in the moment. To see the future but recognize the importance of these steps in front of me. To walk with my heart open instead of trying to see exactly what’s going to happen. To know that while I can’t see it, I am being watched over every single step of the way.

There’s a ring to this.

Evan Sanders

I Can Start To See

I’ve been searching for context.

As I’ve been navigating through the land of a thousand tomorrows, it was pretty easy to begin to look at everything that’s taken place with eyes of judgement. Heading down the path of breaking myself down, especially after everything that’s happened this past year, has been pretty easy.

The Critic has been vicious at times.

But even in all of that, I don’t know where I would be if I had just given up or even continued down the path I was on. Both of those options would have been disastrous.

Even if I wasn’t ready to take on what I needed to, there’s a strange feeling in arriving to a place that you know will change the foundations of your life. It’s hard to describe. There have been a handful of times in my life where I thought big things would change if I did this or that. But there has never been anything like this.

I think that’s been the biggest part of the challenge. I’m not being asked to do something simple or easy. I’m being asked to do the hardest thing of all – let go of who I have been and embrace the tearing down and simultaneous rebuilding.

And that’s a bit scary.

It’s exciting, sure. But still scary.

The Judge wants to make me feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in all of this time because I’ve had difficulty with getting started on all of this. There have been many seeds of guilt, regret and depression that I’ve had to be incredibly aware of picking those out of the ground before they could take root.

At times they have and life doesn’t feel all too good when that happens.

But through it all, I’ve maintained course no matter how delayed movement has been. The intention is still there. The will is still there. I’ve just got to get it right once.

The context I had to start placing all of this is in goes back to something I learned from one of my coaches a long time ago. The truth is, we are all beginners. When we grow and shift we reach new depths of life where we have to learn all over again. When the expectation exists that we are “experts” that’s when all of the criticism comes.

And when I look back on why I’ve struggled so much moving consistently on this path it comes down to the fact that I’ve had to let go of years and years of previous ways of thinking and acting that solidified themselves deeper than I could have ever imagined.

I did this to survive. These are the remnants of a previous life where I was at war.

It’s been hard letting go of that. To tell myself that I’m no longer in battle and now I can rest. That’s been the most challenging aspect – learning to let go, get out of the way and let the process take care of itself.

There’s still significant amounts of conscious choices that are required…but the brute force and expenditure of energy is no longer necessary nor required.

So it’s back to being a beginner again.

I learned in a past life how to exert my energy in such a way that could move mountains. Now, I have to learn how to conserve that same energy in such a way that will still…move mountains.

yin and yang.

Just have to let go.

Piece by piece.

Let the garden unfold as it’s meant to.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

The Path Untraveled

This year was many things.

Of course, nothing, and I mean nothing, happened the way I thought it was going to. I mean I don’t think anyone could have predicted what was going to go down. And while we are still in it, it seems like we are closer to the end of it all than the beginning.

My foundations were stress-tested this year in ways that I never really knew were possible.

Some areas I grew. Some areas I retracted. But all in all, I am still here standing strong and that’s what really matters in the end.

The word “grace” kept on showing up over and over this year.

While not all of it was “graceful” I think for the first time in my life I recognized what it truly means to give myself grace in a time where everything seemed to be flying off the rails. Even as the world was going nuts, it became clearer and clearer to me what I had to do and why.

I don’t think I could have really said that before.

Discovering purpose has always been an elusive topic for me. It’s such an etherial concept and in the times that I thought I really had something to work with, it turned out that’s not what I was really meant to do at all. Maybe I was trying to make it more complicated than I really needed to. What I can tell you though is that even the simplest of callings call have a profound impact.

And that’s what I’ve really learned this year – how to really get to the root of it all.

The masters guided me to places in which I learned more than I ever had before. The Way became glaringly clear and for the first time I arrived to a untraveled path with no real sight of what it would bring. The intentions are good. The milestones were evident. And yet I know that who I meet on the other side of it all is someone I have never met before.

That stalled me out for a while.

The reason for that is a bit complicated. It comes back all the way to a message that I’ve been receiving for years now – to let go. The stalling occurred because I was attempting to let go of decades of routines and habits that built me into the person I am today.

It’s not that they were “bad things”…but they just weren’t great.

So that’s where I stayed most of this year. I stood right at the gates of the journey I am supposed to take and didn’t really move from there.

While it was incredibly frustrating at times, that word grace came back in.

And I realized that the most important part of all of this is that I’ve arrived at where I needed to be. It’s been decades. Literally. I’ve been searching for that long. And in having figured out what needed to be done, I just don’t think I quite had built the muscles of consistency yet to take that journey.

So I stood there and learned as much as I possibly could. I dove deeper and deeper to solidify my understanding of the way forward and still grew even though I wasn’t technically moving “forward.”

Depth.

I helped others. I guided them to where they wanted to go. They made huge changes in their lives as well. I coached my heart out this year even though there were so many seeds of fear that could have taken root in my heart.

I uplifted those around me even as I was still in my holding pattern.

Many things have fallen away this year. Many. And yet even though the loss was real, it uncovered a path that couldn’t be any clearer.

The only way out is through as Robert Frost once said.

I’m ready.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

There Are No Doors

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Life in its endless twists and turns brought you to this place – one that is uniquely fitted to who you are – with an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and to right so many wrongs that still call within your soul.⁠
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There are things that happen in life that you would never ask for. You didn’t manifest them. You didn’t claim them for yourself. They came in out of nowhere and impacted your life on so many levels.⁠
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And yet begin to understand the value that those moments bring. Even through the darkest of nights you can learn compassion, understanding, wisdom, trust and so many other valuable things.⁠
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The price is heavy, but it’s worth it.⁠
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But it goes beyond the experiences you have. Somewhere, deep inside, you probably still know that there has to be a change down to the foundational level of who you are.⁠
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And this is why you’ve arrived to where you are. Life has brought you to this place where you can radically shift and completely realign yourself to your greatest purpose.⁠
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It’s a chance to finally rip down the old structures and start building once again on solid ground. It can be anxiety inducing. Fear will rear its ugly head at times. But this is the work you are here to do. Don’t be afraid to take those steps.⁠

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There’s this one scene in Indiana Jones that always resonated with me where he has to cross over an “invisible bridge” purely based on faith that something would be there to support him.
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And yet, when he finally makes that leap, there is in fact something there that he didn’t expect. He had to move through his fears and step out unknown without a guarantee of certainty.⁠
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These moments in front of you are the very moments in which you can begin to walk upon a completely new path if you so choose.⁠
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You are standing at the banks of your greatest challenge and yet most incredible opportunity. Everything that has ever happened has led you here. While that can be a bit intimidating, it’s also incredibly exciting.⁠
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Because deep down, if you really listen, your gut knows you can change everything. It knows this is the place where you build something new out of faith.⁠
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And that this is your finest hour.⁠
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Own it.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

Look Back One Last Time

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Every step you’ve ever taken, the tragedies and victories you’ve experienced, the mistakes, the wins and losses, the courageous moves and wanderings through the unknown, have all brought you here.⁠
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Here being this moment, as your eyes hit these words. Present. Pure. A endless amount of possibility. And in this brief moment we have together, I want you to remember something you’ve always known but at some point may have forgotten.⁠
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What you’ve been seeking for so long is not out “there” in the world. It inside of you. You’ve been searching for something you’ve already had. That’s why you could never find it. You’ve been looking for your keys and they have been in your pocket the entire time. ⁠
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And you’ll hear many say that your journey here is to remember who you really are. What that means is that you have to come back to the core of your being. To get there, you have to wash off all the stories that have covered up that essence like thick mud. ⁠

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And How Brave You Are

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It’s going to take courage. It’s going to take everything you’ve got to finally let go of what you’ve been holding onto for so long. The hardest part of the journey is the first step – finally making that decision – and when you do everything begins to snap into place. ⁠
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Think about how much space has been taken up by what you’ve been holding onto. See how those memories or events have snuck their way into all different areas of your life. Look for not only the effects, but the ripple effects as well.⁠
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Letting go isn’t about denying something’s existence. It happened. It really did. But it’s about beginning to rewrite the story. ⁠
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It’s about seeing something that happened from the eyes of wisdom and compassion instead of fear, doubt and worry. When you see through the lens of negativity, it locks you even further into the past. The prison bars become stronger. ⁠
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But when you shift the narrative by applying things like understanding, forgiveness, wisdom and truth…things start to shake loose. The very thing itself begins to loosen its grip on you and without much effort at all, you progressively let go. ⁠

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It’s no small feat to head into what scares you, to old events and situations in life that you’d rather ignore, and to dig into doing the work. But as challenging as it may be, what’s on the other side is freedom, space, and new room to create. ⁠
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Never forget that you are constantly creating and unfolding. If you don’t like the book you are reading, you’re the only one who has the power to change it. The pages are yours to do with. ⁠
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Let go of the old to allow for the new. Come back to what is happening in this moment. Open yourself to possibilities instead of shutting down in fear. See that your life is canvas on which you can create anything you’d like. ⁠
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And don’t forget to breathe.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

When One Door Closes

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There’s this Buddhist slogan that I love that goes – when things are going well, be patient, they’ll change. When things are going poorly, be patient, they’ll change.⁠
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Everything, and I mean everything, is always shifting and changing. Things are either coming or going and it’s a process that we can’t stop. It’s a river that no matter what we do always carries us with it despite our best efforts. ⁠
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Many will try to dam up the river. Try to manipulate it, change it, move the rocks around within it or swim up stream. They will rage against it and do their best to try to force their will upon it. But in time, it always takes them to where it intended to go.⁠
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Peace and mindfulness are about traveling with the river and addressing whatever arrives when it does. It’s not about speculating what will come. How could you possibly know? It’s about taking your oars out of the water and enjoying the ride. Take in the scenery. Sit back and stay a while.⁠

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So that leads me to this. No matter what is going on in your life, you have a choice to make. Fight against how things actually are, yielding a significant amount of pain and suffering. Or, going with the way things are unfolding, and meet those events with courage, understanding and wisdom. ⁠
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Remember, the circumstances change constantly. Things will go up and down and those situations you can’t control. But you can control what you do with those situations. You can control who you decide to “be” in those moments. These are the most powerful decisions of all⁠
Joseph Campbell, a famous mythologist and great thinker once wrote, “The psychotic drowns in the same waters in which the mystic swims with delight.” I think you get the point of what he is saying here. ⁠
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Don’t spend much time looking back. It’s good to from time to time to really gain a deeper understanding of who you are and how you arrived here. But most of all, be here. Ride the current and have faith you are going where you need to be.⁠
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These moments are yours.⁠

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

How We Will Be Remembered

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In the end, that’s all that really matters. How did we impact the people around us and touch their lives in a positive way? Did we leave the ones who came across our path a little bit better off than we found them? ⁠Did we love our hearts out. ⁠
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Love hard. Get your heart broken. Laugh. Cry. Suffer. Explore. Wear your scars with pride. Allow life to teach you in its mysterious ways. Risk it all. Put your heart on the line. Fall down. Get back up no matter what. The only guarantee we have in life is that everything is going to change. So knowing that, you really should take that chance and go for it. ⁠
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Play to win. Don’t play to not lose. What that means is, as much as things have happened in the past, you have to make a conscious decision to go out into the world with your wisdom guiding you and give it your all. You can’t play to not get hurt. Because if you do, you’ll suffer the greatest pain of all.

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Regret. Regret stings worse that anything else when you’re looking back at your life wishing you had left behind all the past heartbreaks, opinions, judgement and fears. Regret is a deep aching of the soul in knowing that there was so much more out there. ⁠
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So get on the field. If you need to take some time to rest and recover, that’s perfectly fine. There’s always time for that. You need your strength. But don’t sit in the stands for a lifetime wondering “what if” because you’ll only know once you get out there and start playing. And on the field is the only place where all the gifts of life are. ⁠
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Play on. Love hard.

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project

You Are The Creator Of Your Story

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What you have in front of you, right at this moment, is a blank piece of paper. What you write on that piece of paper depends entirely upon you. No one can write it for you. The pen isn’t going to magically move by itself.⁠
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So knowing that, what do you want to write? How do you want this story to take place from this moment on? Do you want it to be filled with courage, love, compassion and joy? Or do you want it to be filled with bitterness, greed, resentment and self-pity?⁠
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Yes, the pages of the past have been written and unfortunately you can’t go back and make physical edits. But that doesn’t mean that story is static. While the words may be permanently inscribed onto those old pieces of paper, the way you see them is not set in stone. ⁠

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You can choose to look back from time to time at those chapters with the eyes of judgement or with the eyes that seek wisdom. How you choose to go back in time will determine how you feel about it. It shouldn’t be a surprise that darkness yields darkness and light yields more light. That’s also your choice as well. ⁠
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While there are events that come into our lives that are out of our control – someone accidentally spills ink onto the book we are writing in – what we decide to do in response to that spilled ink is also in our control. How you respond to these moments – the good, the bad and the ugly – also is a choice. ⁠
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And what you will come to see is that everything is a choice. They are yours to make and when you make them, they shape the reality you are in. If you want a different reality, don’t spend time and effort beating yourself up for how things look like now. Step away from that choice. Instead, embrace where you are at – the darkness and the light – and move towards making the choices that you know will resonate deeply within your soul. ⁠

Evan Sanders
The Better Man Project